help w/ flakiness

[district_line]

OK, so, I've totally been improving as a person and am ten times more confident in my self and am having a great time meeting new people, hook ups, and just having more friends. I go to bars, meet lots of people, open women up all the time, get numbers, yadda yadda yadda. None I've really been interested in.

Anyways, i met a girl at a party last weekend, really hit it off and exchanged numbers. Couple of days later I gave her a call to get drinks Thursday. I call her thursday to confirm plans since she said she might be out of town, she doesn't pick up. She then texts me that night saying she's getting sick and wants to do a rain check. I kind of feel like my shot with her is over.

I can't f*ing tell if she's really sick or just isn't feeling it. Its weird because we were great at the party and she sounded excited to hear from me when I called.

 

[L Duke]

OK, so, I've totally been improving as a person and am ten times more confident in my self and am having a great time meeting new people, hook ups, and just having more friends. I go to bars, meet lots of people, open women up all the time, get numbers, yadda yadda yadda. None I've really been interested in.

Anyways, i met a girl at a party last weekend, really hit it off and exchanged numbers. Couple of days later I gave her a call to get drinks Thursday. I call her thursday to confirm plans since she said she might be out of town, she doesn't pick up. She then texts me that night saying she's getting sick and wants to do a rain check. I kind of feel like my shot with her is over.

I can't f*ing tell if she's really sick or just isn't feeling it. Its weird because we were great at the party and she sounded excited to hear from me when I called.

Flakin is the result of excess attraction mixed witha lack of social value

up your social proof and u might have been subcommunicating neediness..

she sounds like ur oneitus .. NeXt her

sarge on..

 

[Mr. Me]

You should do a search on "flaking" or 'flake" because this is written about ALL the time. Search my posts, I've just written on someone's thread tonight detailing handling flakes: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=141004

Just to touch upon your sitch briefly:

Women flake because they have low to no interest, despite appearing to have had interest.

When you called her for the date and she told you she may be out of town and to call to confirm, that was the sign she was going to flake. She wasn't going to take your call and speak to you. So she texts you instead, and mentions wanting a rain check. But that's just her letting you down gently.

Throw her number away.

When a girl says "confirm first" = flake is coming. YOU say "Tell you what. Let's make it for another time when it's better for you. Bye!" Then throw her number away.

They can't tell you to your face they're not interested, so they text, they leave VM, they don't answer their phones.

Yours felt guilty about flaking so she texted you with a BS excuse and makes it sound like she's still interested. But she's not.

"Rain check" means squat. You'll call back next week and it still won't go. IF she was really interested but feeling ill, she'd say "I'm getting sick... but look... I should be okay tomorrow. Is tomorrow good for you?"

There's a post someone put up a day or so ago about a girl that was sick as a dog, but she kept her date with him: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=140875&highlight=sick

 

[Jitterbug]

I can't believe guys keep buying the "call me to confirm" BS from chicks. Confirm what? Nobody who wants to be there would say that.

 

[ready123]

it's funny how everyone has different definitions of what causes flaking

district line, are you making any kind of genuine connection with the girl you're trying to game? because you can't assume the emotions you built at the party or club is gonna be there 2 days later. you need something else

 

[JackPrescott]

OK, so, I've totally been improving as a person and am ten times more confident in my self and am having a great time meeting new people, hook ups, and just having more friends. I go to bars, meet lots of people, open women up all the time, get numbers, yadda yadda yadda. None I've really been interested in.

Anyways, i met a girl at a party last weekend, really hit it off and exchanged numbers. Couple of days later I gave her a call to get drinks Thursday. I call her thursday to confirm plans since she said she might be out of town, she doesn't pick up. She then texts me that night saying she's getting sick and wants to do a rain check. I kind of feel like my shot with her is over.

I can't f*ing tell if she's really sick or just isn't feeling it. Its weird because we were great at the party and she sounded excited to hear from me when I called.

Real simple. Put the ball in HER court, tell her you'd love to have some drinks with her, and to call you when she has some time.

A. She has no interest in you and doesnt have the balls to tell you, and you wont hear from her flake ass again.

B. You will get a phone call real soon. And an invitation.

 

[DonGorgon]

YOU PASS THE FIRST FLAKE TSET BY ACTING COOL ABOUT IT , HER LAME EXCUSE THAT IS , SAY YOU ARE SORRY AND MAYBE YOU TWO CAN HOOK UP ANOTHER TIME .. LET HER SUGGEST THAT TIME... if she is really into you she will make up for the flake if not she will not call you.

 

[district_line]

yeah, I guess my gut was saying she was just not interested. I think im at a point where I can get numbers no problem, but afterwards i've not that much experience so I just resort to AFC behaviors.

district line, are you making any kind of genuine connection with the girl you're trying to game? because you can't assume the emotions you built at the party or club is gonna be there 2 days later. you need something else

I was hittin' her up with loads of kino and she was totally reciprocating and rubbing me, stealing food from out of my hands and eating with a sneaky look on her face. And I did my best to move around to everyone else in the party, everyone knew me there so I had tons of social proof.

Anyways I responded to her text with "sorry to hear that. get better and call me when your up for drinnks" whatever. I'm over it. Thanks for setting sh*t straight for me.

 

[NoMoreTapDancing]

She's not really sick. She's blown you off. You ran into a freak. Freaks don't do "Day Two's" or meetingup for coffee. She wanted you to take her home that night. Also never call to confrim. That's a total AFC move. You tell her when you meet her, "We're gonna go here, here and here, on such and such time. Are you coming or not?" Then if she says yes, don't ever call to confirm, make sure she shows her ass up.

 

[JackPrescott]

She's not really sick. She's blown you off. You ran into a freak. Freaks don't do "Day Two's" or meetingup for coffee. She wanted you to take her home that night. Also never call to confrim. That's a total AFC move. You tell her when you meet her, "We're gonna go here, here and here, on such and such time. Are you coming or not?" Then if she says yes, don't ever call to confirm, make sure she shows her ass up.

Disagreed. Flakes like this one wont fukk you unless you have a criminal record or have hit the lotto.

 

[Sincere]

haha...my thing about flaking is I don't take it honestly...When I first even suggest hangin out and they sound a little fishy, I say "man if you don't wanna hang then just let me know cuz i'm not with that flaking stuff, I can make some other plans..."

and l've been flaked on hours before a schedule date...I just stay calm and prepare to do somethin else...with me they ask if i'm mad and i'm like nah its cool do you, and when they ask if we could reschedule, i say in a calm serious manner "yea thats cool, but don't ever flake on me again forreal"...they usually end up comin through on the original date because they know you ain't about games

 

[Mr. Me]

really hit it off and exchanged numbers

Let's back up a bit.

So, when you exchanged numbers, how did that go down? Did you ask for her number but then she said "Give me yours"? Or she said "Here's my card?"

It happened to me last night. Eye contact, she flashed a HUGE smile. Great! I walk up to her and we start chatting, within a few minutes I have her following me so I could show her something there. She's touching me, looking into my eyes, I'm C&F and she's laughing, I'm smiling, she's smiling back, she starts asking personal questions...

I build this for about maybe ten minutes (maybe a bit longer I don't know) and I ask her what her phone number is. "What's your number?" she asks in return.

Me: "Guys still fall for that line?"

Her: [Her eyes blinked. She was taken aback] "No, I'll call you!"

Me: [Humorously] "That's MY job! I'm the MAN! I'm supposed to call you! I know you're new in town but that's the way we do it here. So what's your number?"

Her: "I'll give you my card" [starts fishing for her card]

Me: "Great! I'll call you at work and we can discuss Product Development!" (She works in Product Development) "That sounds like FUN!... Give me your home number, not your work number."

Her: [still fishing for her card] "I have a card here somewhere..."

Me: "You know what? Forget it. I don't want your number..."

Her: "I'll give you my number. You have a pen?"

Me: [I take out my cell phone] "Okay. What's your number, I'll call you right now."

Her: "Oh now I can't give you a fake number! Okay, it's XXX-XXXX"

Me: [I punch in her number and ring her phone]. "Okay, now you have my number too."

Then she starts with a hard interview, asking my age. I think when women start asking specifics, it's not always that they're interested, but that they're looking to blow you off with your answer. So I never give a direct answer.

Anyway, then some dude interrupts us to hit on her! and she starts talking to him while looking at me, checking my reaction, and I talk to him in a friendly way to disarm him some, which worked as he begged off, and she then walks off back to her friends without saying bye.

All not good!

Well, I think I got caught up in the moment trying to get her number. I think it was just like a game of chess for me to play and see if I could out move her.

I think it's obvious that she didn't want to give it to me, even though we ended up exchanging numbers. I think if I call her, especially now that she has my number, that she won't answer or call back either.

Thinking back on it, I KNOW that had she produced her business card and handed it to me, I would've handed it right back and said goodbye.

So I bring up this field report as an example of why "exchanging numbers" doesn't mean she's interested. And if she's not interested at that point, if you're NOT getting her number in a meaningful way that SHOWS they're interested, EVEN when they appear interested right up to that point, then chances are, she's going to flake or not even ever take your call.

 

[ready123]

I was hittin' her up with loads of kino and she was totally reciprocating and rubbing me, stealing food from out of my hands and eating with a sneaky look on her face. And I did my best to move around to everyone else in the party, everyone knew me there so I had tons of social proof.

that's not connection though. that's real good attraction game, but you need something genuine to keep her from flaking if you wanna get at her days later

 

[district_line]

that's not connection though. that's real good attraction game, but you need something genuine to keep her from flaking if you wanna get at her days later

yeah ya know, I thought we had a connection. I do this with lots of women at parties and think nothing major of it, but with this one we had a lot in common, liked the same things. At one point I was feeding her little party hor dourves(Can't believe how much this actually turned me on) and she was sneakily snatching food from my hands and eating them with a huge smile. This is why I was so confused.

So, when you exchanged numbers, how did that go down? Did you ask for her number but then she said "Give me yours"? Or she said "Here's my card?"

The number exchange went great, she seemed eager to give me her number. I gave her my phone, said something along the lines of "i think you're KIND OF cool, and I MIGHT be able to fit you in for some drinks next week, so give me your number..." she gave it to me then, with a big smile, she says "Call me RIGHT NOW so I can have your number." That was that.

 

[Mr. Me]

This is why I was so confused.

One of the crazy things about women is that they can seem really into you one night and then the next day, they aren't. Turns out they could've been just eating up the attention; just having fun; getting a massive ego stroke, etc., while the guy's thinking, "I don't get it! She had eye contact with me, touched me, laughed at my jokes, hung with me, kissed me..."

she says "Call me RIGHT NOW so I can have your number." That was that.

Here's my guess. It's the only thing that makes sense to me and fits all the pieces of this puzzle. Read it with an open mind.

She knows at the party that she's not really interested in pursuing this. She's just out that night having a guy to play with (you).

So she went ahead and gave you her number, but we know women will give their number to guys even when they're not really interested. Again, it's an ego stroke, a power thing, whatever.

The give away is that she asked you to call her right then and there so that she'd have your number.

That sticks out because you inferred that you'd be calling her to set something up. She wasn't going to be calling you, so... why would she need your number? Answer: to know it's you when you call.

I'll bet she was planning on storing your name so that when you called, she'd see it's you and that way, she could avoid your call.

But it appears she neglected to do that. So when you called, you took her by surprise. She answered the call.

Yes of course she sounded excited to hear from you! She's quite the actress, as we saw from her performance at the party!

But she tells you, when you called, that she may be away on work and unable to keep the date you were setting up... IOW, setting you up for her flake, as she already knew she wanted to not see you by the time you called.

(And we know what happened next. The day of, she texts (to avoid speaking with you) and says she's getting sick. Wow, from possibly being away at work to being sick, she's got lots of excuses, huh? Actress...)

I bet if you tried calling her now, she'll never answer the phone.

Women only want a guy's number so they can call to cancel.

Anyways I responded to her text with "sorry to hear that. get better and call me when your up for drinnks"

It would've been a riot to hear how she'd respond if instead you had called her saying, "Sorry to hear you're getting sick. Hey, tell you what! I'll make a run and pick up some chicken soup and tissues for ya! I'll bring them right over!"