Help?’

[InVader]

Hi folks. I’m looking for some advice here on how I can move forward with this girl I’ve met.....I think I’ve pretty much ruined my chances so looking for advice on what to do.



So we matched on tinder and went on a date the next day. The date went well but think this may have been my first mistake. Instead of going to a bar we went for a short hike. We got on really well and she said that she’d like to do it again. My next mistake was that I sent her a lot of texts, starting that night. To the point where she said she wasn’t looking for a relationship with anyone. (I believe this to an extent as she has deleted tinder).



Anyway I persisted and had a second date at the weekend (one month after the first) this went really well again in that she laughed at my jokes, played with her hair, prolonged eye contact, rubbed above her chest, exposed her neck, hit me when I teased her, was happy to stay out after the show and text me “so so much for tonight and hope you had as much fun as I did”



Now I’ve made yet another mistake and messaged her asking her to “give me a shout if she’s free this week and fancies doing something”



I feel so much chemistry with this girl and the way she looks at me but fear I’ve ruined.



What’s your advice?

 

[MrJack]

Hi folks. I’m looking for some advice here on how I can move forward with this girl I’ve met.....I think I’ve pretty much ruined my chances so looking for advice on what to do.



So we matched on tinder and went on a date the next day. The date went well but think this may have been my first mistake. Instead of going to a bar we went for a short hike. We got on really well and she said that she’d like to do it again. My next mistake was that I sent her a lot of texts, starting that night. To the point where she said she wasn’t looking for a relationship with anyone. (I believe this to an extent as she has deleted tinder).



Anyway I persisted and had a second date at the weekend (one month after the first) this went really well again in that she laughed at my jokes, played with her hair, prolonged eye contact, rubbed above her chest, exposed her neck, hit me when I teased her, was happy to stay out after the show and text me “so so much for tonight and hope you had as much fun as I did”



Now I’ve made yet another mistake and messaged her asking her to “give me a shout if she’s free this week and fancies doing something”



I feel so much chemistry with this girl and the way she looks at me but fear I’ve ruined.



What’s your advice?

If she’s not responsive or isn’t moving mountains to see you then there is no chemistry on her side no matter how much chemistry you believe there is.

Sounds like low interest and you should move on to a new girl.

Don’t drop her but just go NC and if she hits you up, great. Take advantage of it if she does.

 

[Spaz]

1st date a hike huh...

Seems you know ur mistakes too.

If she's that into you, I'll start escalating with naughty words to test her and if it's positive I'll do more .....

 

[ItsFate451]

Hi folks. I’m looking for some advice here on how I can move forward with this girl I’ve met.....I think I’ve pretty much ruined my chances so looking for advice on what to do.



So we matched on tinder and went on a date the next day. The date went well but think this may have been my first mistake. Instead of going to a bar we went for a short hike. We got on really well and she said that she’d like to do it again. My next mistake was that I sent her a lot of texts, starting that night. To the point where she said she wasn’t looking for a relationship with anyone. (I believe this to an extent as she has deleted tinder).



Anyway I persisted and had a second date at the weekend (one month after the first) this went really well again in that she laughed at my jokes, played with her hair, prolonged eye contact, rubbed above her chest, exposed her neck, hit me when I teased her, was happy to stay out after the show and text me “so so much for tonight and hope you had as much fun as I did”



Now I’ve made yet another mistake and messaged her asking her to “give me a shout if she’s free this week and fancies doing something”



I feel so much chemistry with this girl and the way she looks at me but fear I’ve ruined.



What’s your advice?

Too much texting. You were coming on too strong giving the relationship vibe.

 

[ohrein]

A woman with interest (chemistry) will chase you. The first few dates are setting the hook but after that if she's not making it extremely easy to hang out then why bother? I know some guys on here think giving up too easy is weak but honestly I just wanna be around a woman who wants to be around me. If they're interested but playing games, they'll drop the games when you realize you don't play them. Otherwise, you've filtered out low interest. Win/win in my book.

So, how do you know if a woman is interested in you? Don't contact her and see if she contacts you, then apply kino on dates. If she makes an effort to see you and accepts your physical touch then 99% of the time she's interested. Exception being friend zone, obviously. Make sure you're sexual somewhat in there too.

And as others have said, don't text so much. Save conversation for the dates, use texting to set up dates. Let her miss you, let her wonder about you.

 

[InVader]

Too much texting. You were coming on too strong giving the relationship vibe.

I think that’s right. She said she does like me and did want to see me again but not with the intention of anything serious. I’m going to go non contact for a few weeks and see what happens.

I also agree that if she was really interested she’d be chasing me and trying to arrange another date. Thing is she definitely gives off the vibe that she is interested when I’m with her then goes cold afterwards.

What would you say would be the best way to initiate contact when I do? (Providing she doesn’t contact me of course....)

 

[ItsFate451]

I think that’s right. She said she does like me and did want to see me again but not with the intention of anything serious. I’m going to go non contact for a few weeks and see what happens.

I also agree that if she was really interested she’d be chasing me and trying to arrange another date. Thing is she definitely gives off the vibe that she is interested when I’m with her then goes cold afterwards.

What would you say would be the best way to initiate contact when I do? (Providing she doesn’t contact me of course....)

Don’t initiate contact. Let her contact you first. When she does, set a date. If she doesn’t agree to one or gives you the whole let’s be friends speech, tell her no thank you and contact you if she changes her mind. Go get more options and let her see you hanging with other women too. Nothing gets a woman’s attention more than that.

 

[marmel75]

I think that’s right. She said she does like me and did want to see me again but not with the intention of anything serious. I’m going to go non contact for a few weeks and see what happens.

I also agree that if she was really interested she’d be chasing me and trying to arrange another date. Thing is she definitely gives off the vibe that she is interested when I’m with her then goes cold afterwards.

What would you say would be the best way to initiate contact when I do? (Providing she doesn’t contact me of course....)

I really want to face palm reading this...did you even kiss her on either date?

 

[InVader]

I really want to face palm reading this...did you even kiss her on either date?

Nah no kiss on either. Thing is, between the first and second dates I met another girl and got much less IOI’s but still got a kiss. There just seems to be some kind of a barrier between me and this girl. On the first date she said we should meet again but then it became an effort to get that meeting. Probably went wrong with the hike but the only other time I did that it worked (although that girl was only in town for 3 nights and invited me to a bar that night with her friends who she said were amazed by me.) Anyway, in this instance I think I’ve blown my chance hence the reason i’m on here seeking advice!

 

[marmel75]

Nah no kiss on either. Thing is, between the first and second dates I met another girl and got much less IOI’s but still got a kiss. There just seems to be some kind of a barrier between me and this girl. On the first date she said we should meet again but then it became an effort to get that meeting. Probably went wrong with the hike but the only other time I did that it worked (although that girl was only in town for 3 nights and invited me to a bar that night with her friends who she said were amazed by me.) Anyway, in this instance I think I’ve blown my chance hence the reason i’m on here seeking advice!

Ok here are my thoughts:

1) You are being far too passive on these dates. "Got a kiss"? No. You are the aggressor not her. You should be kissing her in date within the first half hour if you are doing things right

2) Hiking is perfectly fine, but only if you are going to take advantage of the nature of the date and get physical with her in some way...grab her ass, take her hand and lead her down a trail, pin her up against a tree and kiss her, etc...it doesn't seem like you did any of these things which makes her think you are a "nice guy".

3) Never wait for IOI's to make a move. If she is out with you on a date assume she is interested and act accordingly. Make her reject you, don't reject yourself.

4) Never text them the same night or ask them to send you a text when they got home. You aren't their Mom, they are a big girl, they can find their way home just fine thr same way they have every other night of their life. Always wait to see if they will text you that night or the next day. In almost all cases a woman who is highly interested will text you soon after the date to let you know she had a good time and wants to see you again. If this doesn't happen then assume moderate interest at best. Do not assume just because you did "X,Y or Z" on the date the woman is highly interested. If you dont receive a text soon after this likely is not the case. You can reach out to her in a few days but your chances are 50/50 or less.

5) You acted desperate and optionless by texting her the way you did so much. In effect you told her "Hey I dont have anyone else so I am going to focus all my attention on you right away". This kills attraction and makes you look bad. You have to let them chase.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Don't contact her? Wait for her to chase you? With the majority of women, especially the sane ones, you'll be waiting until hell freezes over...even if she likes you. Why? She thinks you blew her off since you went NC.

You are the man. Your job is to lead. Your job is to initiate. You text her a simple "How's it going?" to see if she responds. If she doesn't respond, THEN you blow her off...or you wait a week or two and you do the same thing..."How's it going?"

I cannot for the life of me understand what is so hard about be the man: LEAD.

Expecting women to chase you (the man's role, the masculine polarity, the leadership position) may ease your ego but it puts you in the female role. The responder.

Men initiate; women respond. That is the natural order of things if you want a feminine woman. If she likes you she WILL respond when you reach out and hit her up. A simple "How's it going" is sufficient to see if she responds. Women who like you will make it easy by their response.

Your job as a man is to get to the point, ask for a date and keep communication to a minimum as a rule until your date.

But you guys are going to wait a long time if you think women will all run after you. Many won't. It's not the woman's role and it looks desperate for a woman to hit men up and go chasing after them. Incidentally these desperate women who chase are the ones who end up suffocating guys with stalker stage 5 clinger behavior and/or they try to boss the frame...and why wouldn't they expect to boss the frame...pursuit is the masculine leadership role. Women who start off there expect to remain there.

Just be a man and approach. That goes for over text or telephone. That's leadership and what a man needs to be doing. Once you reach out you await a response. Her response (or lack thereof) is an action you can observe.

Quit expecting women to do the man's job & then wonder what happened. Just lead and much confusion will be eliminated simply and efficiently.

Rant over. It's just that this is dating 101.

 

[InVader]

Advice from the old lady:

Don't contact her? Wait for her to chase you? With the majority of women, especially the sane ones, you'll be waiting until hell freezes over...even if she likes you. Why? She thinks you blew her off since you went NC.

You are the man. Your job is to lead. Your job is to initiate. You text her a simple "How's it going?" to see if she responds. If she doesn't respond, THEN you blow her off...or you wait a week or two and you do the same thing..."How's it going?"

I cannot for the life of me understand what is so hard about be the man: LEAD.

Expecting women to chase you (the man's role, the masculine polarity, the leadership position) may ease your ego but it puts you in the female role. The responder.

Men initiate; women respond. That is the natural order of things if you want a feminine woman. If she likes you she WILL respond when you reach out and hit her up. A simple "How's it going" is sufficient to see if she responds. Women who like you will make it easy by their response.

Your job as a man is to get to the point, ask for a date and keep communication to a minimum as a rule until your date.

But you guys are going to wait a long time if you think women will all run after you. Many won't. It's not the woman's role and it looks desperate for a woman to hit men up and go chasing after them. Incidentally these desperate women who chase are the ones who end up suffocating guys with stalker stage 5 clinger behavior and/or they try to boss the frame...and why wouldn't they expect to boss the frame...pursuit is the masculine leadership role. Women who start off there expect to remain there.

Just be a man and approach. That goes for over text or telephone. That's leadership and what a man needs to be doing. Once you reach out you await a response. Her response (or lack thereof) is an action you can observe.

Quit expecting women to do the man's job & then wonder what happened. Just lead and much confusion will be eliminated simply and efficiently.

Rant over. It's just that this is dating 101.

Thanks for the advice. I’ll step away and see what happens over the next few weeks, I’m speaking to a few others so will concentrate on them for now.

She has said I’m funny but also said I’m nice and just a lovely person. So I think I’ve pretty much been ‘friendzoned’ <- should’ve backed away earlier than I have but will initiate contact in a month or so. Hopefully I’ll get a another bite at the cherry and try escalate during the date. The annoying thing is I usually find that a girl texts me after we meet up but this was someone I actually really like and fancy and she went kinda cold and slow with replies after initially being quick. One problem might be the are gap. I’m 32 and she is 24. On the first date she guessed I was 27 and I think she was a bit shocked at my actual age.