help: I am being an AFC gimp!

[Brickhead]

Hey brothers, I used to visit here often, it’s been a while though. I need some help on the following.

She is my housemate (oops). We got very close over a period of 4-5 months. Talking constantly and hanging around almost daily, we just seemed to click really well, and were very similar personality wise.

Whenever we went out with friends and stuff people would comment on how much of a special bond we seemed to have. And we felt totally comfortable with each other in a way that I don’t even feel with my best mate of 15years and he and I are very close too.

Initially I wasn’t attracted to her at all, we were just friends, and we were both on the same page about that but then as time went on my feelings for her grew stronger, pretty sure with her too. Then one weekend things started getting more intimate and we ended up sleeping together several times and I heard her speaking to her friend about how she thought it was amazing (so I know I don’t have any glaring inadequacies in that area ). I started thinking heaps about her and I and I thought this was potentially a chance at something special and was ready to give it a shot.
Then one day she comes to me crying saying that she doesn’t want anything to change between us because she can’t handle the thought of losing me, and that she cannot commit to anything because of personal issues. Now she has started being distant with me and it is doing my head in.

A bit about her, she was in an abusive relationship for 3 years, which she got out of 4 years ago, hasn’t had a boyfriend since and will routinely go without seeing anyone for several months at a time.

About me, I got involved with a previous housemate for 8 months, she was in the house for the end of that drama. That previous housemate was the complete opposite of her, 19year old, high maintenance, drama queen.

Now I know she is a bit of a head wreck and I know what I should be doing. I have started seeing 3 other girls recently, and they just aren’t comparing to her, so I don’t know if I have f-ed myself over and fallen for this girl?

I just need help in understanding what has made her 180 on me, so I can move on?

 

[Warrior74]

Title says it all. If you aren't a troll, leave the flat mate alone and go after other women. It's that simple. There is no more need for analysis and talk there is only a need for action. Will you take action brother or will you continue to let your vag bleed all over this thread? The choice is yours. Good luck.

 

[NewToTheGame]

Just a guess, but here's what might have happened:

You two got very close. She knows you inside and out. You have a special bond. Right? Also women are very intuitive. She knows you are very into her.

She met a new guy. A guy she doesn't know too much about. A mystery. She wonders what he is doing when they aren't together. Because she doesn't live with him and know what he's doing 24/7.

Women are attracted to guys whose feelings are unclear (watch Corey Wayne's videos). You are an open book to her. In every way. The new guy isn't. Simple as that.

She does seem to care about you, and doesn't want to hurt you. Or at least feel guilty for doing so. That doesn't negate the attraction she feels for the other guy. Logically, you two go well together. Emotionally, the new guy has her hamster running. Which one do you think wins?

So she tells you that she doesn't want to ruin what you two have in terms of friendship. This way, she feels good about herself. So she can do nasty things with the new guy, eventually in your house, without feeling guilty.

Moral of this (hypothetical, but likely) story: Move out. Or somehow try to improve yourself mentally in regards to her and women in general while still living with her. Which may be impossible.

Don't mean to be too harsh, but you need to understand what is happening here.

Edit: One last point. Girls who have been in abusive relationships do things like this all the time. They will push and pull you so naturally that they will drive you crazy with infatuation if you allow it. At one point, you weren't even that attracted her. Now you can't stop thinking about her. **Wondering where you went wrong. What you could have done differently. What you should do now.** This is so textbook and reminiscent of my own experience its scary. If you don't see how damaged she truly is and convince yourself that you deserve better than being the white knight to her, you are in for a very rough period. I speak from an extremely damaging personal experience that ended up defining a year of my life.

 

[Brickhead]

@ warrior74, cheers, you are 100% correct I gotta stop thinking about it and get on with my life. Easier said than done, but I am working on it.


@NewToTheGame, I know for a fact that she hasn't met anyone yet, but your point still stands in regards to being too much of a known entity. I tell her to her face that I like her and flatter her heaps, but I dont think thats a big deal? I do that for heaps of chicks, its part of my game. I am being taken for granted by her and I need to take myself off the table completely. Have tried to do this by seeing other girls, even brought girls home, and she is acting super antsy about it but whatever.

With previous housemate that I had a thing with, exactly what you said was what happened. At the time it sucked so bad for me I thought the feeling wouldn't end. She ended up doing it to 4 guys since me and still messages me every so often trying to see me, she was way more damaged than my current housemate and I am glad to be over her, that was a roller-coaster of 8 months. I am feeling you had a similar experience?

 

[NewToTheGame]

Brickhead,

Man the stuff you wrote is eerie to me, literally gave me a chill, haha.

The girl that really did a number on me...I went NC on her for months to just get over it. We had worked together before which is what made it so hard to get away from her. Every time I went to work she was on my mind. It was so bad that if she wasn't working that night, I actually felt like I had no purpose to be there. I won't even go into the details of our story, as it is not helpful to me. I will just say it was as intense of a sexual and emotional experience that I have ever endured.

And yeah she has done it to several guys since then. One of them pulled a gun on another one. Throughout it all, she has tried to stay in contact with me. Having mutual friends ask me questions, texting, calling me. One of my former (male) friends has been giving this chick rides and buying her drinks for a year now, hoping to get in her pants. He denies that's why he does it, but everyone knows what he's after, and that he's not getting it. She mocks him behind his back, while saying how close of friends they are to his face.

At one point, after our "relationship", me and her got pretty close, and almost got back together. She admitted, without me even asking her, that she does this sort of push-pull thing. She said she loves meeting new potential lovers, everything is great for a few weeks/months, and then she gets scared (I mean terrified) of getting hurt. So she pulls back, which makes the guys chase her until they drive her away. The only ones that can keep her (for awhile) are the ones that abuse her in some way, which she simultaneously is scared of and attracted to. I have seen the meanest, toughest guy I know literally driven across the country in tears by her.

After a few months of not seeing or talking to her, I was starting to feel much much better. For the first time I realized everything I wrote above. She showed up at my door at midnight on Christmas. Wanted to go out for drinks. I was lonely (couldn't go home for the holidays) I blew it and went with her. During that night, I talked mostly to other people, did my best to not give her too much attention. She was all over me. Making out with me, giving me lapdances, biting me, all the type of crazy sexual **** she does.

Towards the end of the night, I was talking to a guy friend of mine for a minute. She literally got up, grabbed another guy by the hand, and led him out of the club. Called me the next day, as soon as she woke up, saying what a great time she had, and how good it was to see me.

At least this time it only bothered me for a couple of days. I haven't told that story here, because honestly I don't need any advice other than stay away.

I only hope that it helps you see what some of these girls are capable of. What I would suggest doing is taking a look at yourself. I did, and I realized that 80-90% of the girls I have been involved with had been sexually abused. I am not exaggerating. And I am not saying that that % of girls gets abused. But they are the girls I find myself attracted to. I figured out that it stems from a feeling I have that I am not successful enough in my own life and feel a great deal of shame at times because of it. Getting these types of girls and "fixing" them is a way I can fix someone else in a manner that I am unable to do with myself. Its completely illogical thinking, and it is exactly what I am working on personally at this time.

I am not saying that you are only attracted to abused girls, or that you have the same issues I do. But if you are finding yourself falling head over heels for the same type of chick over and over again, look at yourself and ask "why?" I will be interested to see your response. Good luck.

 

[Brickhead]

Hmm, feels like we had a very similar experience with very similar girl. The girl that did it too me was young (19) and not as self-aware as the one that did a number on you. If I had the skills that these girls have, I would have the world at my knees for sure. She has many orbiters and always a willing chump to drive her around and tell her how special she is and how every other guy is wrong etc.

She would make you feel like you are the only guy in the world, then her fear of abandonment would kick in she would pull away Ide start acting antsy about it coz I was already attached, she would pull away more. Then she would meet someone new and exciting, who didn’t give her the stress that I was giving her and he would become the next chump in line. Sounds comparable to your experience.

I would question myself, feel like I was doing something to her, felt like crud about myself. End of the day though it was all her, the only way out for me was to delete her number, and simply not contact her after she moved out. She owes me money, just have to write it off because I don’t want to get sucked back into her whirlwind which I most definitely would because she knows how to make someone feel like the most desirable guy in the world, and I am enough of a chump to buy it again.

I think I get sucked into these situations because it’s an easy way to find some purpose. To have someone seemingly wanting me and depending on me will give me that sense of purpose and drive in life that you can sometimes find lacking. But my attentions are ill focused and I need to derive this from something else in my life, I have been doing a lot of soul searching recently and to put my heart into one person is only going to end up the same way each time. I have been approaching life in completely the wrong way, with positive reinforcement from others, I need to trust my instinct more

Current housemate is nothing like her though, she doesn’t really know how to play guys at all, hardly ever gets asked out and is very distant when you first meet her. I took a while to warm her up, and I put the effort in because we lived together, so it’s making it a lot easier to manage the situation.

 

[NewToTheGame]

Sounds like you are on the right track bro. I sympathize with everything you said. Trying to find your own happiness or purpose through a relationship is always the wrong way to go. And when you do that with certain types of destructive women, it will tear you apart.

Makes perfect sense of course, but sometimes you just gotta go through it to really understand that you have been living that way.

I'm not gonna monitor this thread any longer, because it seems like you are in a decent place to start working on this. If things get to be too much with the current situation, PM me, I'd be happy to help.

 

[Zunder]

Run Logan, Run.

 

[Zunder]

I have no idea how the fvck my post replayed itself about a dozen times.
I guess I made my point though....and showed my age in referring to an old tv show from years ago.

Weird, now it is only showing as a duplicate. Maybe hairy armpit feminazis are hacking the forum.