Jitterbug said:
Had a girl who pulled the "I prefer/ I'm better at email/AIM than phone" BS on me to explain why she didn't pick up the phone when I called (we bumped in to each other again and she was keen to explain herself). I simply asked: "Really, so you never call or receive calls from your friends and family?" She said "yeah, I just use email" but clearly I caught her by surprise with that question and she was lying (obvious through body language and tone). Low IL -> nexted.
This same chick strung a Mr Nice-Guy along for months after me and he didn't even get a hug.
Hehe, you know... What they actually say when they say they prefer e-mail and IM, is this: "I feel really awkward talking to you on the phone or meeting you, because obviously you like me a lot more than I like you (or: I don't really feel a click). I prefer to stick with IM and e-mail, because then I can get away with not telling you outrightly that I'm not (really) interested in you (in that way). Meeting you or talking to you on the phone would clearly show my disinterest and I either feel too awkward when that happens or I prefer to keep you in the dark because I like you enough (in a non-sexual way) to keep e-mailing or IMing occasionally, and I don't want to hurt your feelings."
Their intentions probably aren't malicious. They probably honestly like you (somewhat) as a person. The sexual vibe (or neediness that drips off) that's also there because you're interested is what scares them off and makes them stand off-ish. Too bad that they just don't seem to realize it's better to be open and honest about it to you. Wether that is because they're afraid of such confrontations, and/or afraid of the consequences (losing a person's attention), making them into attention wh*res, I don't know. Personally, I've never really believed the AW thing, but then again, I tend to see the good in people.
So that's why we as men, but also women, must protect our hearts. You can't expect someone else to do that. Lot's of people, men and women alike, don't realize that. That's why they are chumps and run after someone because they don't protect themselves, entirely expecting the other person to do the honourable thing of sitting down with them and waking them from their dream in a gentle but decisive fashion.
Because the other person usually only gets more and more annoyed and either blows them off when they don't see it coming, or the get plainy ignored, these people eventually burn themselves so hard that they come here and open their eyes. Like a lot of us. Like me. That's why such people will say about the DJ way: "How can you be such a jerk?" Like I did for a long time.
How can you be so jerkish and insensitive to people by tossing them aside because they don't feel the same for you? However, it has nothing to do with being a jerk. It has everything to do with being sensible and healthy. To yourself. It's only because we lost that sensibility (or were never taught it) that we have to resort to calling this "the DJ way".
Anyway, not intended to lecture, just to share some thoughts. Good thing you realized her BS and nexted her, Jit. I didn't. For
two years I didn't. Ew.
Interested women don't make you wait. Uninterested women will postpone dealing with you, in a process where they don't respond to your calls or e-mails until they feel they can't wait much longer (because they either feel sorry for you and don't want to hurt your feelings, or just ignoring you would feel too awkward or nasty to them), and then they cave in (a bit) and satisfy your craving for her attention by giving a small spark of life. With which she means to show you that she's not ignoring you, but she's secretly hoping that you'll get the message that she's got other priorities than you. Hey, after all, that's what we do too, right? It's the way of things.
This can be a tough thing to realize and accept when you're interested. However, you must. Get the message. Part of being a man, being healthy to yourself, is knowing when you're tugging a dead horse. Tough as it may be. That's why we are here. To help eachother realize.
And just in case it's not a lie, then you really should divert to another plate.
