Help Please.

[pete101]

I need some advice about what to do next with this gym chick i met about a month ago.

I chatted to her for a long while about a month ago then saw her the next day and i was being quite distant and just said hi.

i assumed she left after that and would not come back but i saw her today for the first time since and i was somewhat too excited. The convo that followed went really lots of kino flirting etc.. prob is cos i hadn't seen her in such a long while i was really focused on getting her number in case she wouldn't be coming again.

this led to my main mistake of sticking around too long talking to her not leaving at the right time. All was good for a long time during the convo but then i overstayed my welcome towards the end which i think has ruined my chances now.

it got to the stage where she jokingly is hinting at me to leave her so she can finish training.. i was too slow to take her subtle hints before so by this stage it looks pretty bad.

about mid way through the convo i told her to let me know when she was coming.. i really should have phrased it in that i should let her know when im coming instead.

long story short i didn't get her number then, and about 30mins later when i tried again as i said my eventual goodbyes she was a bit colder towards me. i know i must have come across as such a afc at the end but everything was going so well up until then.. lots of touching from both of us but i just stuck around way too long when the time was right to leave.

what's my next move?

i know i could just next her and move on, its just its going to be awkward when i see her next. if i just say hi and kiss her on the cheek but dont chat everytime i see her from now on, what is she going to be thinking? she already knows i was acting like a lapdog towards the end of our convo.. if i do the exact opposite and dont chat at all she'll def know something is up. is that the best solution?

sorry this was a bit long, i'd appreciate any constructive criticism and advice. thanks.

 

[pete101]

any advice would be helpful

 

[ObieJuan]

At this point chalk it up to a loss. It was a good learning experience but you need MORE like this. Keep talking to girls. If you run into this one at the gym on a regular basis just talk to her casually. Talk to more girls so that when you find the one you really like you won't blow it!

 

[flexion_]

Until you get her phone number not much is going to happen right?

What advice do you want - get her phone number... LOL

You know what you did wrong - thats good. Now next time you see her correct your mistakes... be brief and get the phone number. If she says "no" then you move on.

 

[pete101]

thanks good advice.

i think the prob is i have natural tendency to overstay my welcome when i should really act more busy and move on rather than panicing figuring out how i can get her digits.

from my understanding the next time i see her shes going to assume im going to come up to her and be disturbing her workout.. which i wont do obviously but if i do the complete opposite of what i did today ie be completely distant and just say hi the next few times, what is likely to go through her mind?

i guess its more important to leave a potentially bad situation of overstaying your welcome then trying to force a number close..

 

[Roly]

More options please...

If you were gaming many more options, you wouldnt be having this problem in the first place.

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

Dude, your problem is you come off as being insincere. no i didn't say insecure, i said insincere. Jesus, either you flirt with her like crazy or you can admit you are gay, one or the other, you can't be in the middle

 

[pete101]

that is true. i do have other options there, but they're more in the initial stages cos the gym is quite a high risk place of embarassment esp if you see the girls often.

for instance another girl i knew came over to the vicinity of where i was chatting to this one to see what was up with us two. i didn't really know what to do and cos i saw her out of corner of my eye and didn't make eye contact i didn't feel the need to say hi at any point.

the one thing i learnt today is that if you chat to just one for a longer than average duration its almost a faux pas to continue with other girls in there thereafter. i reckon there were about another 5-6 girls who i kinda know or could have approached very easily today if i had not spent time talking to this one.

i just felt that this one would think im a bit of a sleaze if im going up to other girls to talk after her, not necessarily ones i already knew.

 

[pete101]

i did flirt with her like crazy but i dont know what the IOIs are so i didn't read into anything. at one stage it seemed like she was about to give the numb to me then said that she wasn't going to tell me when she was next coming.

(i tried to be coy in getting her digits by getting her to tell me when she was coming next)

it obviously backfired. how do you mean i was insincere by the way?

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

dude, fvck everything you've heard about not wanting to talk to her.
do you want to talk to her? yes so don't be a wuss.
do you want to keep flirting with her? why not? are you a wuss?
do you want to sleep with her? then tell her, maybe she'll say yes you doofus

 

[pete101]

well i was acting like her lapdog at the end of the convo.. so i really dont think chatting to her more than for a brief few secs is going to really endear myself to her in future.

im coming on too strong and i know it. the solution to me is: do the exact opposite for a while.

but is that necessarily going to work? i dont know what shes going to be thinking next time, but i sure dont know how to play this situation now after today.

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

I can't tell you to completely do a 180 degree turn and do something completely different, the girl will understand that you are faking everything.

But if I were you, the next time I see her, I would say "the old me got kicked out of this body, this is the new, sexy, me, and I'm ready to have some fun" and then flirt with her, do something inspiring, and then tell me, if I hear more things like "well I kind of looked really lame in front of her" I'm going to flush my computer down the toilet.

 

[ObieJuan]

In my opinion don't worry about getting numbers- you know you're having trouble coming on too strong just talking to them; work on one thing at a time. Don't put too much thought on what to say. Talk about anything light and positive- like the weather, kinds of food she likes, her interests, movies, her attire/jewelry, small nuances about her that no one else might notice...basically if you look around the environment you're in you can come up with conversational ideas- in a gym setting I'd ask how her progress is coming and comment about how great it feels to sweat and get your blood pumping, blah blah blah.

With a little practice you can really get women going- just let them talk and focuse on their eyes- when they look away you should look away but continue to face them so when she looks back you can meet her eyes. Smile and nod, try to relate but keep it brief- then go back to letting her yap some more, lol. Of course if she's not interested or gives short answers to open-ended questions much you may be wasting your time. Politely excuse yourself and go about your business.

Try to avoid overanalyze things- that's a problem for a lot of guys, myself included. It's exciting talking to her, isn't it? Don't think about how good she'd look laying naked in your bed- treat her as an equal and relate on an emotional level instead of a logical level. It's good to use that part of your brain more.

 

[Trapper]

pete,

just be casual.. stay cool..let the girl come to you..do not get melt infront of the girls..hereafter, once you see her, just smile and say hi.. give her a space and time..dont get clingy and walk around her..

you are the man dude..

 

[Method Boy]

Make brief chat with her then say "Hey, I need to get going. I'd like to talk to you again, why don't you give me your number?"

 

[pete101]

thanks for the advice guys. all very helpful.

dilemma i have is that cos i chatted for so long (like nearly 2 hours) it will seem insincere if i switch off completely. prob is she ususally trains with some other dude who's just her friend, so makes it difficult for me to talk to her when she's with him.

getting her on her own is a rare thing (maybe why i tried to seize the moment yesterday and make the most of it)

admittedly i made fundamental mistakes of not being brief and cos it dragged on so long she was annoyed with me when we said goodbye.

im really stumped as to what to do now, bearing in mind next time she'll be with another guy training majority of the time and if she is alone or in the vicinity of where im training, i wouldn't want to go up to her and start talking again cos she'll immediately assume im going to disturb her after yesterdays fisaco.

how does one play it if there is someone else with her at the time?

im just going to play it cool from now on. say hi if i pass by even if shes with her male friend, but no chit chat. i assume eventually if i do this enough she'll wonder why im not chatting anymore and will come up to me to talk.

rapport was definetely built up yesterday, i just stayed around too long and potentially ruined all my good work with the fear i might not see her again so needed to force the issue of getting the digits.. which in retrospect i shouldn't have.

 

[ObieJuan]

If you want to talk to her, then do it- don't analyze every little damn thing, especially what she MIGHT think. It is irrelevant what she thinks; this is about YOU. You know the term strike while the iron is hot? That iron was hot yesterday. How are you going to chat with her for a couple hours and not number close her? Do you want to beat around the bush even more? Until you stop overanalyzing you're gonna have problems because you build up all these preconceptions about the girl before you even talk to her and that's going to ruin your chances. Go up to said girl, say "hey, I had a nice time talking to you. Give me your number and we'll go [insert activity]. xx day good for you? No? Give me a day. That won't work? Well then, let me know when you're free". If she can't give you a date then she's probably not interested enough in you for a date so just be her friend or something, lol.

 

[pete101]

tried to number close twice but she wouldn't give it up allbeit i phrased it more in a her telling me to let me know when shes next in..

i guess shes not interested then despite all the kino flirting etc.

 

[ObieJuan]

That's ok- remember that not every girl is going to like you, therefore the technique you want to work on is establishing good rapport, studying body language and finding out if there's chemistry to improve your chances of getting a "good" number where you believe there is a high probability the girl isn't going to flake on you. In any case you have your answer. Keep practicing, it gets easier as you go.

 

[pete101]

do you think all the signs i was looking for from her end which seem to suggest she was interested contradicts what she actually felt?

i mean to be honest we were both flirting with each other outrageously but i didn't want to read into anything. lots of touching, i mean i spent the 2 hours touching her most of the time to be perfectly honest.

at one point we just stared at each other making eye contact not saying anything.. i wasn't sure what to do in this circumstance and she just broke the trance after about 10 secs and looked a bit bewildered and dazed..