Help this is messing with my head

[darksprezzatura]

Hey guys,

A few weeks ago I met a 22 year old girl called Eva at a bar. We danced and made out for an hour or so. She was really interested and was giving me lots of compliments about my looks, dancing etc. I was pretty overwhelmed by all the compliments. I told her to come back to my place but she said she was uncomfortable doing that so soon, and she gave me her number instead.

We go on our first date a couple days later. She's all over me and making out with me, giving me compliments. Tells me she wants to see me again. I plan I second date a few days later.

On our second date we are making out again, shes touching me, and things going well as usual. I tell her to come back to my place, but she again says she feels uncomfortable doing it, she seemed pretty anxious about it. I told her its ok and she doesnt need to accept my invitation. She assured me that she was into me, and would be interested in coming back to mine on our next date.

Here's where it goes downhill. I text her 2 days later about meeting up for our 3rd date on a friday. But she says she will get back to me because she might be busy. I told her to let me know. I wait for 3 whole days till she texts me on the Friday that she wants to spend time with me after all. I tell her that I have now made other plans, and would prefer to see her later on next week. She agrees and we arrange to see eachother the following Wednesday.

When I met up with her Wednesday she's not affectionate or touchy at all. It's was almost like she wasn't that into me anymore. I was my usuall self, confident, charming, and not afraid to escalate. She hardly even made out with me. It was pretty bizarre. Could it be that she is afraid of intimacy? And when I told her to come back to my place on the second date did it scare her off?

I try to text her a day later to make another date, but she then dumps me telling me she would rather be friends. I tell her that I am not interested in being friends, and wish her all the best. Im planning on going no contact.

Things about her that may be red flags:

Told me early on of her divorced parents since a kid.
Occasionally expressed hatred for her dad.
Militant feminist, loves talking about how men fck women over.
Out partying every week.


What is your take on this guys? Did I do anything wrong or is it her?

be desireless my friend
if your desire for her is more than her desire for you, the boat has already sunk, **** test women like these when they act in a negative way to get them off the pedestal

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

You’ll never know the “why”. So quit twisting up your noodle about it.

The fact that you are giving it this much emotional bandwidth tells me you were INTO her, and that was reflected in your vibe. You gotta switch it up. Give attention, withdraw attention & see if she indicates interest. You did too many dates too quickly. When you slow down yourself and don’t give her ALL your interest it allows her to wonder about you and start to miss you.

You went to much too fast. She knew you were INTO her. She felt she had you.

That’s my read on it.

Here’s how you re-engage. You do nothing. Eventually you’ll see her out. When you do you be cool. Unaffected. If she shows interest she’ll make an effort. If she wants to make out? Fine. But then bug out of there. Tell her you have someone to meet. Then leave.

This raises her curiosity about you. Then you do same again or wait to see if she texts you.

In this way you find out if she has any actual sexual interest in you without effort on your part. If she does she will make it easy for you. Call her a tease & turn her away playfully but then actually leave.

She will show you if she wants more than attention.

Let her.

And otherwise? Don’t give it another thought. You have better things to do.

 

[GoodOne123]

A romantic interaction/ relationship is two people feeding it equal energy. It can’t be one sided. As soon as it becomes one sided, the chemistry breaks and it’s no longer romantic. It becomes something else entirely. More like a supplication relationship.

As soon as you felt that she was no longer giving energy into the romance, you should have pulled back. And this could be felt on a gut level. Failure to do so = pursuing. At that point its only a matter of time until you completely repel her.

It’s not as simplistic as always escalate. She has to do her part too. She has to give you affection. Escalation is framed as a reward for her efforts. Her effort = your reward.

If you keep escalating and rewarding women while they are giving you nothing, then you are communicating to her that you have no standards and expectations on how women should act around you.

No effort from her part = no effort on your part. What most guys do is they try harder. This is coming from a place of lack of self respect/desperation.

Get used to disqualifying women for not meeting your standards, instead of chasing and waiting until you get friend zoned.

Remember guys, romance = two people giving energy into the Romantic bubble, not you doing all the damn work and her looking mildly entertained.

If you don’t put a price on your time and attention, then you become comepletely valueless.

Most stories I read on sosuave, it always reaches the point of no return. It should never ever reach that point in the first place. At the first signs of her pulling back = you pulling back. And now the ball is in her court. If she doesn’t make any more efforts then it’s the end. No exceptions.

You don’t have to lose all pride and dignity/ self respect and chase til the end to find out if you’ll get friend zoned or not. You already know what’s going to happen. Don’t give her that opportunity. Toss her aside as soon as she stops giving you affection. Respect yourself enough to do that.

If you don’t respect you, then no one will.

Yea, I should have cut her off after the 3rd date. If I'm honest, I kept pushing after that just to see it through. Should have just left it.

 

[Barrister]

My first thought was actually an STD. I have had that occur before when I tried to escalate and the woman almost inexplicably stopped right in the middle of things and didn't want to go further. Happened twice on two separate occassions before she admitted to me what she had.

The militant feminism though is a major red flag. With that in the mix who knows what the explanation is for her behavior. There may be none. I actually think you played this pretty well until the very end, which you have already acknowledged. Sometimes it's not on you. Just move on.

 

[MrWood]

I find that having a plausible pretext helps girls... they dont want to be thought of as easy, but if something happens ok.

#1 *the dont
him: lets go to my place
her: im really uncomfortable about that
in her head: (oh no, he expects sex)

#2 *the do
him: we can eat out or make dinner together after a walk near my place, what do you say?
her: I cant cook
him: you can cut the veggies
her: sounds fun!
in her head: (oh wow, sex might happen)

hint: dont push her through the door... lead her to it

 

[synecdoche]

Good advice here already. The big take away is somewhere down the road she just lost interest. It could be your fault, it could have been her mood, she might have ran into an ex, maybe she was making out with another guy at the bar friday for an hour and started seeing him.

We don't have a lot on info on what you did on the dates, maybe they were boring. Why not invite her at your place for the third date? Give her plausible deniability. You asking her several times to come back to your place made you seem very thirsty.

Anyway a girl who will make out with you for an hour at a bar is no dating material, one night stand at most. These girls have the attention span of a fish, she is probably seeing another dude already.

Forget her.