Help please...how would you prefer or suggest a woman respond to

[LiveYourDream]

Just buy a giant fake diamond ring from Wal-Mart. $30, problem solved.

I understand and appreciate the suggestion. One would think that would be enough. In my experience a ring on a woman's finger may deter many men. Often the most aggressive pay no mind. They are very upfront that they couldn't care less about some other man. They are very clear they are interested in me and anything else is irrelevant to them. They are very bold about it. They don't respond to polite declines of their attention much either. Those not so brash, will inquire in great detail about the relationship and my happiness with it and my willingness to consider other possibilities. Sadly, a ring is not respected and the deterrent the way perhaps it once was.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Come on dear. You have tons of experience and give lots of advice in here on sex and relationships and dating. Yet you don't know how to reject a handsome tall 25 year old man who is dying to sleep with you at 45?

Sounds a little off...

I have been declining adult men's advances since I was 12. I understand many women reject men without much regard for their feelings, effort, or the compliment of their approach. Responses of inconsideration, harshness or even nastiness are unfortunate. I have never been that woman. (Maybe some times when I really had too.) I don't want/like to be. I am incredibly sensitive. I appreciate (the best I can) what it means when a man is willing to move out of the comfort zone and take the risk and escalate. No matter who he is, I wish to be kind, considerate and respectful.

I have learned many things on this site. Sometimes I have even learned that what I thought a man might prefer in a situation would actually be the last thing he would ever want. I wanted to understand how MEN would prefer a woman respond, when she declines his escalation. I thought understanding a man's desire would allow me the opportunity to be that way with the men who go out of their way to approach me.

I have never found it comfortable to 'reject' someone, whatever the situation. I know many people get off on that experience and for some it feeds their ego. I am not one of those people.

I had no idea what the responses would be here. I considered men may wish for me to just smile and ignore the escalation and continue on with the interaction as to allow an indirect rejection rather saying something. I considered the other end of the spectrum of men perhaps wishing for me to stop them when I see the escalation coming, rather than allow them to go through whatever their approach is and respond with a decline after. I had no idea. I suspected the 'say you a BF' line. Aside from what I shared about not being able to lie, my experience has been that many men are not put off. I have been hit on by plenty of men to share that I have a boyfriend, a fiancé, a husband, am in a committed LTR, and many were very upfront that they couldn't care less about some other man. They made it clear they were interested in me and anything else was irrelevant to them. I am not that woman. I am loyal to the man I am with.

I appreciate all the insight shared.

Just tell them.... "I'm flattered but not interested.... Thank you"....

I wouldn't say "I'm not interested" because this might p1ss them off. Guys hate it when you're not interested in them, and this is not the response you need if you might want help from them.

I would say "thank you that's sweet of you but I'm already seeing someone." It's kind of like saying, i would like you but i'm already loyal to another man.

I am still not entirely sure of the best honest approach. How can I best reconcile the two suggestions above? I imagine there is something else simple I can say. It's likely very obvious. I feel so sensitive to rejecting someone that I am not seeing what else I might say that would be kind, considerate, honest, and have a man walk away feeling good about the experience.

TL;DR in bold

 

[Bible_Belt]

I understand and appreciate the suggestion. One would think that would be enough. In my experience a ring on a woman's finger may deter many men. Often the most aggressive pay no mind. They are very upfront that they couldn't care less about some other man. They are very clear they are interested in me and anything else is irrelevant to them. They are very bold about it. They don't respond to polite declines of their attention much either. Those not so brash, will inquire in great detail about the relationship and my happiness with it and my willingness to consider other possibilities. Sadly, a ring is not respected and the deterrent the way perhaps it once was.

Once a guy says he doesn't care that you are married, why do you still care about his feelings? You should be kicking him in the nuts at that point, not worrying about his poor little ego. He obviously doesn't give a sh!t about problems he might cause in your life, thus making him not worthy of your concern.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Once a guy says he doesn't care that you are married, why do you still care about his feelings? You should be kicking him in the nuts at that point, not worrying about his poor little ego. He obviously doesn't give a sh!t about problems he might cause in your life, thus making him not worthy of your concern.

This, in that case.

In all other cases, and seeing that you don't want to lie, then be honest. It will hurt these relationships at some level, but it is inevitable if you want to be fully honest. I never thought a woman could worry about this kind of thing,but it is obvious. This thread really shows how men and women experience the world through really different lenses....Really illuminating.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Once a guy says he doesn't care that you are married, why do you still care about his feelings? You should be kicking him in the nuts at that point, not worrying about his poor little ego. He obviously doesn't give a sh!t about problems he might cause in your life, thus making him not worthy of your concern.

I am respectful but my sensitivity drops quick. In my experience such men tend to quickly dominate their way past a woman's boundaries and it is no time to be timid. I do my best to step up as needed and to try and take care of myself, as quickly as possible, with as little drama as possible. Those and other interactions can be really scary. I've been fortunate to get myself out of several incredibly disconcerting situations. I am 5'1". Men are always way bigger, faster, stronger than I am. It can very precarious at times if a man isn't open to my lack of enthusiasm about his advance(s). I do my best. I simply posted to see how I can do better. I appreciate your suggestion.

 

[john1234]

No brainer! Just say "I'm not interested".


I remember my Ex told me a story of how she went with her friends out and some guys in the bar offered to buy her drinks, her and her friend drunk all night even though they didnt like the guys at the end of the drinks she just said "I am not interested" and walked away lol She claimed women do that regularly to guys. If a guy hears the line "I am not interested", most will move on.

 

[BeExcellent]

@Huffman is correct in my life experience. You won't do yourself any favors dancing around things.

Really your post is about setting appropriate boundaries and expectations within the community as well as interpersonally.

If you are known as a graceful straight shooter you will field less unwanted advances. Men learn it won't get them anywhere. You'll have an upstanding reputation and the associated respect. People in small towns chat. Your reputation always precedes you much more than in a bigger city where you have anonymity. If you are in business in a small town you must doubly guard your reputation.

 

[BrainDamage92]

Thanks but no thanks?

If they are men your rejection wont affect the business. If they are kids they aint worthy of doing business anyway. + you obviously was flirting with them, since flirting with clients/associates always helps. At the beginning. Now you starting to see the downside.

 

[Phobos]

LYD: You're awesome. If there is a man you're interested in (which you might phrase as "seeing", since literally you do see him ), and you're loyal/monogamous, and you must tell the truth, then just tell them those two things? It's honest, respectful, and doesn't imply anything negative or unattractive about the guy.

 

[marmel75]

I would prefer a woman simply be up front and tell me the truth, but women know not to do that because most guys fragile ego's can't handle the rejection and they get mad or nasty with them in many cases.

 

[john1234]

I would prefer a woman simply be up front and tell me the truth, but women know not to do that because most guys fragile ego's can't handle the rejection and they get mad or nasty with them in many cases.

In many cases women cannot send a simple text message after a date the man has meticulously prepared and paid for! It's outright stupid, disrespect and irresponsible!

They could just say "I already had a boyfriend but was tasting the waters" or " I didn't think it clicked last night" or whatever BS story they want to cover up their tracks or genuine story.I wouldn't expect, "I just wanted to have a few drinks, but I already have a boyfriend" lol

Seriously women, men appreciate when you let them know you that you are not interested rather than keep quiet and hide away like a 10year old.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

i have no sympathy for weak men who allow themselves to be manipulated by women

its their problem

You can't have sympathy, you have to encourage responsibility if you care.

 

[RangerMIke]

I really fell sorry for women because there are so many fvcking clueless men out there. I have women reject me HARD at times, because that is what works for them. I don't blame women for this, many men just do not get the message until you chop off his d!ck.

My advice is to start off being polite and CLEAR that they are being rejected. "I am very faltered but I just am not interesting in a romantic relationship with you". It is likely he will say something like "Hey.. who said I wanted any thing serious." Tell him "GOOD, then we are both on the same page." If a guy persists... then escalate your harshness.

DO NOT apologize for how you feel. HUGH mistake, women will say stuff like "I'm really sorry, but I'm not interested." Don't do this, this implies that there are reasons why she is saying no that can be fixed.

 

[john1234]

I really fell sorry for women because there are so many fvcking clueless men out there. I have women reject me HARD at times, because that is what works for them. I don't blame women for this, many men just do not get the message until you chop off his d!ck.

My advice is to start off being polite and CLEAR that they are being rejected. "I am very faltered but I just am not interesting in a romantic relationship with you". It is likely he will say something like "Hey.. who said I wanted any thing serious." Tell him "GOOD, then we are both on the same page." If a guy persists... then escalate your harshness.

DO NOT apologize for how you feel. HUGH mistake, women will say stuff like "I'm really sorry, but I'm not interested." Don't do this, this implies that there are reasons why she is saying no that can be fixed.

Some guys are persistent enough to carry chasing even if they see that the girl has a man...LOL

Blame some of these PUA websites

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Some guys are persistent enough to carry chasing even if they see that the girl has a man...LOL

Blame some of these PUA websites

What if guys "persist" because they know that females with a male can be some of the slvttiest and easiest slays...

 

[yuppaz]

I would tell them you are seeing someone. Safest option. That way they won't think it is you rejecting them, just that you are unavailable. If you outright reject men some will get crazy.

 

[Trunks]

If these men get pissed off/hurt/offended by your telling them "I am not interested", they are not men but babies. However, you want to keep their business so you may have to cater to potential insecurities while still being direct and gracious, so telling them you find their advances inappropriate due to not mixing business and personal matters should do the trick.

 

[LiveYourDream]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....-called-to-tell-me-hes-not-doing-well.235398/

TL;DR Bold above/or--->I'll be gone from SS for a bit to be with my Dad. I'll may be back soon or maybe later. Depends on life. Please excuse my walking away mid conversations. I can't make up surface replies just to tie things up. The conversations and your replies really touch me and I appreciate them so much. For now, my time and attention takes me to my Dad. I appreciate your understanding.