Help a brother out, confused

[andy87]

Good day folks, at the age of 33 I'm at a stage in my life where I feel I can go out anywhere pub, gym, etc and pull a girl, this is due to me changing a few things better job (firefighter) working out regularly, growing my hair out a bit. The problem I have got as I have been in a relationship for the last few years to a girl who actually makes more moeny than me, I have my own place and she still stays with parents she's 29, I know for a fact she wants to move in with me whether it's my house or move into somewhere new, after being on this forum a few years I know when u move in with your girlfriend majority of the time it doesn't work out, I would be happy her getting her own place and me keeping mines but I know that's not in her plans, so what I'm asking has anyone been in this situation where you get on well with your girlfriend but feel like you don't want to loose your best years as a single man and how bad is it moving in with your girlfriend? Thanks Andy

 

[Plinco]

The problem I have got as I have been in a relationship for the last few years to a girl who actually makes more moeny than me...

That's not good. Typically women don't respect a man in this situation, but dating a firefighter makes her look good at least

I have my own place and she still stays with parents she's 29, I know for a fact she wants to move in with me whether it's my house or move into somewhere new, after being on this forum a few years I know when u move in with your girlfriend majority of the time it doesn't work out, I would be happy her getting her own place and me keeping mines but I know that's not in her plans, so what I'm asking has anyone been in this situation where you get on well with your girlfriend but feel like you don't want to loose your best years as a single man and how bad is it moving in with your girlfriend? Thanks Andy

Tell her that you don't want her to move in with you. Simple. Sounds like you would rather spin plates than keep a serious relationship

 

[DonJuanjr]

She sees you as a provider. She wants to anchor you down. You have to realize that at some point, her desire for you will lessen. When this happens, she will put herself in situations(subconsciously) to allow herself to be seduced by other men.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

Do NOT move in with her.
Enjoy your new job ,physique and long hair.
she will come in and wreck everything
Every time I move in with a chick ,the IHP (in-house pvssy )
Inevitably makes me lazy eventually.
Plus she needs time to wonder who else you’re fvckin ,it’s the only thing that’s gonna stop keep her in line for real.

 

[RangerMIke]

I'm not going to tell you what to do, do what you want, but understand the ramifications. Understand, depending on where you live, when you live together it becomes a defacto marriage.... Meaning the government is now part of your love life. However, in your case, since she makes more than you it's likely not something you need to worry about.

Always plan to fail... go into this with the idea that it's going to collapse, so just make sure you know what is yours and that you CLEARLY delineate what her responsibilities (who pays what: who does what). Then hold her to this agreement.

I would never do this... and FYI this is the first indication that your 'relationship' is going sideways. She wants a more serious commitment... and if you aren't willing to do this, things are going to end really fast. Another thing to listen for is when you hear her friends saying things like "You are SOOOO lucky to have her." What they are telling her in chick-language is that she can do better.... so what she will do is start demanding you do more to balance things out from her perspective.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It depends what you want. Of you see a long term future with this woman than it might not be the worst idea. However it sounds like you are just wasting both of yours time at this point and don't really see this woman being a long term thing.

 

[dude99]

Good day folks, at the age of 33 I'm at a stage in my life where I feel I can go out anywhere pub, gym, etc and pull a girl, this is due to me changing a few things better job (firefighter) working out regularly, growing my hair out a bit. The problem I have got as I have been in a relationship for the last few years to a girl who actually makes more moeny than me, I have my own place and she still stays with parents she's 29, I know for a fact she wants to move in with me whether it's my house or move into somewhere new, after being on this forum a few years I know when u move in with your girlfriend majority of the time it doesn't work out, I would be happy her getting her own place and me keeping mines but I know that's not in her plans, so what I'm asking has anyone been in this situation where you get on well with your girlfriend but feel like you don't want to loose your best years as a single man and how bad is it moving in with your girlfriend? Thanks Andy

If you own the house have your lawyer draw up an agreement that states she has no claim to any ownership or any equity in your home. If she refuses to sign it then tell her she is more than welcome to go find her own place. If she balks at this you immediately give her, her walking papers. You can't place your assets in "hope" that she doesn't take you for everything you worked for. It is just to easy for women these days.

Your gut is telling you something. Hence you making this message. Your gut is telling you to not move in with her. Maybe she has shown signs of bad behaviour maybe she isn't mature enough.

Listen to your gut.

Her being 29 and still living with her parents shows she is slow to mature. This is a bad sign. Also bad that she is looking to jump from her parents paying the bills to you paying the bills. Especially when she makes more than you sounds like she may have the "your house is our house and your money is our money, my money is my money.

I wouldn't let her move into my house, unless she is willing to sign legal papers telling her she has ZERO claim to your house your money and your assets. It is just too easy for bored women to screw good men now a days.

 

[Dash Riprock]

It depends how you're wired.

99% of the guys on here are saying don't do it. BUT, the dynamic changes when you do live with someone so I can make a strong argument for if you're the type that wants marriage and kids (despite the risks involved) at least by living together you'll find out if you two can manage a household together. As Ranger Mike said it's basically a de facto marriage only if it blows up, you're out a lot less $ and headache. Common Law Marriage ONLY kicks in if BOTH parties recognize the union as one. It's not automatic.

I'm 0-4 in the living with gf arena but learned more each time. The biggest problem for me was in most cases apathy set in and you get too used to the same routine. Certainty is good and a psychological human need but so is Uncertainty.

If you see long term potential with the woman and she checks most boxes, do it before you get married. You can always bail, but give it a fair shot.

Good luck.

 

[PRW63]

Who cares if she lives at home with her parents?! It isn't the same as a guy doing it. If she is at home with her parents she will probably stay out of more trouble in one form or another due to at least a certain amount of accountability to her parents. There is no practical reason for her to move in with you. You said that you believe she "wants" to,...but you did NOT say that she was pressuring you too,...that is an important distinction.

I'm asking has anyone been in this situation where you get on well with your girlfriend but feel like you don't want to loose your best years as a single man and how bad is it moving in with your girlfriend?

How is being exclusive with someone equal to "loosing your best years"?? Best years of doing what?

 

[PRW63]

Common Law Marriage ONLY kicks in if BOTH parties recognize the union as one. It's not automatic.

I know of a male divorce attorney who is also "Red Pilled" who will shoot that down. If you and her have been "playing house" the Family Courts can do whatever they want. Although much less so if there are no kids. This lawyer faces it every day defending guys in court.

 

[Dash Riprock]

I know of a male divorce attorney who is also "Red Pilled" who will shoot that down. If you and her have been "playing house" the Family Courts can do whatever they want. Although much less so if there are no kids. This lawyer faces it every day defending guys in court.

I researched AND talked to an attorney. May be true in your state, but not in Colorado. See below:

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Good day folks, at the age of 33 I'm at a stage in my life where I feel I can go out anywhere pub, gym, etc and pull a girl, this is due to me changing a few things better job (firefighter) working out regularly, growing my hair out a bit. The problem I have got as I have been in a relationship for the last few years to a girl who actually makes more moeny than me, I have my own place and she still stays with parents she's 29, I know for a fact she wants to move in with me whether it's my house or move into somewhere new, after being on this forum a few years I know when u move in with your girlfriend majority of the time it doesn't work out, I would be happy her getting her own place and me keeping mines but I know that's not in her plans, so what I'm asking has anyone been in this situation where you get on well with your girlfriend but feel like you don't want to loose your best years as a single man and how bad is it moving in with your girlfriend? Thanks Andy

I think that most members here will tell you not to move in with her. And they are not wrong.

However, it is not that simple. So let's start with a few questions:

1. Your worth needs to be higher than hers for her to respect you, besides being a firefighter (thanks for the service btw), working out, and looking after your image, what other things are you doing for yourself to raise your SMV and overall worth (hobbies, investments, etc?
2. How do you really feel about her? You state "...for the last few years", that is rather a long time and would refer to you as being in a LTR. Do you see yourself being fully committed to her and build a life together (whatever that means to you personally)?
3. As a follow-up to # 2, what makes you feel like you might lose the best years as a single man? Btw you are not wrong, I will def you are hitting your prime years. You are in the age range when men are in optimal health, you being a firefighter helps a lot, you have your own place, your SMV will hit its peak around 35-36. So you are def in your best years and will have several more if you are intentional with your life. Do you think being with her is hindering that?
4. How do you think she will react to you wanting to stay together but live apart?

Last but not least, as I mentioned earlier, it is not as simple as saying walk away and do your thing (you should always do your thing anyway). I need more context to properly assess the situation and the next steps. Meaning, what are your life goals vs hers? Has that been discussed with her and do those align?

Modern Man Advice

 

[Bible_Belt]

She probably wants marriage and children. She isn't getting any younger. After 30, the chance of having a healthy baby starts to go down. You should both be on the same page in regard to your respective life goals.

 

[PRW63]

I researched AND talked to an attorney. May be true in your state, but not in Colorado. See below:

View attachment 7198

They don't even have the recognize you as married at all. I know of a guy who lost millions when he just simply broke up with his GF. They both owned their own homes and never "officially" even lived together. He got stuck with a settlement, then ongoing maintenance for a period of time, and child support,...and the kids weren't even his. The judges view was that he "behaved" as a husband to her, and he "behaved" as a father to the children,...by the judge's own subjective viewpoint. Of course the guy was a rich guy and that made him a bigger target.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Her goals are clearly to get married maybe kids, depending on her job.

Your goals seem to be to enjoy the single life, which you can't do if you move in together.

Do whatever you can to avoid moving in together, but understand when she figures out your not on the same page, she's going to bounce.

Just stick to your guns and expect that eventuality.

Let he be the one that walks.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

I wouldn't let her move into my house, unless she is willing to sign legal papers telling her she has ZERO claim to your house your money and your assets. It is just too easy for bored women to screw good men now a days.

Indeed, the legal ramifications should not be taken lightly. She must sign those papers. It's really good shiete test too.

 

[Dash Riprock]

They don't even have the recognize you as married at all. I know of a guy who lost millions when he just simply broke up with his GF. They both owned their own homes and never "officially" even lived together. He got stuck with a settlement, then ongoing maintenance for a period of time, and child support,...and the kids weren't even his. The judges view was that he "behaved" as a husband to her, and he "behaved" as a father to the children,...by the judge's own subjective viewpoint. Of course the guy was a rich guy and that made him a bigger target.

Then the guy had a horrible hack as a lawyer and lived in a state that allowed it.

Only 12 states even recognize common law marriages. 38 don't. Read the LAW as written from Colorado, a state that does. You have to meet a bunch of criteria (not just one or two) just to be considered as a common law marriage.

Other than what you just posted, in over 45 years, I've never even heard of a guy losing his ass like a divorce simply over a live-in girlfriend. There may be extremely isolated cases, but it sure wouldn't keep me up at night. Divorce? Another story.

 

[PRW63]

Depends on were a person lives. He has to check local laws.

What happened to that guy wasn't based on laws. It was a judges subjective decision in a corrupt justice system.

 

[PRW63]

Then the guy had a horrible hack as a lawyer and lived in a state that allowed it.

Only 12 states even recognize common law marriages. 38 don't. Read the LAW as written from Colorado, a state that does. You have to meet a bunch of criteria (not just one or two) just to be considered as a common law marriage.

Other than what you just posted, in over 45 years, I've never even heard of a guy losing his ass like a divorce simply over a live-in girlfriend. There may be extremely isolated cases, but it sure wouldn't keep me up at night. Divorce? Another story.

It was a judge making a subjective decision in a corrupt justice system. It doesn't matter what a lawyer "says" when a judge "does" whatever they want in a corrupt system.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Exactly. My state recognizes zero. Unless you sign a deed or lease with her then yea. Small clames bla bla but if its like divorce. Lawyers here will laugh you out of the office. Lol

For OP.
She is your guest or nothing. She owns only her personal items and I would even go as far as saying pick your own furniture etc. Don't fall for this shyt. I have a suit of armor in my dining room with an historic americana decor. Nordic kings helmet the whole 9 yards and a cigar humidor on a nice wine rack. Keep your masculine in your home.
Keep provocative pictures themes up too. Just dont change your life for her in any big way other then your time. Thats it.

What you moreso need to worry about is that once a person establishes residency at an address(can be as little as a week in some states I believe), it becomes very difficult and expensive to get them to leave if they don't want to. Would need to evict them and go through courts, lawyers, etc...

Tread carefully.