Help, i go crazy when im without her! :(

[nishbuk]

Originally posted by Enigmatron
no you dont understand black italian

i fount her on the internet a month ago now, and i pursued her and we told each other everything about us and we could not believe how much we have in common the same interests and unbelievable similarities, and then we physically met and we both really fancied each other, we were both scared about meeting and not liking each other but we do

and i understand what you mean about any girl would be the special girl but thats not true, she is the girl i have been looking for

if i wanted any other basic girl or just sex i would have gone out there and got it, buts thats not what i wanted

im a very choosy and complex guy

And trust us when we tell you that we have seen your type of behavior time and time again. And it's exactly what were talking about. Pretty much everyone on this site has been through it. And now we have grown. Listen man, there is no "Mrs. Right". Everyone always has a time when they say, "but she's different!!". The truth? No she's not. She's not different. She's not the best girl in the world, and she's not the only girl for you. It just doesn't work like that.
Mrs. Right doesn't exist. But if you are skilled enough you can still have an awesome relationship with a special girl. You've only been in one relationship, so that means that you have no idea what else is out there.
But trust us when we say that you're current "nice guy" behavior will eventually get you dumped if this girl is normal and attractive. It's okay, it's normal and natural. And if you don't get dumped? Then I guess you would be one of the .01% of the males in the world that are the "lucky" ones. (I don't really consider them lucky, but rather unlucky.)
So just remember what we've told you here, and if things every do go sour then we will be here to support you, and help you change into a better man. Good luck.

 

[arlanda]

You have to fall, so you can rise.

Consider this the "best" thing that could have happened to you. You're 24 man! I am 21 and I gotta tell you, I am pretty ****ed up when it comes to women but hey, at least I (want to) learn from such experiences!

 

[Turki]

I smell a troll here, it just sounds TOO AFC.

But in case you do genuinely want advice, here ya go. Some simple steps for you to follow.

1. LISTEN to the advice given to you on this website. Ouzo told you where to meet people, but you completely ignored it, saying "i do need friends but i dont know how to go about it really, out in the real world." For gods sake, don't ask for advice and then not even listen to it.

2. Read the DJ bible and the tips on sosuave.net, hopefully it'll enlighten you coz you sure need it.

3. Get a life outside your girl. friends, job, hobbies, volunteer, you seriously need to expand your life, or i guarantee you will lose her. You are WAY TOO CLINGY, even if you don't think you're showing her that. This is very cliche, but you need to realise there is a whole world out there for you to explore.

4. Don't turn into a stalker if your g/f dumps you, coz you sound obsessed enough that you could easily do it.

Hope this helps a bit

 

[Enigmatron]

thanks guys for your feedback, yeah you know i got to admit ive had no experience in these matters and you have thats why im here

for advice and support and to learn

i cant beleive everyone says dump her though, i could never do that, yes i admit im a too nicer guy, and i would never do anything to hurt or upset her, even though she can be hard on me and before she played a cruel trick on me and i still took her back and she takes me back

i know is probably Inevitable that she will dump me or we will split

but i got to keep trying and altering things, my mind, emotions and behaviour, she means alot to me

did i mention she is also a virgin and she has never had a boyfriend or kissed a boy, maybe she is just like me in we dont know what to expect from each other as we have no prior experience

i dont know i get so confused with it all

 

[Enigmatron]

im no troll im on seriously for the articles and advice and support
turki

and im not a stalker, and im in control of my lust for her, i have these emotional changes from time to time or different throughout the day

and im trying to take onboard everthing that everyone is saying and im grateful that you all have taken the time to read and reply
thanks

what can i say im a sad looser, but i just got to keep going and trying to change and improve my life along the way

 

[nishbuk]

i cant beleive everyone says dump her though, i could never do that,

Well only one person actually told you to dump her. Personally I think you should try and make it work. Then you'll fall mostly likely and either you'll dump her, or she'll dump you, and you'll then go through some pain and some hurt, but you'll have an experience which will bring you massive growth into a man.

 

[Black_Italian]

Originally posted by Enigmatron
no you dont understand black italian

i fount her on the internet a month ago now, and i pursued her and we told each other everything about us and we could not believe how much we have in common the same interests and unbelievable similarities, and then we physically met and we both really fancied each other, we were both scared about meeting and not liking each other but we do

and i understand what you mean about any girl would be the special girl but thats not true, she is the girl i have been looking for

if i wanted any other basic girl or just sex i would have gone out there and got it, buts thats not what i wanted

im a very choosy and complex guy

If you tell eachother evrything there is to know about eachother of course you will have a lot of things in common. Im sure if my dog could speak i would have a lot in common with him.

Man she is not special she is not diffrent she is just a girl. You are obbsessed with ehr because she is the ONLY girl.

Give a starving man a stale biscut he will think it's the best tasting biscut in the world.

She will break up with you soon mark me words and grow some balls for fu*ks sake you sound more like a woman than a man.

Ninja out

 

[Turki]

Originally posted by Enigmatron
what can i say im a sad looser

Don't speak so negatively about yourself man! This comment shows you have very low self esteem, so I'd suggest starting to do things which will help your confidence (eg get in shape, put on some muscle, start boxing etc) and actually make people want to be your friend. Get some interests, maybe do some public speaking too, it'll help your confidence as well. Also DJ bootcamp could be good for you, or a hybrid of it since you've got a g/f.

Also, don't use your girlfriend as a crutch to help you get through life. You said something about wanting her to be there to "guide" you, but remember you are supposed to be the man in the relationship! You're the guider, so you need to get your life in check.

One last thing, you said "if i wanted any other basic girl or just sex i would have gone out there and got it, buts thats not what i wanted." Don't kid yourself man, with your lack of self esteem there's no way you could just go out and get sex whenever you felt like it. Be realistic, but don't put yourself down!

 

[bp1974]

You trying to change yourself all the time to be what you think she wants at any moment is exactly the kind of behaviour that will lead to you two splitting up.

When she said she wants to know the real you that's what she meant - you're closed away inside, trying to guess what she might want from you and putting on an act which leaves her confused and unsatisfied, because she knows it's not you. Your job is to be you, her job is to be her. Trying to guess what she wants and pretending to be it isn't going to help, but I know why your'e doing it. You don't believe you have anything to offer her, and you're worried that unless you can 'make' her happy all the time she will leave.

I don't think there's anything I can say or advice I can give that will actually help you because you are way down in a big hole and I'm not sure you even know that yet. All I can tell you is that I was in a similar position to you a few years ago and what helped me was finding a good therapist.

Good luck. If she dumps you, you'll survive.

 

[the_great_gaia]

ooooh...

she is going to literally KILL him. Doesn't he seem like the type we'll read about in the newspaper or see on CNN Headline News?

Listen... she's not going to like you for long, why? Because you're going to ruin it for yourself.

How can we help you avoid ruining it for yourself?

The sad thing is WE CAN'T. You need to experience the pain, so until then, we can preach to you all day long, but until you have that heart broken, you're not going to listen to what you read here because you don't UNDERSTAND it yet.

We all have been where you are, and we all learned our lessons and became DJs AFTER we had our hearts stomped on. I am kinda glad I've had my heartbroken, i look at it as the "inspiration of the inevitable."

You have to become a victim in order to make victims. No one becomes a true DJ until he has game (i.e. lies, scandal, deceit, manipulation) run on him by a DJ (females). It's a cycling process. You have to get that heart broken, so my advice to you would be to do whatever it is you feel is right. Follow your heart and answer every call your mind makes to you.

You wanna leave her a couple dozen messages? Go Ahead.

You wanna stay on the phone with her for 3 hours? Go Ahead.

You wanna buy her nice things and compliment her every 5 minutes? Go Ahead.

Feel like going to her job everyday to see her? Go Ahead, who knows- you might get there before she does.

Wanna write her romantic letters and let her know how you feel deep inside? Go Ahead.

Wanna cry in front of her whenever she makes you sad? Go Ahead.

Wanna tell her that you love her before its too late? Go Ahead.

And after you do all of this, let us know what happens because 10 times out of 10; we are already know what'll happen, and only then will you be ready to become a real DJ. Keep Posting!

**HEY I'M NOT STEERING HIM IN THE WRONG DIRECTION, I'M SAVING EVERYONE SOME TIME***

 

[Enigmatron]

thanks for your replies guys

i can understand what you are saying, kind of

ive dowloaded the boot camp and im gonna keep reading and learning

so you guys think me and our relationship is heading for crash and burn! and there is nothing i can do to stop it?

 

[Black_Italian]

I personally doubt you can fix it. It doesn't even matter let her break up with you. You will be better off in the long run.

Ninja out

 

[Enigmatron]

i'll tell you a short story

monday i went out with her, i messed up and didnt talk because i felt pressured and i froze and i couldnt even hold her hand, we walked abit and then she went home on the bus and left me! which i could understand as i f*cked and though i blew it forever

the same day when i got back home i phoned her and text her trying to say all the stuff which you can imagine, her sister answered

and i couldnt get to talk to her till later in the evening, we talked and i said because she mentioned it a few weeks back after we had a rough patch

i said maybe we should be friends and start off like that with no pressure and see what happens, she said straight away no thats not what i want, and i said neither do i, i want to be with you

and she would not except the friends thing which would have made it damn easier for me with no pressure but we both dont want that we want to be lovers

so as i see it as long as i can start talking and show her me then i cant see why we cant continue and share each other and have some fun

i know its not gonna be long term i faced that weeks ago.

i just dont want it to end this early, but the next time we meet is gonna be a big test i know it, if i dont show me or talk it will be over

 

[bp1974]

Don't pressure yourself like that. It's not inevitable that you two will break up - there's plenty of couples out there who stay together despite them never knowing what a healthy relationship looks like.

You're right in one way though. If you don't learn not only how to talk about you, but that being you is ok, it WILL be over. For YOU. Even if you stay with this girl. Do you understand what I mean?

 

[Enigmatron]

yeah i sure do bp1974

its all a very fine line between success and failure

and i feel like im really being tested!

 

[bp1974]

The test is all in your head. You're the one pressuring yourself, so if you can lighten up a bit, please do so.

The trouble with seeing experience as a test is that you get the test first, and the lesson afterwards.

I think you'll be fine.

 

[Enigmatron]

well i can either succeed or fail

if i succeed im getting there and it was meant to be

if i fail then, ive just got to move on and put to work the dj way on another girl

 

[Enigmatron]

ive seen the light and ive been stupid!

ive been reading all day and its time to stand up and be a man

im sick of changing my ways for a women, ive wanted to change myself that much that ive nearly ended up not being me at all!

"YOU are the MAN! For if you don't STAND for something, you shall FALL for everything!"

im on my way Don

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Whatever.

 

[pimpfromdayone]

Just because he doesn't have any friends doesn't mean he is doomed. Not everybody is so fuc-king insecure that they need to be socialites in order to be happy. That said, you're right that most people NEED friends to get girls and to be happy, but there are exceptions. Furthermore, he mentions that this girl is new to dating or something.... so, she is NOT your average girl. Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS, you found virgin! I didn't know they still existed! But, everyone is right, you'll probably lose her, and since you think so too, it is going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.