Help me... I can't bring myself to cold approach women

[d8k1n6d9l6]

Whenever I even think about approaching a woman in a mall, bookstore, etc. I cringe and get the same thought running over and over in my head: why are you *bothering* a *stranger* who's shown *absolutely* no indication that she wants to interact with you.

Honestly, the issue is not really that I'm afraid of women, of interacting with them or being rejected by them. I'm not. I'd be more than happy to approach a woman at a bar or at a party or something where it's socially accepted to do so. What I'm afraid of and extremely uncomfortable with doing is something that is by all societal standards regarded as totally improper and just feels downright *rude.*

I'm pretty self-conscious and am not exactly the kind of person who can, say, blare loud music in public at the risk of irritating other people, or doing something similarly discourteous. But I really really need to start cold approaching girls in public, because ultimately it's the only realistic route (other than online dating) I have to getting a girlfriend.

So ultimately, my question is: how do you justify doing something which is really nothing less than downright rude? Do you adopt a selfish stance and think "f*ck you all, I take what I want' ? Do you delude yourself into thinking she actually *wants* you to approach her? That would probably be consistent with the PUA notion of always thinking you're "The Great Catch," but honestly I can only delude myself so far in this respect. And I do not think I could delude myself into thinking each girl I come across *wants* to suddenly have her daily activities harshly interrupted with no indication from her, anymore than I could delude myself into thinking she wants me to take off all my clothes and dance naked in front of her.

Help me.

 

[skinnyguy]

Cold approach is a waste of time and for desperate guys.

Just build a social circle. Will take your focus off women.

 

[ChemGod]

Dude, just man up and talk go talk to her. Thats probably not what you wanted to read but its true. Everyone is scared when they first start approaching women, we were not designed to approach random women and pick them up. The way to get over fear, or actually any phobia for that matter, is gradual desensitization. You can begin by making small talk with random women, than move on to flirting with girls, and so on. You will get over it. " If you cannot attract a women, than by dictionary definition, you are sterile." - Mystery.
Dont blame society, women respect confident men that go out and get what they want, even if it doesnt feel right to you.
You also do not seem to value yourself, and you will often project this when you are talking to women and trying to demonstrate value. If you dont value yourself, how can you expect her too? I would suggest going to the gym and working on yourself. Go out to clubs with friends and just focus on socializing at first.
Good luck.

 

[Suspens]

why are you *bothering* a *stranger* who's shown *absolutely* no indication that she wants to interact with you.


What I'm afraid of and extremely uncomfortable with doing is something that is by all societal standards regarded as totally improper and just feels downright *rude.*


And I do not think I could delude myself into thinking each girl I come across *wants* to suddenly have her daily activities harshly interrupted with no indication from her,

Help me.

You get out of your house and just do that.

Interrupt them, scare them and weird them out.

This process is called gradual desensitization. Nothing bad can happen. And after a few tries you can start an actual conversation and make friends.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=_U8GCrvHMzo

 

[Slickster]

You need to learn to be more social. Not just with women. Start chatting up random people you encounter in day to day life. Do it all the time. Challenge yourself everyday.

Eventually you will get to the point where approaching a chick will be like having a friendly exchange with the clerk at the grocery store.

Change your goal from "finding a girlfriend" to "improving with women".

If your goal is to find a girlfriend then cold approaches come off as desperate and needy.

If your goal is improving with women then cold approaches are a great way to learn and practice interactions with no pressure. Don't have a care in the world about the outcome. Some will blow you off, and some will be interesting conversations. Just talk and learn.

 

[mangotot]

Sorry bro but you are being an excuser.

 

[Steady Eddie]

I agree with skinnyguy, but cold approaching will help you gain great experience with socializing in general / expanding your game.

Honestly, you say that it's just 'society' that's to blame for your not wanting to approach, but that's an excuse. You know, deep down, you're SCARED. And you know what? That's O.K! We've all been there dude. Nobody has always been 100% master Don Juan with women every day of their lives. What counts is your experiences in life, and how you learn from them.
So next time you see a cute girl at the bookstore, take a gander at what she's checking out. Maybe you have read a book by the author she's checking out. Hey, now you have something to talk about! Or there's a cutie at a clothes store. Pick out something goofy and ask her if you think that compliments you. She'll probably giggle (if she's a quality girl) and you can then build from there.

Don't stress about what to say, either. This will come with time, but you just have to start LISTENING. And once you listen, you will analyze her words, process them, and then respond. It doesn't have to be in a split second. Make sure to always use certain situations to your advantage, like if you see / hear something funny make a witty comment to get a laugh. It will really boost your confidence!


For school, speech class specifically, I'm making a 'How To Pick Up Girls' presentation. It has 10 simple steps, and I'll have it done by March 18. At which point, I will be posting it in the DJ Tips forum. So look out for that, IMO it has a bunch of great buildig blocks for cold approaches.

BIB

This is how I did it. But as you say this needs to be complimented by either a body or a face. Hit the gym anyway, but this is especially true if your face isn't in the habit of closing deals.

 

[salinechow]

For now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iH0WwlQd5-I

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=222753

Ill get to you in a little while and we will work on more ideas and inspirations.

 

[d8k1n6d9l6]

Thanks for the responses, guys.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_U8GCrvHMzo

Actually, this really helped, thanks. If I feel I'm being rude I can always help justify my actions by reasoning that at least I'm not as rude as this guy, haha.

 

[ChemGod]

Thanks for the responses, guys.


Actually, this really helped, thanks. If I feel I'm being rude I can always help justify my actions by reasoning that at least I'm not as rude as this guy, haha.

You can justify your actions by telling yourself that you are a man. And a man goes after what he wants, he does not wait for it to come to him. Just like EVERY other aspect of your life, you must make things happen, life owes you nothing.