Help!

[monural_plural]

I do NOT play games. I believe with my heart that the girl I've been dating for 7 weeks does not either (I have met many of her good friends, and they tell me to take care of her because she is a kind soul). She has always treated me with respect and answered my calls. We have both shown our relatives to each other, each side of the family likes us. We have been both intimate with each other in many ways, and the attraction level has been intense. Up until last week, the week of a big meeting for her at work. I am 30, she is 22. Here are the problems:

1) She is currently separated, getting ready for a divorce from an abusive husband. He is still verbally threatening her and her family members.

2) Her job is in peril. Someone at work is trying to take away her job via intimidation. Either way, she feels like she will have to work 7 days a week so her reputation isn't changed. To her, her job is all she has ,it is her monetary support.

The bottom line, she does not want to pursue a relationship with me further, since she has way to many things to deal with. I felt this vibe for a week, and finally got it from her. She wants to be 'just friends' for now... She likes me a lot and enjoys time with me. We really have had lots of fun. I still talk to one of her guy friends.

I told her I can't be friends, it's like going backwards. I told her to contact me when she was ready to have a serious relationship, and I wouldn't bother her at all. I'd let her get what she needs to get done.

The same night, she called my cousin asking why I wasn't picking up the phone (I never received a text message or call). My cousin told me about this by calling me. I then received a text message asking if I was "Going to completely ignore her, and totally cut her out of my life", and I called her to reiterate my point. She then said that she has no intentions of finding someone else, if we were friends, and that she couldn't provide for a relationship when she has so much going on. The ball is now in my court, as the saying goes. What should I do? I'm pretty intent on learning from this experience, and I'm about 99% for the no contact rule. I just want to hear from you guys! From all her friends, she seems like long-term material

 

[XFactor]

Sounds like she wants you to break up with her, so she doesn't feel bad about dumping you.

Keep her as a friend though.... maybe even a FB until you get a new girl

 

[monural_plural]

She is a nice person, and she doesn't seem the type to cheat. I've been through some relationships like that, and I don't see this in her. I've met her family already. In addition, her paperwork for divorce is almost done. She is moving along with that.

I just found out today that she is taking an anti-anxiety med for work. She is literally at the end of her ropes, and she believes relationships to take time and effort. :woo: She simply can't do that right now, she wants to get a handle on her work situation. I think she just needs to relax and feel comfortable.

What do you weird people (just kidding) recommend?

 

[( . )( . )]

A man of any worth and in his 30's should not be this wrapped up in a 22 year old, emersing yourself this much in her reality (much like television) will cause your soul to decay .

A chick that young who married at that age in this day and age has a whole lot of c@ck to sample, your yearnings for a "relationship" is a serious conflict of interest for the little minx and I personally dont blame her for LJBFing you.

2) Her job is in peril. Someone at work is trying to take away her job via intimidation. Either way, she feels like she will have to work 7 days a week so her reputation isn't changed. To her, her job is all she has ,it is her monetary support.

7 weeks of tapping this chick is WAY to short of a time to know or even care about the above excuse.

 

[monural_plural]

Ah 'whatever'

Excuse!?! She's also on anti-anxiety meds, you cannot question someone's logic at that point. I'm not too worried about it, really. Her take is she can't afford a relationship right now, because she herself puts time into one. So, I can call her on her bull**** in front of all of my friends if that happens. It's that simple.

I'm just going to do the friends thing, but not really contact her until she's ready (hell I might go off anyhow.) There's no use in not talking to her, or playing games. I think only time will tell.

 

[legolas]

Why do I feel like you're Captain save-a-ho? You shouldn't be spinning cracked plates. She's damaged goods regardless of how you feel about her. In fact any woman on psychiatric meds is probably damaged goods.

 

[Desdinova]

If a woman has no time for you as a b/f, yat has time for you as a friend, SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT.

A&F is correct. Even though she may not be boning her husband, she may be boning someone else.\

She is a nice person, and she doesn't seem the type to cheat

Really? Well, what type of woman DOES cheat? How the hell did you become an expert in this department?

ALL women have the potential to cheat. My ex appeared to be the most kind-hearted woman on the face of the planet, and she cheated.

Now...

I've been dating for 7 weeks

That's under two months, and isn't a large amount of time to establish a stable LTR. Many of the women I've dated lasted around 1 1/2 months before either they got tired of it, or I got tired of it.

Another thing is you sound like the rebound guy. The ink on the divorce papers is still drying, and she wants OUT of a LTR. She's just been set free, so what makes you think she'll want to immediately settle down again? You're not the knight in shining armour, and she's not the princess in distress. If you have that fantasy in your mind, eliminate it.

She's also on anti-anxiety meds, you cannot question someone's logic at that point.

Here's a news flash for you, women aren't logical regardless of the presence of meds:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=101067

I'm just going to do the friends thing,

Enjoy the neutral zone. She'll pull on your choke chain when you start to stray too much.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Hmm,..22 and separating/divorcing a hostile husband,..let me guess, single mommie?

Regardless, you're playing Savior here and that's what you need to curb in yourself.

,..she believes relationships to take time and effort.

And she believes this because at 22 and after a 'false start' marriage she's wise beyond her years? Heheheh,..

 

[monural_plural]

Decision

"Ok, we'll be friends, on one condition. I need to know 100% that your
decision was based on your problems, not me as a
person."

I'm going to start looking elsewhere, if she strays then it wasn't meant to be. no big whoop.

 

[speedo_meme]

Ahhh, denial....

All AFC's are in denial. Rest assured, monural, she IS boning her ex, or at least some other guy. She IS, don't deny this fact to yourself. My former one-itis pulled the same thing with me. She was "working 6-7 days a week", she was "SOOOOOO busy", never had time for me, taking anti-depressants (she told me this, was prob'ly lying), wanted to "be friends and let our relationship grow and would be stronger because of it"....blah blah blah blah....all to find out that, very simply, she lost interest in me and found another guy. She didn't want to feel guilty for dumping me, she felt sorry for me.

Mono, you or any of the other millions of girls who use that excuse ain't fooling nobody anymore. H*ll, it doesn't matter for me because I don't get that excuse anymore, it's just the opposite. This "game" is so easy once you really pick up on it.

Mono, you say she doesn't play games, yet she's playing your chump ass like a fiddle. But, you won't listen, as noted in your reply to titty-guy. The only reason I don't lose my temper with naive guys in denial, like yourself, is that I know how it feels and I've been there.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Women have two kinds of 'Friends' - Boyfriends and Girlfriends. If you're not fvcking her, you're her girlfriend.

 

[JC9]

Sounds like she still has some affection for you, but the attraction is gone.

Time to move on unfortunately. It suck's when it happens, but you can at least look back and figure out what led to the attraction going away and learn something from it.

 

[ElChoclo]

You started something with just one kiss, now everything you do has got a hold on me, its crazy but its true, I only want to be with you.

See corny lyrics from an old pop song above. Divorcing and doped up at 22. Has to work 7 days to keep her reputation intact (known as Mother Theresa by her work colleagues). Just accidently married a sociopath. Hardly worth the collective typing time of so many learned DJs.

 

[monural_plural]

Now

All right all right, already. Enough bashing! I get the point, either way, I can't distract myself with any decision I make, I think it's all about getting what I deserve, and I'll look elsewhere if I can't get it there. Simple as that.