Help! I can't stop denying women...

[jt4aa]

Hi all first let me say that i'm 23 years old. I've only had sex twice (I was very drunk both times and did not enjoy it at all) and I have a big problem. This isn't a problem with attracting women - women fall over backwards to meet me wherever I go... no this is a problem with me.

I always deny advances from women. For the last 6 years now i've been stuck in a cycle whereby when I go out to bars clubs or whatever, whenever I'm out I get advances from women all the time. They look at me put there ass near me, try and talk to me whatever - Every time I just ignore them. I tell myself they're not good enough or they have no personality. It doesn't matter even who they are I say these things to myself just as a matter of course. Then as soon as they walk away or get bored I think "what the hell are you doing!?". For 6 years I go out and this happens. I effectively haven't had any contact with women in this time. I think it might have something to do with past relationships or something - I know I have a deep routed issue but I don't know what it is. I first fell in love when I was 15 and got chewed up and spat out - because I was an AFC and didn't know what I was doing. This then happened again 2 years later when I fell in love again - This time real hard. I got torn apart when I got spat out again. That was nearly 6 years ago and I haven't really been near women since. Because of my position (I'm the guy that every1 looks up to) I feel that I can never talk to anyone about my problems - And so I never do.

Is there anyone out there that knows how to deal with this? How can I overcome my issues?

This isn't a problem with the majority of my life. I'm happy with what I have and what I have achieved. Women currently don't play any part in my life at all however - Sometimes I find myself getting incredibly frustrated when I think about this - I put alot of effort into myself to attract women and overcome these issues but after all this time i'm at a complete loss as to what to do about it. I know that i'm missing out on experiences that I should be having.

Can anyone help?

 

[italostud]

I'll get the obligatory "you're gay" comment out of the way.

Your post doesn't make a whole lot of sense. On one hand you say women are all over you, and that you go to the bars all of the time, yet you've only had sex twice. Something doesn't add here.

As for your unrealistic standards that you hold women up to...you "what the hell are you doing?" to yourself....if that's true, then why don't you change your behavior the next time around?

If you know you have a problem, fix it. No sense in knowing your problem if you just keep exacerbating it.

 

[spider_007]

haw about this: you don't think your good enough for them (i know you said it was the other way around, but i think your lying to your self). Sit down one day and ask your self bunch of questions untill you run into an answer

1) do you find chicks attractive??
2) do you want azz???
3) is there a perticular kind of chicks you are looking for
4) do you know haw to talk to them/flirt with them, initiate bunch of different feeling using tecniques from this and other sites????
5) when you go out, are you horny???
6) are you afraid of being embarased
7) do you think she will let you down, or that you will let her down.


it's kind of self diagnose, that i use from time to time when i run int problems or unsettling feelings. you ask your self every possible question you can think of (haw, why, what, when...) and try to answer it honestly. eventually you'll run into an answer and save your self thousands of dollars in medical bills (not to mention the gray hair)

 

[DjDreamer]

Originally posted by italostud
I'll get the obligatory "you're gay" comment out of the way.

:crackup:

You mind reader you...

 

[jt4aa]

Alright I think spider may be on the mark here.

I don't really notice women when i go out, i'm too busy enjoying myself. Its usually women that notice me and start the whole thing off. Thing is i have a very strange effect on people.

It usually goes like this -
Girls: either preen then selves rub there ass on me but most of the time stand right in the space where i'm dancing and stay there (which to be honest pisses me off when i'm trying to dance). Usually if they dance in front of me when 1 leaves another 1 fills the space. sometimes I have 5 or 6 women around me. I always look to see if i fancy them but most of the time i'm not that interested. Alot of the time i get so pissed off i walk away and dance sumwhere else - and it starts again.

Guys: I get 3 main types of reaction. Some guys worship me completely. They wanna be my friend and tell me all the things thats wrong with their life. I've started to say "Why do you think I know all the answers?".
Type 2 feels incredibly intimidated and they put their hands over they're faces or try and make themselves look better. I just think to myself why are you doing that! I'm just a person like you. I even say it sometimes.
The 3rd type looks at me like he wishes I was dead - sometimes makin threatening gestures which scares the **** outta me (these people are usually very aggressive alpha male types). Usually when this happens the guys who worship me all gather round me so that nothing happens.

I get these reactions typically when i go out and I'm really having a good time.

Thing is people go so completely mad over me when i'm out. I tend to become really self aware - I mean theres no way I'm gonna actually be like what all these people expect of me. last week a bar woman dropped a tray of beer glasses because I looked at her. The night after that a woman dropped a drink on herself because I saw she she had a glowstick and I said "Hey cool glowstick!". She just stood there going "oh my god oh my god." waving herself she didn't even look at me. I feel like a card board cut out sometimes. No one bothers to actually see if i have a personality.

I find myself becoming intimidated when i'm in the street. Its the aggresive guys that worry me the most. But I don't like the fact that everybody is watching me all the time. Recently, I was walking to work and out of nowhere this guy starts taking pictures of me. It made me feel very uneasy - but afterwards i realised that I liked the attention. When this first started happening I thought it was all in my head, but it isn't.

When i'm out the aggresive guys make me feel like I can't do anything. So i don't. I find it interesting that 99% of alpha males i meet where i come from are the guys who most likely carry guns and knives and rule people by fear. I live in the UK by the way. I think its a shame that people are so controlling. When I go out I want people around me to enjoy themsleves and have a good time.

If i think about it I've never dated or pulled anyone who hasn't come on to me first. Maybe I do have a problem with what I think of myself - I don't think so tho. Its not like I don't approach women either. Its just that when I do I say stupid things. I learnt along time ago that what i say and what I mean don't go together and I really am bad with words - unbelievable bad. When i'm not with my friends (who know me better), I only ever speak now in short but to the point sentances. If I don't then people take me the wrong way. In regards to women I find I'll say something stupid and AFC without thinking about it. I know deep down i'm not an AFC. I also know that i'm crap with word games. I'm musical and creative and not a language person.

Another thing is kino. My male friends all hug each other and stuff but never with me because they know that I look after them and thats not the relationship we have. I'm not a particularly playful person. I have done personality tests and they say that I have the personality of a commander. I can understand that with the way I look out for people. I'm never around any women to ever hug them. I haven't hugged a woman in 3 years. I miss it a great deal...

I must stress that I don't have confidence issues. I can talk to anyone at all. In fact meeting new people is something I've always loved to do.

Reading this back it all seems so bizarre. This stuff actually happens though. I don't really want to stand out so much, I just wanna go out and have fun and not have to worry about this crap all the time. I don't feel that anyone I talk to understands where i'm coming from. I badly want to sort out my issues but I think I need someone to clearly point out whats up. Coz i can't work it out myself.

Cheers

 

[jt4aa]

Originally posted by DjDreamer
:crackup:

You mind reader you...

I'd just like to point out that this is typical of people. Why does the male population have to take the piss. Your simply a waste of my time...

Why post at all?

 

[spider_007]

When you said that chicks spilled their drinks just because you talk to them, almost made me call you a FVCKING TROLL. Never in my enire life did i hear something so rediculis.

but, since im so gulible i'm going to give a benifit of a dought.

ask your self (no need to answer on the site):

-are you attracted to women
-do you find your self thinking about them every few minutes
-when you jerk off (if you didn't i would be seriously concerned about your sexual drive) do you think about women, or guys.....or cats, or horses


-haw important is your social status
-haw much value do you put on what people tink of you
-was there ever time where you didn't have friends (ware you social outcast?)
-does enybody that you think very hi of disrispect you
-do you think you have something to prove.....


the reason i ask this is because; you eather have some kinda vierd social pressure phenomenon to be un reachable..... or you have sexual issues (chemical imbalances)

try it your self, ask your self small and simple questions like; haw, and why, to get to the answers you are looking for.

 

[DjDreamer]

Originally posted by jt4aa
I'd just like to point out that this is typical of people. Why does the male population have to take the piss. Your simply a waste of my time...

Why post at all?

Alright dude... sorry I offended you... but don't you think what you wrote can be misconstrued as gay?

But anyways... I think your problem lies with you not having adequate people skills... it's like you automaticlly shut people down/deny those who try to be friendly with you and then you feel bad about it later in time... it's like you are so quick to close a book after reading just the introduction...

 

[el torro]

hey dude,

dunno man sounds pretty deep, I can kinda relate to sum of your issues, I don’t have it often but sometimes I get an average girl who’s head over heels for me but I pass up an opportunity to go out with her because I want to stay available for when something better comes along but I’ve realised now that I need to give these girls a chance to get some experience so when I do find the perfect girl I’ll know what to do in that situation. And anyway if you give them a chance you might find something you like in them. But for now just have fun and don’t worry. I think Spider_007 has offered the best advice so far.

 

[jt4aa]

I'm not a troll. This is what i'm talking about when people don't understand. I mean what part of that happening do you think is a good thing? I don't want people to behave like that. I'm hoping someone can help me prevent it from happening.

-are you attracted to women

YES

-do you find your self thinking about them every few minutes

YES

-when you jerk off (if you didn't i would be seriously concerned about your sexual drive) do you think about women, or guys.....or cats, or horses

YES i masturbate and yes i use porn and all that crap and YES its is women I look at FFS.

Social Status is very important to me. And yes I do care what people think. I have never been a social outcast but there have been times when i've been depressed in the past and thought that maybe I was. My friends point out constantly that i'm popular. People usually know who I am before I've met them aswell. If anything I choose to be on my own and my friends have learnt to live with that. I'm ultimately a social person tho but I'd say I'm an extrovert when i'm out but i'm quite reserved as well. I told you i'm crap at language so I don't know if i'm explaining this well.

All my friends think highly of me and I think highly of them. They would not be my friends if we didn't respect each other.

Something to prove. I'd say yes. I want to be the best at anything that I put my mind too. Over the years I've become very skilled at my chosen passions (music and IT mainly). I've also given up drugs and don't drink much anymore. I feel that I no longer need to.

I already know I have deep rooted issues. My friends and I have agreed on this but I'm not able to learn anymore than that. I suspect I may have a mild kind of ADD disorder because of my behaviour and because of my ability to be incredibly focused. I'd like to find out if its true but I wouldn't know where to start. Even if it is I don't see how it would help me with this problem. The bottom line is that women aside, i'm happy with my life and the direction its going. I've completely turned myself around from being a waster too somebody with meaning and direction. I could just give up trying with women and push them to the side but that won't stop my desires. I don't accept that as a solution.

Surely there must be someone out there that can help me out here?

 

[jt4aa]

Originally posted by el torro
hey dude,

dunno man sounds pretty deep, I can kinda relate to sum of your issues, I don’t have it often but sometimes I get an average girl who’s head over heels for me but I pass up an opportunity to go out with her because I want to stay available for when something better comes along but I’ve realised now that I need to give these girls a chance to get some experience so when I do find the perfect girl I’ll know what to do in that situation. And anyway if you give them a chance you might find something you like in them. But for now just have fun and don’t worry. I think Spider_007 has offered the best advice so far.

I think this all the time. I'll go out and think right If someone comes on to me I'm not gonna say no. But it doesn't happen like that. Theres never a woman around that I want. And then when there is I approach them and I make a fool of myself. I'd definately say my social status gets in the way too. Thats why I like meeting new people coz theres less expectations then and I don't have too worry as much

 

[jt4aa]

Originally posted by DjDreamer
it's like you automaticlly shut people down/deny those who try to be friendly with you and then you feel bad about it later in time... it's like you are so quick to close a book after reading just the introduction...

I do do that your right. In fact one of my best mates says that about me. I do find that I often sort people into those that I have time for and those that I don't. I don't know how to be any other way. I find that people that don't do that constantly get shat on. I don't see much of a benefit to letting my self be shat upon.

 

[spider_007]

lot of gurls i won't find attractive. Fvckable-yes, attractive-there aren't too many of them.

try an experiment;

i know you think you can get any woman but try this. go out (don't drink) and pick up a woman who is "fvckable". DON'T GO FOR ATTRACTIVE THIST TIME (only). As you walk through the door, make eyecontact with everybody, and find one who is interasted, and fvckabe. AND DO HER (with out having a sip of alchohol). just to see what happens. just to get your feet wet. i don't think your friends will mind if you tell them; "i was horny, i had to have some, so sue me ".

in fact, i just might folow my own advice.

 

[jt4aa]

interesting. I'm out tomorrow night. I shall try what you suggest...

 

[nectarine]

Some completely introspective, intelligent guys, who totally have the potential to make many women very happy, feel so smacked down after a few failures early on that even though they like women and want women, they find themselves pushing them aside deliberately.

It's like they build a grudge against society and womanhood, saying that he's too damn good for any girl out there, and if they don't want him, f@ck them, he can do without. They'll kick themselves betweentimes, but in the heat of the moment they will just shut down. They'll believe their own propoganda and if they don't check it, they may even become misogynistic; well balanced in every other walk of life, even great guys, but they despise women. All from a few bad turns a long time ago.

This sounds like you.

I don't have any clever advice to fix it. All it takes is some reinforcement that girls can be worthwhile and you can get with them.

 

[DjDreamer]

Originally posted by spider_007
lot of gurls i won't find attractive. Fvckable-yes, attractive-there aren't too many of them.

try an experiment;

i know you think you can get any woman but try this. go out (don't drink) and pick up a woman who is "fvckable". DON'T GO FOR ATTRACTIVE THIST TIME (only). As you walk through the door, make eyecontact with everybody, and find one who is interasted, and fvckabe. AND DO HER (with out having a sip of alchohol). just to see what happens. just to get your feet wet. i don't think your friends will mind if you tell them; "i was horny, i had to have some, so sue me ".

in fact, i just might folow my own advice.

lol... the "fvckable or non-fvckable" chick assessment test is indeed the cure for pickyness... sure is better than categorising women into numeric values 1 trough impossible perfection 10...