Help - Wish my gf had a hotter face

[Colossus]

A few pearls:

-If you are truly unsatisfied with her looks (regardless of what others might think of you), then this will NOT improve with time.

-Looks aren't everything. Really. Hot girls are overrated; as noted above they tend to have personality issues (narcissism, histrionic behavior, lack of manners and empathy).

-If you can look at her 7/10 times and say to yourself "that's a fine looking woman right there", then I think you're doing ok. Makeup is a HUGE factor, too. I haven't seen many women in my life who look beautiful with zero makeup. Most are downright terrifying.

-Personally I think as long as her face is average/cute, a fit and youthful body is way more important.

-Reconcile your desire for variety. In all likelihood it will never go away. Mine hasn't, and I'm happily married. But the benefits (in my case) outweigh the sacrifice of the freedom to sleep with new women. It's never "free", either. Even if you don't spend a dime, the time and opportunity cost, not to mention the emotional baggage that comes every time you get involved with a new woman (mostly on her side), isn't worth the momentary thrill of variety.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

why do you think she's so supportive? lol

So we can model a sliding scale of support which is inverse to "looks"?

 

[Oneday_]

Thanks everyone for your insightful replies!

I've been thinking about it and I believe it all stems from the fact that deep down I know she's a keeper and it's causing my natural urge to have variety to spike.

It's like knowing I should hold on to this one as long as I should since she has a lot of important qualities such as integrity, loyalty, intelligence, solid head on her shoulders. So part of me feels like I'll never be able to have "variety" and it's making most women I see appear super attractive and enticing.

I guess being aware has helped and I just need to accept my current reality. I've dated tons of women who lacked substance and it does get old and tiring and I remember at those moments I'd wish I could meet someone like my current girlfriend. Maybe it is the old saying always wanting what you can't have

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thanks everyone for your insightful replies!

I've been thinking about it and I believe it all stems from the fact that deep down I know she's a keeper and it's causing my natural urge to have variety to spike.

It's like knowing I should hold on to this one as long as I should since she has a lot of important qualities such as integrity, loyalty, intelligence, solid head on her shoulders. So part of me feels like I'll never be able to have "variety" and it's making most women I see appear super attractive and enticing.

I guess being aware has helped and I just need to accept my current reality. I've dated tons of women who lacked substance and it does get old and tiring and I remember at those moments I'd wish I could meet someone like my current girlfriend. Maybe it is the old saying always wanting what you can't have

How is the puzzy? Sorry...

Yeah when you are missing the qualities that she is giving you and most people around you are trying to get something out of you, it feels like something is being restored that was missing. I believe it might just be best to encourage her to expirment and travel further on the path of physical image and external beauty. Then her outsides can match her insides more. She can start off with her physical body, in the gym possibly with you.

Even if someone isn't the best or a good dresser, when the clothes come off and there is a stunning or near stunning body it does raise your lust level to a higher point.

You can do the same for her.

 

[Zerro]

It's natural to wonder what you could be missing out on and it's also natural to want to keep what is stable and that you are already comfortable with. I too sometimes wish that my woman was thinner and had a cuter face, but she's been loyal for over three years now, is a good cook, always tries hard in bed, and is almost never late with her half of the bills and utilities. Really I feel that I'll have better luck encouraging her to lose some weight than trying to find a replacement who the look that I prefer AND the personality qualities that I value.

 

[Oneday_]

She is cute but she lacks a sexy edge. She's very health conscious and into existential thinking which I believe encourages her outward appearance which equates to "not" sexy in my eyes.

I have mentioned to her that it'd be a turn on if she wore more dresses, skirts, tights, heels. Told her how I've always been more into women who dress like that. Not the slutty type but the classy office attire.

She has listened and is trying and it definitely helped keep my eyes on her more and makes me want to ravish her more. I mean I am a visual being as most guys so for her to put in the effort is great and I'm sure she's noticed the way it makes me react.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Questions of curiosity for OP:
You've been together a year, which can be a common time for many (non red-pill) couples to talk about marriage? (that word--lol, omg--shudder) Tell the truth--no judgement from me--has it come up or are you thinking about it? I have no drive to push for or against. I am wondering if part of the onset of what you are experiencing was triggered by thoughts about it? Suddenly feeling the pressure or immensity that if you choose to commit more than you already have, than you are pledging to give up 3.5 billion other possibilities?

Or has there been a significant change in her weight, dress, appearance since you met a year ago?

I am just wondering why the shift or the amplification of what's always there. Any ideas?

 

[Oneday_]

No talk of marriage but talks of moving in together which could be part of it pushing for more of a commitment.

It also doesn't help to be told I'm "handsome" by random women throughout my day. I guess it leaves me thinking if I'm ready to just give it up for one woman lol

 

[LiveYourDream]

No talk of marriage but talks of moving in together which could be part of it pushing for more of a commitment.

It also doesn't help to be told I'm "handsome" by random women throughout my day. I guess it leaves me thinking if I'm ready to just give it up for one woman lol

That explains a lot.

Moving into together is a huge change in a relationship. I completely get that your feelings are related to that consideration.

Absolutely hold off on moving in and even all further discussions of moving in together, until you feel much more solid. It is choice best made from a place of feeling you are gaining so much by being with her in that way vs. feeling like you are sacrificing so much you feel constricted inside. It's reasonable to completely take the issue off the table for another year so it's not hounding you constantly. Life works best when you feel free inside yourself, in my experience. Honor your own feelings and needs.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

So ...

95 PERCENT of women have hotter faces than your gf

--and--

Random women walk up to you and call you handsome quite often.

These two statements on its face appear specious. I'm not hating. I get called handsome quite often too, but I have never dated a girl who wasn't at least in the TOP 15% in the looks department. Sure, I have other blessings besides looks, but, nonetheless, your assertions--specifically a bottom 5% looker dating a handsome guy without extraordinary extenuating factors--do not add up.

 

[bongo]

You're in a difficult situation. I can relate, I'm going through something similar, and I've been with her for almost 4 years.

A friend of mine introduced us to each other at a party. Physically I found her to be okay, just a little cute maybe. She lead the communication from there, and I just went with it. Nobody will be perfect, but she has a great personality, good morals, life goals, down to earth, career, supportive, gives me my space, 'wife' material, etc. Caught her on a few 'white' little lies, but okay, nothing severe or close to
cheating.

I'm 29, introverted, loner and don't have a lot of experience with women. Never had a time in my life, where I had sex with different girls, no crazy stories here. Blames on me, never really put myself out there, self esteem issues. I do not get called handsome, but I do get an overwhelming feeling, a lot of times, when I see a hot girl. If she has yoga pants on, it's enough to drive me nuts. This has been going on, for about 3 years.

Unfortunately, I don't feel the same way about my gf, even tough she does look better and more sexy than when I first met her. We do have sex sometimes, and I can enjoy it, especially if I'm high. But I don't get that urge to initiate sex with her. I do have a lot of comfort around her. In my case, it feels like a close friendship with benefits.

I can be a real d!ck sometimes, been somewhat depressed for a while, and do not have a career. I'm 99,9% certain that some other girl would have already broken up with me, but my gf stuck through, in my most beta moments. I remind myself of that regularly, and try to suppress the urges when I see other women. Works for a few days, but never really goes away. They are fvcking everywhere. My gf knows I have doubts about being in a LTR. I will probably just focus on myself for a while. Wouldn't be surprised if she bails though.

So I can't offer you much advice, but some things to consider. Do you feel 'alive' in the relationship, or as if you're just dragging along? Were you the one initiating at the start of the relationship? Also, do you get a primal urge to initiate sex with her? Maybe you should just live life and see where it takes you? Life's about tough decisions.

 

[ubercat]

men are judged by the looks of their girlfriends. but if you're doing the proper work on yourself you couldn't care less about that. and as soon as you have kids that goes away. Society highly values the family as the basic consumption unit.

 

[glass half full]

In response to Legend's comment...
for what it's worth, I will say that I used to hear the same comments. According to my experiences, ignore them. Talk is indeed cheap. Back in my twenties (first marriage), co-worker/friends(LOL) would tell me they thought I could do better. Then when I got rid of her I was a "****". Then they treated me like crap, until I admitted one night while drinking to this one chick who was part of the "frienemy group" that I was wrong about "her". She then told my Best friend (Lol) Hey ------, he admitted it!

Of course at this time I realized my friends sucked and moved the fvck on. I was definitely in the wrong crowd. I basically wasted a few years of my life with the very wrong crowd.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

In response to Legend's comment...
for what it's worth, I will say that I used to hear the same comments. According to my experiences, ignore them. Talk is indeed cheap. Back in my twenties (first marriage), co-worker/friends(LOL) would tell me they thought I could do better. Then when I got rid of her I was a "****". Then they treated me like crap, until I admitted one night while drinking to this one chick who was part of the "frienemy group" that I was wrong about "her". She then told my Best friend (Lol) Hey ------, he admitted it!

Of course at this time I realized my friends sucked and moved the fvck on. I was definitely in the wrong crowd. I basically wasted a few years of my life with the very wrong crowd.

That's tripped out that they admitted you where wrong, and they where casting those monkey wrenches in for you to fail the whole time. Playing your life like a video game!

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

Put some VR googles with VR porn when you **** her, problem solved.

 

[evan12]

OP: that happens with me with almost every girl I have it , and to be honest some of them who I left I couldn't get better than them especially the ones when I was in early twenties , remember you are getting older which mean things is getting harder not easier.
If she really make a good partner then beauty can be faked and yes you can find her sexy on fake beauty

 

[glass half full]

That's tripped out that they admitted you where wrong, and they where casting those monkey wrenches in for you to fail the whole time. Playing your life like a video game!

Life has a way of working things around...they all went their own ways. Two have tried to get back hanging with me. I just say "maybe I'll make it over one day"...of course I won't, lol. Last thing on my mind. Yesterday's rain.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Someone who is responsible, trustworthy, a good communicator and has your back? These are not qualities easy to find.

I suspect you are a little bored, want a little variety..............like most humans.

You know, when life kicks you in the nuts...... which it will, like a job loss, death in the family.....etc....and she is at your side, helping you through it.....

Those qualities will seem VERY attractive indeed.

Yes those are very attractive qualities and hard to find once you lose them. You will realize how many people are only out for self. You shouldn't have to lose her to figure this out. you are on SoSuave.com for crying out loud.

How is her puzzy? If that's good and she does what she can to learn and to accomidate you, I think you need to count your blessings and pray to god in thanks.

 

[Oneday_]

You guys are right and she is very supportive in every aspect, even was at my side when I left a job to find a better and didn't mind the period I was unemployed. Where as for example my ex valued status and money way too much to have been by my side in this same example (as well as others I've dated in the past)

Here's the newest dilemma, this girl I used to talk to resurfaced out of the blue and (to me) she's more my type face/body wise than my current gf.

She also "seems" to have similar personality traits that my gf does (good communicator, good morals, etc) so now it's conflicting with my already rational about my gf and my motivation for this thread.

Now I know I'm most likely making this other girl appear "better" as I've never dated her or been with her as long as my gf to even say she's better/the same in the personality department, but the fact that her appearance is more my cup of tea it's making me ponder the possibility of a relationship with her.

Advice on this please?

 

[Tamura]

Dump you current girl, please before making any move.

You will never get rid of your doubts, so its time to move on. Time will show if you were right.