SouthernShao
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I started reading red pill material about a year ago, including but not limited to The Rational Male. I met someone about 7 months ago and we've had a rocky relationship. I want to fix that. Please help me, bretherin.
Now to start with, I realize that one of the first things you might tell me is to plate spin, or to get out of the oneitis. Well, I was plate spinning prior to meeting her, but we hit it off so well and things have been so amazing, that I guess it's possible that I'm having difficulties getting myself out of a blue pill state in some regards. I did break up with her once too though, and she came back.
Anyways, please give me the advice that might help me handle her hypergamy. Here is information about us, for reference:
I am 37, fit and muscular, full head of hair, have a bachelors, make 73K a year. I do not own my own home but I am working on that. I own my own newer car (2015). I don't have much of a social circle but I'm trying to fix that. I took an IQ test a few years ago and the record came back as well above average (I'm not looking to brag here, so not using numbers, as this is all just for context). I know and teach traditional kung fu (martial arts), play the guitar, and have been known to be pretty good with words, along with being pretty artistic.
Her: She's 35, a runner. Has 2 masters degrees and is working on her doctorate. She's easily a 9/10 in her face alone, owns her own home, has a large social circle, a good family that she loves, is Catholic with strong principles on love and marriage, wants children, is witty and funny, and has a really solid personality. Her baggage: She was married to the man she met at 25 who ended up having two affairs for months on end with two different woman. After she divorced him due to that, she met another man who lied to her quite literally pathologically.
When we met, we hit it off like crazy. She couldn't get enough of me. She would tell me all the time how she can't get enough of me, would buy me things, wanted to see me a lot, etc. In short time, she noted that she always throughout her life would fall in love quickly, like within the first 2 months. She was afraid of doing this this time around, and promised herself she wouldn't do that again because when she did, terrible things always happened. She wanted to be able to see the red flags in a man before those bad things happened to her. I was OK with that, I wanted to take it slow too.
Over time, our relationship was still wonderful, except for one thing: She wouldn't commit to our relationship being a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. We both agreed not to date other people, or have sex with other people, and I have very solid reason to believe she never did either. She would tell me that I am an amazing relationship, and that she has very strong feelings for me, but that she doesn't see me at the alter. Almost 7 months in now, and she doesn't feel that she's in love with me, and doesn't know why.
My theory is that's her hypergamy kicking in. She makes 70K a year, and when we met, I had lost my job about a month in. After that, it took 2 months to find another. The one I found paid 52K, but then I found another to make 73K. I think it possible that had something to do with it--a fear of not knowing how consistent I would be as a provider due to that circumstance happening.
Also, she pulls back something fierce whenever I push our relationship forward. I tell her that I want more and she tells me she can't provide more right now. She's seeing a therapist about her past relationship traumas, but is in fact from all accounts, quite stable emotionally. Her friends even say this isn't like her, and some have even recommended to her to just commit with me, saying I'm a great guy (her best friend told her as such).
So she sometimes tells me it's not fair of her to stay with me and not commit to long-term and marriage, so she'll break up with me, but then come back later and want to see me. We'll meet, and end up hooking up, and start seeing each other steadily again, then in time I will push for a bit more, she will run away, and the cycle will continue.
Recently she got pregnant on accident, but miscarried. Shortly after, she did the same thing again, but I reached out to her recently to get back together, and we'll see what goes on from there.
She does not want to see other people at all right now, and of that I'm very confident it's the truth, contrary to what some of you might say. There is no other guy, as I have the potential here to know, and her Catholicism (born and raised) also greatly impacts how she acts in these regards. She wants to figure herself out as she says I am wonderful and she doesn't even know why she isn't in love with me, stating I am pretty much everything she's ever wanted.
Annnywayyys, I feel like part of the problem may be the baggage from her traumatic past in regards to relationships--a few other people believe that is very possible too. I also now believe it's part to do with her hypergamy. I have not always been the strongest man when it comes to her, and I will be completely honest with you gentleme about this. When she's wanted space, I've given it, but not as well as I could have. I've pushed relationship when I knew she's tried coming to terms with it on her own time, but the manosphere--as it were--seems to tell us that we shouldn't take excuses or ****, but lay down our wants and needs, and leave if they're not met. That this is the masculine thing to do.
Call me blue-pilled in that regard, but I still cling to some level to the ideas of maybe a more purple outlook: I believe there's something special here between us, and so does she, and not just from what she's said, but in her actions as well. I think there's damage there, and I think her hypergamy is an issue. So what can I specifically do to put myself in the view of her hypergamy, to be more of the man all-around she wants so as to have her push for relationship, instead of all this up and down, complicated stuff?
Thank you, gents.
Now to start with, I realize that one of the first things you might tell me is to plate spin, or to get out of the oneitis. Well, I was plate spinning prior to meeting her, but we hit it off so well and things have been so amazing, that I guess it's possible that I'm having difficulties getting myself out of a blue pill state in some regards. I did break up with her once too though, and she came back.
Anyways, please give me the advice that might help me handle her hypergamy. Here is information about us, for reference:
I am 37, fit and muscular, full head of hair, have a bachelors, make 73K a year. I do not own my own home but I am working on that. I own my own newer car (2015). I don't have much of a social circle but I'm trying to fix that. I took an IQ test a few years ago and the record came back as well above average (I'm not looking to brag here, so not using numbers, as this is all just for context). I know and teach traditional kung fu (martial arts), play the guitar, and have been known to be pretty good with words, along with being pretty artistic.
Her: She's 35, a runner. Has 2 masters degrees and is working on her doctorate. She's easily a 9/10 in her face alone, owns her own home, has a large social circle, a good family that she loves, is Catholic with strong principles on love and marriage, wants children, is witty and funny, and has a really solid personality. Her baggage: She was married to the man she met at 25 who ended up having two affairs for months on end with two different woman. After she divorced him due to that, she met another man who lied to her quite literally pathologically.
When we met, we hit it off like crazy. She couldn't get enough of me. She would tell me all the time how she can't get enough of me, would buy me things, wanted to see me a lot, etc. In short time, she noted that she always throughout her life would fall in love quickly, like within the first 2 months. She was afraid of doing this this time around, and promised herself she wouldn't do that again because when she did, terrible things always happened. She wanted to be able to see the red flags in a man before those bad things happened to her. I was OK with that, I wanted to take it slow too.
Over time, our relationship was still wonderful, except for one thing: She wouldn't commit to our relationship being a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. We both agreed not to date other people, or have sex with other people, and I have very solid reason to believe she never did either. She would tell me that I am an amazing relationship, and that she has very strong feelings for me, but that she doesn't see me at the alter. Almost 7 months in now, and she doesn't feel that she's in love with me, and doesn't know why.
My theory is that's her hypergamy kicking in. She makes 70K a year, and when we met, I had lost my job about a month in. After that, it took 2 months to find another. The one I found paid 52K, but then I found another to make 73K. I think it possible that had something to do with it--a fear of not knowing how consistent I would be as a provider due to that circumstance happening.
Also, she pulls back something fierce whenever I push our relationship forward. I tell her that I want more and she tells me she can't provide more right now. She's seeing a therapist about her past relationship traumas, but is in fact from all accounts, quite stable emotionally. Her friends even say this isn't like her, and some have even recommended to her to just commit with me, saying I'm a great guy (her best friend told her as such).
So she sometimes tells me it's not fair of her to stay with me and not commit to long-term and marriage, so she'll break up with me, but then come back later and want to see me. We'll meet, and end up hooking up, and start seeing each other steadily again, then in time I will push for a bit more, she will run away, and the cycle will continue.
Recently she got pregnant on accident, but miscarried. Shortly after, she did the same thing again, but I reached out to her recently to get back together, and we'll see what goes on from there.
She does not want to see other people at all right now, and of that I'm very confident it's the truth, contrary to what some of you might say. There is no other guy, as I have the potential here to know, and her Catholicism (born and raised) also greatly impacts how she acts in these regards. She wants to figure herself out as she says I am wonderful and she doesn't even know why she isn't in love with me, stating I am pretty much everything she's ever wanted.
Annnywayyys, I feel like part of the problem may be the baggage from her traumatic past in regards to relationships--a few other people believe that is very possible too. I also now believe it's part to do with her hypergamy. I have not always been the strongest man when it comes to her, and I will be completely honest with you gentleme about this. When she's wanted space, I've given it, but not as well as I could have. I've pushed relationship when I knew she's tried coming to terms with it on her own time, but the manosphere--as it were--seems to tell us that we shouldn't take excuses or ****, but lay down our wants and needs, and leave if they're not met. That this is the masculine thing to do.
Call me blue-pilled in that regard, but I still cling to some level to the ideas of maybe a more purple outlook: I believe there's something special here between us, and so does she, and not just from what she's said, but in her actions as well. I think there's damage there, and I think her hypergamy is an issue. So what can I specifically do to put myself in the view of her hypergamy, to be more of the man all-around she wants so as to have her push for relationship, instead of all this up and down, complicated stuff?
Thank you, gents.
