HELP: personal problem that affects my game

[tryst type]

hi everyone, i've been a LONG time reader of the forum and its a real pat on the back for some beliefs to be reassured from simple searches.

i've finally decided to join because i have an on going problem within myself that i don't think can relate to anyone and would greatly appreciate some advice.

the problem has to do with my vocabulary/conversation skills. i have a very hard time most of the time expressing what i want to say/retort. i 70% of the time feel the words i want to use are either in the wrong context or don't mean what i think they do. sometimes i find myself speaking like a child just to avoid simple words that could sum up a sentence. it really puts my confidence down and shuns me away from conversing to girls.

any tips/hints on strengthening this problem i possess? i try readying various material but whenever i come across words im not too familiar with, it puts a damper on myself, even looking them up makes it worse due to words used to describe it.

because of this, i'm constantly thinking about words in my head, trying to remember meanings and i think this makes it extremely hard for me to just convey what i want to say, its almost like wanting what you cant have so you don't acheive it.

 

[Fred Da Head]

Try watching the BBC instead of watching American Idol. Read Arena and GQ instead of FHM and Maxim.

What I mean is, you need to learn by seeing/hearing how the words are properly used. I consider myself to be a fairly good writer and to have a good vocabulary, but it didn't just spring up, I had to work on it. Don't worry, it'll come--and it's never perfect, even I sometimes use the wrong word or can't think of the right one.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Try watching the BBC instead of watching American Idol. Read Arena and GQ instead of FHM and Maxim.....

You're on the right track but I wouldn't rely on the media to learn intercommunication skills. The media uses one way communication based on the commonalities of their particular market.

I've found that people who read a fair amount of fiction tend to have better intercommunication skills. It's not that they verbally copy the writing style of the author, it's that they have to take in the what's said by the various characters and take the time to understand what is trying to be conveyed. It does help that most good literature use complete sentences, not many cliches or slang and use a fair amount of imagery to convey things.

 

[tryst type]

Try watching the BBC instead of watching American Idol. Read Arena and GQ instead of FHM and Maxim.

BBC as in the news?

I've found that people who read a fair amount of fiction tend to have better intercommunication skills.

whats the best method for retaining words when reading? looking one up as you get to it or writing down and doing so after?

thanks guys

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...whats the best method for retaining words when reading? looking one up as you get to it or writing down and doing so after?

thanks guys

It's not about the specific words, it's how they are conveyed. If you'd like to learn more words, find those who's meaning you enjoy or resonates with you and then try to use them in regular conversation. Those typically are the ones that become a part of you without depending on just memorization.

 

[Fred Da Head]

You're on the right track but I wouldn't rely on the media to learn intercommunication skills. The media uses one way communication based on the commonalities of their particular market.

I agree. My point was that if you want to have a richer vocabulary, you can't watch/read things aimed at the lower-class/jock stereotypes whose vocabulary is limited to dude-isms. Of course you can't learn interpersonal skills through watching the news on TV, but you can learn how to speak better English, which is more than necessary for many, many posters on this forum.

I don't think I can add anything to what you've said, otherwise.

 

[Maxtro]

By chance is your native language not English? If so have you taken ESL classes?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I agree. My point was that if you want to have a richer vocabulary, you can't watch/read things aimed at the lower-class/jock stereotypes whose vocabulary is limited to dude-isms. Of course you can't learn interpersonal skills through watching the news on TV, but you can learn how to speak better English, which is more than necessary for many, many posters on this forum.

I don't think I can add anything to what you've said, otherwise.

Y'know, here in the states schools were able to teach English to kids which included vocabulary. I don't know what exactly happens beyond too much influence by mass media, but it seems that these kids lose what they learn as they progress through the years. It's as if most people between 15 and 30 here in the states seem to have more challenges with the language.

 

[Fred Da Head]

I think it's the whole aspect of being good at school being uncool, and being an illiterate moron being much, much better and getting all the chicks. "Nly nrds spl rit, dnt u no?" Or maybe our youth is just getting generally dumber.

 

[sav]

to get the vocabulary you need to read more books,

but the problem i think lies within ur inability to properly hold a conversation... you seem to have enough vocab to properly communicate on a forum.. you gotta think faster when conversing in real life... and only way to get that is to actually do it.. stop over analyzing.. just let ur thoughts flow..

 

[Serialized3]

I would also suggest keeping a journal and making a serious effort into writing in it. Writing will get your brain in the practice of organizing your thoughts into words, which will hopefully carry over to how you speak. I suggest you type your journal on your computer so you can use dictionary.com and thesaurus.com to look up words, including synonyms and antonyms, which will also help you build up your vocabulary.

 

[oldbutnewer]

It's gonna take awhile, but before you know it you'll wonder what it was like to not be able to say what you wanted.

 

[tryst type]

thanks guys. i think my biggest problem is that i try too hard to memorise meanings of words. is this making it harder for me?

 

[Incog]

Dysfluency is a speech disorder that I was originally thinking about, but judging by your post, it seems that you constructed a post to convey your thoughts fluently. Ultimately it's impossible to tell over the internet how much of a struggle it was for you to write the post (typically those suffering with dysfluency have frustration with attempts to communicate, and that would even include typing a post).

Improving speech articulation is not a one-step process. You may need to see a speech therapist if everything else suggested in this thread doesn't work for you. I do, however, get the feeling that communication isn't the only factor here (Like it may be a more broad issue involving social anxiety)

 

[amoka]

Judging from your post, your communication skill is fine. You probably need to talk more. If English is your second language, start talking with little children because they will ask you questions if what you tell them is not clear. good luck

 

[tryst type]

Thanks for the responses guys. English is my 2nd language but has been since the age of 5.

I very often feel my brain rejects any new words. I feel limited in my word choices and most of the time I find it hard to be concise.

I read and when I come across a word ill continue saying it in my head throughout the read and its very distracting and doesn't work to help remembering it.

I might be putting too much pressure on myself to expand my vocabulary and its backfiring with negative results. Make sense?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Some people have it harder than others, but everyone improves with practice. Not being naturally gifted at speech will make it tempting to withdraw, and just avoid situations where you don't have to speak, but do the opposite if you want to get better. Practice talking to strangers or giving speeches as much as possible. You will have plenty of fantastic failures, but if you can laugh them off and keep going, you can overcome your problem.

 

[tryst type]

Any advice for being concise/knowing what words are needed?