Help! I'm being too ****y!

[Timster]

Last night I hung out with my friend and she was very flirtatious and touchy feely (especially in public). I think she almost tried to kiss me once. Anyway, recently, I've been somewhat of a jerk to her (she knows I'm teasing), but I think it's starting to get the best of me. I think she's starting to take it as I don't want anything to do with her...so, she didn't cuddle with me last night...we just kind of laid there (while watching a movie). I think she wasn't sure how I would react if she cuddled with or tried to kiss me.

Any advice? I'm thinking I should surprise her with a kiss and interact more with her (like she does with me).

 

[Tempest]

Take action! You should be making the moves... just grab her and start cuddling with her. If you want to kiss her, go for it! Part of playing the C+F role subcommunicates that you're DOMINANT, IN CONTROL and CONFIDENT. If you can't live up to that, then you've got to work on congruency issues with it.

Be careful not to overdo the C+F... I've done that and got carried away with it. After that I would always get called a jerk and stuff. Be cautious.

You don't have to do C+F all the time! This is something I learned from Tyler Durden. There are 3 types of rapport:

Breaking Rapport
Neutral Rapport
Trying for Rapport

The cool kids in highschool, which one do they do? Break rapport. Why? Because it subcommunicates that they have lots of friends, popularity, confidence, dominance, in control, etc... Breaking rapport is C+F, negging, etc.

Neutral rapport is storytelling and stuff like that.

Trying for rapport is asking questions about the person, displaying interest. Where do you work? What's your name? What's your bloodtype? etc.

You MUST do some rapport. Very important. You've demonstrated HIGH value by being C+F, now it's time to move into A3 and comfort (mystery method) and begin qualifying her and doing rapport.

Good luck.

 

[Tempest]

Woops, accidently double posted.

 

[Timster]

Excerpt from an email she sent me a couple of weeks ago:

"I know you love me or you wouldn't treat me so badly... LOL. It was all in good fun but I will say it made me feel bad for a little bit. But I got used to it. I have to remind myself that's how you are and it's just teasing."

I'll work on my confidence. I know it will pay off.

I'm tempted to say, "I know I've been a jer lately and I'm sorry," but from what I've read, that would be a no-no...maybe I can slip a poem or something into her purse...to reassure her that I am still interested in her. Maybe I should do, instead of say.

 

[Tempest]

Hey, that's a great idea. Remember, if you're going to be in a relationship with the girl or something serious... then it's OKAY to do NICE things for her once in awhile.

David D talks about this. Although he's very C+F, the girls always say they treat them the BEST they've ever been treated. He always opens doors for them, walks on the proper side of the sidewalk and is UNPREDICTABLE when it comes to doing sweet things. Cook dinner for her once awhile, or do that note thing. Great idea... it's just when you do it constantly that it becomes try-hard and needy.