Help with a sh!t test

[Slickster]

I'm currently coaching a recovering AFC friend who is 44 years old and has only ever had one girlfriend his entire life. After about a year of trying to get him over his oneitis he is finally back in the game and dating.

He has met this Filipino girl online and they have been on about 4 dates and things are going well so far. She is from the Philippines and here going to school. Gauging from his stories I get the idea that her IL is really high and Filipino women treat their men very well.

Anyhow they are getting together this weekend and she has asked him to teach her how to drive. Now this guy has recently purchased his dream car a 2009 Dodge Challenger. This car means the WORLD to this guy.

So when they had this conversation she asked him to teach her and his response was well I can teach you how to drive standard. Which was implying he would teach her on his beater VW Jetta. There was a LONG uncomfortable pause. She finally responds and says that she wants to learn how to drive an automatic (the Challenger). Another big pause and he comes back with "I'll teach you how to drive my Jetta, my motorcycle, even my airplane but the not the Challenger." So she starts pouting and making comments about how he doesn't trust her, and she gets upset. So he tells me all this and he is really unsure how to deal with this test.

Now this guy is not a very good communicator as english is his second language. I told him to playfully tease her about putting his life in her hands etc and try to deflect her BS. Problem is there are other AFC friends of his telling him that if he doesn't let her drive his car then she won't ever sleep with him and the relationship is as good as done!

I'm doing my best to convince this guy otherwise but I can tell his trust in my methods is wavering. I'm looking for some good responses I can tell this guy to give this b!tch when she starts giving him a hard time about not letting her drive his car.

I know it is just a car and its probably no big deal but as I said he is really AFC and I think that standing up for himself here will teach him a valuable lesson about women.

Any ideas?

Thanks

 

[jophil28]

I know it is just a car and its probably no big deal but as I said he is really AFC and I think that standing up for himself here will teach him a valuable lesson about women.

Any ideas?

Thanks

Make no mistake - if she is Filipino, it is not "just a car " to her.
Guys like your buddy are east prey for the 'ladies' from Manila.

 

[AMDG]

She finally responds and says that she wants to learn how to drive an automatic (the Challenger).

Another gold digger. Once upon a time a girl asked me to change her ID to my adress in order to get a driver's licence - I said we are not in a relationship - she said I was just like the others - I said I'm not into gold diggers and that was the end of the story - she was amazed I rejected her.

 

[mrRuckus]

Is simply saying nothing an option? I get by with silence a great deal. I mean, he did give his answer already. Any further hounding of him shouldn't really be given all that much attention.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Verily this falls within the 97% of bs that is to be completely ignored, gone as soon as it passes her lips.

Your buddy should have greater aspirations than to spend his TIME arguing with a woman over his car.

And as jophil has implied, her native bunghole belies a deeper connection to any $ your friend may possess.

 

[DJDamage]

When your date has shown her hand by acting like an ungrateful b1tch, then maybe its time to pull back and punish her (by withdrawing his attention and not even bothering to teach her how to drive) and going out on a date with another girl. If she has any real interest in him then she will run back to him and if she doesn't then good riddance.

Your buddy lack of options, is his real achilies heel.

 

[boomerick]

Test her right back. Tell your buddy to rent a compact car with an automatic for a day or better yet get her to rent it. If she puts up a fuss --GOLD DIGGER !! These chicks pull this crap on military men all the time. In the US military they would say she's looking for her ticket to the 'Big BX/PX' (US citizenship and sugar daddy).

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

This isn't a test, it's an attempted manipulation. They are different. She wants to drive his car (for whatever reason) and he doesn't want her to. She will try every shaming tactic in the book to get him to cave in.

This issue seems important to him, so if he does cave, she wins, he's fukked, and she will wear the pants in the relationship.

I suggest no playing around or teasing or testing back or any of the BS. Just be simple and clear to her. Whenever she asks, say "no" in no uncertain terms. Not angry or even slightly agitated, with as little emotion as possible, as if no is the only conceivable answer.

Is it raining?
No.

Do you like the Jets?
No.

Have you been to Moscow?
No.

Can I drive your car?
No.

And be absolutely prepared to let her walk if she doesn't get her way, but considering how you described him, that is extremely difficult, if not impossible, especially given the other advice he's hearing.

Get him the book "when I say no I feel guilty" by manuel smith. Filled with great techniques for dealing with exactly this kind of manipulation.

 

[thissucks003]

Since he is a recovering AFC, his goal shouldn't be to bang her. His goal is to build a backbone. He has none. He knows the right answer to give her. If he is looking for short-term success, by all means cave in. Let her drive his car! If he is looking for long-term success and confidence going forward, stand his ground. He has nothing to gain and all to lose by letting her drive his Charger.

He can also say, when she passes her exam and has one year of driving experience with proof of insurance and has an excellent driving record, he will then consider it.

 

[jonwon]

I'm currently coaching a recovering AFC friend who is 44 years old and has only ever had one girlfriend his entire life. After about a year of trying to get him over his oneitis he is finally back in the game and dating.

He has met this Filipino girl online and they have been on about 4 dates and things are going well so far. She is from the Philippines and here going to school. Gauging from his stories I get the idea that her IL is really high and Filipino women treat their men very well.

Anyhow they are getting together this weekend and she has asked him to teach her how to drive. Now this guy has recently purchased his dream car a 2009 Dodge Challenger. This car means the WORLD to this guy.

So when they had this conversation she asked him to teach her and his response was well I can teach you how to drive standard. Which was implying he would teach her on his beater VW Jetta. There was a LONG uncomfortable pause. She finally responds and says that she wants to learn how to drive an automatic (the Challenger). Another big pause and he comes back with "I'll teach you how to drive my Jetta, my motorcycle, even my airplane but the not the Challenger." So she starts pouting and making comments about how he doesn't trust her, and she gets upset. So he tells me all this and he is really unsure how to deal with this test.

Now this guy is not a very good communicator as english is his second language. I told him to playfully tease her about putting his life in her hands etc and try to deflect her BS. Problem is there are other AFC friends of his telling him that if he doesn't let her drive his car then she won't ever sleep with him and the relationship is as good as done!

I'm doing my best to convince this guy otherwise but I can tell his trust in my methods is wavering. I'm looking for some good responses I can tell this guy to give this b!tch when she starts giving him a hard time about not letting her drive his car.

I know it is just a car and its probably no big deal but as I said he is really AFC and I think that standing up for himself here will teach him a valuable lesson about women.

Any ideas?

Thanks

Tease her?

Sh*t test?

Sounds like he is dealing with a bratty child, no shi* test here just a very immature female expecting preferential treatment.

The best reponse to this is to put his foot down, firm and hard.

 

[LovelyLady]

My first thought was for him to say:

"You're welcome.

You're welcome for me be willing to give some of my free time up to give you driving lessons.

You're welcome for me letting you learn how to drive in my VW car and saving you the cost of having to rent a car.

You're welcome for not having to pay for gasoline you will be benefiting from using while getting free driving lessons from me.

And you are welcome to call any of these driving schools (hand her a list of local driving schools) if I hear one more complaint from you about my decision regarding the Challenger."

(how poetic the car is called a "Challenger" BTW)

If she again goes into a fit about not trusting her, he may want to say "Of course I don't trust you to drive it - you don't know how to drive." It really is okay to name the truth of things. Women need to know that the Man they choose has good judgement and the strength to stand by his choices, or they can't respect him. Without respect, there can be no love.

I do think the joking advice or the silence is good advice early on, but in her head, they are waaaay into this topic, so I do not think that will be as affective now. I think his dealing with it firmly and with a quiet "man strenth tone" in his voice, and ending it with a "call someone else if what you are looking for is a doormat " statement will establish him as strong in his ability to hold the line (which is what she needs to "feel" from him to be sexually attracted to him anyway. He just needs to not cross over into the insecure jerk mode, but just be confident and solid about his decison, IMO.)


As an aside... my Guy has offered me the chance to drive his car and I declined because I was afraid I would - god forbid - accidentally damage it ... where is her concern for the care of his belongings?

 

[Slickster]

Ya like who learns how to drive in a $50000 car?

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Especially one that she is totally uninsured on?

She wrecks it and sais "Sorry, tee hee!"

 

[DJDamage]

Especially one that she is totally uninsured on?

She wrecks it and sais "Sorry, tee hee!"

yeah and I bet she won't even offer to pay for the damages.

 

[Slickster]

Well he's with her now. When I last saw him I told him to stand up for himself and refuse to let her drive the car. He seemed to agree but this guy has the AFC mindset deeply engrained in his mind. He was talking about buying her a teddy bear. Yuck!!

I don't think he has been laid in a very long time. Very disgusting to witness a grown man acting like this.

 

[Tazman]

Easy pickings, as are most men.

 

[iqqi]

Maybe she just really wants to learn how to drive auto, not stick. I can understand that.

If she really wants to learn how to drive, then they should rent a car for the weekend. It costs like $50 for the entire weekend, AND it sounds like a really fun idea.

She should understand why he isn't going to let someone who doesn't know how to drive behind his super expensive brand new car.

For everyone else saying be some super duper tough guy... that is akin to HER friends telling her to stand her ground and not budge on being a b!tch, because men love b!tches.

There had to be some compromise and understanding for a relationship to work.

 

[Warrior74]

For everyone else saying be some super duper tough guy... that is akin to HER friends telling her to stand her ground and not budge on being a b!tch, because men love b!tches.
.

You were fine until here, this is where you went off the rails. Nobody loves b1tches of either male or female sort. You'd rather him be a b1tch ass man about his own sh1t? B1tch please!

 

[iqqi]

You were fine until here, this is where you went off the rails. Nobody loves b1tches of either male or female sort. You'd rather him be a b1tch ass man about his own sh1t? B1tch please!

Funny you should say this!

Just like if you went to a website full of women and proclaimed that women love jerks, you'd get a lot of dissenting opinions much like your own crude retaliation of indignation. But what one SAYS and what one DOES is quite a departure, in many cases.

Maybe you, my friend, are a special case. But just about every b!tch has a man or three willing to lick dirt off her a$$ because he adores being treated like sh!t, whether he is self aware enough to realize this or not. This may not be YOU, specifically, as all people are indeed individuals. I for one, congratulate you on being wiser than most, if this is the case.

Further reading material:

http://www.000relationships.com/tomen/articles/do-men-prefer-*****es.php

http://honestchitchat.wordpress.com/2009/05/05/why-men-love-*****es-book-review/

 

[speed dawg]

I'd tell the b1tch no. Why is this so hard?