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help needed
- Thread starter king_mo
- Start date
Well Im sure you can see why I packed her bags, because of how she worded that original post...Now to send me a text like that especially if things have been akward for the last 2-3 days, can you blame set if it set of all sorts of alarms? If she had worded it to the effect what just explained then I would of been cool about and this thread probably wouldnt even exist.
well you have to do what you think best but kinda an overreaction imo - i prefer to address a problem rather than get rid. people dont always word things just right when they are feeling emotional or stressed - 2/3 days of awkwardness into a 2 year relationship you're not prepared to see where she is with things?
i think you're being kind of melodramatic!
i think you're being kind of melodramatic!
latest convo...mahoney said:
Her: i jus dont want us too control each other ne moree we know we want no one else but yet i get mad wen yu go out n yu dont trust me outtt.. i wanna b able to spend times with my friends without feeling like im doin something wronggg.. i hate that yu dont even make an attempt to get to kno my familyyy...
Me: is this bout not comming to ur moms thing?
Her: yah that does bug me even my mom n brother thinks yu dont care too get to kno themm n yu kno how close i am with my family.
ME: I was working...what was i supposed to do? nd this time wit ur friends, is this during weekends? wen its the only time we can see each other...iight cool...
HER: yah yu cud of came after workk nxt day n e thing yu jus made no attempt...no its not about not fixing us n hanging with my friends its about yuu try to damand me too comeee wen yu want
ME: on sunday how was i to get a hold u? u dont have internet, u didnt have fone...thats the reason u gave for not coming sunday..guess it applies both ways....when i asked, didnt YOU tell me u were coming? didnt u say that to the previous night? huh? I even asked u to comfirm nd u did...so wats this when i demand busness u could told me wen i asked u earlier that u didnt want to come nd wanted to be wit ur friends
if u dont believe look at fb convo we had before friday...i didnt demand anything, just simply held you to your word, then u give sum bull**** excuss for not comming...wat was i supposed to say? if u were about to come here nd I sent u dat...how wud u react?
Her: id b mad too sorry i went about this the wrong way.. i lov yu babe
sorry this comes before the last post, its how the conversation started...
Her: did yu hook up with n e one
Me: wher did that *** from...if u did sumtin grow up nd say it...the question is did you?
Her: no iv jus beeen tryin to figure **** out not tryin to b with someone.. i jus hate the thought of yu with someone else
Me: well the way ur going thats exactly wats gonna happen...cause im not ready to b wit sum1 that isnt sure about me....
Her: did yu hook up with n e one
Me: wher did that *** from...if u did sumtin grow up nd say it...the question is did you?
Her: no iv jus beeen tryin to figure **** out not tryin to b with someone.. i jus hate the thought of yu with someone else
Me: well the way ur going thats exactly wats gonna happen...cause im not ready to b wit sum1 that isnt sure about me....
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Fred_Scuttle
Don Juan
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All this time wasted arguing with her when you could be out meeting other girls. She wants out so tell her to take a hike. You're not gonna change her mind any. Some of you young guys can't handle a serious relationship. Also please learn how to spell using proper english instead of all that gibberish you guys write.
well look it seems pretty clear to me she doesn't actually want rid of you at all! but that there are certain issues (which actually look REALLY fixable* to me)
and your response has been to think "**** i better bail on this thing i actually dont want to bail on, in case she does it to me first" ????! - if she wanted to bail on this, she wouldn't tell you all this stuff about the things she's not happy with - she wants it mended not ended
*ok so look there's 3 things here
1) she wants to hang w friends and thinks you have a problem with this but at same time shes worried if you do same you will cheat again
2) shes upset you dont make more effort with her family
3) she admitted she went about it the wrong way
i mean - none of these are insurmountable problems, they're kind of everyday problems which don't need to become bigger than they are. it really depends if you want to mend them or not. if you want to mend them, then you'll have to meet her half way. if not, well just bail. make a choice
1) this is 2 issues rolled into one - ok so shes still hurt about the fact you cheated on her. nothing you can do about this specifically, whats done is done - don't mention it to her though! make it clear that you are fine with her being out with her friends, you think its a good thing (but are you fine with this? you should be, but are you?) - i wouldn't push in any particular direction here, but sort of follow her lead see what she wants on this front (because this is still partly about your cheating)
2) dont focus too much on the family stuff you haven't done in the past with her, but say you would like to come to the next family thing. ie put focus on future stuff that you can fix, not past stuff you can't. don't try justify why you haven't done xyz in the past. personally i hate doing gf family stuff but it is one of the few things i kind of go along with that i'm not into
3) give her a bit of slack here - she's admitted she's not gone about it the wrong way - when people are emotional they don't always do things the right way (like packing someones bags they dont want to leave when there is no reason to!)
the things she is saying all seem kind of valid to me! (not valid as in 'your fault' - dont get into that it doesnt matter - but valid as in 'real feelings about actual stuff' not things just made up out of thin air)
and your response has been to think "**** i better bail on this thing i actually dont want to bail on, in case she does it to me first" ????! - if she wanted to bail on this, she wouldn't tell you all this stuff about the things she's not happy with - she wants it mended not ended
*ok so look there's 3 things here
1) she wants to hang w friends and thinks you have a problem with this but at same time shes worried if you do same you will cheat again
2) shes upset you dont make more effort with her family
3) she admitted she went about it the wrong way
i mean - none of these are insurmountable problems, they're kind of everyday problems which don't need to become bigger than they are. it really depends if you want to mend them or not. if you want to mend them, then you'll have to meet her half way. if not, well just bail. make a choice
1) this is 2 issues rolled into one - ok so shes still hurt about the fact you cheated on her. nothing you can do about this specifically, whats done is done - don't mention it to her though! make it clear that you are fine with her being out with her friends, you think its a good thing (but are you fine with this? you should be, but are you?) - i wouldn't push in any particular direction here, but sort of follow her lead see what she wants on this front (because this is still partly about your cheating)
2) dont focus too much on the family stuff you haven't done in the past with her, but say you would like to come to the next family thing. ie put focus on future stuff that you can fix, not past stuff you can't. don't try justify why you haven't done xyz in the past. personally i hate doing gf family stuff but it is one of the few things i kind of go along with that i'm not into
3) give her a bit of slack here - she's admitted she's not gone about it the wrong way - when people are emotional they don't always do things the right way (like packing someones bags they dont want to leave when there is no reason to!)
the things she is saying all seem kind of valid to me! (not valid as in 'your fault' - dont get into that it doesnt matter - but valid as in 'real feelings about actual stuff' not things just made up out of thin air)
so guys after two weeks of NC (on my part anyway)...she started talking about getting her things back, I said it was cool because she had keys to my house...i already had her things packed up when i first posted this originally...well she came down while I was at work yesterday afternoon, she came down and apparently waited for 3 hours till i got home...and she gave me the usuall, I still love, care about you, and the im sorry crap...I told her it was ok, ****ed her, and sent her home the next morning...my question is...Am I wrong for doing that? is there any chance she could of actually meant what she said? P.s she is texting me non stop as well...
still don't really understand why are you are trying to ditch someone you don't want to ditch but whatever
is there any chance she meant what she said? i don't even understand why you think she doesn't mean what she said. it seems to me you are the weird one not her. i mean shes the one that comes to your house, shes the one that waits 3 hours for you, shes the one texting you, shes the one says she loves you, shes the one upset you dont go to her family thing...you're the one that cheated, you're the one that goes NC, you're the one packing her bags, you're the one can't be bothered with her family
personally i think she can do better
is there any chance she meant what she said? i don't even understand why you think she doesn't mean what she said. it seems to me you are the weird one not her. i mean shes the one that comes to your house, shes the one that waits 3 hours for you, shes the one texting you, shes the one says she loves you, shes the one upset you dont go to her family thing...you're the one that cheated, you're the one that goes NC, you're the one packing her bags, you're the one can't be bothered with her family
personally i think she can do better
Refer to the original post...She ditched me first, are you blind to that fact? To me this whole family thing is nothing but excuses just because it never mattered before...Why now? The times I have met her family, the loved the **** out of me...her mom even wants us to work things out, that is what she said to me anyway. Oh did you want me to wait around till she dumped me when I actually saw it coming? Come on man, shes is just doing all this because I made myself less available, that is the conclusion I have come to anyway. Of course she can do better, so can I, so can everybody else. I just want to know if i should give it another shot? personally I am ok with what the outcome might because I am over it but I do still care for her.mahoney said:
Mahoney,
The problem here is that when a girl suggests space etc the guy has already been doing soemthing wrong in her world for quite sometime and/or she's got a new guy lined up.
Chances are they didn't communicate issues when they were pertinent and now she's likely dreging up stuff that bothered her at some time.
He's doing the right thing in creating what she initally wanted by his choosing not hers.
I'm all for communication but sometimes it's wasted. My guess is that there are other isuses which have already doomed this relationship and her being lonely and the controlling issue don't help.
When a girl says she wants to spend more time with her friends then she's on the prowl or is strongly considering looking for guys.
It's not an all or nothing proposition but rather the whole picture indicates that space is needed and the two of them need to sort things out on their own.
The problem here is that when a girl suggests space etc the guy has already been doing soemthing wrong in her world for quite sometime and/or she's got a new guy lined up.
Chances are they didn't communicate issues when they were pertinent and now she's likely dreging up stuff that bothered her at some time.
He's doing the right thing in creating what she initally wanted by his choosing not hers.
I'm all for communication but sometimes it's wasted. My guess is that there are other isuses which have already doomed this relationship and her being lonely and the controlling issue don't help.
When a girl says she wants to spend more time with her friends then she's on the prowl or is strongly considering looking for guys.
It's not an all or nothing proposition but rather the whole picture indicates that space is needed and the two of them need to sort things out on their own.