I have been dating this girl for the past 8 months. We are bothin in college. During the summer we hung out like every day 24/7 unless we were in class. I could feel something was wrong past week because we weren't having sex. Well she went home the other day and now she is telling me that she thought I was too emotional and that turned her off. Now I don't feel as if I was too emotional. I told her I love her with all my heart like once a day. Do you guys think thats overdoing it??? Sometimes I feel like I have to change for her liking and that aint a DJ. What do you guys think I need to do to make her want me more???
Help with Girl
- Thread starter Pierce
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jophil28
Master Don Juan
I think that you need to post over on the Discussion Forum.Pierce said:
This is the MM forum is for guys > 25 years.
BTW, she just dumped you, so trying to get her to
" want you more.." is rather irrelevant now .
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Die Hard
Master Don Juan
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Become a man... Read the DJ Bible to find out what that means. But it's a long process, so I'm afraid it's not going to happen while you're with this girl. As a matter of fact: you need to be cut loose from her and be on your own in life, in order to go through the process.
Good luck!
Good luck!
jophil28
Master Don Juan
Son, I am gonna give you some free advice.Pierce said:
When a woman directly says that you are "too emotional" and that it "turned her off ", your relationship is all but over.
Firstly, before women openly express themselves, like she did ,they usually send more subtle messages of discontent. You have not been paying attention , so she reached the end of her patience and told you what pissed her off OVERTLY. That style of comms is women's least favored method.
It is a last gasp.
Secondly, do you understand what her grievance is ?
DO you also understand what you are saying and doing that annoys her ?
And MOST important of all ,do you understand enough about female psych to inform you about why your emotionality is repelling her rather that attracting her?
cavedweller
Don Juan
My friend she has just dumped you..
Razor Sharp
Senior Don Juan
Ummm.... HELL YEAH. Think about it. If you say something every day, it totally loses its meaning. Do you really want "I love you" to have the same emotional impact as "pass the salt"? You are suffocating her with this "love" of yours, and coming off as totally needy. As a result she starts to question your value, and whether or not she should even be with you.
Some general rules of thumb for the ILY bomb:
> You shouldn't be the first to say it. Show some self control
and make her squirm a little. It puts you in the driver's
seat of the relationship.
> After she says it, don't rush to say it back. Make a c*cky remark
like "Yeah, I know" or "Aww that's so cute". If she prods tell her
that you like her a lot but it's too soon and you want to take it slow
> The time to finally tell her those words is when she does something
outrageously cool for you. A favor, something thoughtful, basically
any instance where she has gone out of her way to please you.
It should be used as a REWARD, not a casual utterance.
> The above rule applies for every time afterwards. She must EARN that
"I love you", in order for her to believe it. You can drop it on her
for no good reason too, spontaneity is nice - but you lose that
feeling when these words become predictable. Use them sparingly!
> Women would rather have you SHOW them your love, than proclaim it
any day of the week. Actions always speak louder.
Mistake #2. In any healthy relationship, people need an opportunity to miss each other. I don't care how great your game is, when you are affixed to her ass like an oversized wart, your presence becomes tiresome. Humans are social animals - we were not engineered to deal with just one person all the time. Hence the phrase "Familiarity breeds contempt". For lovers to truly appreciate each other, they need space of their own so they don't lose themselves and develop a codependent relationship.
You should have a social life aside from this girl, as should she. You can't be so available because it just cheapens the time you have together. Don't hop up everytime she says jump, its a surefire way to lose her respect. Have other things to do sometimes!
HER: Hey can we watch a movie tonight?
EMO_FAG: Yes my darling, your wish is my command - should I also make you dinner and massage your feet with the tears of my undying love?
HER: O....kay (during that pause she was vomiting a little in her mouth)
Try again:
HER: Hey can we watch a movie tonight?
STUD: Ohh man I'd really love to, but I already made plans with the fellas and don't want to leave them hanging. I will call you tomorrow and we can sort out some quality time.
HER: Aww shucks.. okay. Call me! (disappointed, but getting wet with anticipation)
The next day you do not call her until the evening. Let the tension build so she is wondering and thinking about you all damn day. When you finally call it's a HUGE relief and she is dying to see you (in most cases she won't let you slide till the evening and your phone will be blowing up)
See that?
What is happening here is that you are subtly letting her know that your time is valuable, and she can't have all of it. This makes her want more of it. This is simple supply vs demand. Give people too much of something and it loses value. Give it sparingly and it becomes GOLD.
NO woman will stay for the long haul with someone who suffocates them. For your own mental/emotional health you should really rethink your whole approach towards relationships, and your perceived value within them. She is not trying to change you, she is trying to make you attractive again (and likely preparing to cut you loose). I know it;s hard to hear this, but the other fellas in this thread are right. There is a very good chance that it's too late - once the attraction is gone and she's "turned off" - a dump is almost surely inevitable. Prepare yourself for that possibility.
> Become scarce - Show some independence by living your own life
> Lay off on the sappy, Disney love sh*t. That's how women act
> Place value on your time and spread it around
> Have side hobbies/activites
> Show detachment, make her wonder sometimes if she really "has" you
> Let her know she has competition. This is by far the most powerful way to spark the attraction. You don't have to blatantly flirt in front of her - in fact this works better when she sees you resisting the advances of other women. Of course you need your own social life to be around other women to begin with, it all ties together.
All of this advice I'm giving you is for your next relationship BTW. As I mentioned you don't really have much of a chance to recover at this point. If it was me I'd break up with her pre-emptively, tell her you need a "break" to "find yourself" (that one always drives them crazy
) Maybe, just maybe then you could rekindle things - but its still not very likely.Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. And for chrissakes, LEARN form the mistakes you've made so far!
I think it got better because we left school and now shes at her house. and I'm at my house and we havent seen each other in like 3 days. She says she misses me so I'm guessing that this little not seeing eachother for a couple days made her realize how in love she is with me. So I'm hoping I can just act like a DJ from now on.
Razor Sharp
Senior Don Juan
You got lucky there bro. In most cases you'd be toast so be grateful that you have enough redeeming qualities for her to overlook your neediness.
Everything I posted before still applies. Keep it in mind because you will need that space and perpective if you want to make this work. "Acting like a DJ" won't cut it either - you need a real life of your own, and value outside of this relationship.
Good luck!
Everything I posted before still applies. Keep it in mind because you will need that space and perpective if you want to make this work. "Acting like a DJ" won't cut it either - you need a real life of your own, and value outside of this relationship.
Good luck!
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
Pierce said:
I wouldn't say it means she's "in love with you".
I've broken up with plenty of girls and missed having them around after not seeing her for a couple days. That's just human nature.
I still think your relationship is on the rocks. When a woman tells you that you're too emotional...man....that's just a kick in the balls.
Kailex
Master Don Juan
And what happens once you guys are in close proximity to each other again?Pierce said:
What's happening NOW is TEMPORARY because you aren't seeing each other 24/7.
You are fooling yourself if you think this is a permanent change. Correct your mistakes NOW and don't let it happen again, but I get a feeling... it WILL.
A woman saying a man is too emotional is basically saying you are the woman in the relationship.
Stop telling her you love her. Jesus.
You've got your own girlfriend on such a pedestal that even she's laying the smackdown on you about it.
ACT LIKE A MAN.
LOL you right my nigga. i appreciate the advice guys..
So we cant hang around all day everyday. What about everyday for like an hour? Or every day?
and I will not tell her I love her unless she does something out of her way........ or she says it first (most times ill say sumthn ****y/funny)
So we cant hang around all day everyday. What about everyday for like an hour? Or every day?
and I will not tell her I love her unless she does something out of her way........ or she says it first (most times ill say sumthn ****y/funny)
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
Come on man? You kidding?Pierce said:
How about you get a life of your own and hang out with your girlfriend two or three days a week? Do you really have nothing else going on in your life? Hobbies? Friends? TV Shows that you want to watch without her interrupting? ANYTHING?
"Can I just hang out with her for an hour every day, guys?" No wonder she thinks you're a weakling.
Razor Sharp
Senior Don Juan
It doesn't have to be exactly 3x a week, its not a rule set in stone. But its a good ballpark estimate. You should reserve at least HALF of your time just for you. Do whatever you feel like on your own.
Look at it this way. Let's say you do man up and everything works out and the two of you spend the rest of your lives together, totally happy. You will have plenty of time to be with her every damn day, what you won't have is another chance to be young and discover passions that are not related to women or sex - to refine skills and make something of yourself. You also wont get another shot at doing stupid **** with your boys, laughing your ass off and having a good time, the way a 20 year old male is supposed to.
And what if things don't work out? What will you have to show for yourself if you spent all your time on her? That's right, nothing but painful lessons that would have been avoided had you listened to voices of reason (who know that pain all too well)
Trust me - nothing will make her pine for you more than withdrawing and marking some limits. She will see you in a whole new light, as a complete man who doesn't NEED her.
There is a world of difference between loving and needing. Unfortunately most guys cant see it.
Look at it this way. Let's say you do man up and everything works out and the two of you spend the rest of your lives together, totally happy. You will have plenty of time to be with her every damn day, what you won't have is another chance to be young and discover passions that are not related to women or sex - to refine skills and make something of yourself. You also wont get another shot at doing stupid **** with your boys, laughing your ass off and having a good time, the way a 20 year old male is supposed to.
And what if things don't work out? What will you have to show for yourself if you spent all your time on her? That's right, nothing but painful lessons that would have been avoided had you listened to voices of reason (who know that pain all too well)
Trust me - nothing will make her pine for you more than withdrawing and marking some limits. She will see you in a whole new light, as a complete man who doesn't NEED her.
There is a world of difference between loving and needing. Unfortunately most guys cant see it.
2crudedudes
Senior Don Juan
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Read the DJ Bible. There really should be a fvcking sticky in the main forum about this.Pierce said:
What a woman says and what a woman means are not usually the same thing.
Sir, this relationship is on its last leg. Unless you make a drastic change, it is very unlikely this will last much longer. She didn't break up with you outright, but its coming.
edit: just read the rest of the thread. Holy Jesus you need to read the fvcking DJ Bible. You are bordering on stalker creepy if this chick wasn't so into you, for whatever reason. Anyway, that will end some day, and your neediness will not. Then you will see the error in your ways. You've been warned.
So now it has been 11 months. and now everything is going I guess well. She loves me the way she used to and we are good.
But I am considering dumping her because she is just stress. I make money and she doesn't. and it seems like she just mooches off me. I know that this is not the case because when I have no money she is still with me but when I do have money and things she does use it. I don't want to make a mistake however and break up with a girl that truely loves me and I do care for her dearly.
But I am considering dumping her because she is just stress. I make money and she doesn't. and it seems like she just mooches off me. I know that this is not the case because when I have no money she is still with me but when I do have money and things she does use it. I don't want to make a mistake however and break up with a girl that truely loves me and I do care for her dearly.
