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[Brooks]

Well if you get hit and loose body parts, remember, you did it. Not one thing is on her. There’s nothing wrong with her.

I highly recommend you go for it. Fortunately this is not a fatal situation. When it starts running a little smoother and you at feeling secure again...move in with her or have her move in with you.
It will be cheaper for both. Just think, you will be able to capture her and make a go of it.

I support you and your goal.

There’s plenty wrong with her. But all I can control is me.

I see you’re being very sacrsactic and facetious. I don’t get why trying to rectify a poor situation is such a bad thing here. It’s not like I burned the world down and the ground is seared, and now it’s completely gone from being plausible to plant seeds again.

 

[Brooks]

A 180 degree turn. If you did that right from your apology to her on Wednesday, which it sounds like you may have? This may salvageable. That’s a big maybe.

Expect a massive amount of tests for the next month. I guarantee that. And failing one could be your demise.

I would expect her to tell you about other potential guys who approached her, her going out with girlfriends for drinks, her prioritizing her cat over you, probably no sex, her being elusive. So really listen to @Atom Smasher in the cat anaology. Because hey, she did call you that one night. An uninterested woman wouldn’t strategically wait until the end of the day to reach out. She was seeing what you were going to do.

You need to DO YOUR OWN THING. Almost pretend she doesn’t exist in a weird way. Let her reach out to you. Show her that you’re doing you. It will be through your actions and absense that you will gain back that interest. Right now she’s entertaining what you have to say and do, but holding the rope between you and very ready to severe.

She said she wasn’t 100% sure she wanted to end it. But I bet she’s just afraid to be alone. Or she’s probably sitting at 95% ready to be done.

Tough situation. I know letting go is very difficult especially if you’re not done yourself. So just really get your sh!t together like your life depended on it

Thanks.

I know it’s a very difficult what I’m trying to do now. And apparently to everyone I’m already dead in the water. I see their points and also yours.

I’ve noticed she has tested me already. When we talked on the phone yesterday she was at her sisters and I heard her talking to someone so I casually asked “who’s that?” And she said “it’s my lover”. To which she replied “I know you don’t like when I say things like that”. And I responded “neither would you”
But what I should have done was laugh it off. Nothing major but I see already she’s given less of a Fvck. But if I sense disrespect in other ways or shots being taken I will eject, otherwise I will stay strong.

I don’t want to lose my relationship. But I won’t put up with someone burning it to ash before it splits through disrespect. Because there’s some things that one just can’t come back from.
With her I would maybe get back together at a future date. Maybe. Probably not though. Because once it breaks, it will never recover.

This is why it’s inoortant for me to at least TRY

 

[Epic Days]

There’s plenty wrong with her. But all I can control is me.

I see you’re being very sacrsactic and facetious. I don’t get why trying to rectify a poor situation is such a bad thing here. It’s not like I burned the world down and the ground is seared, and now it’s completely gone from being plausible to plant seeds again.

I truly do support your plan. It’s important that you go through the process. Training is meant to be tough. Otherwise it has no value.

 

[flowtheory]

I don’t want to lose my relationship. But I won’t put up with someone burning it to ash before it splits through disrespect.

She's already doing it though. Even if through a joke. It's on her mind; someone else even if there is no one else. Keep your ears open for subtle signs of disrespect and tests. You're at least a step ahead of most people in your position by first realizing she's acting in this manner. I bet shes also hurting, just like you.
The difference between you two, is you hurt and express towards her and try to make things better through directness. She hurts away from you, and seemingly not wanting things to get better. But she probably always comes back. I wouldn't be surprised if she has an avoidant attachment style.
So where you want to have an immediate solution and rectify a bad situation, she NEEDS to go away to lick her wounds and then will come back when she's ready.

like @Spaz has stated, I've been through this a bit. I'm an expressive type and its hard to deal with types like these. You take her issues personally. But in reality, they probably have little to do with you. But you make them about you, and in turn, it shows her your weakness and in turn it turns her attraction off. It's a domino effect of nothing good.
As men we have to remain unaffected by a multitude of different things our women throw our way. Because if we get effected, they will not be able to feel safe or trust we are strong for them. So they will not be able to delight fully in their feminine.

I wish you luck. It sounds like you have a plan and strategies. I hope you can pull it off, man.
My advice is to become detached from any outcomes you have conjured up in your head right now. Be detached in your dealings with her. Focus only on the moment and just enjoy. Do not engage in any talk about relationship or your emotions. Even if she talks about hers, redirect the conversation to lightness. But let go in a peaceful way that if she does want to split, you wont shatter. Just enjoy her for her like its a first or second date for the next however long. Be the guy she originally was drawn to. I bet he wasn't acting needy or desperate or supplicating.

@BeExcellent ?

 

[Spaz]

She's already doing it though. Even if through a joke. It's on her mind; someone else even if there is no one else. Keep your ears open for subtle signs of disrespect and tests. You're at least a step ahead of most people in your position by first realizing she's acting in this manner. I bet shes also hurting, just like you.
The difference between you two, is you hurt and express towards her and try to make things better through directness. She hurts away from you, and seemingly not wanting things to get better. But she probably always comes back. I wouldn't be surprised if she has an avoidant attachment style.
So where you want to have an immediate solution and rectify a bad situation, she NEEDS to go away to lick her wounds and then will come back when she's ready.

like @Spaz has stated, I've been through this a bit. I'm an expressive type and its hard to deal with types like these. You take her issues personally. But in reality, they probably have little to do with you. But you make them about you, and in turn, it shows her your weakness and in turn it turns her attraction off. It's a domino effect of nothing good.
As men we have to remain unaffected by a multitude of different things our women throw our way. Because if we get effected, they will not be able to feel safe or trust we are strong for them. So they will not be able to delight fully in their feminine.

I wish you luck. It sounds like you have a plan and strategies. I hope you can pull it off, man.
My advice is to become detached from any outcomes you have conjured up in your head right now. Be detached in your dealings with her. Focus only on the moment and just enjoy. Do not engage in any talk about relationship or your emotions. Even if she talks about hers, redirect the conversation to lightness. But let go in a peaceful way that if she does want to split, you wont shatter. Just enjoy her for her like its a first or second date for the next however long. Be the guy she originally was drawn to. I bet he wasn't acting needy or desperate or supplicating.

@BeExcellent ?

You're come a long way since I last slapped you around in ur thread.

It was hurtful then but it woke you up good.

Seems like you're got a good head on ur shoulders now flowman.

A good foundation to work on and build up.

Only an expressive can truly guide another since they have lived through it.

 

[flowtheory]

You're come a long way since I last slapped you around in ur thread.

It was hurtful then but it woke you up good.

Seems like you're got a good head on ur shoulders now flowman.

A good foundation to work on and build up.

Only an expressive can truly guide another since they have lived through it.

Haha thanks, Spaz.
I'm sure i will still mess things up but at least I know not to try to expect a woman to return my full love and expressions. All i can do is be accountable to my self and emotions and be at peace with that. For me its about expectations and letting go of them. Pouring energy in to things aside from a woman. Women are merely a slice of the pie. I've run in to trouble when I've made them almost the whole thing. It's too much responsibility for them and pressured; no fun. Women want excitement and fun. Pressure and responsibility is boring for them. They need to be free.

expressive need to have sources to pour their deeper emotions in to. creative endeavors or projects. Not people.

 

[Brooks]

I truly do support your plan. It’s important that you go through the process. Training is meant to be tough. Otherwise it has no value.

But you’re thinking I’m going to fail. So it’s not actual support

 

[Epic Days]

But you’re thinking I’m going to fail. So it’s not actual support

No, I think it’s a very sound bet that you won’t. But there’s no way in hell you will follow any advise here. So there’s nothing left but to let the process take place.

Hopefully she does it quick and doesn’t want to extract your resources. That would be awesome for you. This is what I hope for.

The worse case scenario is her staying with you longer, getting you to a stable position again and then dropping the hammer down when it’s the most advantageous for her. It will be much worse for you. Women covertly despise a weak man. No matter how much she’s smiling.

I fear the second option is in your future. It was set up very well indeed. Priceless.
I have to admire her manipulations.

 

[Spaz]

Haha thanks, Spaz.
I'm sure i will still mess things up but at least I know not to try to expect a woman to return my full love and expressions. All i can do is be accountable to my self and emotions and be at peace with that. For me its about expectations and letting go of them. Pouring energy in to things aside from a woman. Women are merely a slice of the pie. I've run in to trouble when I've made them almost the whole thing. It's too much responsibility for them and pressured; no fun. Women want excitement and fun. Pressure and responsibility is boring for them. They need to be free.

expressive need to have sources to pour their deeper emotions in to. creative endeavors or projects. Not people.

Haha no worries there man, we all messed up and will continue to do so into the future but we learn by not making the same mistakes twice.

Happy for you Flow.

Glad that you're finally seen a light at the end of a dark tunnel, recognising how to redivert those excess emotions to something else that will in fact bring out the best in you.

You should advice more of the expressives here.

Give back what you're learn.

 

[Epic Days]

You should advice more of the expressives here.

I agree. I’ve learned to understand them more but I don’t really have the patience level sometimes @flowtheory. It’s hard for me to get or understand the emotional attachment to certain things.
They fight to hang onto certain things.

To me it would be like hanging onto a red hot poker and the solution is to drop it. But that is not the case. It’s more complex than that.

 

[Spaz]

I agree. I’ve learned to understand them more but I don’t really have the patience level sometimes @flowtheory. It’s hard for me to get or understand the emotional attachment to certain things.
They fight to hang onto certain things.

To me it would be like hanging onto a red hot poker and the solution is to drop it. But that is not the case. It’s more complex than that.

For humanity to work, all 4 quadrants is needed.

In anything and everything that's ever created every quadrant plays a role.

Minus one, and it doesn't work.

For example, by being harsh, OP is jolted out of his comfort zone, then another comes in to offer a soothing advice, then another comes in to make a joke out of it while yet another like an intellectual comes in with a rational step by step guide.

It all helps to work towards the same direction, that is to help OP understand better.

So in the end we all play a role.

 

[Brooks]

No, I think it’s a very sound bet that you won’t. But there’s no way in hell you will follow any advise here. So there’s nothing left but to let the process take place.

Hopefully she does it quick and doesn’t want to extract your resources. That would be awesome for you. This is what I hope for.

The worse case scenario is her staying with you longer, getting you to a stable position again and then dropping the hammer down when it’s the most advantageous for her. It will be much worse for you. Women covertly despise a weak man. No matter how much she’s smiling.

I fear the second option is in your future. It was set up very well indeed. Priceless.
I have to admire her manipulations.

So we ended up spending the whole weekend together instead of just the one day, and had sex. Seems as though things were better. She tested me a couple times and I passed.

Rejected sex once, I immediately said it w was all good and she was shocked. Asked if I wasn’t going to pursue her as much anymore, expected me to chase it more, etc

 

[Epic Days]

So we ended up spending the whole weekend together instead of just the one day, and had sex. Seems as though things were better. She tested me a couple times and I passed.

Rejected sex once, I immediately said it w was all good and she was shocked. Asked if I wasn’t going to pursue her as much anymore, expected me to chase it more, etc

Sounds like you’re good to go. Have fun.

 

[Brooks]

Sounds like you’re good to go. Have fun.

Except I did grab her phone when she was in the shower to see wtf was happening behind the scenes. She was getting attention from two guys. One guy who she friend zoned and one from her ex

 

[Epic Days]

One guy who she friend zoned and one from her ex

I don’t think that surprised you.

 

[Brooks]

I don’t think that surprised you.

It didn’t. I’m angry about it though. Still leaving a sour taste in my mouth.

I guess she needs the attention? Or she was ready to jump ship. Makes me just want to do the same but find someone better... feels like emotional cheating

 

[Brooks]

I don’t think that surprised you.

The thread with her ex went back and forth a whole bunch. Was saying what they had before was special and crap. They’ve been in communication since the start of our relationship though.. she tells him about me and sends him messages like ‘seeing your text is difficult, before I’m about to get in to bed with my boyfriend’.

I don’t get it.

 

[flowtheory]

I agree. I’ve learned to understand them more but I don’t really have the patience level sometimes @flowtheory. It’s hard for me to get or understand the emotional attachment to certain things.
They fight to hang onto certain things.

To me it would be like hanging onto a red hot poker and the solution is to drop it. But that is not the case. It’s more complex than that.

Yea I don’t get why I do it sometimes either or why I am the way I am.

There’s my life lesson in that somewhere^

 

[Spaz]

Was saying what they had before was special and crap. They’ve been in communication since the start of our relationship though.. she tells him about me and sends him messages like ‘seeing your text is difficult, before I’m about to get in to bed with my boyfriend’.

I don’t get it.

After checking into cuck hotel and staying there for an extended period while not getting premium service, will you now check out like a clever customer would or you're going to continue ur stay there?

If you choose to still stay in cuck hotel then don't complain.

 

[SoSuave666]

Wait she’s been texting her ex the entire time? I thought you were in a bad state before, but dude come on. You’ve got to dump this woman.