Help needed

[Ace123]

Hey everyone, i'm new here and i've got an interesting situation which could use some expert advice.

I've been friends with this girl for a long time now. About 5 years or so. We went out when we first met (in 6th grade, so it really doesn't count) and we've just been friends since then. Well lately i've been chaning my attitude because i was sick of getting dumped by her friends (i was a huge wussy). I have started using ****y and Funny on her and she absolutely eats it up. I could immediately tell we had at least a little something going. She playfull hits me now and stabs me with her pencil and laughs histarically whenever i joke and she makes jokes back to me. (seems like attraction but could just be "attraction with a friend")

Anyway, there is where it gets interesting. Before i started using C and F on her, she liked this guy who also liked her. They've had a little thing going, not girlfriend and boyfriend but like they know they like each other and i think they've hung out.

So, tonight was her birthday and we had a party at her house and at first, it was just me and a couple of other people (not the guy she likes) and i was making her laugh etc. Then when the guy shows up i see that she kinda is working her way over to him, etc. Looking at him instead of me, stuff like that. Even though i'm making some cracks at her, i'm getting less of a response than before the guy shows up.

Now, i'm wondering if she just thinks as me as a friend becuase we've been for so many years.
Or is it possible she likes BOTH of us, and if so, how do i get her to like me more?
She's a really great person and i've always liked her and now that she's more interested in me (it seems like she's attracted to me) i'd want to go further and see what can happen but then this guy is in the equation.

What do you guys think, let me know and thanks in advance

 

[fbplayer06]

The last thing you want to do is appear to be jealous. That would push her away from you and she'll become more attracted to the other dude. I think you should back off a little and let her have her way with the other guy...just to see what happens. If they go out, so be it. If they stay the way they are, who knows what could happen? The best thing to do is to *act* like you don't care (even though you obviously do) and just not worry. What's the worst that could happen? If you play it cool, you'll always be friends with her.

As for the incident at the party with her lessened reaction to your jokes when the other guy came around, don't worry so much. Put yourself in her shoes: if she *does* like both of you, she probably doesn't want to make the other guy mad by laughing with you as much as before he showed up.

Just what I think...

Read the DJ bible if you haven't yet...then re-read it. It will only help you bro.

 

[LikRetsam]

Play it cool... Very cool.... Once you've made a hug impression and she loves ya for it (while the other guy is still a problem), let her realise who she wants by simply distancing yourself from her. She will begin to miss you if there was any attraction to begin with.
A chick will *never* like 2 guys or more. She always has that one guy she wants but doesn't want to let everyone know.
NEVER will there be 2.

Lik

 

[Ace123]

Great advice guys.
I've noticed that when i have more confidence around her, we communicate really well, laugh with each other, and just have a fun time.
However, i think i've been thinking about her too much and i'm starting to lose my confidence because i think (oh no, i should go over and make a joke to her), it's almost like i try too hard.
How can i get my confidence back and just have that mentality that says "I am the man". Confidence is definitely key and i was just wondeirng how to get that back and stop worrying about her, stop thinking too much, and just getting back that confidence.

Thanks for the advice so far, it's been great.

 

[blienk]

Originally posted by LikRetsam

A chick will *never* like 2 guys or more. She always has that one guy she wants but doesn't want to let everyone know.
NEVER will there be 2.

I disagree with this. I don't know if you are familiar with "Ladder Theory" but it basically states that a girl has a "friends ladder" and a "fcuk ladder". Every guy she meets gets placed on one of the ladders.

Now the friends ladder only indicates how close a friend this girl considers you. Being at the top of the ladder entitles you to being this girl's emotional tampon, and maybe the occasional hug, cuddle, or kiss on the cheek. In DJ terminology, this is the friends zone.

The fcuk ladder on the other hand, is where you are placed if the girl has any real attraction to you. Theoretically, a girl would date anyone on this ladder, but as the ladder analogy indicates, some guys are ranked higher than others. A girl will always choose the highest-ranking guy who has mutual attraction to her.

From what I've observed, this seems to be the case for many girls. Think of it in terms of asking a girl to the prom. Just because she says yes, does that mean that you were her perfect date for the prom? No, it just means you were somewhere on her ladder of prom dates, and she didn't think anyone higher-ranking was going to ask her.

So back to the original topic, it is possible that you are on the friends ladder, OR you are simply below this other dude on the fcuk ladder. In any case, read the Bible and follow the others advice on how to determine if this girl is really interested or not.

 

[Ace123]

Good news.
Today i hear from the girl that she doesn't really like the other guy anymore and doesn't want to go out with him. She's not telling me this because she likes me, she's telling me this cause we talk about stuff like this. And i'm happy for her becuase 1. i don't think her and the guy would go well together and 2. i kinda like her

But anyway, she says she doesn't want a boy friend right now. And she says that she can never like a guy for more than four months. She says she wants to be with someone she is comfortable with, and who she'll have fun with. She also says she wants a guy who can keep her attention.

Now i'm just wondering, how i should play this off. A few weeks ago i was really flirting with her and she with me and now it's kind of trickeled down becuase i haven't been doing as much because of the other guy and because i haven't decided if i just want to be her friend or something more. But if i do want to be somethign more, how should i use what she has told me to my advantage?

I think we'd have a good relationship together, but i wouldn't want anything to ruin our friendship. And if we did get invovled, how could i make it work (ie not making her disinterested or losing attention)?

I need some expert advice DJ's! Thanks in advance

 

[blienk]

Sorry to break it to you, but this is NOT good news. The fact that she told you all this is highly indicative that she regards you as a friend rather than a dating prospect. And when you say "she says that she can never like a guy for more than four months", I would take that to mean she's not interested in dating guys she has already been friends with.

So I'm not going to rule it out completely, but I will say your chances of getting with this girl are probably not good. But since you are such good friends with her, why not use that to your advantage? Ask her to introduce you to some of her female friends, and take it from there.

 

[Supero Masculus]

Look, i am no "expert" or "master" (Yet!) but if it where me i'd make a huge change in distance. Just stay away unless you have no choice and if you really want to add the icing to the cake, pimp as many ladies as you can possibly manage! Then one day when you got all your *****es with you just cruise on by your target so that she notices you and she'll be like, "Damn that f*cking pimp! I coulda had him!" Then wak the **** up and realize that you don't need her cause you got a ton of other *****es!

 

[Supero Masculus]

Look, i am no "expert" or "master" (Yet!) but if it where me i'd make a huge change in distance. Just stay away unless you have no choice and if you really want to add the icing to the cake, pimp as many ladies as you can possibly manage! Then one day when you got all your *****es with you just cruise on by your target so that she notices you and she'll be like, "Damn that f*cking pimp! I coulda had him!" Then wake the **** up and realize that you don't need her cause you got a ton of other *****es!

 

[Jester]

there isnt much to say about the post.

you are the typical AFC period. Friendswith a girl and now all of a sudden you are infatuated.

It would be UN-DJ to put forth the work needed to acquire interest level. but jesus dont keep disrespecting yourself by being an emotional tampon.

anyway i just wanted to restate what blienk said.

a girl is, without question, capable of "liking", or maintaining high interest level in more than one person.

 

[Luscious]

Originally posted by Ace123
Good news.
Today i hear from the girl that she doesn't really like the other guy anymore and doesn't want to go out with him. She's not telling me this because she likes me, she's telling me this cause we talk about stuff like this. And i'm happy for her becuase 1. i don't think her and the guy would go well together and 2. i kinda like her

But anyway, she says she doesn't want a boy friend right now. And she says that she can never like a guy for more than four months. She says she wants to be with someone she is comfortable with, and who she'll have fun with. She also says she wants a guy who can keep her attention.

Okay, since you seem genuine and honest, let me help you out.

You're a good guy - you really are - but in this case, you're doing basically the same thing as playing blackjack against a dealer who will always turn up 21. You can't win here, I'm not going to pull any punches.

The fact alone that she says she doesn't want a boyfriend right now, and that she can't like a guy for more than 4 months, says that she's trying to tell you to back off. She is giving you VERY thinly disguised messages that you're screwed (and NOT in the good way). You need to realize that there are two differences between how men and women communicate:

Women talk to share their feelings and to have you LISTEN to them, and relate to them, and share. Basically, in a nutshell, it's listening and sharing. Women talk about what they want things to be like, but won't explicitly TELL YOU - rather, it plays out through stories about her friends, or when she tells you stuff like 'I don't want a boyfriend right now'.

Men talk when they want something done or fixed. We don't usually sit around and talk about how watching pro wrestling last night really made us think about the fragility and tragic nature of love and life - we talk about, 'hey, it'd be great if I could get a nice big turkey sandwich right now'...and then we go get it, or get someone to do it for us.

With that background, let's return to your situation.

She's sharing this information with you to avoid a conflict or confrontation. She's pretty much spelled it out - back off. She cares about you, yes - but only as a friend. She tells you 'I can't like a guy for more than 4 months' because she wants YOU TO AVOID GETTING HURT. She doesn't want you to come out and ask her to go out with you, because that'd destroy your friendship. Yes, your friendship - because that's what you two are, friends. It IS possible to have a friendship with a woman, and you have this here - but she doesn't want you to go any further.

A few weeks ago you 'were flirting with her', yes - and it is no coincidence that she tells you this stuff now. She thought it through and has decided that a relationship with you would NOT be good, and so she is telling you this now.

You're doing good, you recognize things - but all you need now it to recognize the SIGNIFICANCE of what's going on. She isn't telling you this because she wants you to make a move.

There are upwards of 3 billion women in the world. This is one...that leaves more than 2,999,999,999 left for you. But consider you've lived roughly 20 years, at 365 days, that's 7000 or whatever days...and if you live to 70, that leaves 50 years, or 15000+ days left. Make the most of each and every day, but recognize when you need to cut your losses and move on.

I think you're going to do well, you'll learn more with experience.

 

[Ace123]

Hmm. i'm not sure if i explained this well enough. Trust me, this conversation wasn't directed towards me. (I mean, it MIGHT have been but it was just really about how she doesn't like the other dude anymore) I really don't think she ever even thought i liked her, we were just talking as friends. Now, consider that she was telling me this as a friend only, without every thinking we had something, because i don't believe she ever did.

I know it's confusing and i'd agree that if someone wrote this story that i'd also say that She was talking about me, but i really don't think she was (she doesn't consider me impounding her space/interested in her becuase i haven't acted that way).

WHATEVER THE CASE. I'm just going to play it cool and continue to have the relationship we've had. I think she's better in the friends catergory anyway. Dating your friends usually ends up in bad news. Thanks for the advice though.

 

[LikRetsam]

Originally posted by Ace123
Hmm. i'm not sure if i explained this well enough. Trust me, this conversation wasn't directed towards me. I really don't think she ever even thought i liked her, we were just talking as friends.

Even you say it.

As you elaborate, I realise that you are done. You are the ultimate friend. Jester said it right.

I disagree that getting out of the friendzone is UN-DJlike. I've done it and the amount of "work" involved would qualify anyone as DJ. It can be done, but it takes a long and time and should only be done on girls that are that damn worth it.

You like this chick because you started flirting more as friends. You're so desperate you've turned on your friend because she lets you touch her.

Period.

Lik