help - dumped a girl - now want her back???

[DJArlington]

guys i dated this girl for three years on and off. we finally broke it off for good in December 2007. i was the one who broke it off w/her but now i'm torn up without her. i can't tell if it's loneliness, oneitis, the fact that my family hated her guts and tried to tear us apart (I'm Indian she's American / Caucasian). I had problems with her that led to us breaking up that were separate from my family (I found a porn video that she did with an ex-lover on her computer, problem was she was still in contact with the guy). Once my parents found out about the problems (like an idiot I told them what happend because I thought our relationship was over) they caved in on me and pressured me to stop seeing her. After that, all I wanted to do was hold on to her.

well let's forward to June 2008, now she is dating someone, sounds like a pretty decent guy. she still wants me in her life but only if i am able to handle the family situation. i can't tell if my family put doubts about her in my head or if the video is still bugging me (i.e. i still have trust issues with her).

i'm so confused. can someone shed some light on this? do i just need to move on? i have fixed all the independence issues with my family, which by the way took years of therapy. she lives across the country and sometimes i feel the urgency to move to where she is and just try it out. the problem is if i move there my family will freak out, so i guess i haven't worked the issues out. i feel like this weird relatinsihp w/my family is screwing me up, like in other areas of my life. they are great ppl it's just not healthy for me.

and by the way the sex was mind blowing - honestly it'll never get better than this.

and i have dated around during our on / off break up periods. the girls were cool but not like her.

 

[CGE333]

Forget her, it's over,move on. I think you should also cease to have any contact with her as it does you no good. By hanging on all you are doing is prolonging your agony. Plus it sounds like you have a lot of your issues to deal with. The only way you are going to deal with them is on your own, and 6 months or so is probably not long enough to deal with them. You need to be by yourself and get comfortable in your own skin (without family or woman interference). Only than can you truly be happy in a relationship.

I also suspect there is more behind the break up than just finding a video. The sooner you decide that it is over for good, you can begin life anew- how long do you want to wait?

The good news if you hang in there and work hard on yourself, in 12-18 months you'll be dating someone that you'll realize is more inline with your true self and values than this other chick. Good luck and in the meantime you should go out and fool around with anything that moves.

 

[jophil28]

(I found a porn video that she did with an ex-lover on her computer, problem was she was still in contact with the guy).

Duh ! You fell for a porn star who was still in contact with her porn star b/f when she was fvkking you.. Dude, why do you think she maintained the contact with him?
Now she is doing IT with some other guy BUT wants you to hover in the background.
WE have words for women like that in the West. What do you call them in the Indian culture?

 

[DJArlington]

you guys are totally right i need to get out of this situation like no tomorrow. actually at this point she won't talk to me because i was the one who left her so i guess there is nothing more left to say.

i gotta find myself a new girl quickly.

 

[romangod]

i gotta find myself a new girl quickly.

Famous last words. :cuss:


Cheers!

 

[L B]

If it didn't work the first time, chances are you are wasting your time on the second/third/fourth/fifth/sixth/seventh/eighth/ninth/tenth....time.

Also at your age, your family should not be noisy about who you're dating. You need to set that expectation with them. You're an adult!

 

[PTC]

I thought you said she wanted you back? How do you know this if she hasn't contacted you?

And most of the time while your blinded by the "good pvssy" your (close)friends and family are the ones that see the true person you are dating.

This sounds like my last relationship except for the porn part. She sounds like a tree swinger to me. They get bored of you and seek another branch to swing to and thats when you start to get that "gut" feeling that its time to move on. But if you try and break it off with them before they have another limb to swing to the acting comes out in them and they use their sexual talent to keep you around until they do. Kinda like some of the personality disorders that have been discussed on this forum.

You did the right thing to move on. I know it's tough to deal with but the last thing you wanna do is go out and try and find a new girlfriend. A one or two nighter? Yeah sure why not. But try and focus on yourself to a point where you don't "need" somebody in your life. I know its hard,...believe me, I know, as do a lot of other guys on here, especially the sex part. It's funny the chicks that are the most amazing in the sack are the craziest ones! But she's not going to be any different when you go crawling back to her.

Good luck

 

[Fantasy]

Honestly, I don't see why it has to be all or nothing when it comes to these sort of things.

One: You had a freak that screwed you well and found out that she did pron with one of her ex's. The reality is that you will be surprised what most women have done sexually before they met you. your parent's hating her guts is a good sign she probably is not LTR material but why couldn't you just keep her around to bang her whenever you want while you bang other freaks? I think a chic that is adventurous enough to make home porn is great to keep around at least for that purpose. You don't have to marry her. Just realize she is a freak and is only worthy of your sexual attention. Lie and be deceiving. Make her think she is
whatever just so as long as you can get your rocks off. Why throw away a perfectly good porn star?


Two: Never ever ever get your parents involved in your relationships. tell them very little. They will always tell you to do the "right"thing which translates into your pipe being dry as a desert.

 

[mystic03]

First, buy new porn and make sure she´s not in it.

Second, if you succesfully get her back you loose all the power in the relationship. Well you already lost it but now you're not with her so no harm no foul.

Third, chances are if you pursue her and don't get her you'll aggravate your oneitis.

Fourth, if you do get her she could dump you this time just to get back at you. Women don't like to be dumped, well more than men.