Help, Why Do I still think about her?

[Dave111]

I broke up with my first girlfriend about 8 months ago. She was my first love, and we had been good friends for years before we embarked on the relationship.

It didn't end to well between us as certain issues with trust and communication were compromised. I have cut off all contact with her since we broke up and haven't spoken to her properley for about 7 months. I have met her about the place, like in the pub, but I have kept it to small talk.

The problem is that I feel that I'm taking ages to get over this. I am over her, but for some reason I cant stop thinking about her and what she's up to. I have so far managed to resist contacting her which is good.

I think the upsetting thing, was that she left me because she decided she had feelings for one of my best mates. They haven't hooked up as far as I know, but I find it very difficult because he hangs about with her all the time.

 

[RazzleDazzle]

Well, if you care about her still you could try and get her back. If you don't want her but are wondering why you still think about her all the time. Because she was your FIRST LOVE. You never forget her.

When you find yourself thinking about what is she doing, think what are you doing? Why are you thinking about a chick you don' talk to anymore or date anymore, when you could be doing something or thinking about yourself?

Maybe you still have something you need to get off your chest with her. You haven't told us anything about it but it sounds like that's the case. Don't cause any drama though. Just walk away would be the best answer. Even though it seems impossible and most of the time not fair do it anyways. The only thing thinking about her does is keep you in the past.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

You still keep thinking about her because that is the way of the world. That's what happens when it comes to matters of the heart. Some of these things don't make sense at all. Life's not fair, but its because of that that there is opportunity for you to hone your skills and be better because of it. Don't chase her anymore, these things cannot be dealt logically. Work on yourself.

You have no control over your current feelings, but you do over yoru thinking. The key is not what happened or what will happen in the future between you both. The key will be WHAT YOU WILL LEARN, and HOW MUCH THIS WILL HELP YOU in the future. This is an opportunity for growth. It is during times like these that you will break the most ground. You might not notice it in the near future, but when you look back one day, it will all come together. You will realize that you are the person you are because of the steps that seemed you were force to take at the time, but now you will appreciate it. It is up to you. You're on your own, and its scary to think of the unknown. This is when you re-frame it and realize that this is a great opportunity for you to change your path and "invest" in your future.

Wish you the best.

 

[Starman]

I think about a certain someone too once in a while..I miss her..she was fun, and always made me laugh...and I feel really bad about being cruel to her by cutting off all contact..she was really a troubled girl and I felt like her knight in shining armor..I felt like saving her and I still do..

but she was flaky, unappreciative, and took our friendship for granted..SO I went from giving her everything..to giving her nothing.

Kinda like when a dog poops on your carpet..and you send it to the pound for good.

 

[Dave111]

yup, I get all your points made there. I'm not interested in getting back with her in any capacity,whether it be girlfriend or just friend. I feel that she broke our trust, wasn't honest and didn't communicate with me, for reasons which I wont go into because it is in the past now, but I felt that even though I had strong feelings for this girl, she was putting me in a position where I was being asked to compromise my standards. She wanted to remain friends with me after breaking up with me, but she had gone behind my back with this other mate of mine on a pretty serious matter where the two of them kept it a secret (this is the guy she fancied), where as a result I no longer trusted either her and my mate.

I'm just finding it tough because you do remember all the good times you had together before it ended so badly and sometimes you think should I just bury the hatchett and try and get in touch with her, but then you realise that you would be damaging your pride and sacraficing your standards just to be friends with someone whom is honest, not trust-worthy and doesn't communicate and you realise that if she doesn't posess these qualities then your wasting your time being around them.

man, I'm sounding philosophical now pah!

 

[stuartSan]

I've been through the exact same thing recently, Dave.. and the only piece of advice I can give you now is:

If you still have the time to think about her enough to miss her, you're not managing your time enough.

I'm sure there are lotsa things you want to improve on, so get working on it. I realise the only time I start missing my ex is when I have nothing to do at hand.

Acomplishing goals and having a good daily routine helps a lot in trying to stop thinking about something else. Helps you feel better about yourself too.

 

[Dave111]

woops

When I said she was honest, I meant she's not honest!

 

[Starman]

Do you guys think, if you are over a certain girl..and just miss her personality, friendship, etc..it would be worthwhile to contact her again?

or is this self defeating bordering on humiliation and no backbone?

 

[Dave111]

Hmm

I dunno, it depends on the situation of the break up. If it was mutual and they were honest, then I dont see why not in the course of time, but if they weren't honest in the break up, then thats a definate no!

It's due to her conduct that I dont have anything to do to her anymore. The reason I'm probably thinking about her, is because I'm sitting here in the house doing nothing, waiting to start my night shift at 11pm.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Starman
Do you guys think, if you are over a certain girl..and just miss her personality, friendship, etc..it would be worthwhile to contact her again?

or is this self defeating bordering on humiliation and no backbone?

As a friend, I don't see anything wrong with it. As a lover...I don't know, but if you do I'd keep my options open.

 

[Jay26]

You gotta move on! Just forget about her (hard but what choice do you have, takes the same amount of effort to be miserable as it does to be happy, so make a choice).

You're problem is it sounds like you got nothing new to fill your life with and you're thinking of her as a result.

The problem there isn't the relationship, it's that your life is empty!

You need things to do, a new girl etc etc, soon as you get any of those you'll forget about this girl and be on your way, cos her value is only that which you put on her, and if you're sitting around in a quiet room what else are you going to do but think of how much fun it was banging her.

There are millions like her, nicer ones who won't get with your best friend either, and besides don't make some girl the center of your existence either, especially one who doesn't deserve to be like this one.