Hello my brothers in Juan (and question)

[Nameless]

Hello to everyone who frequents the Don Juan discussion forums. This is my first post, therefore I extend a friendly hand out to all in hopes that we can mutually enhance each others lives with advice, tips and friendly conversation.

I'm no master DJ, nor am I a novice, either way, I wish to improve my skills and hopefully (knowingly) this forum will help me achieve this goal.

I shall finish this post with a question for you all, so here it is.

In my full on AFC days, I developed oneitis for this girl at work. To cut a long story short, I made many typical AFC mystakes. She has now long since left work (and recently so have I), so I thought it would be best to tell her friend and fellow co-worker to pass on the message that I really liked her and that I couldnt stop thinking of her , she replied with "how...sweet" (lol I know.. that was then, this is now).

Quite a while had passed and friend had never brought up the topic/reply again. So I asked her what the response was and she quickly brushed it off with "uh..she's not interested".
Although being AFC I wasnt totally stupid, and I got the message and brushed it off pretending that it didnt bother me.

Now that I think about it, Im not too sure that she even asked, as 'friends' best friend, (who also worked there) fancied me quite a bit and asked me out on a date - which I politely declined. Think shes upset at me for that.

Anyway (sorry I know its prolly getting tedious), I went to 'friends' 21st and there was the girl I was interested in (whom I shall call HB). HB and I hit it off really well, I was delivering some very mild c+f etc. (just got into the system back then), but never really closed for her number at the end of the night!

Now, time has passed and I no longer have oneitis for this girl (too many other HB in the world for that!), but thinking about it, I whish to get in contact with HB once again to right my wrongs.
The problem being that my only contact with her would be through her 'friend'.

Now I know that its hard to change HB and others perception of my ex-AFC ways, and getting with this girl is a long-shot... no let me re-iterate.. a challenge but I'm willing to give it a go seeing as I have nothing to lose. How do you think I should go about it, seeing as my only means of communication for now is through 'friend'?

Once again, dont get me wrong, I dont have oneitis for this chick, I just think that shes worthy of becomming one of my 'work projects'.

Sorry for the long introduction an question, but once again I shall say hello to all.

 

[Ofus]

Originally posted by Nameless
Now I know that its hard to change HB and others perception of my ex-AFC ways, and getting with this girl is a long-shot... no let me re-iterate.. a challenge but I'm willing to give it a go seeing as I have nothing to lose. How do you think I should go about it, seeing as my only means of communication for now is through 'friend'?

I'd recommend against persuing her at all.

If you are serious about improving your DJing skills, chasing this girl is a no no. If you cross paths with her in the future, ok then, but to try to track her down through a 'friend' and then worry about shaking off a bad first impression etc is too much work for just one girl.

Go approach some other girls, go for the # close this time. This will take your mind off of the other HB.

 

[Rev]

I don't think you have much to work with here because the friend likes you herself and will most likely **** block you if you are to be able to pull the miraculous '180'.

But I'm not one the DJs who tells everyone to NEXT! the girl and move on in every situation (even though that may be best). It couldn't hurt to hang around with the friend a little more. The real reason I recommend this is because chicks have chick friends and Social Proof makes you attractive. But, for your point of view, it will get you around her firend and then just do your thing. You seem to know what you're doing.

 

[Nameless]

Thanks for the feedback guys.

I do understand the NEXT philosophy, but like I said I wish to at least try to do something with this HB. I know that many say that its not worth the effort, but this wont be my sole effort in DJ'ing, just one of the many projects that I wish to undertake.

Now apart from telling me if you think its worth pursuing, tell me hypothetically IF you were in this situation and wished to get with HB, how, through the friend, would you go about it?

Thanks.

 

[Grey Fox]

Well the dangerous thing about your situation is that you could very well still have oneitis, your immediate alure back to HB indicates this. Instead of being displeased with the fact she brushed you off you ran over like an AFC and tried to hit things off like old times. Seriously NEXT her, its the only way to ensure that you don't relapse back into full blown oneitis and lose your skill if not soul as a DJ. When you see her again if you do, you should treat her like any other person. If she digs the fact that your blowing her off because you seem to have developed higher standards, fine. But, don't go tracking for her, women know when they are being sought after and use it to their advantage. My advice about your 'Friend' is to be careful cause she may try to ****block you in the future for the same reason that she wants you. As a survivor of oneitis, I'm telling you going back to the source of your oneitis will lead to your downfall.

-Grey Fox

 

[dontmindme]

Well, the problem is that you have a history with the girl, and she knows you're an AFC, and you will most likely get thrown into the friend zone from the get go.

Anyways, I wouldn't completely discard the idea of going after her, but make an honest evaluation of yourself, and see if you have enough game to

1) shed the AFC image with a girl who sees you as an AFC

2) after shedding the AFC image, have enough DJ skills to make her interested in you.

If you don't have complete mastery of the DJ Way, you risk falling into your previous pattern of being AFC, as well as being inflicted with one-itis again.

I mean, trying to do #2 is hard enough, and to couple it with doing #1, makes it a very challenging game.

 

[Nameless]

Yeah I hear you guys, and I do agree,but maybe I didnt make myself clear.

Last time I hit it off with HB was at 'friend's' 21st, it went well even though I just started learning about the system then. I just never closed and havent been able to get in contact since.

The real AFC ways were shown to the 'friend' who (see 1st post) I believe didnt even talk to HB about the issue (doesnt see her very often either).

I dont wish to talk to 'friend' anymore (well at least as possible) although we are still friends. Just enough so I can get in personal contact with HB and then start delivering DJ status from every angle.

The question is, how, in your opinion do I approach friend in order to get some form of contact with HB?

Now I know that I no longer have oneitis because if nothing happens, it wont really faze me one bit. I have many other hb's in my life, I just like the challenge of working on this one. I see it as working on my ever improving DJ skills, while having fun and possibly gaining friend/girlfriend from HB.
I know that you might disapprove but as a DJ I do what I want and I choose to do this for my own pleasure/challenge.

How would you approach 'friend' and what would you say in order to get in contact (e.g. number - meet in person) with HB?

Peace.

 

[gr8one]

LoL @ Brothers in Juan


That's cool

 

[Nameless]

BUMP

I guess with the near infinite knowledge on these forums, some people will be able to answer my question.

 

[Nameless]

Come on - any suggestions?
This is not a post of an AFWDJ (hehe) looking for reassurance, as I will be doing this for personal enjoyment regardless. Just looking for any suggestions on how to go about it. Maybe someone will give me an idea which I havent thought of before.

Peace.

 

[rbd]

Wow, it's nice to see a first post that uses good grammar and formatting and proper English, props for that.

If you have nothing for this girl, totally dropping the issue wouldn't bother you one bit, and you wouldn't be still here asking for "advice". You want one of us to say "yeah go for it", to which you'd reply "thanks!" and do just that.

That being said, I think you still have something with this girl. It might not be heavy attraction as you claim, but I think you still feel you need to proove something to her. You're embarrassed about your past behavior and need to prove to her that you've changed and possibly win her over, or you would have moved on by now.

From previous experience doing this is NOT WORTH IT. First impressions stick around in a person's mind, much less a woman's mind, and her first impression of you is that of an AFC who couldn't express his interest to her directly and potently.

However, I'm going to say GO FOR IT. Try to recontact this girl, it's obvious that you want to. The outcome might not be what you want, but you will learn in the process. It will be a good "learning experience" for you, as personal experience is the best teacher in the world.

 

[Nameless]

Hey rbd, you do raise some good points in your post. I am not one to become un-rationally defensive and I do admit that there may be more truth in your words than I may consciously know myself.

Like you said though, it will be a good "learning experience" whether the outcome is good or bad. One point which I wish to make clear though is that I am placing more emphasis on the challenge and the experience than the hb herself, (although being successful is an obvious bonus). One way to look at it is me finding closure on this situation as it was the reason I began to search for the 'system' in the first place.

As stated in my previous posts, I have reason to believe that hb was not told about my AFC ways by the 'friend', and the last time we met, we hit it off really well.

I shall go ahead and ask the 'friend' for some form of contact because I do as I please. My question being, what is the best way to approach 'friend' in order to receive a desirable outcome (i.e. phone number, email etc.) ? To put the question another way, what would be the best thing to say to 'friend' so she gives me some form of contact to hb?

Once again thanks.

 

[Nameless]

B U M P

Feedback please! Common, I've checked the Bible, other threads and such, and there is no situation like this.

It is not a question of gaining confidence, or whether it is worth it etc. I just wish to get some good ideas on what many of you guys would do in this situation where my only contact to the HB was through a friend.

 

[Surfboard]

OK Nameless!! Here's what I'd do. First let me put myself into STALKER MODE.

You know where she works...right? You're going to have to ACCIDENTALLY bump into her. Make sure you have a good excuse for being in that area, or you'll come off looking like a stalker. I'd try to find out what time she takes lunch and ACCIDENTALLY bump into her then.

Tell her you were about to go and get something to eat, and invite her to come along. If she declines the offer, then go for the phone number.

(Snap of the fingers) OK, I'm now back out of STALKER MODE.

Good Luck

 

[am4591]

Where does she work? Is it a place you can go to as a customer, like a restaurant or something? If it is, well, there you go, no problem. If not, then I'm stumped. Because you are going to look like a stalker if you show up where she works otherwise.

And forget about getting any reliable info from her friend, for obvious reasons.

Sorry, but it sounds like you're maybe a little desperate. Like this is a little too important to you. You're seeing other girls anyway, right? I'd forget about this one unless I just happened to run into her.