Help Me With The Woman Of My Life

[ChrisG]

Hi all.

I am lurking on these boards for about a year, but i had nothing to contribute, until now...

I am a 27 years old decent guy (so they say). I don't like short-term relationships. I always wanted the woman of my life, whom i can share everything. I am not your type of guy dating some girl for a week, then have a few one night stands, then a month of relationship, etc. Of course i had my share of those things, but eventually i decided i don't want them.

Anyway, now i'm with the woman of my life for three years. I love her. We're sharing everything, and everything is perfect, etc. But there is a problem... I am crazy about her, but she's not. I always want to kiss and cuddle, and spoil her, i phone her tens of times daily, making nicknames, inventing sex games, trying to arrange extra time to spend together, trying to make her happy, etc. But also i want her to feel the same things for me.

Only after thinking over those things, i understand that these kind of things doesn't come two-ways. If i spoil her (which i love), i'm gonna be the begging one. If i want her to be crazy about me, i must act the hard-to-get-guy.

But as i mentioned, it's already been 3 years, and we're going towards marriage. Question is, is it too late to play hard-to-get? How can i make her think that i can slip away from her hands any minute?

 

[backbreaker]

i'd be here all day tlaking to you... DJ Bible young man.. read it and don't post again until you do

 

[ChrisG]

Thanks, but i have already read everything in bible. Most of them are usable to strangers or to people you have just met.

This girl got me for three years already. I want to play hard-to-get, but at the same time still be myself (i'm gonna marry her, i can't act whole my life ). This is the problem.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

You don't need to play hard to get. Just don't call as much, spoil her so much, see her so much. "Give less, get more!"

You always try to make her happy? How you make a girl feel about you is good. But, she has to satisfy your needs too.

Don't get whipped boy. Have your own free time, do things you want to do. Like Pook said; "Be a Man!"

 

[ChrisG]

Thanks for your advices. I tried that. I mean, i acted like i don't care much about her. But then she lowered the level too.

Let me clarify the situation like this:
- i act 10, she acts 3
- i act 5, she acts 3
- i act 3, she acts 3
- i act 1, she acts 1

It's like, she can't make it past 3. What i want from her is to get past this level, either by cheating, or helping her.

I'm sorry for silly example above, but english is not my native language, so i'm having a hard time explaining things.

 

[itishe]

Quit asking stupid questions. It's time you dump her.

 

[ChrisG]

Quit asking stupid questions. It's time you dump her.

as i have already mentioned, this is not an option. i love her.

I am not asking "help me getting laid, with anyone or anything, i'm desperate", i am asking a question about a relationship problem.

 

[\O/]

Just because you've had her for 3 years doesn't mean you can start acting like a supplicating, whipped wuss. She'll dump you faster than you can take a dump if you keep this up. In a relationship there is always one of the people who has the most power. It's the person who cares less about the relationship. That's her. She has the power. Take it back or you will eventually lose her. That's a promise...

 

[jessup]

Well the first thing I have noticed is that there is not an even amount of contribution in the relationship.

Why do you love her if she doesn't respect you the same?

Some of the others are right when they say you are probably supplicating too much but it may be to the point where you have ingrained it too far into your relationship that you won't be able to reverse it.

My advice (and it will hurt) is to give her less of your time. Maybe she will realise that she never knew what she had until she doesn't have it at all.

There could also be the harsh reality that she is cheating on you.

Either way get out with your buddies more, quit calling her so often, and expect more from her. Still let her know that you care but you need to tone it down a bit.

 

[DJArlington]

bro i hate to tell you but you need to change the state of your relationship. i would definitely listen to the advice from jessup. she's definitely has some type of alternate interest (i.e. she is banging some other guy) or she is with you because it's easy and if she finds another guy that is better or plays harder to get she will leave you in a heartbeat. i think you need to start making more friends, learn how to be truly independent and alone. i know that at our age and after three years with the girl it's very difficult, but please give all of this a try. remember there are more fish in the sea, go out and catch one who'll give you what you deserve. and remember you don't need a woman to be happy! i'm trying to learn all of this right now. good luck man.

 

[Hitman10000]

Jessup is right and I also like DJArlington's wise words...

Seems like you're doing all the shots in the relationship. Life is really short, go ask any soldier going over to Iraq. Marriage is also not what it's cracked up to be as well, you marry for one/two reasons: children and/or combining monetary assets. Anyone that tells you any other reason are idiots living in Candyland.

 

[Dannyrt34]

It's her personality. It's possible that's just how she is as a person. Don't worry about her not giving you ALL that attention. You shouldn't need her to be crazy about you for you to be happy. You seriously need to pick up some hobbies that you can do alone or with friends. That way you stay busy and not think about her all the time.

Relationships are so much funner when you have time to miss each other too.

 

[bob2007]

as i have already mentioned, this is not an option. i love her.

I am not asking "help me getting laid, with anyone or anything, i'm desperate", i am asking a question about a relationship problem.

Maybe she's bored with you guys hanging out all the time and probably talking bout the same stuff. You probably need some new interests for the both of you or for you alone, make you seem more interesting.

How do you even consider marrying a girl with waning interest in you?

 

[Rata Blanca]

Just because you love someone doesn't mean they have to love you back.(Maybe if you get famous/rich/ripped)
Welcome back to real life.

 

[Obsidian]

Yes, it's possibly to raise her IL by displaying less interest. It's also possible that her IL is so low that you can't salvage things. I'd suggest showing less interest and see how it works out. If you keep it up and it still doesn't work, then you're just out of luck (in which case you need to dump her).

And read the Book of Pook. It's obvious you haven't.

 

[ChrisG]

thanks all. you've helped a lot.
ok, i will show much less attention. it's easy not to call. but how should i behave when i'm with her? answering everything "whatever", "doesn't matter" or "i don't care" and not starting a conversation will only make me a jerk on pot. how should i behave?

and no, i haven't read book of pook. where can i find it?

edit: ok, i have found that book. reading now.

 

[KneghtRyder]

something smells like a troll..........what guy doesn't like ons...

ur weird dude

 

[RyKnOw]

hmm

Dude,
I suggest you change your tactics man..Start being a ****... second woman can sense desperation like a smelly cologne.. Dont Be desperate cause it will only end any relationship you will ever have..Like the wise men have said before "there are plenty of fish in the sea".. I know from expierence..try dating a girl for like 6 years and then one day she admits herself to a psych ward and dumps you a day before she gets out..All cause she met another crazy...Dont be hard on yourself and dont be a puss..

 

[madcrab]

Hmm it's funny dude but I'm in a very very similar position to you. I would also like a bit of advice. Lets help each other out. I think we need to try and get back to how we began in the relationship.

Be adventurous, keep cool but still affectionate. Sometimes I think I go too far with both. I mean we are men after all and we are supposed to wear the trousers and be in charge. We gotta find a balance.

At the moment I get worried when other men are after her in case they come across better than me. But that aint the way to think man!

Anyway lemme know how it goes.

 

[ChrisG]

something smells like a troll..........what guy doesn't like ons...

ur weird dude

sorry, i don't know what you meant. as i have said, english is not my native language, so sometimes i may sound weird.