Heavily Broken

[ChangePages]

Hello, I'll like to share my story now.

I've been browsing this site (and others) for months now and never bothered to sign up until now. I'm 22, shes 27

It's been hard on me recently, I lost everyone because of this BPD girl. I have no friends to talk too anymore. My family has become distant and I've isolated myself from the world. I don't talk to anyone. I have no motivation to get a job or anything, I just stay locked in my room 24/7. This summer has been nothing but pain and misery.

She was my first.. everything. We were long distance but we always made the effort in seeing each other every month. She moved on to me pretty fast, I always thought it was unusual for someone to be professing love so fast. It caught me by surprise but it definitely fooled me. She took all of my time. Constantly wanting attention. Which made me distance myself completely from a lot of my friends and family. Clinging and neediness, I actually enjoyed it. We were together for a year. It was amazing to say the least.

The Break up:
Things were rough in the end, but I made an effort to see her again and work things out in person. I was suppose to be with her for a week and a half. I only stayed for three days and she drove me back to the airport and left me stranded overnight. It was rough for me. I trusted her enough to have a place to stay. I barely had any money to even buy a ticket out of there. I used all the money I had left to fix this relationship. I was dedicated for sure. But I'm the one who asked to leave since I didn't see any change in her behavior. I wasn't going to get disrespected by anyone. I initiated NC that day. She left me a voicemail the next day crying that she will love me forever and shes a f up person ect.

5 days later shes in a new relationship with someone from her job, he even moved in with her. I deleted her from instagram and her friends before I found out. She always had her instagram public but now she puts it private and is posting pictures with her new bf. When I found out, it tore me. I actually trusted this girl enough that I thought we will spend our lives together. We planned our futures. Everything. I just thought it was real. Today (four months later) she finally puts her profile public. Guess she doesn't care anymore.. Or trying to get me to react..

It's crazy how in one year everything changes. I felt in my gut she wasn't the one for me since the beginning. I always thought it was going to be a fling but here I am, constantly thinking about her everyday. Destroyed. She walked all over me and I hate it.

 

[cola]

You need tough love, these next few sentences are said with love not hate:

Pull yourself together and stop acting like a *****ng girl. You're 22. Its so many girls out here. Get your ass in school or go to a trade school.. get a gym membership, get your friends back and move the hell on.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Pretty good stuff from cola. I wish somebody had literally punched me in the face and forced me to fight during my darkest hour. You know, like when the Asian fellow gets his life threatened in Fight Club.

That goes for my obscenely long breakup pity party and the 20 month life slump I went into after my dad died, that I'm just now coming out of. Nobody talked to me the way cola did and I kinda wish someone had.

 

[ChangePages]

You need tough love, these next few sentences are said with love not hate:

Pull yourself together and stop acting like a *****ng girl. You're 22. Its so many girls out here. Get your ass in school or go to a trade school.. get a gym membership, get your friends back and move the hell on.

You're right, I needed that. I'm in school, I can't wait to go back to school and start going to the gym everyday.

 

[cola]

You're right, I needed that. I'm in school, I can't wait to go back to school and start going to the gym everyday.

Dont just go to the gym ..go to the gym and get ripped as f#ck. Make yourself so hot that this ex isnt even in your league anymore. Let the pain motivate you not defeat you.

 

[ChangePages]

S

Dont just go to the gym ..go to the gym and get ripped as f#ck. Make yourself so hot that this ex isnt even in your league anymore. Let the pain motivate you not defeat you.

She wasn't in my league to begin with. She was a 4 in my book and a thot. She just played my ass cause I got no game. That's what bothers me the most.

But in all honesty, I just had to say something, I've been quiet about this for many months I felt it building up inside me. I had to let go off all this b.s. I feel better now.

 

[thatfeel]

You just need some self esteem and passions and hobbies that accentuate your strengths so you have something to feel good about.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

S

She wasn't in my league to begin with. She was a 4 in my book and a thot. She just played my ass cause I got no game. That's what bothers me the most.

But in all honesty, I just had to say something, I've been quiet about this for many months I felt it building up inside me. I had to let go off all this b.s. I feel better now.

Yeah dude, she wasn't the one. If you was really trying to be with someone that wants you, you don't have to run game on em.

 

[MrWood]

keep up your NC and the right girl will come along
yes, It is sad, I had a somewhat similar situation

keep strong, keep the faith

 

[Julian]

damn you a sucka

but cant say i havent been there lol.

be glad it was long distance bro, honestly reading your story you sound more heart broken then anything...which in itself sucks but it looks like you dodged a bullet here with this girl.

remember the good times you had and move forward bro. cant live in the passed. I still think of my BPD ex sometimes remember her little nuances...she may have been bpd but that doesnt mean she was completely derelict of good qualities. she had alot of good qualities as im sure your ex did as well...but when these girls are sick in the head. u cant fall for em. good luck bro. get in the gym..its a temporary solution for now..i lift alot and even when i was working out i feel sometimes the emotions would rile up, id be half crying through a heavy lift lol. damn. alright bro stay up.

 

[BeTheChange]

I think if after 4 months you're still struggling it's more of a self esteem issue.

BPDs can be intoxicating and often feed on those with personalities that are prone to wanting to be needed or as in my case wanting to be powerful and in control (due to my own narcisstic traits). BPDs are experts at capitalising on this and will morph themselves into the "girl of your dreams".

Just be thankful it was only a year and that you had the strength to walk away. Get out there and just focus on self improvement to build legitimate confidence. Go to the gym and take up new hobbies (ideally those that involve meeting new people). Reengage with friends and explain the situation if necessary - they will be surprisingly understanding.

Just make sure that if she comes crawling back you stay the hell away.

 

[GoodOne123]

If she was legitemately crazy, and you had little to no experience before her, I completely understand why you feel the way you do. Crazy girls can do a number on experienced guys, let alone inexperienced ones!

You probably ignored or weren't smart enough to spot the signs of crazy when they appeared. That was your first mistake.

Your second mistake was not leaving sooner when these signs presented themselves.

Dont feel bad, you were inexperienced and did not know what to look for, and how to react to it. These girls will go to extreme lengths to manipulate your mind.

They may use a pity story very early on, like the first few dates. This will be done to garner sympathy from you, which they will use against you with no remorse. This pity story typically involves personal things like self-harming, tales of abuse etc. In other words, things that no normal person will tell a guy they just started dating.

They may be the best possible girlfriend imaginable in the beginning. This is done to get you attached. They do this by giving you mind-blowing sex, idealizing you, and possibly mirroring your personality and interests. However, they change into a complete b!tch full of anger and hate when they see that you are attached and can not leave so easily. This is their true colours, and they even show glimpses of this in the beginning if you pay attention.

This is why it is so important to keep your guard up in the beginning, girls in general are on their best behaviour in the first few weeks/months of dating, and it takes a bit of time to reveal their true colours. Be wary if things are moving incredibly fast, or if there is "love-bombing" early on. This is typically not normal.

What you need to know now is that time heals all wounds. Give it time. You also need to know that you should NEVER GET BACK WITH HER. She will only hurt you more if you do, and you will be getting the sloppy seconds of the guy she is with right now, so have some pride. You will be be particularly vulnerable to getting back with her because she was your first, but you should NEVER DO IT.

Maintain NC, no social media stalking, and acknowledge she was never right for you. Your emotions need to be negotiated with your mind right now. Your emotions want this woman, and you need to tell them you shouldn't. You do this by telling yourself that she is a 4/10, a thot, and a damn nutcase. In other words, she is a woman of garbage quality and you can do much better. This is time to be glad a parasite like that is out of your life, good riddance. It's also time to learn from this experience and grow much stronger than you were before.

 

[searching solace]

If she was legitemately crazy, and you had little to no experience before her, I completely understand why you feel the way you do. Crazy girls can do a number on experienced guys, let alone inexperienced ones!

You probably ignored or weren't smart enough to spot the signs of crazy when they appeared. That was your first mistake.

Your second mistake was not leaving sooner when these signs presented themselves.

Dont feel bad, you were inexperienced and did not know what to look for, and how to react to it. These girls will go to extreme lengths to manipulate your mind.

They may use a pity story very early on, like the first few dates. This will be done to garner sympathy from you, which they will use against you with no remorse. This pity story typically involves personal things like self-harming, tales of abuse etc. In other words, things that no normal person will tell a guy they just started dating.

They may be the best possible girlfriend imaginable in the beginning. This is done to get you attached. They do this by giving you mind-blowing sex, idealizing you, and possibly mirroring your personality and interests. However, they change into a complete b!tch full of anger and hate when they see that you are attached and can not leave so easily. This is their true colours, and they even show glimpses of this in the beginning if you pay attention.

This is why it is so important to keep your guard up in the beginning, girls in general are on their best behaviour in the first few weeks/months of dating, and it takes a bit of time to reveal their true colours. Be wary if things are moving incredibly fast, or if there is "love-bombing" early on. This is typically not normal.

What you need to know now is that time heals all wounds. Give it time. You also need to know that you should NEVER GET BACK WITH HER. She will only hurt you more if you do, and you will be getting the sloppy seconds of the guy she is with right now, so have some pride. You will be be particularly vulnerable to getting back with her because she was your first, but you should NEVER DO IT.

Maintain NC, no social media stalking, and acknowledge she was never right for you. Your emotions need to be negotiated with your mind right now. Your emotions want this woman, and you need to tell them you shouldn't. You do this by telling yourself that she is a 4/10, a thot, and a damn nutcase. In other words, she is a woman of garbage quality and you can do much better. This is time to be glad a parasite like that is out of your life, good riddance. It's also time to learn from this experience and grow much stronger than you were before.

This is a fantastic post.

It's all very well for the guys up top to give the whole man-up, join the gym and move on speech, and though it's effective in its own way, it doesn't help long term when someone is feeling like this, at least in my experience anyway.

I think it's better for the OP to rationally understand the dynamics that were at play and are still at play. Explaining to him where his mistakes were that led him to feeling this way is very useful, both in understanding that she was unstable and not relationship material and also so that the same mistakes aren't repeated - mistakes which are very easy to make again unless you are feeling strong.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

22, you lucky lucky bastard... As someone who is 46 I wish to god that there had been anything like this site when I was 22 and breaking my heart for the first time.

The hardest thing for me to get back was the belief that I was a good person. I then spent the next 20 years being blue pill as fvck, trying to prove it.

22 and at college! Sigh.... Surrounded by gorgeous young hotties DTF.
FVCK SOME WOMEN... find out for yourself that not all women are psychos.

Sorry, a bit blunt. We all want to do the right thing and support the people who love us, especially when they clearly need our help, but the wrong women will use that as a weapin against us. Yours did. My ex did.
Especially when we are young and there is a shortage of older wiser people, we dont have a farking clue about whatbus ok in a relationship and what isn't or what is normal anger and what is abuse.

You learned a harsh lesson. You learned what happens if you put other people especially women as more important than you.
Read 'no more Mr Nice Guy'. It might make you cry but you will probably see yourself in there.

I hope this experience hasnt broken you and that you will let it temper you like a steel blade rather than leave you forevrr feeling worthless.
A lot of how you feel is your choice. You can choose to change your thought patterns and feelings.

 

[dustmuffin]

Lesson learned from this....protect your heart. Never invest more in a relationship than the woman. The more you try the more she will push you away and think that she is better than you.

You at 22 have a great opportunity to learn how women act and what to do about it.

Read the dj bible, read the sidebar on the redpill reddit. Make yourself into the best man you can be. Women will follow.

It takes time to mend a broken heart. At 22 you have plenty.

 

[ChangePages]

If she was legitemately crazy, and you had little to no experience before her, I completely understand why you feel the way you do. Crazy girls can do a number on experienced guys, let alone inexperienced ones!

You probably ignored or weren't smart enough to spot the signs of crazy when they appeared. That was your first mistake.

Your second mistake was not leaving sooner when these signs presented themselves.

Dont feel bad, you were inexperienced and did not know what to look for, and how to react to it. These girls will go to extreme lengths to manipulate your mind.

They may use a pity story very early on, like the first few dates. This will be done to garner sympathy from you, which they will use against you with no remorse. This pity story typically involves personal things like self-harming, tales of abuse etc. In other words, things that no normal person will tell a guy they just started dating.

They may be the best possible girlfriend imaginable in the beginning. This is done to get you attached. They do this by giving you mind-blowing sex, idealizing you, and possibly mirroring your personality and interests. However, they change into a complete b!tch full of anger and hate when they see that you are attached and can not leave so easily. This is their true colours, and they even show glimpses of this in the beginning if you pay attention.

This is why it is so important to keep your guard up in the beginning, girls in general are on their best behaviour in the first few weeks/months of dating, and it takes a bit of time to reveal their true colours. Be wary if things are moving incredibly fast, or if there is "love-bombing" early on. This is typically not normal.

What you need to know now is that time heals all wounds. Give it time. You also need to know that you should NEVER GET BACK WITH HER. She will only hurt you more if you do, and you will be getting the sloppy seconds of the guy she is with right now, so have some pride. You will be be particularly vulnerable to getting back with her because she was your first, but you should NEVER DO IT.

Maintain NC, no social media stalking, and acknowledge she was never right for you. Your emotions need to be negotiated with your mind right now. Your emotions want this woman, and you need to tell them you shouldn't. You do this by telling yourself that she is a 4/10, a thot, and a damn nutcase. In other words, she is a woman of garbage quality and you can do much better. This is time to be glad a parasite like that is out of your life, good riddance. It's also time to learn from this experience and grow much stronger than you were before.

Wow, very spot on. I don't think I could ever trust someone again, let alone her. If she comes back I might be vulnerable but I'm not going to be attached or emotionally there like I used too. I hope she stays far away that I do move on. It's hard on me now to feel any type of emotions. I'm not in the perfect state of mind right now.

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

Dont just go to the gym ..go to the gym and get ripped as f#ck. Make yourself so hot that this ex isnt even in your league anymore. Let the pain motivate you not defeat you.

Damn this right here, this right here is "24 k GOLD"! I remember years ago when, I was trying to date this very cute female named Michelle (her real name) and was getting the runaround and excuses. You know the kind you get when she's not really that attracted enough to date you but just enough to string you around and keep you as an orbiter? Thats when I first realized the importance of working out and always looking my best. Because while I was always aesthetically appealing in the face I was just to skinny in the body, maybe even skinny fat, lol.

Anyway, I worked out relentlessly for a whole year, and I know this sounds hard to believe but my will power is stronger than most so no cheat days for a whole year either! Boy, I still remember that new body and all the stares from females, it wasnt uncommon to go to a club me and my best friend(at the time) and come out with 20-30 numbers and it gave me a new found confidence like no other. Well, back to that female, as luck would have it somehow or another I ran into her best friend, Deanna, long beautiful blond hair big blue eyes, and a very nice shape. A tad better looking than her friend that was trying to run games on me. We immediately hit it off and she told me that Michelle was dating a guy behind my back. So I gave up on Michelle and started dating Deanna.

Michelle was hot over it so hot that her and Deanna stopped being friends, the guy that Michelle was interested in dumped her for another female, she was so heartbroken about the whole ordeal that she packed her bags and moved out of state. Don't you just love happy endings!

But Change Page's I'm positive I would not have been able to achieve all of that without first elevating myself physically above Michelle's status!