Help with a girl

[boynamedsue]

Hello Gentleman,
so i posted my first thread sometime last week but it got pushed away because i think my age was not showing. I would like to hear what you all think. Here is my old post.


now i have my own situation. Ive been dating a girl off and on for a long time now. we just got into contact recently. shes mentioned that shes loving the single life, meeting different people and such. we decided to see eachother last night. she cooked us dinner last night and we watched a movie. on the couch i initiated some kino which she did not deny, however she still didnt seem receptive towards it. she kept saying we shouldnt do it, and i know thats why you came over. needless to say we had sex. awesome sex. weird thing though, even though she came 3 times, she said she felt nasuea. im hoping it was from the food.

here is where i need advice/ feedback. in the past, when we had sex she wanted me to stay the night. last night was not the case. in addition to her saying we shouldnt have done it, the nausea, and the not wanting me to stay the night is this all bad?? i mean we did have sex; thats got to be a good thing right? (in terms of her liking me) unless she was just horny. is there a way i can find out how she sees me without asking directly? does she see me as fb, potential ltr, or nothing?

and please not reponses about oneitis. i am very happy being single and have been single for over 3.5 years. thanks guys

 

[boynamedsue]

So that was over a week ago. The only update I have is that this past weekend a mutual friend of ours had a birthday at a bar and I thought she was going to be there. I texted her some bull that I dont remember now. We chit chatted a bit then I asked her to come. She gave no response. During Easter I asked if she wanted to do something after family stuff. She said it might have been busy with things for work but she would get back to me later. When she did she said she couldnt make it but we should do something later in the week. Later I saw her online so I IMed her this

Me- What are you wearing?
HB- Haha...you dont even want to know. perfect timing to ask that as i am getting outta the shower
Me- *** over Im horny
HB- Of course you are..when arent you.
Me- When you talk like that
HB - well you asked. did you have a good easter?
Me- yeah, pretty low key

that was it

From what I gather she seems to show some interest but at the same time I am the one that keeps initiating contact. Is she showing a lack of interst? Should I pull back? I've been reading a lot of post about "No Contact." Is this a good time to do it? We did just have sex a week ago.

Please do not say I hve oneitis. I am, once again, happy being single.
Thanks guys, im loving this site. Looking forward to reading what you all have to say

 

[squirrels]

Please do not say I hve oneitis. I am, once again, happy being single.

That's the second time you've had to say that. Who are you trying to convince?

You're obviously not STRICKEN head-over-heels for this girl or anything, but it's obvious you care more about your "success" in getting inside this girl's head than you think you're letting on.

And if WE can see it, you better believe SHE can.

 

[boynamedsue]

thanks for the reply squirels. I posted the oneitis rthing purposely twice because I saw in other threads people were quoick to reply with "u have oneitis" and not give thought to their responses. It sounds like you are saying based on how I commented about her she could see desperation..I guess I can see her seeing that are you thinking no contact too?

 

[Kailex]

Me- What are you wearing?
HB- Haha...you dont even want to know. perfect timing to ask that as i am getting outta the shower
Me- *** over Im horny
HB- Of course you are..when arent you.
Me- When you talk like that
HB - well you asked. did you have a good easter?
Me- yeah, pretty low key

If you can't fully see the transition she made within this conversation, then you definitely are a little blinded. She took a completely sexual conversation and twisted it into asking how your Easter went. She defused all of the sexuality within it and asked you something that your mother could have asked you.

If I was talking to a girl and told her that I was horny and she pretty much responds with: How was your Easter...

I pretty much would take a hint right then and there...

I think you should look for other girls to go out with that isn't her.

 

[boynamedsue]

Iwasnt being serious when I told her to come overim horny.. And she knew that too. It was an inside joke. But I think you guys are still right. I am very confident that if I'm alone with her I can get laid. I believe she is just infatuated with the single life. Guess the timing was off.although she did cook for me and we did have sex recently

 

[Kailex]

Iwasnt being serious when I told her to come overim horny.. And she knew that too. It was an inside joke.

I call BULLSH!T on this.
You WEREN'T joking and you know it.

It's one of those things were you were "joking" but you weren't, and you know it. What if she would have said: Coming right over!!!

Would you have stopped her and said: Ohhh, it was just a joke.

NO, RIGHT?

Please, don't try to justify the conversation. I don't care whether it was an inside joke or not, you know you WERE inviting her off and baiting her to see if she bit or not. She didn't and then the conversation turned into a boring conversation about Easter... for all of... one line.

But I think you guys are still right. I am very confident that if I'm alone with her I can get laid. I believe she is just infatuated with the single life. Guess the timing was off.although she did cook for me and we did have sex recently

So? She cooked for you and you had sex with her recently.
This means nothing. Are you sure you aren't beginning to get infatuated with her? Because if you don't care at all, why are you grasping for straws in order to see whether she might still be attracted or not?

Of course you are confident that if you get her alone, that you can get laid... but the real challenge is, will she allow herself to be alone with you again?

And this is why I'm willing to believe what squirrels said to a certain extent.

You say you had sex with her a week ago... so what exactly is it that you want help with? Trying to get into her drawers again?

Is she showing a lack of interst? Should I pull back? I've been reading a lot of post about "No Contact." Is this a good time to do it? We did just have sex a week ago.

There's only one way to find out.
ASK HER OUT AGAIN.

I don't get why this is so confusing for most people. Why would you go No Contact for no specific reason? You don't even know WHY you would even be doing NC in the first place. All NC for a week would do is make her miss you a little bit... if at all, and then in a week you will be back here posting whether it's a good idea to ask her out...

Crash and burn the traditional way. Don't be so afraid to get rejected. Ask her out and you're questions will be answered.

 

[boynamedsue]

I call BULLSH!T on this.
You WEREN'T joking and you know it.

It's one of those things were you were "joking" but you weren't, and you know it. What if she would have said: Coming right over!!!

Would you have stopped her and said: Ohhh, it was just a joke.

NO, RIGHT?

I would normally agree with this logic, but the fact of the matter was it was already late and we both had somethings to do in the morning so It was really meant as a joke and I didnt think she took it serioiusly...With that said would I have wanted her to come for sex, of course, just like I would like a blow job from my next door neighbor if she was offering.

So? She cooked for you and you had sex with her recently.
This means nothing. Are you sure you aren't beginning to get infatuated with her? Because if you don't care at all, why are you grasping for straws in order to see whether she might still be attracted or not?

Infatuated...yes. I never said I was not infatuated, I said I did not have oneitis.

Of course you are confident that if you get her alone, that you can get laid... but the real challenge is, will she allow herself to be alone with you again?

Therein lies the problem my friend

You say you had sex with her a week ago... so what exactly is it that you want help with? Trying to get into her drawers again?

I would like to get into her drawers again, but this is not my primary objective. I would like to see how she feels about us. I think her interest level went down but Id like to hear what advice is out there. We have done the on and off thing for over 3.5 years. Some background is we've never been commited by both of our choices. We've done this rotation of dating for about 6 months then breakin it off for 3 months or so then getting reaquainted again and so forth. The reasons you may ask, well one time it was me wanting to not settle down, another time it was her thinking I am immature and another time was me moving to a different city etc. About a year ago when we got in touch again we both got into the talk that we would like to start dating and looking to get serious with "someone" soon because we were "of age." So my question or advice Im seeking is what can you do in this situation. I get the feeling she is somewhat interested but then shes not. Maybe a lot of hot and cold.

ASK HER OUT AGAIN.

I don't get why this is so confusing for most people. Why would you go No Contact for no specific reason? You don't even know WHY you would even be doing NC in the first place. All NC for a week would do is make her miss you a little bit... if at all, and then in a week you will be back here posting whether it's a good idea to ask her out...

I feel like I already made an attempt to ask her out this last weekend which is the reason I do not want to now. I asked if she would meet up at our mutual friends bday and got no response (granted she was already out). I also tried again on easter asking her out after her family stuff and she said she would get back to me. when she did she said she has too much work to do and we should at a later date. A girl with high interest would reply back with a date or even show up. I feel her interest has gotten down which is why I feel no contact is what I should do. If I ask her out again I DLV myself and lose the frame even more. No contact would hopefully raise the interest level and allow me to regain my frame.
what do you think?

Kailex, I hope you dont think Im arguing with you, I respect your opinion and advice and would like to hear what you think. thanks in advance.

 

[Kailex]

Kailex, I hope you dont think Im arguing with you, I respect your opinion and advice and would like to hear what you think. thanks in advance.

Trust me, we're not arguing. Sometimes we have to be blunt on these forums to help get the point across. It's all good.

I would like to get into her drawers again, but this is not my primary objective. I would like to see how she feels about us. I think her interest level went down but Id like to hear what advice is out there. We have done the on and off thing for over 3.5 years. Some background is we've never been commited by both of our choices. We've done this rotation of dating for about 6 months then breakin it off for 3 months or so then getting reaquainted again and so forth. The reasons you may ask, well one time it was me wanting to not settle down, another time it was her thinking I am immature and another time was me moving to a different city etc. About a year ago when we got in touch again we both got into the talk that we would like to start dating and looking to get serious with "someone" soon because we were "of age." So my question or advice Im seeking is what can you do in this situation. I get the feeling she is somewhat interested but then shes not. Maybe a lot of hot and cold.

I wonder if this is a case where she is already used to such hot and cold that she can't imagine this relationship any other way by this point. You seem to be sure of what you want, but by this point, she might be weary as to what you want. Women feed off of our signals. If we do the hot and cold and initiate it, they will only follow suit.

You say you want to know how she feels about you...
My advice is to not ask... my advice is to measure her actions over the next few weeks and that will clearly tell you how she feels. 3.5 years is a lot of hot and cold going on. She probably has her defenses way up by now to avoid getting hurt by the next cycle.

So you might have your work cut out for you.

I guess my question is: What exactly do you want?

I feel like I already made an attempt to ask her out this last weekend which is the reason I do not want to now. I asked if she would meet up at our mutual friends bday and got no response (granted she was already out). I also tried again on easter asking her out after her family stuff and she said she would get back to me. when she did she said she has too much work to do and we should at a later date. A girl with high interest would reply back with a date or even show up.

Here's my problem with the "high interest" bit.
You described two times were you asked her to do something on the same day... in other words: very last minute plans.

I know we tend to think of high IL as a sort of: She'll break off ANYTHING to see me. But in reality, this isn't always the case. If you guys have been playing hot and cold for a while... and you aren't always the one to reinitiate, then I suggest waiting this time. Let her come back to you and suggest a date, or cool off for a week or two and then ask her... but don't ask her to go out the same day.

You know your situation better than I do, so I don't know if the "same day dates" are something of a norm for you. Honestly, I've had this "same day" stuff pulled on me and hate it, because I really do fill up my day to keep myself busy at all times and hate not knowing if something last minute is going to come up.

I feel her interest has gotten down which is why I feel no contact is what I should do. If I ask her out again I DLV myself and lose the frame even more. No contact would hopefully raise the interest level and allow me to regain my frame.
what do you think?

NC doesn't really raise IL though. It just makes her miss you a little. If you keep doing things the way you were used to before the NC, the IL will surely drop again.

I'd say, just let things cool off for a week or so. See if she gets back to you first, but please, don't expect NC to be a magic pill that'll make her want to jump all over you after 5 days. I've seen many people try to do NC specifically for that reason and then end up getting burned.

 

[boynamedsue]

So she is definatly beoing cold right now. After that easter convo, she texts me asking if I can go to her brothers bday weds, her mom really wants her bro to have male influence so she wants me there. I show up today at the time I was told, and they are already eating. It was a very awkward moment. I sit next to my girl, and I'm like what happend? She said she didn't hear back from me so she assumed I wasn't coming... We eat our dinner for 20 min at the restaurant and then they end up going back to her moms house. It was weird bc what was the point of me being there? We were there for 20 min at the restaurant. So I say what's goin on after? She says ,"were going back to my moms" thanks for coming.". So she didn't want me to go back there. I'm confused. What was the point. I know her mom really wants more men around her bro because he doesn't have any male influence, but why not invite me back? What did it do for me to be there for 20 min?

 

[Joe Stud]

She should have made you feel welcome, instead she made you feel awkward. She also seems to have no problem being rude to you. I would distance myself from her, she will know why.

In fact-if you're in the mood to mess with her: I would find out where she is socializing, and bring a HB friend there to "accidentally" let her see you being treated like you should be treated.

 

[Kailex]

So she is definatly beoing cold right now. After that easter convo, she texts me asking if I can go to her brothers bday weds, her mom really wants her bro to have male influence so she wants me there. I show up today at the time I was told, and they are already eating. It was a very awkward moment. I sit next to my girl, and I'm like what happend? She said she didn't hear back from me so she assumed I wasn't coming... We eat our dinner for 20 min at the restaurant and then they end up going back to her moms house. It was weird bc what was the point of me being there? We were there for 20 min at the restaurant. So I say what's goin on after? She says ,"were going back to my moms" thanks for coming.". So she didn't want me to go back there. I'm confused. What was the point. I know her mom really wants more men around her bro because he doesn't have any male influence, but why not invite me back? What did it do for me to be there for 20 min?

WTF.

Are you kidding me?

Do me a favor and stop talking to this girl. This is seriously a huge sign of disrespect. At least to me it is.

First though, did you NOT confirm that you were going? Because if so, this is partially your fault. So I can't completely blame her.

And to answer your question as to why not invite you back... because although you think of her as "your girl"... she doesn't think of you as "her guy". It just seems like she wanted you there just to have a male presence, and NOT because she wanted you there.

To be honest, there's too much drama for a relationship that isn't a relationship. I think it's time to drop this girl. You took time out of your day to go to this and she can't even appreciate the fact that you at least showed up... even if you didn't confirm.

Also: Even if you didn't confirm and there was that initial awkwardness, she should have gone out of her way to try to make you feel welcome... but she didn't... why? Because she could care less.

So... you must do the same. But please, don't do what the last person said.

In fact-if you're in the mood to mess with her: I would find out where she is socializing, and bring a HB friend there to "accidentally" let her see you being treated like you should be treated.

Only very few people can get away with this and not looking THAT obvious. It's childish and seeing how this girl is "hot and cold", she'll probably figure out what you are up to. I've heard many a story where people tried to do this only to have it backfire in their face because:

#1 They realized the person they are trying to make jealous, just honestly doesn't care or at least SEEMS to not care.

#2 Their current date WILL notice what is going on because men will want to go out of their way to try to make the other person jealous.

#3 It's just stupid.



I think it's time for you to pick up OTHER plates and have fun with them. This "relationship" is a disaster. Leave it alone.

 

[Joe Stud]

I believe i said "if you're in the mood to mess with her"...
and it meant IF ,,,, got it professor?

and its done plenty of times. dont listen to the "professor" who writes looong responses, with the same message - next her"

it's fun to get back at women by playing their games back at them, and it's a night out with a HB.

theres nothing wrong with my advice, since it was based on "IF"

 

[Kailex]

I believe i said "if you're in the mood to mess with her"...
and it meant IF ,,,, got it professor?

and its done plenty of times. dont listen to the "professor" who writes looong responses, with the same message - next her"

it's fun to get back at women by playing their games back at them, and it's a night out with a HB.

theres nothing wrong with my advice, since it was based on "IF"

Excuse me? That's two messages today directed towards me.

Sorry, but your advice based on an "IF" was more of a suggestion than a supposition. And people here are VERY gullible. And don't try to reinforce your earlier statement by saying that it was based on an "IF" and then follow it up with this gem.

it's fun to get back at women by playing their games back at them, and it's a night out with a HB.

No, it's not fun. Actually, it's a waste of time.

The best revenge is living well, and that's how you GET BACK at women, NOT by playing their games. I'm sorry, but I won't stoop to that level, and quite frankly, it's sad that you would.

Now, some of us "professors" (I'll take that as a compliment) have the time to sit down on a spring Saturday while at WORK to read and respond in a detailed fashion. And I try to be as detailed as I possibly can and I've noted that people will appreciate that.

Now, if you took offense to my particular statement about playing games... well, time to grow some testes. You know that suggestion was craptacular.

 

[Joe Stud]

the "IF" was IF ... not supposition. Now why dont you just give your advice, and refrain from cut n pasting others and criticizing. And do your boss a favor: Dont spend HOURS on the clock during a spring (overtime) saturday writing 6 paragraph answers here, and get succinct. that way you wont lose your job. That is my advice to you.

Also.. I already have testes... thats why I'm telling you to stop writing a gossip column, and simply give answers and brief advice, miss dear abbey

 

[tinctrar]

This is an interesting topic - as one of my plates was doing the same thing....

On and off for about a month...but I finally had sex with her this week. She is younger and im thinking that she is trying to be a bit of a plate spinner herself (which I totally respect).

I guess its up to you. I would definatly pull back quite a bit and spin more plates as the others have said. It does seem like you want more than she does - and that will push certain women away. So if you get out there and just have fun your odds increase.

If you dont have oneitis then you have nothing to worry about. Just play it cool brother.

 

[boynamedsue]

update:
that same night i went to the brothers birthday dinner i saw her out. i played it cool doing my own thing with some friends when her and her friend came to talk to us. her and i did not talk much, i spent most of the time chattin it up with her friend. The friend seems to think her and i will give it another go but she says that is just her own opinion. that next day her mom facebooks me thanking me for coming to her brothers bday and saying she hopes i stay in touch... couple days pass and i texted her about a question. she asked how my weekend was. i answered and she doesnt respond.... why is it some woman will ask you something then when you respond they drop it? you would think there would be some sort of response like "sounds like you had fun" or anything. i plan on implementing no contact as of today. any comments

 

[Atlasoh]

I think you should get your mind off this girl and try to live your life to the fullest. But still be casual and fun if you happen to be around her, but I wouldn't go out of my way to be with her,

By the way, you texted her and she responded. You initiated the contact and she replied.

Don't do NC to draw her closer. Do it because it appears she isn't too keen in keeping in touch. Let it burn. No need to tell her how you feel because she already knows, kinda . . .