Help?

[anx1ety]

Ha, alright..well first I feel stupid for doing this..but hey..gotta do whatcha gotta do right?

Here's the situation: I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 months. A week ago, we broke up because she felt (and I can agree on some levels, and not understand on others) that she's just not as serious as I am (We are 2 years apart in age, me being the older at 18)..well, we hugged for literally an hour and did a little crying. She said she didn't want to let go. She'd kiss me, and I'd say "this isn't helping" and her response would be "I don't care, I can't help it". But we broke up. Within an hour I got a message from her it said things like she'd never been so close to someone, she didn't want to lose the close-ness we had, that even if it didn't show she really did care. so I start talking to her online and she decided we shouldn't end us and we should try to work it out. So, 2 days later I pick her up and we go for a ride..things are good and we decide we need to go ahead and talk about it. Well, there's some more crying on her part (not much, she's a tough girl..and she's really proud of it..never lets someone see her down or weak). I tell her several times to choose what will make HER happy, what she REALLY wants..tell her to ask herself the questions she needs to ask and then decide. Well, she decides she wants to be with me.

15-20min later I'm dropping her off at her house and she's changed her mind. She think it's better for the both of us if we break up, but she wants it to be mutual. So I of course agree. We break up, I drive home..30min later I get a call..she's asks me if I'm at home..I say yes, why? She says oh..nevermind, I respond with no, tell me..whats up..she says she was going to ask me to come back over..I say I will, and I do. She comes not quite "running" but moving very quickly out of her house into the rain and throws herself into a hug with me before I can get away from my car. (like a scene from a movie, I swear)..she's BAWLING..crying her eyes out..my girlfriend does NOT do this..not with anybody (like I said..tough girl). I just hug her. She tells me she made a huge mistake..she's so sorry..yadda yadda..then she says "I don't love you, I'm IN love you with" she had me right about there..but I didn't let her know..she continued on talking about how she felt sick to her stomach without me, she felt so sad..she actually sat down and cried in front of and talked to her mom (another thing you don't expect). I again stated that she had to be sure of what she wanted and that if I took her back it would be the LAST time, I promised that, and mentioned how she just changed her mind in a matter of like 15minutes before. She kept assuring me of what she wanted, crying and crying..asking me to fix it..to take her back. I eventually said ok. We continued to be all lovey and happy for another hour or so before I left.

Now, fast forward..a day or two later until now and it's been like she's barely interested in me. We haven't hung out in like 5 days..haven't talked to her as much as I used to (I've been clingy with her, she doesn't like it and I'm honestly trying to fix it.) and she just doesn't seem to care.

I am that guy who goes out of his way to make his girl happy..I'm the guy who shows up with whatever it is you wanted and more..I'm the guy who gives you compliments quite often. But I'm also the guy who wants a little love and attention back. And I'm not feeling it. I don't feel like she cares.

I'm having a rough time understanding how you can go from being IN love with me, begging me to be with you, bawling your eyes out over me..and then nothing.

I know I'm not innocent here..I've pushed her away a little with my clingyness, but we've talked about this..and I really am trying to do better at it..and so far I think succeeding some what. Thanks in advance..and sorry for the long write.

 

[Dannyrt34]

I am that guy who goes out of his way to make his girl happy..I'm the guy who shows up with whatever it is you wanted and more..I'm the guy who gives you compliments quite often. But I'm also the guy who wants a little love and attention back. And I'm not feeling it. I don't feel like she cares..

You are also the guy who is a major AFC.

You know what, in my opinion, there is NOTHING wrong with treating your girl well. But you can definitely do it for the wrong reasons. You are doing all these things because what?

You want love and attention BACK!

And why do you want that?

To feel good about yourself?

You need to start with the basics and find other things besides another person to feel good about yourself.

So how can you treat a girl well without being an AFC.
You can give her compliment when you are truely being genuine, when you really WANT to give a compliment. NOT because you want something back from her.

You can do plenty of nice things for girls, but only because you truely want to. Never do anything nice for anybody with the expectation that you will get something like "love and affection" in return.

Do nice things on your own terms, not somebody else's.

 

[anx1ety]

You are also the guy who is a major AFC.

You know what, in my opinion, there is NOTHING wrong with treating your girl well. But you can definitely do it for the wrong reasons. You are doing all these things because what?

You want love and attention BACK!

And why do you want that?

To feel good about yourself?

You need to start with the basics and find other things besides another person to feel good about yourself.

So how can you treat a girl well without being an AFC.
You can give her compliment when you are truely being genuine, when you really WANT to give a compliment. NOT because you want something back from her.

You can do plenty of nice things for girls, but only because you truely want to. Never do anything nice for anybody with the expectation that you will get something like "love and affection" in return.

Do nice things on your own terms, not somebody else's.

I'm actually unaware of what an AFC is? And I don't say things to her to get things back, I don't give her a compliment because I want one. I give her compliments because I want to give her compliments, because I feel like she deserves them.

I also don't see what the problem with wanting to feel wanted is? I'm not using my compliments to make her want me more. But I would like her to want me, yes.

 

[1337]

AFC -average frustrated chump. Move on shes using you to fill her emotional void she has when your gone and shes probably seeing another guy, I suggest no contact calls,texts,voicemail,facebook,myspace etc. Also I suggest you read this book "No more Mr. nice guy" by robert glover your too soft grow some b@1ls and move on.

 

[Scars]

It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. She lost interest and doesn't know why. She doesn't want to, but she knows it's happening. She's thinking with her feelings one moment, then thinking with her head the next. She's torn. She may of asked for you back, but she is showing no effort of trying to rekindle things is she? The solution is simple. You need to raise her IL. You can't be clingy. Let her do all the initiating for awhile. Let her call YOU first. Let her message YOU first. The next time she wants you to come over, tell her your busy. Make her wait. Make her beg for you. Just don't give in so easily, and be consistent about it, otherwise you'll be back in the same hole. You need to put yourself and your priorities before your girlfriend. I think that's your problem. It's all about #1.

 

[anx1ety]

It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. She lost interest and doesn't know why. She doesn't want to, but she knows it's happening. She's thinking with her feelings one moment, then thinking with her head the next. She's torn. She may of asked for you back, but she is showing no effort of trying to rekindle things is she? The solution is simple. You need to raise her IL. You can't be clingy. Let her do all the initiating for awhile. Let her call YOU first. Let her message YOU first. The next time she wants you to come over, tell her your busy. Make her wait. Make her beg for you. Just don't give in so easily, and be consistent about it, otherwise you'll be back in the same hole. You need to put yourself and your priorities before your girlfriend. I think that's your problem. It's all about #1.

Yea, I'm just not that good at the whole not talking to her or showing her any attention thing. I can go all day without talking to her..but then at like 11 or 12 I end up doing it. I feel like I'm not being a good boyfriend when I do try to do things like that.

And then thing is..I want to hang out with her..so when she comes around once and says hey let's hang out..I don't want to be back here because I said yes..but I really want to say yes. Oh..and here's another problem..I bought us tickets to a concert coming up in like 2 or 3 weeks..and I'm pretty afraid to give her her ticket because it'll mess up me trying to be all independent and what not?

 

[Energizer]

There's two things you ought to know, a) she is clearly mentally ill, and b) she is playing you for a fool.

Re-read what you have typed, do her actions seem like the actions of a sane person?

She knows you are easy and all she has to do is click her fingers and you'll come running.

Get some self respect and start doing this by ditching this waste of space.

 

[anx1ety]

There's two things you ought to know, a) she is clearly mentally ill, and b) she is playing you for a fool.

Re-read what you have typed, do her actions seem like the actions of a sane person?

She knows you are easy and all she has to do is click her fingers and you'll come running.

Get some self respect and start doing this by ditching this waste of space.

Ha, no I don't think she's crazy. I think Scars is right in all honesty.."She lost interest and doesn't know why. She doesn't want to, but she knows it's happening. She's thinking with her feelings one moment, then thinking with her head the next. She's torn." soo..I need a solution to this. Scars has made a suggestion.

 

[anx1ety]

Update..I hadn't talked to her all day again..I went out with some friends and did some stuff..had a good time..came home for a minute and hopped on facebook, she IM'd ME (doesn't normally happen) and said "ello" so I respond with "hey" she says "how are you" I say "I'm fine. but im actually about to go so ill talk to you later" she says "okay" and I leave. I get to where I was going..wait a bit, get on facebook and I have a message in the IM that says "...bye" (cuz I didn't say that..I just left) and now she's gone and apparently going to be in NC for the weekend starting after school tomorrow. I feel kinda bad :/

 

[horaholic]

Yeah, you need to read the Dj bible on the bottom of the page. YOu're lucky, you're young and have this site. Read up for a while, and you will understand that you are being her bytch, and she doesnt' respect you for it. When you learn to act like a dj, or a man in general, girls will know better than to play their stupid games with you, cuz they will know that if you do, you're gone, without looking back.

Lesson one: She's pulling bullshyt, and fvcking with your head. This is where you cut all contact with her. You are starting fresh. If she tracks you down, tell her your time is more important than waiting for her to make up her mind, and its in your best interest (and it is) to move forward without her in your life, at least for a while. I know at 18, two months seems like a long time, but its not. Go start macking on other girls immediately, and if your ex tries to make you the bad guy for that (and she will) you can tell her she broke it off, so its none of her business what you do.

You need to understand that she doesnt want to be with you, but she doesnt want to be alone at the same time, thats why she's hot and cold. If she wanted to be with you, there would be NO issues about this. Do you both a favor and walk away dignified, and dont listen to her when she says she still wants you. cuz it's only temporary. You MUST believe this.

Oh, and quit being such a 'nice' guy. its unnattractive to women.

 

[anx1ety]

Yeah, you need to read the Dj bible on the bottom of the page. YOu're lucky, you're young and have this site. Read up for a while, and you will understand that you are being her bytch, and she doesnt' respect you for it. When you learn to act like a dj, or a man in general, girls will know better than to play their stupid games with you, cuz they will know that if you do, you're gone, without looking back.

Lesson one: She's pulling bullshyt, and fvcking with your head. This is where you cut all contact with her. You are starting fresh. If she tracks you down, tell her your time is more important than waiting for her to make up her mind, and its in your best interest (and it is) to move forward without her in your life, at least for a while. I know at 18, two months seems like a long time, but its not. Go start macking on other girls immediately, and if your ex tries to make you the bad guy for that (and she will) you can tell her she broke it off, so its none of her business what you do.

You need to understand that she doesnt want to be with you, but she doesnt want to be alone at the same time, thats why she's hot and cold. If she wanted to be with you, there would be NO issues about this. Do you both a favor and walk away dignified, and dont listen to her when she says she still wants you. cuz it's only temporary. You MUST believe this.

Oh, and quit being such a 'nice' guy. its unnattractive to women.

It's who I am though, I like being nice. But, I don't want to break it off with her yet..I'm letting her have this last chance. I'm trying the whole raise her interest level thing..I'm going out and doing stuff, not talking to her very often, keeping my distance, waiting for her to call or IM me, waiting for her to ask me to hang out. Can I not even try this?

 

[anx1ety]

Tarzan say: If you be nice to her and hand woman all you coconuts she will scalp you for you mangos too! Unga Bunga!

I got it, I can't bow down to her every wish. I can't be too nice. I got it.

I do however want to keep trying, see if I can bring us to being on the same page.

 

[anx1ety]

Situation I need a solution to at this very moment: She's going away after she gets out of class tomorrow for the weekend, we haven't talked about her going or anything and when she tried to talk to me tonight this is how it went because I'm trying to be all not-clingy/tough or w/e. She says, "ello" so I respond with "hey" she says "how are you" I say "I'm fine. but im actually about to go so ill talk to you later" she says "okay" and I leave. I get to where I was going..wait a bit, get on facebook and I have a message in the IM that says "...bye" (cuz I didn't say that..I just left). She's leaving tomorrow for a couple days, and she doesn't have a phone so I wont be in contact with her at all..

My question is..should I leave her a message on facebook or something saying "hey hope you have a great trip, talk to you when you get back" or do I keep being this way and just ignore the fact she's leaving?

 

[anx1ety]

Ok..I've on my own decided I'm going to say something. I just need to choose between these two statements.

1. Hey, hope you have a great trip, talk to you when you get back.
2. Hey, don't know if ill talk to you before you leave so hope you have a great trip. Talk to you when you get back.

my cousin (whose a 17 year old girl) thinks I should use 2 and put a heart or a smiley at the end of it..lol. I'm asking for the advice of you guys..so GIVE IT..and FAST.

 

[Energizer]

Ha, no I don't think she's crazy. I think Scars is right in all honesty.."She lost interest and doesn't know why. She doesn't want to, but she knows it's happening. She's thinking with her feelings one moment, then thinking with her head the next. She's torn." soo..I need a solution to this. Scars has made a suggestion.

I never known a woman to act like this, she is playing the push and pull game with your emotions at your expense, it sounds like she suffers from BiPolar or something f*cked up. She isn't normal.

I have a solution for you, kick her to the kerb and find someone else who isn't a complete retard.

 

[anx1ety]

I never known a woman to act like this, she is playing the push and pull game with your emotions at your expense, it sounds like she suffers from BiPolar or something f*cked up. She isn't normal.

I have a solution for you, kick her to the kerb and find someone else who isn't a complete retard.

She herself has said she believes she's bipolar.

 

[Energizer]

It's who I am though, I like being nice. But, I don't want to break it off with her yet..I'm letting her have this last chance. I'm trying the whole raise her interest level thing..I'm going out and doing stuff, not talking to her very often, keeping my distance, waiting for her to call or IM me, waiting for her to ask me to hang out. Can I not even try this?

It doesn't matter what you do, where you go or who you see, she just isn't interested in you mate. If the initial attraction isn't there, then it doesn't matter what you do. To her you are easy, you stroke her ego and fulfill her emotional needs. You are nothing more than slave and a doormat for her to rub her feet all over.

Get some self respect and ditch this manipulator.

 

[Energizer]

She herself has said she believes she's bipolar.

There you, she is mentally ill.

BiPolar sufferres destroy other people, it's what they do, they cannot help it, it's who they are.

The best thing you can do is to walk away from this.

Stay at your own peril, but don't come back on her in a weeks time with some sob story about how she has hurt you and you want to scorn and hate.

 

[kokane]

Listen to emergiser you fool. Come back to your senses. Man up. I have been reading your posts from top to bottom and all you are doing is trying to make excuses for HER behaviour. You still have time. Stop this wimpy, chump behaviour. And for gods sake. Go read Pook's post titled 'Kill your desperation'. Its in the DJ BIBLE. You will get a fool proof method to get this girl back.

 

[anx1ety]

I'd like to say..that I think the whole not showing her as much attention..going out and doing things with my friends without asking her to do something first..or inviting her along is working. She's now initiated contact with ME twice.

Well, we've been talking a little bit and of course I'm not being all crazy nice and caring and blah blah..I'm just kinda beeing a casual conversation and she says "random question: are you like mad at me or something?" I respond "No?" and she says "mkay." 2 minutes pass and she says "well anyway, how are you?" I respond with "I'm good, a wee bit bored at the moment, and yourself?"

Her
rather alright. tad headache, but its all good.
gonna be busy tomorrow

Me
ah, sorry to hear that. Whatcha got goin on tomorrow?

Her
well hopefully i can get out of going to nags head. then itll be just my brothers and i here for the day/overnight. so...whatever i wanna do lol

Me
so you have no plans and yet youre gonna be busy? lol. makes sense.

Her
oh, there was supposed to be a ?after that statement earlier, as in me asking you if you had plans

Me
ooooh. got it.
Uh, I got a soccer game at 2:30. Not sure other thna that.

Her
gotcha

Now she may even be initiating a hang out?!? crazyness. lol