Help!

[thewickedm]

I'm probably not old enough to be posting in this section of the forums, but I've a feeling I need the advice of the more mature members of the board.

I've been together with this girl for the past 11months, but it's been a hell ride for me. After the first half a year or so, she popped it on me that she still had feelings for the guy that she used to like (from her clique) before she got together with me. We broke up, she asked for another chance to let go of him from her heart and I agreed.

Fast forward, 4 months plus later, I was faced with the same crap when she told me that she still liked him. Of course at this point in time, I told her that she should just drop it if she can't decide what she wants. Guess what, she decided that she wants to be with me. But my problem lies in the fact that she behaves like a roller coaster. Some days, things are all fine, we have great sex, she talks to me lovingly, but some days she just tries to show me disrespect and withholds the sex, and talks to me in a i cant really be bothered or a im frustrated with you tone.

How do you guys handle this crap?

 

[Mr.Positive]

How do you guys handle this crap?

You don't handle crap like that, you just remove yourself from it. I'd just walk from this one...life's too short for these type of games.

She's just playing you, is what it sounds like to me.

Man up and walk.

 

[catman]

Kick her ass to the curb and never look back just gets worse trust me

 

[thewickedm]

Well its her first relationship and she did give her first time to me. I guess Im more of wondering how to get my own life back on track. Thanks for the input guys!

 

[Mr.Positive]

Well its her first relationship and she did give her first time to me. I guess Im more of wondering how to get my own life back on track. Thanks for the input guys!

Why is your life not on track?

When things aren't going the way we want them too, it's easy to get caught up with these types of roller coaster gals. That just feeds on itself, next thing you know, your fvcked.

The best thing to do, is get your life moving where you want to...then, allow women onboard your life...but don't ever let them pull you off course.

You control the direction, women should be just a nice addition. That's leadership.

Don't get pulled into all this needless drama, it's just not healthy.

 

[thewickedm]

Hahaha my life is not on track cause im 11Kgs heavier than I was before this, my studies are in a mess, blahblah the list goes on. Its the result of me placing her on the pedestal and giving away my power i guess, so just wanna hear some suggestions how to reclaim my life and power bit by bit.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Hahaha my life is not on track cause im 11Kgs heavier than I was before this, my studies are in a mess, blahblah the list goes on. Its the result of me placing her on the pedestal and giving away my power i guess, so just wanna hear some suggestions how to reclaim my life and power bit by bit.

Once you've placed her on a pedestal, it's done. She will never have respect for you.

All you have to do, is remove this toxic woman from your life. Then hit the gym, hardcore. The gym will boost your testosterone back. Turn those 11kgs into raw power, muscle.

That's how your reclaim your life.

 

[thewickedm]

So there is no way to kick her off the pedestal and still keep the relationship? I mean, both of us really want to make it work, just not good at doing so lol

 

[Mr.Positive]

So there is no way to kick her off the pedestal and still keep the relationship? I mean, both of us really want to make it work, just not good at doing so lol

The problem I have with your situation, is that you are a 2nd pick. She wanted another guy, and settled for you.

For this reason, I don't see how she could have respect for you. This explains her hot and cold behavior.

It would be far too much work trying to 'earn' her respect, because you'll just supplicate more and more, which will lose her respect.

It's not worth it.

The only way to truly get her respect is to walk away. Don't put up with any BS. Focus on yourself.

 

[thewickedm]

Thanks for the advice. It's true, it's rather hard not to supplicate if I come from a frame of trying to regain her respect for me because that would simply be a reaction instead of an action. And I guess men always lose when we react.

 

[Warrior74]

If YOUR woman tells you openly to your face that she wants another guy, the only response is "I wish you all the best with him and I hope it works out for you two" and remove yourself. This is a major red flag. She doesn't even respect you enough to hide the fact that she likes another man. In my worldview, this means that she has at least been talking to the guy, probably sucked his kawk and maybe fvcked him and is still on the fence on if she wants you or him and and is leaning towards him. It's total disrespect from where I stand. Personally I would do what I said and then just stop contact with her. Then I would go out and try to meet new girls. In my worldview..women are punk asses. They are like yout punk ass friend who won't say what's wrong...you have to pull it out of them or read between the lines. So this is just the closest she can come to saying, "I want someone else". Since she can't be man enough to end it, I would help her out and let her go. Sorry for the rant...kinda ****faced right now. Been out on the prowl and having fun tonight, two new numbers, a make out and a blow job, woot! Good luck kid.

 

[thewickedm]

I understand where you are coming from warrior, I did that previously, walked away from the bs and told her that I don't want a girl who is not sure of what she wants and it's disrespectful to me. Problem being she came back crying and I'm simply not in the state of mind to handle that drama so I let her in again, one last time as I have told her. I've also made it clear that if her bs behaviour crops up anytime I will drop her faster than she can say bye.

 

[Warrior74]

how often do you see her? might be time to demote her to FB (fvck buddy) status. See her once a week only and dial back contact. go out and meet new girls.

 

[thewickedm]

I see her about twice to thrice a week, and she wasn't open to the idea of being fb when I brought it up some time back so do I go about doing so?

 

[Warrior74]

The first thing to realize is that relationships go one of two ways....forwards towards marriage or backwards towards being strangers. FB status is a backwards move from where you are now. Eventually...she will leave (blow out). If you can't accept that...then you better figure out how to go forward.

The best way to convert to FB status is to be covert about it. Just be busy...call her a bit less...and only see her once a week maybe twice. Cut out all date like activities. A true FB comes over, chills, fvcks and goes home. Anything else is heading forward not backward. Just remember...she will probably get tired of that arrangement at some point and blow out. Also remember FBs will fvck other people...can't be getting jealous over that. They might throw it in your face in an attempt to get you to move forward. I've had it happen. Good luck.

 

[thewickedm]

Thanks for the tip, definitely an eye opener!

 

[jophil28]

So there is no way to kick her off the pedestal and still keep the relationship? I mean, both of us really want to make it work, just not good at doing so lol

Hmm, not totally true, If she genuinely wanted to have a "relationship" with you she would not be pushing another guy in your face and telling you that she has serious "feelings" for him. Women who are seeking a deeper involvement with a man of value will not risk humiliating him like she is doing.
Her disclosure about her attraction for another guy is designed to a) keep you in a loose arrangement which suits her most of all, and b) to have you jump through the jealousy hoop . Either way she is seeking CONTROL not committment .

 

[thewickedm]

True, too bad I didnt jump through it. I was all smiles when I told her to cut the bs and break up, and she kept asking me why i was so happy -.-

But I guess in the short run a loose arrangement would be great for me too as i open myself to other options

 

[jonwon]

So your pritty much the consolation prize?

Not a good way to see yourself.

Personnally, I wouldn't date a girl unless she knew I was the the shi* and treated me as such.

It's not good for your inner health, to have this over your shoulders.

I suspect the reason your with her, is because your ego is bruised.

Let me clarify~ Some people latch onto others, when they treat them badly, it's like a blip on there radar, they cant understand why this is happening and the ego cant take it, so they push more - give a little bit more, in the hope the object of their effection will see the light.

You normally see this type of thing with guys dating girls, with the girl having so called 'male friends' e.t.c - It's a blow, but one, one (inexperianced) cant really put a finger on - Subconciously, you want respect, you try to earn it, but on the face of it, your not the one being disrespectful, they are! And that's the clincher.

How do you handle it?

You really want to know how to handle your girl telling you, your the consolation prize?!

 

[squirrels]

I'm probably not old enough to be posting in this section of the forums, but I've a feeling I need the advice of the more mature members of the board.

Not old enough to post here? That means you're under 25? Honestly, at your age, you don't know sh!t about romance. You're not supposed to be "attached" to a woman, you're supposed to be dating around and learning how to deal with women before you get involved "seriously" with a girl.

You're too young to be stuck in a miserable relationship with some hot-n-cold clown of a girl who seems to be doing nothing but creating drama in your life.

You made the mistake of taking her back once...we can understand that, you have a lot of feelings for this girl. But as the great President George W. Bush once said, "Fool me once, shame on...uhh...shame on...you? Fool me...you can't get fooled again!"

Clowns belong in the sideshow. Find a new main attraction.