Help me evict this b*tch.

[cactus3178]

Hey.

I've been here a long while. Got my PHD in PU's, slowly got sucked into a LTR, she turned out to be batsh*t, and here we are.

Before I go into the quick synopsis, props and hello to the few of you still here that I remember. It seems a lot of us just kinda got the game down and obsconded from the DJ forum.

But I digress. The sharpest of knives get dull when constantly run across the same b*tchy piece of paper. And then they get resharpened, made better than ever, and live to cut another day. And that's why I'm here today, to draw on the collective wisdom that is and has been this group. I need ya.

Here we go:

Been in this LTR two years on March 11....which coincidently I remember because I went to the Andre Nickatina show on that day two years ago when I met the snatch (can I say snatch?...we'll see).

Anyway, she started coming around more and more....I let it slide because I felt bad for her, she was living in a weird situation, etc. A charity case, I guess....but I'm a Pisces and inherantly feel empathetic to people. I'm not a nice guy, per se - but I'll help you out if I can and I think your worth it.

So two months after hanging out, it became (somehow) official that we were 'together'. So she's been my GF for almost 2 years.

Problems:

She's become progressively more and more jealous, to a psychotic degree, even though I've never once demonstrated any behavior that would suggest I've stepped out. And I never have, between the DJ board and me. I do hold standards to myself, and one is that if you want to f*ck lots of girls, don't have a GF. Simple.

Attempted crackings of my email (I'm a network tech and made the mistake of showing her a few brute force crack techniques), monitoring of the phone bill and numbers called through Comcast, and her constant questioning is beginning to break me down.

Then the violence when drunk, sometimes when not. Throwing things, loud cursing (I live in a duplex with nice neighbors and this b*tch is just white trash screaming at the top of her lungs), names, breaking objects, etc.

I can't touch her. Oregon and particularly this county has rough domestic violence laws and guidelines. I can't even restrain her from breaking my xbox! I'd never hit a girl, but you better believe I'd take her down and march her ass out the front door if I could.

Okay, Okay, so let me get to the point. I need her out. I need to break up with her with the minimum amount of emotional BS, and I need her to leave, preferrably, without breaking all my crap.

It's a chess game. I just want to keep the drama to a minimum. Help me do this gently.

Look. I know full well that I've become complacent. I'd have not tolerated this crap a couple years ago, but that's how it happens: slowly. So slowly you don't notice until your here where I am.

And please, real advice only. Noobs with plagiarized one-liners from 18 months ago need not apply. Noobs or anybody else with something helpful, fire at will.

And seriously, thank you.

 

[sav]

wow, ur in quite the situation......

first things first... do you rent the place or do you own it? and has she paid any rent? you gotta check up on the laws in ur area regarding this as she can claim half the place even if you arent married (if she's lived there for over 6 months) at least thats how it is in my area.. so cover your ass legally...

after doing that, tell her she has a certain period to get out of ur place and that ur relationship is over... if she starts going ape **** then u wont even need to explain to her why the relationship is over.. video tape it and then play it back to her as the reason for the break up.. aka: she's a psycho.

after the said date has passed, put her remaining **** in black garbage bags, change the keys to ur place, put her **** outside and hopefully never see her again.

oh and i almost forgot the final step: go out, bang a lot of girls, then find urself a nice non-psycho.


hope that helped, i've never been in a situation like that.. the girl that lived with me at my place before left on her own so i didnt have to go through that good luck!

 

[Desdinova]

Just tell her it's over. If she starts going apesh1t on you or your stuff, call the police. If you're worried about her breaking anything valuable, store it at someone else's place before you drop the ball.

After she's gone, change the locks in case she got the key copied or won't give you the old one back. You may also want to change your phone number.

 

[KontrollerX]

I'm completely serious when I suggest the following thing so please also consider doing this right before the breakup speech...

If you have a small tape recorder put it in your pocket before you give this unstable woman the breakup talk so you've got her on tape irrationally screaming at you and making threats of various kinds.

The courts love to believe the sweet innocent young woman over the evil man way too many times not to have as much backup as you possibly can.

So yeah be ready to record any neat things the judge might be interested in hearing such as "you kick me out I'll tell the cops you beat me or raped me and then you'll go to prison hahaha".

Stuff like that tape recorded will reverse all this horrible stuff onto her and not onto you.

Now maybe she won't go this crazy but hey its better to be safe than sorry in my opinion.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

I just saw you talking about Oregon and Andre Nickatina. Was the concert in bend at midtown/domino room? Aint he suppose to be in Portland March 14th this year again to?

Anyways, just tell her you are breaking up and its over.

 

[thehexman]

1) Check up the laws. Go to a lawyer friend (if you have one), go to a library, or just pay the money and get a lawyer are some of my suggestions. Don't use the Internet, I've found that particularly in the US legal advice is not covered in detail as the common law and jurisdiction varies widely throughout the country.

2) Get some evidence. Get her on tape, get her on video if you can (without her knowing it of course. This might be problematic as you set her up, but you can make like you're playing with a tape recorder or camera if you do it smart. Check out the laws.) If you have a lawyer, see if you can get evidence by the neighbors. This might work against you in court, so get legal advice first. Get photographs of all things she broke. If necessary, file a police report (vandalism or comparative crime). Get them to collect evidence.

3) With the evidence, see if you can get a protective order. What are the laws on cohabitation? Do you pay the rent or does she pay too? Does she only pay utility bills etc?

4) If she threatens you with faking a crime (rape, abuse, the like), get this on tape. In some jurisdictions it's a crime to fake evidence of a crime, or to accuse somebody of a crime by faking evidence. You can get her ass that way, probably you can claim some non-violent abuse if she really gets going.

These are the first steps. Although I don't live in the US now, I have been accused of grand larceny by a b1tch. She actually tried to extort me by faking evidence. I got her ass, because I covered myself legally.

 

[bigjohnson]

In other news, this is why you only consider letting them move in after you've married them. Even then I have reservations about it.

 

[cactus3178]

Sav -

I rent the place - from a good friend's mom, too. So, I want this not to get back to her....my GF is NOT on the lease. I hope that'll work in my favor should I have to go in front of a judge. Damnit.

I know in Oregon, if I get a restraining order, she has to leave upon being served the paperwork, usually a day or two later....but I don't want to use a cannon where a pistol will do, ya know?!

KontrollerX -

Oregon sucks - taped conversations without the prior knowledge of the person being taped are inadmissible, thanks to Oregon's exceptionally stouch free speech laws and such. I think I'll do it anyway, though.

I.A.F.Y.B. -

That concert was at the Roseland Theater in Portland. That's a sweet place to see a show, it's capacity is like 2000, they serve liquor, and you can pretty much go right up onstage (I'm assuming you've never been).

Also, his birthday party concert is on the 9th of March this year instead of the 11th. 8pm, Roseland. Tickets are $35.

You going?

 

[j0n024]

....maybe if you have the time become needy and always be around her, nag her love her be around her way way to much. Become an afc that sends her roses everyday or maybe suprise her at her work for lunch and act like a loser that has only had 1 girlfriend and needs to know where she is all the time......become jealous of HER when she goes out.....make it seem like it's HER idea that you guys need a break......that's what I would do good luck.

 

[cactus3178]

....maybe if you have the time become needy and always be around her, nag her love her be around her way way to much. Become an afc that sends her roses everyday or maybe suprise her at her work for lunch and act like a loser that has only had 1 girlfriend and needs to know where she is all the time......become jealous of HER when she goes out.....make it seem like it's HER idea that you guys need a break......that's what I would do good luck.

OMFG. That's what she's been WANTING me to do for a year. She gets mad when I don't get jealous when she (rarely) goes out. She's like "Don't you get jealous knowing guys hit on me?" F*ck no. I don't care.

God, I wish somebody would come along and sweep the b*tch off her feet. My loss -and- my gain, LOL.

She's always asking me why I don't buy her stuff or get flowers....she's whipped and crazy at the same time. Maybe the DJ tactis worked too well.

God, I've had it with her.

 

[sav]

....maybe if you have the time become needy and always be around her, nag her love her be around her way way to much. Become an afc that sends her roses everyday or maybe suprise her at her work for lunch and act like a loser that has only had 1 girlfriend and needs to know where she is all the time......become jealous of HER when she goes out.....make it seem like it's HER idea that you guys need a break......that's what I would do good luck.

that play can be a drawn out process, i wouldnt recommend it in this case as she seems a bit of a psycho that needs to be let go ASAP.

 

[DonGorgon]

SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED TO PACK UP YOUR LIFE AND LEAVE HER PHYSICALLY ... YES IT WILL MEAN GETTING A NEW PLACE TO LIVE ETC... but that is the only way.

 

[cactus3178]

Well, thanks peeps. I think I've come to a decision and here it is, if anybody cares:

I'm gonna get her half of the rent for March ($362.50) and the $ for the one damn utility she pays - why put myself at a loss? - and shortly thereafter, I'm going to tell her she's got a week or two tops to GTFO.

Prior to this, I'm going to call the county sheriff's non-emergency line (I don't know if all cities have it - I'm sure they do...it's for more civil stuff) and let them know that there might be an issue, just in case she freaks, I've got my end covered.

I just can't give this place up!! I'm in a one year lease that I just started, and the landlady is my buddy's mom!

Plus, finding a place this size, in this suburb of Portland, for this price with a garage and a big yard is one in a million. If it was some crappy apartment in town, I'd say f*ck it.

All of you, thanks.

 

[thehexman]

Sounds ok, but why are you afraid of swinging the big stick when she breaks your stuff? But ok, you have better judgment on your part because you know her and also how you feel about it. I understand if you don't want to turn ugly on her.

There might be an issue if you tell her to get out if she already paid her share of the rent and utility. Just reimburse her for that part of the month she does not live at your place, it's a fair deal.

The non-emergency line is probably a good idea. Be sure to subtly slide in all the right stuff, like it's your apartment etc.

Other than that, tell us how she freaked!

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

I.A.F.Y.B. -

That concert was at the Roseland Theater in Portland. That's a sweet place to see a show, it's capacity is like 2000, they serve liquor, and you can pretty much go right up onstage (I'm assuming you've never been).

Also, his birthday party concert is on the 9th of March this year instead of the 11th. 8pm, Roseland. Tickets are $35.

You going?

Yeah, I'd like to go see him again. It depends on my work schedual. Im in centrle oregon right now so i'd have to make it a over night trip.

 

[Sir Juanalot]

I'd pack her crap up in boxes and change the locks. Then when she comes give her her crap and close the door.

 

[penkitten]

I'd pack her crap up in boxes and change the locks. Then when she comes give her her crap and close the door.

and you can call the police out. ask them to stand there and witness that you are allowing her to have her things. show them a copy of the lease so they will see that she is not on the lease and that you are, so you have the right to keep the unit.

 

[bigjohnson]

Get a lawyer and do what they tell you. This is not the place to get legal advice.

 

[Paintballguy]

Get a lawyer and do what they tell you. This is not the place to get legal advice.

what he said...

lawyer = best idea

Reasons why I don't have a girlfriend.

 

[The Deacon]

Avoid emotional drama? I'm sorry, but you're talking about evicting your girlfriend. Expect some serious emotional drama. There's nothing we can do or say to help you, except encourage you to dump this crazy b*tch. Please don't stick with her. I don't want another guy putting up with a female's excess baggage in this world.

Here's the problem. The more you draw it out, the more emotional the break-up will get. Confront her (don't start out argumentative), and expect her to get upset. If she keeps crying and whining, just put in some earplugs. She doesn't have the right to have a sensitive boyfriend after the bullsh*t she put you through.

I'm speaking out of bias from my own personal experience. I still hate this one chick so much it makes my head just burst thinking about it. The break-up was bitter, and even after that she didn't have any friends to talk to so she still called my house. Pathetic whore.

Good luck! =)