Help with a barmaid, please.

[Moneytalks]

I was out on Saturday night in a club I go to quite a bit, there was a barmaid there who kept smiling at me everytime I went up. Yeah, that's her job but she wasn't smiling at everyone. So I thought "right, gonna get her number"

Went up to get a drink "VK orange, shot of Smirnoff and your phone number please". She started laughing, got my vodka and said "omg, what was the first one, you put me off " "Orange VK" and then she said "I don't know how to give you it now, I'm working. "No bother, wait until it calms down and I'll get it later ".

So I went away. The next time I went for a drink she saw me, served me straight away and asked my name "Moneytalks", I replied. 'I'm Holly'. Result. Then she ripped her tights getting my drink and tried to blame me, so I said "well...that's unfortunate, Holly" then laughed and walked away.

Last drink I got, she gave me my change then slapped some paper in my hand. Her number. So I said "cheers, Holly. When's a good time to ring you?" 'Just give me a text ' So I did the next day when I figure she'd be awake.

The texts go as follows.

"Hey, it's Tim from last night. This is my number, obviously. How are you? x"
Then a few hours later
"Sorry, have I got the right number? Holly?"

'Hey, it is Sorry was out with my family having a meal. How are you?"

'ah, sorry. I'm alright thanks, just tired. If I remember rightly did you say I owe you some new tights? x'

"haha yeah I did try to pass the blame . Did you have a good night? x"

'Yeah, it was good cheers. Would've liked to speak to you when you weren't working, though. But can't be helped. Why would you blame me? That's ruthless x'

" Sorry, do you forgive me! I know, it's really annoying but obviously I'm at work so that's what I have to do x"

'Not yet, but I think if you let me see you out of work sometime I can be swayed to forgiveness x"

"If you have to for you to forgive me. How old are you? x"

That's when I thought I might be out of luck.

'i think it's the only way, and I'm 19 x'

"haha I'm 21, is that weird? x"

'Why would that be weird, it's only 2 years? x'

"I didn't say it is, just thought you might think it is x"

'Yeah, fair one. No, I don't think it's weird x'

Few hours later.

"Do you have any plans for this weekend? x"

'Yeah, I've been having a meal with my family. What are you upto? x'

"sorry, meant next weekend. Had a good day? I'm just in the laundrette doing my laundry. x"

'exciting lol. I don't really know I'll be working though x'

"Tell me about it. Do you fancy a film or drink or something? x"

No reply so the next day, I text her again to see if she just forgot.

"what you upto saturday afternoon?"

'Hey, sorry I had an early night lastnight. I'm working on Saturday unfortunately x"

'No bother, if you fancy doing anything after Thursday let me know x'.

And no reply to that. Have I played this right?

Personally, I think this is going nowhere at all tbh. Just wanted a second opinion. Should I go back to banging the MILF I have on the go?

 

[cordoncordon]

First of all, stop texting so much. You are not her girlfriend. The text should have been you saying who you were, asking how she was, getting a response, and then asking her out. Or...and here is a shocker....just call her.

I would say her IL is pretty low at this point, so I would wait a few days, maybe until Thursday, call her up, and ask her out. If you leave a VM and no response? Delete her #. If you see her again at the club in a couple of weeks? Say hello, ask her how she is, and go on your merry way. You will have made it clear that you would like to hang out. She knows this. Don't beg. Let her make the next move.

 

[Kailex]

Barmaids/Waitresses:

AVOID THEM.
Unless you meet them OUTSIDE of the job, don't fall for it. I feel like a song on Repeat, but it I HAVE to say it, I was a Bartender for 5+ years and I saw this happen TIME and TIME again. These women are usually normal women (In other words, not your typical AW) outside of the job that just become tip-hungry and attention-hungry while at work. You have no idea how many of my co-workers would smile, touch, flirt, and even kiss some of the patrons... all for attention and extra money.

I'm sorry, but Holly is out of reach for you.

You are just another in the long list of people that ask for her number. She was probably bored when she was texting you.

Did I read it right, because it seems like she told you TWICE: I was having a meal with my family.

Anyway, I avoid these women at all cost:

#1 - Because I saw that destruction they could lay out on AFC's in a single night. My best friend used to believe every waitress liked him until I worked as a bartender and my own co-worker SHOWED him how it works. It takes absolutely NOTHING to get any guy on his own to like him.

#2 - They'll CONSCIOUSLY deal out IOI's like it's nothing. In your case, all she had to do was smile. Maybe she found you moderately attractive, a bit more than the others, but not enough.

#3 - They separate work from their real lives. I bet that you could go every single weekend to her job and she would be nothing but nice to you but if you keep asking her out, she'll say she is busy. If you really want to date a barmaid/waitress... you have to ask for lunch.



You persisted TOO much.
You texted her a bunch of times during the week and she was obviously trying to let you off easily.

I found that the only guys that a barmaid/waitress would go for where the ones that DIDN'T follow their obvious IOI's. It was usually guys that were REALLY high status and not easy buyers that would catch their attention. But what would eventually happen was that as soon as they caught their prey, they'd want to let it go. The challenge was over.

I'd rather meet a woman outside of her workplace and find out she's a barmaid than go to a barmaid and try to ask her out of the bar.

 

[Moneytalks]

nah, I know. I'm not texting her. I'll ring her on Thursday after my hangar assessment, and if she seems disinterested I'll just delete her number. I'm going to that club this weekend for an end of course celebration so I may see her there anyway

 

[5string]

Kailex....pass the pepper spray to the OP. Pretty sure he might need it.

 

[cordoncordon]

Also, it sounds like her standard response to what she is doing, or will be doing in the future, is dinner with the family. Obviously a made up line that makes her appear wholesome and gets her out of doing anything she doesn't want to do, like going on a date with you. She said it when you asked her what she was doing, then she said it again when you asked her plans for the weekend. But she was so used to just saying it she didn't use it in the right context the 2nd time, then she corrected herself.

After seeing this...DELETE.

 

[Iceberg]

Holy hell, dude. You texted the sh*t out of this girl.

I'll never understand how guys, knowing what we know, think that's a good idea.

The only text you had to send: "Hey it's me from X night. What are you up to X day? Let's grab a drink/go bowling/ see a band."

Either you'd get the response you wanted "Yes." or you'd get an uninterested response/no response. All this corny text conversation doesn't help anyone. Girls don't think that stuff is cute. And guys have better things to do.

Come on, man. You know damn well that texting like that is a recipe for disaster. Use the text to arrange the date. Do the conversing in person.

 

[Darth]

Come on, man. You know damn well that texting like that is a recipe for disaster. Use the text to arrange the date. Do the conversing in person.

Bingo.

 

[Moneytalks]

Yeah, I just deleted her number and all the texts. What was I thinking?

 

[maqnetik]

TRICK or PIMP player, you cant do both... its mathematically impossible. if you want her to INVEST in you then dont SPEND money in her place of business. its hard for her to take you seriously otherwise, and it clouds the distinction between friend and lover. youre sending MIXED messages which is a FEMALE trait-- and a one-way ticket to the friendzone. in the future get in and get out, seek-and-destroy. you being a LOITERING satellite gives her the impression of CONFUSION and INCONSISTENCY-- in other words WEAKNESS.... and women secretly LOATHE those charactersitics in men and will punish you unmercifully for it. you waiting for the perfect moment (thats never going to happen) and allowing her to be in control is taking the pants off and handing them to her.

:woo:

 

[nismo-4]

TL;DR!

Judge nismo sees too much damn texting. You are not her girlfriend. She's stringing you on and beyond a reasonable doubt, she's feigning interest to get you to come back and pay more money. This is synonymous with tricking off.

The court orders you to start meeting barmaids OUTSIDE of bars and you'll truly see whether or not she's actually interested in you. When a barmaid is on the clock, her job is to throw out interest and false hope and feign attraction in the hopes of getting big tips and lots of attention. Most female employees do this type of stuff. Sex sells, and there are a lot of desperate men, and the constantly rising number of them doesn't help. Strippers, waitresses, barmaids, receptionists, etc., all the same. Meet them outside of the workplace.

Couple this up with Kailex's & maqnetik's painful-but-accurate advice and that makes my ruling! BTW IOI's don't mean sh*t. IOD's are more accurate. And don't think an IOI means you've won the game.

Case closed.

 

[Moneytalks]

She just sent me a text. I think it was her, anyway.

Should I just bore her off?

 

[Darth]

TL;DR!
When a barmaid is on the clock, her job is to throw out interest and false hope and feign attraction in the hopes of getting big tips and lots of attention. Most female employees do this type of stuff.

I spoke with a guy the day before last, and he works at a bar near campus. He said that men are hired on the basis of how quickly they can make drinks.

Girls are hired by how well they flirt with the customers.

They are actually HIRED on that basis. I said, "Well what if the girl doesn't want to flirt?" He said, "Then she wouldn't be working there!"

 

[PectoralisMajor]

BAD move with the texting. I'd have probably just called and left a voicemail.

'hey its money blah blah' I thought id give you a call and see whether your knocking around next week. i'm busy on the mon/tues but i'm free for a drink on wednesday. give me a quick call back when you get a spare minute.

EASY no? instead you stepped into thje AFC trap of doing what she asked, texting. oh and you did so well in the bar too, only to throw it away!

She may flirt a lot in her job but she didnt have to give out her number to you, so she WAS interested initially.

Leave it a week and then give her a quick call. You better be sharp on the phone though and keep it real short

'ihi Holy, I'm just on my way out to meet with friends, but wanted to give you a call to see if your around next week. blah blah blah.

got it? good.

 

[Moneytalks]

Had a bad day in general yesterday, so wasn't in a great mood.

She text me yesterday
Her: "hey, how're you? x"
Me: "Alright, I guess, thanks. How about you? x"

No reply. Deleted her number again. Can't. Be. Bothered.

 

[Moneytalks]

Saw her tonight. Meeting up with her this afternoon for a few hours

Told her I deleted her number by accident so she'd have to text me. She believed it, I hope.

Hopefully it won't be fruitless.