Help with diagnosing a BPD chick...

[MrNiceGuy23]

*You can skip to the symptoms at the bottom or read the story if you want more background to help in your decision*

Okay so I posted a thread before about my girlfriend not trusting me and how to react...Long story short we broke up but the manner in which it happened leaves me wondering if I was with a BPD chick this whole time.

Before we started dating, she was in an LTR of around 3 years, 2 years into it she told me she liked me and for about a year we carried on an affair. She would have no problems sleeping with me, spending nights with me etc, and would feel no remorse about it (often times would see her boyfriend come up on her phone right in the middle of sex and she would just ignore it and we'd continue. She would then flip the script and talk about how he was the most amazing man she's ever met in her life.

Around the 2.5 year mark she wanted to be with me and wanted to dump her boyfriend, I wasn't ready for that so I told her no and she continued to stay with him. Finally the topic came up again an I agreed to it, but it took her several months to permanently end things with him. She would dump him, he would go into denial, she would tell me she loves him, then she would sleep with me.

She never told him anything about what we did while she was dating him, she would get mad and defensive and yell at him when he would confront her about it to the point where he would just drop the fight.

While dating me the sex was amazing, but we would go from spells to having sex every day (sometimes 2 or 3 or more times per day) to spells where we wouldn't have sex for 2 weeks nor would she be in the mood to fool around or do anything at all. Typically when I would express my concern for the relationship is when she would attack me and go on another spree of sex.

We broke up a week ago but the day we broke up we had sex 3 times during the day, she cried afterwards but still insisted on breaking up. I found out a few days later that she had been talking to her ex again the past few weeks and they were talking about loving each other after not speaking for months and only 2 days after her and I called it quits.

I was obviously upset but all of my buddies have told me she was psycho but being involved it was hard to see it (I still have difficulty at times)...

My question is whether this girl was just a crazy who bounces around between men or might she be BPD. I'm not sure what the symptoms exactly are but I'll list some key traits here:

SYMPTOMS?
Mind-blowing sex

Deep levels of attachment followed by moments of no remorse

Lying about everything no matter how insignificant

Having sex many times within a few days to not having sex for weeks

Telling me she loves and wanting to spend every waking moment together followed by complaining that she doesn't see her friends

Defensive and never takes the blame or accepts responsibility for her actions

Thanks everybody...

 

[Epimanes]

Visit my thread "All women are psychos"

Your experiencing a typical woman with typical mood swings. Pay close attention to her cycle. If its the week before her period (worst time of the month with most hormonal changes) then you need to pull out the "amused mastery" techniques and just go with the flow. No one here can diagnose medical BPD as it seems every man here at one point or another thinks their woman is BPD. When likely they are not.

Epi

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

I understand that most of the time they are not, I was just wondering if this is something typical to experience from a woman or not. My girlfriend before her was more normal than anybody I have ever been with.

 

[Tictac]

Sounds like a woman to me.

No one here is qualified to diagnose psychological issues.

Deal or move on.

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

I don't want an actual medical diagnosis, but I always see men post on here about women they were with who were BPD, so I'm asking how they knew or how they came to those conclusions.

 

[trent_afc]

Definitely sounds like a cluster B nutjob. Also check out NPD and HPD. Note that they typically aren't mutually exclusive, there is a high comorbidity rate.

Stable relationships with cluster Bs are pretty much impossible, so demote her to FWB/FB if you can handle the drama as a trade off for the great sex. Ideally, you should drop her and go full 100% NC. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT. She'll probably keep the baby just to spite you and feed her need for emotional drama. Plus, if she cheated with you when she was with her previous BF, she'll do it to you too.

 

[papawapa]

I had never heard of BPD until I ended up seeing a psychiatrist from all the craziness my ex put me through. He suggested that she likely had it based on the one incident of craziness that he knew about. It was confirmed when she had to take a psych evaluation for the custody case we are in the middle of.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Before we started dating, she was in an LTR of around 3 years, 2 years into it she told me she liked me and for about a year we carried on an affair. She would have no problems sleeping with me, spending nights with me etc, and would feel no remorse about it (often times would see her boyfriend come up on her phone right in the middle of sex and she would just ignore it and we'd continue. She would then flip the script and talk about how he was the most amazing man she's ever met in her life.

All you really need to know in summarizing this girl is right in this paragraph above. BPD or not and btw she doesn't sound BPD based on what you posted here and much as she sounds like a young, immature girl.

Its hard to see the light when your caught in the clouds, which you clearly are.

Your so young, don't get caught up in serious relationships, go out there and get experience. Bang a bunch of girls, casually date girls, don't take them too seriously and you will enjoy women much more.

This girl should've never been anything more than a FB at best.









PIMP

 

[JohnPetrucci]

Was the sex mind blowing for her? Did she frequently have vaginal orgasms? She doesn't sound BPD to me - she sounds like a girl. She was using you to come down from being dumped by her ex.

 

[Johnny Alias]

Got to echo these sentiments. While I know my ex was a BPD based off the diagnosis given by my therapist, this chick still has many traits of cluster B that should warn you off... which I want to remind you are all interchangeable based on different times of month or relationship.

Look. She cheated with you on another man for a long time and expressed no remorse. NOT GOOD. She would have done the same thing to you eventually. Leopards dont change their spots.

Diagnosed or not... she's toxic. There is no happily ever after here. You didn't have a kid, lose your house, or your hard earned money. Time to thank god and run. You dodged a bullet.

Read this. It will help:

http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html

BPD or not, Cluster B or not, toxic is toxic. This is going to take time for you to get over. The more psycho they are the more they kiss your ass, turn you into a god, sex you up... and then not only do they pull that away in the end they burn you like they did this poor guy. Can you imagine what HE went through?

If it's eating you up this bad... and you need closure... you might want to call him up and compare notes. I know some guys will disagree about that, but for my ex fiance who was a sociopath (ASPD) I called up her ex and talked and talked and talked. Just about saved me. Reality was FAR from where I thought it was. He didn't mind at all either. He knew what kind of pain I was in.

Food for thought. Read that article.... and this one:

http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/200...th-the-new-guy/comment-page-4/#comment-119647