help! can't approach even on strong invite!

[TheFlyingMan]

This is seriously seriously pissing me off! Went out tonight, all the other stuff I have been reading up on has been put into action. I'm walking around like a high status guy with high status friends, having fun and ignoring the girls, and a few HBs in the clubs are giving me mad signals, staring at me, smiling at me, etc.

I can't goddamn approach them! I've done the bootcamp up until week 4, and this is my sticking point! She stares me and smiles, I look back, give her a ****y wink, and get this, I fvcking walk off! MY GOD! I can't do it!

HOW CAN I OVERCOME THIS! I don't think it's fear. I have cold approached girls before in a club, but it's actually easier if they're not giving me signals. I stand around for a bit and warm up to approach them.

THE IMPORTANT BIT - But if I'm not prepared and I just get a smile or something or "come get me" look I walk off! I think this is a bit different from normal approach anxiety. ANYONE GOT ANY TIPS PLEASE! JESUS CHRIST! I COULD HAVE HAD 3 HBs but went home alone!

 

[Wiesman44]

stop being a wimp and just approach. There's nothing more to say. I dont see why you're making it so damn difficult.


ps: Its not a '****y wink' if you can't approach, b/c you can't be ****y if you can't approach. Therefore, its just a 'wink'.

 

[jonwon]

This is seriously seriously pissing me off! Went out tonight, all the other stuff I have been reading up on has been put into action. I'm walking around like a high status guy with high status friends, having fun and ignoring the girls, and a few HBs in the clubs are giving me mad signals, staring at me, smiling at me, etc.

I can't goddamn approach them! I've done the bootcamp up until week 4, and this is my sticking point! She stares me and smiles, I look back, give her a ****y wink, and get this, I fvcking walk off! MY GOD! I can't do it!

HOW CAN I OVERCOME THIS! I don't think it's fear. I have cold approached girls before in a club, but it's actually easier if they're not giving me signals. I stand around for a bit and warm up to approach them.

THE IMPORTANT BIT - But if I'm not prepared and I just get a smile or something or "come get me" look I walk off! I think this is a bit different from normal approach anxiety. ANYONE GOT ANY TIPS PLEASE! JESUS CHRIST! I COULD HAVE HAD 3 HBs but went home alone!

ma n we all get this and something i am working on again, i had this kinda sorted it comes in waves.

We all get it, dont beat yourslef up so much this is how i try to get past it.

Dont look for an outcome, there is no result, its just tlaking and saying hello or what ever other game stuff you want to use.

The thing is your so clued upto your ideal that your perfect and that you are fitting a mould that has been drawn out for you, you are afraid for someone else to SHATTER that impression you have on YOU!

You are so caught up with how alpha you are, you dont want a women to break the one your in, i call it a comfort zone, here listen to this:

A dog is sat next to his owner, he loves his owner and is very loyal.
But this dog to sit next ot his owner has to park his ass on a rusty nail, but the dog is so comfortable next to his owner he is not worried about the pain.
That nail is getting rustier and rustier and the dog is thinking i want my owner to move so badly, but i love being sat here, its comfortable, if i move the owner may ignore me and that feels worse then this nail.
The dog is in a comfort zone and that nail is hurting but not enough for him to take ACTION.
That dog is you! Your hurting but not enough to take action and get your ass of that rusty nail cos its comfy.

Sort the sh** out put your ego to one side and do it, if you fail you fail, the nail is comig out but it is going to hurt, it has had years of being imbedding in that fine alpha ass and is not going to come out easy.

 

[Dannyrt34]

My AFC friend also approaches girls more when they don't send an invitation. He has little confidence in any conversation he has with a girl, he's not bad looking, so girls do give him invites, but he often scares them off when they see what an AFC he is after the interaction begins.

So this is my theory on what may be going on in your head. Maybe you have trouble with conversation, rapport, anything used when you're actually in an interaction with a hot female. So when you see a girl showing interest in you from a distance, you feel like you might RUIN it by approaching her.

If this is the case, all I can say is you REALLY have to suck it up and just go for it, it's the only way to practice.

Whenever I see a girl giving many signals, smiling, eye contact, etc. I usually walk up to her and say something like "Should we talk? Or would you rather keep flirting from a distance?" This let's her know that you know what she's after. Of course, always use the right voice tone and body language.

Now learn from this, and get out there and make it happen!

 

[Krassus]

You can't approach because you're full of sh1t Sorry, i don't mean to be rude, so hear me out. You're "walking around like a high-status guy and ignoring chicks," which is inflating your ego to previously unknown proportions. Walking up to a chick and getting shot down would do to your ego what a pin would do to a balloon, which is why you're experiencing fear. You're scared sh1tless of, in a matter of seconds, going from "high status guy who's ignoring chicks," to "desperate schmuck who's being ignored BY chicks." Now, you can do one of two things. First, you can adjust your attitude and stop acting like Paris Hilton. You can be a high-status guy AND be friendly and outgoing with people! You can also realize that rejection can only deflate your ego IF you ALLOW it to. Look at it this way: even Brad Pitt has sh1tty luck with chicks before he became famous. I once read an intreview, in which he admitted that he would always go to bars and get NO play because he sucked with women. Colin Farrell told a very similar story. Hell, even George Clooney, the official "Sexiest Man Alive" (as per TIME mag) gets shot down! So if the world's most desireable men get rejected, why should YOU feel bad about that? You shouldn't. So yea, realize and INTERNALIZE that belief. Honestly, i could write a book on how to help you, but there's no need - what i already said should be sufficient. One more thing you can do to QUICKLY & EASILY solve your problem is simply go out with a wing who'll physically PUSH you into sets! The very first time i went out to a club years ago, Elimidate literally did that to me and PUSHED me into the hottest chick i've ever seen! And the rest is history

 

[TheFlyingMan]

thanks guys! I always need sosuave for a wakeup kick in the arse!

I think you guys should be psychologists hehehe...you've hit it on the button!

...my internal dialogue talks me out of a lot of approaches...but i manage to overcome that internal dialogue when I have time...on the spur of the moment things my self talk leaves me no time to defeat it!

for example: girl with no invitation - "hmm she's not your type (insert negative excuse bull**** here)" "NO that's negative excuses, go and do it!" "No she's not that hot" "NO, go and do it!" And i go and do it.

Girl with invite -(girl sees TheFlyingMan, smiles and makes EC) "hey she's smiling at you...hmm she's not your type" "uh..uh...smile back...er...what do i say...****..." (moment lost, invite over, girl thinks i'm a wimp)

does that make sense?

 

[Krassus]

Wait, so what happens when the chick IS hot, and IS "your type"?

 

[rsxtreme]

if a chick is sending out signals. go!

 

[TheFlyingMan]

well like in my post above, if I have time to talk myself out of my fear, I can talk to anyone. Otherwise it doesn't matter. When I tell myself "she's not your type etc" it was just excuses as I mentioned.

 

[Rocko]

check out my previous post, may help you out.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=102931

 

[Derek Flint]

Maybe you should try "winging" with a guy who will "push" you into sets/approaching.

I've found that when winging with another member of "The Community" that the natural, friendly competitivness comes out and we try to outdo each other.

Or, make a friendly wager with your wingman, about who will approach more women in one outing.

After doing this a few times, then you should be over your approach anxiety.

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

wow, dude i was about to start the same thread. I am in the same boat as you. BTw, as your name suggests, are u a pilot?

anyway, I have been getting some mad signals from the opposite sex at clubs. There have been times when the chicks have danced next to me and their mates would purposely push them into me. The chicks would smile and be all sorry, bla bla bla... and I would just stand there and do nothing.

 

[jonwon]

Ok I am going to post a very simple tip that I read on here, my god does it work.

Ok not a lot may agree with this but it is worth a try at the very least.

Ok here it is:

Refrain from masturbating, yeh you heard it do not wan*. Why?
Well tell yourself if your going to get any it is with a girl and NO OTHER WAY.

Trust me after a week or so you are so hot for it, you are literally forced to approach due to your testosterone levels reaching sky high esp’ when all that ass and tits are around you.

Think about it, why go over and risk anything when you can easily go home and tug the meat?
Take the edge of a little, you think at the back of your mind ‘I always have palmer anderston and her 5 skinny sisters to keep me company’, well don’t, stop and say ‘hey palm is on a vacation cos she does not ever take the top of and that dry feeling is chaffing the knuckles a little, she is no good for me’.

Stop spanking the monkey and go and spank some other thing instead or get so frustrated your internal drives will force you to act.

Wan* less! It does motivate you!

 

[DonJuanByNature]

The Answer Is Here

I can't goddamn approach them! I've done the bootcamp up until week 4, and this is my sticking point! She stares me and smiles, I look back, give her a ****y wink, and get this, I fvcking walk off! MY GOD! I can't do it!

Let me explain, when we actually feel a conecion or "like" that other person vs just randomly tring to bust game, it actually gets harder, cause there is already more invested into the situation... i.e. a stranger that you dont care says no.. who cares.. but a girl that u winked or winked back at you etc, more invested...

I have been rejected over 10,000 times and could care less... she can be ugly she can be hottest model, my approach is easy cause I have practiced it and I am good at it... Still to this day, if I like a girl (really like her) I still get butterflys... BUT, I busted game so much I can continue to do my routine butterfly or not, cause I have PRACTICED A LOT.. Hence what I am going to tell you, is PRACTICE, so that when the going gets tuff, your prepared for it (just like ultimate fighter)..

u fcking pssy... think about it.. if you would have come up to her.. you wouldnt be crying on here like a girl :moon:

 

[GloriouslyInsane]

The very first time i went out to a club years ago, Elimidate literally did that to me and PUSHED me into the hottest chick i've ever seen! And the rest is history

Same here... . Never thanked my mate properly though.

 

[TommiV]

This might seem like a cop out answer but theres none other thats gonna work...


JUST DO IT! APPROACH HER!


I still ahve a problem with it, I won't go near half the girls I like BUT...I'm getting better... I've gone out the last two weekend and managed to make out with girls both nights and get their numbers. And believe me, I was (and I'm not out of the woods yet) hopeless.

It was actually weird how a friend of mine happened to bring up in conversation "Damn, I haven't been able to find a decent girl in ages".
I ended up chatting to him about all osrts of stuff I'd learnt on this site and for some reason it clicked in side me... stop READING so much of this... I KNOW it... I'm just not DOING it!

Went clubbing with this friend, did the usual, looked, got some IOI's which I ignored asusual and then after a while I remember what I said to myself before I went out "I *AM* going to approach tonight".... guess what? It worked!!! Same again this week... even though she kinda approached my in a kinda attention ***** sort of way but hell, she didn't flake, once she spoke to me she stayed and I *told her* to kiss me.... I'd NEVER in a million years have done that before!


But I'm not turning this into a thread about me...
All I'm saying is, I studied, I learned, I kept telling myself I'll "ease" myself into this game, I'm not quite ready tonight, I'll just watch...

And then you realisie, whats different now to before? Nothing...

Just do it....


Tell ya what... next time you see THAT girl... Don't thnk about the rejection. Think about how much you are gonna go home and beat yourself up all day, maybe all week, amybe longer because you just WOULDN'T do anything when you ahve have just tried "Hi". And DO IT. At least for me that put the fear of rejection off enough just to make myself do it...

 

[MrCode]

Wan* less! It does motivate you!

I can personally attest to this, because I generally have approach anxiety but after a week of not whacking it recently I did pretty good:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=102860

My new rule is I can only whack it on Sunday if there is no possiblity of getting with a real female. So by the time the prime "pick up" nights arrive (Fri and Sat) you have gone at least 5 days.

This may not work for everyone but it has worked for me.

 

[Chipleader]

I have a very similar problem to you. The more I think a girl is interested in me, the more nervous I get. For example if Im tuning into a girl and actually getting her interest I become too scared to make a move. Crazy I know and this is something Ive just got to get sorted.

 

[rsxtreme]

We all have to get over that hill called fear. i need some real life help with approaching broads. the this site helps but it can only help so much.