Help Me Help My Girlfriend

[Teez23]

Okay, so I've been dating this girl for like 2 months. We just made everything official about a week ago. We connect so deeply! My feelings for her are intense. I express that to her and she expresses the same thing back. Everything with us is good! Damn near perfect it's just one thing. She's a people pleaser & I personally think she has a minor case of anxiety. Allow me to explain.. She could get into a argument with a friend and do the absolute most. She will do whatever to fix the situation so this person isn't "mad" at her mind you her friend could totally be in the wrong. She has a ex that she was involved with for a long time she says her feelings are totally gone and they will never rekindle what they once shared but she will always want to remain a friend to him. I totally understand but he is taking her kindness for weakness and he is "confessing his love" for her and expressing how he wants her back. She rejected him and told him to repspect what we share but she stresses out over it, he still has her contact info so anytime he texts her, calls, etc she gets stressed out so stressed she has to take time to herself, lay down in peace, etc. (she is best friends with his sister, therefore she will have to cross paths with him) I don't want my girlfriend to feel this way. I told her she needs to cut people that cause stress out of her life but I don't want to cause her more stress by telling her to tell this guy to **** off, he was there before me and I know she wants me and only me but I feel like this could be a big problem in the future. Mind you, she's like this with everyone! Her ex is just a situation that really grinds my gears. I am a very nonchalant type of person and I rarely let people control my emotions. I live a very stress-free lifestyle. How can I help my girlfriend? & do you have any advice about the coo coo ex? Thanks in advance guys and I apologize for the long thread.

 

[zekko]

I told her she needs to cut people that cause stress out of her life but I don't want to cause her more stress by telling her to tell this guy to **** off, he was there before me

He was there before you? What kind of rationale is that? All of her exes were there before you, are you going to invite them all to live together with the two of you forever? I'd tell her to tell this guy to hit the road and that she can blame it on you if she wants to. That way, if he has a problem with it, he can take it up with you. He forfeited his chance to stay friends with her by continuing to hit on her.

 

[Colossus]

Help yourself and dont ever tolerate this bullsh!t ever. Tell her she can cut him out of her life completely or you are out. "Connection" be damned....you've been with her for 2 months FFS the connection isnt real yet anyways.

 

[logicallefty]

Welcome to our forums, Sir.

Your post concerns me a lot. Particularly the part about you dumping all of your feelings to this woman, and the part about her remaining friend with her ex. There are dozens and dozens of ways we can tell you your making some huge mistakes.

At this time I will reference my "tank" theory.

Reference this thread below. It's a good thread for you but particularly look at my post #9.

Your tank has a huge crack in it and is draining rapidly, and you must fix it!!

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=222403&highlight=tank

As you read through other posts here, get a notebook and make a mark for every guy you meet on this site who has been cheated on by a woman going back to her ex after being told "we are just friends". +1 for me. I will be your first of hundreds.

 

[Teez23]

In this case I'm definitely not the "beta"

 

[Vulpine]

Since you're new, I have to ask:

Do you know yet what "Captain Save-A-Ho" is referring to?

I mean, you're asking us to help your girlfriend to do what, exactly?

Stop keeping herself available to another man from her past?

Sounds like a ho you are saving, captain. And it's so perfect! It's so EASY!

B
P
D
:nervous:

 

[GS750]

Another "ex still in the picture" scenario. They aren't pretty and they usually don't end well. She wants to remain friends with him...hmmm. Why do you think that is? She wants to keep him in her life for a reason, and that's likely because she's open to dating him again in the future. She's not ready to let him go. Not to mention that he continues to express his interest in her and she still keeps in touch with him. She's disrespecting you and your relationship. And she's stringing him along. She's not over him. Not by a long shot. Ever consider that you may be a rebound? That could be the reason for all of this drama. And a girl holding onto the ex as "friends" or whatever is likely not relationship material. She wants it both ways. But fvck that it doesn't work that way.

 

[Slickster]

If you really want this to work out then you have to put this relationship to the test immediately. If you let this go on any longer you will sabotage yourself and this relationship.

If a woman's interest level in you is high enough, she will literally do ANYTHING to keep you around and happy. She will move mountains.

Now, if you and your gf have such a great thing going do you REALLY think she would do something to screw that up? This business going on with her ex is a HUGE red flag.

It's time to re-evaluate her interest level in you.

Keeping in touch with her ex SHOULD be VERY low on her list of priorities. Especially if she has high interest in you. Even if she doesn't give a sh!t about her ex the fact that she is even letting him become an issue is a big problem for you.

Time to face reality. Her interest in you is lower than you think.

As a rule her interest level in you should always be higher than yours for her. Break this rule and you will end up as a chump EVERYTIME.

Put the relationship on the line. Tell her you think it is disrespectful to you and your relationship that she remains in contact with her ex. You do not need to explain it any further. Just make that statement to her. Don't act jealous or angry. Be calm and cool and say it with a smile. If she tries to get more information or wants to discuss the matter further just repeat that statement. Then walk away or hang up the phone or whatever. The ball is now in HER court. You have now effectively told her that YOUR interest in her is in jeopardy if she doesn't stop disrespecting you. Now, stand back and watch what happens.

While you are waiting to see her reaction its time for another lesson.

Actions speak louder than words. Repeat this to yourself until it sinks in.

Now if your gf comes back to you (and she probably will at this stage) it is extremely important that you ignore anything she says about the situation. Whatever she says means absolutely nothing. WATCH her actions. Be on high alert for any further disrespectful actions on her part.

Extremely important - SHE ONLY GETS ONE CHANCE to fix things. If you find her in contact with her ex again you must end the relationship immediately. If you don't you will live in misery with this chick from that point forward.

Men need to set the standard early on in any relationship with a woman. Be willing to put the relationship on the line and ready to walk at any signs of disrespect. If you do this from the start you will either have a happy relationship or it will end and you can start looking for a better one. Either way you are the winner. Allow any disrespect to develop in the relationship and you are the loser every single time.

 

[GS750]

If a woman's interest level in you is high enough, she will literally do ANYTHING to keep you around and happy. She will move mountains.

Now, if you and your gf have such a great thing going do you REALLY think she would do something to screw that up? This business going on with her ex is a HUGE red flag.

Damn right. If she was afraid to lose you, then she'd cut ties with him. Actually, if her interest was high enough she'd cut ties with him naturally without having to be told or questioned about it. Because, as Slickster pointed out, she wouldn't be doing stuff that would risk her current relationship. She's stinging him along and disrespecting you. How old is this chick OP?

 

[VladPatton]

The guys above me are right. Dead-as-balls right. Whenever you hear she's still seeing her ex bf, or going out with him, or watching Law and Order when she's on the rag with him, call the Witch Doctor, because your relationship is about bite the fat one.

They are not over, hence the connectivity. Just tell her to call you when she stops seeing her ex, because it will be a splinter in your mind if you stay with her. Like you said: you have a very stress-free life. Well don't change that, and get rid of this retarded drama. Tell her to stop, and gauge her actions. It'll speak volumes.