He said the "L" word then took it back...

[Crank_It_Up]

oh my god tails, women are reading the forum, everybody run for your lives, lol. Dude, if you're that scared of women, just go gay and be donw with it.


back to the topic.... he was the first one to say the L word, she then paused and finally returned the L word back to him. But was she just being polite? Why did she hesitate? He wasn't sure, so he questioned her answer by saying "You don't mean it...lol". He wanted some reassurance but got none cause she totally caved in, and he followed suit.

So there ya have it... my advice to Confuzzled is this:

When somebody says the L word, you better be open and honest, no time to play games, the opportunity might not present itself again.

I picked up a very hot girl in a club and took her out on a date, I was very smitten by this girl, and by the second date I asked her if she was falling in love with me. She laughed and said of course not and then asked if I was falling in love with her. In fact I was, but seeing as how she was not feeling it in return, I punked out and said, no, I wasn't feeling it either. That was the last time I took her out. I don't believe in wasting time.

A week or 2 later, we ran into each other in a club, she was with one of her girlfriends, but I had already picked up another girl at the time who was also pretty hot. We smiled and said hello and kept walking past each other. About a half hour later, she and her girlfriend sit at a table behind us, I didn't think anything of it at the time, but a few minutes later, she poured her drink over my head, and stomped out.

Why was she so mad? We never said anything about exclusiveness and had only had 2 dates, but apparantly, she must have had some strong feelings or would not have reacted that way. But it was too late, I had already moved on.

So don't miss your chance, you might not get another opportunity.

 

[Tails]

get back on your rocking chair old man, you might have a heart attack.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by Tails
get back on your rocking chair old man, you might have a heart attack.

lol, well let's hope not

 

[Jimbo2k]

Originally posted by Crank_It_Up
by the second date I asked her if she was falling in love with me. She laughed and said of course not and then asked if I was falling in love with her. In fact I was, but seeing as how she was not feeling it in return, I punked out and said, no, I wasn't feeling it either. That was the last time I took her out. I don't believe in wasting time.

So you were falling in love with her after 2 dates eh and then, since she didnt say she was falling in love with you, you dump her

Off topic, sorry.

 

[Jimbo2k]

.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by Jimbo2k
So you were falling in love with her after 2 dates eh and then, since she didnt say she was falling in love with you, you dump her

Off topic, sorry.

yes that is correct, your reading comprehension skills are perfect so far, hope you find a cure for the rolling eyes problem though.

 

[legolas]

First a question.

You say you're in a "friends with benefits" type relationship. How the heck do I get me one of those? How did you and him end up n one of these "arrangements?"

Now for my opinion, he already told you why he said "love ya" It was a test, and you fell for it. He wanted to know if you really loved him, and he did. Obviously you realized he was joking. You already knew this before posting here. Your responses in the chat seem exactly like those of a fish caught in the net trying to escape, and he wasn't letting you go.

Does he really mean it? I don't know, but I think you already do. You have fallen head over heels and there's nothing you can do especially if he doesn't feel the same, because that's going to mean heartbreak for you. If you try to make him fall in love with you, it's not going to work!! Just try and heal your wound by not thinking about it all that much. I nkow it's hard, but you should give it a go. Focus on other important things in your life.

I have a friend also who I want to turn into a fwb type thing. What do you suggest I do? Make her fall in love with me? Sorry couldn't resist.

 

[Confuzzled]

Well Tails...sorry to tread on your stomping grounds. I see my coming here asking advice the same as if you were to ask a girl friend of yours for advice about the opposite sex. Correct me if I'm wrong? I see no "secrets" here, it's just helping me understand better how men think. While at the same time, the questions I'm asking should be helping men better understand what goes through our heads when certain things are said to us, and etc...

Anyhow, thank you to those who did shed some light on this situation. Very much appreciated.

 

[cffrmw]

tails, you honestly think she can figure out who any of us are? does it really matter? and theres nothing we can do to stop them from reading. at least they post so you know its happening. remember, this forum is "for men" and men wouldnt care is women read it.

 

[Trickster_guy_2001]

I generally feel that a lot of people say it way too early and that it really isn't meant. I love you at this moment but if you piss me off... and at times it equates to saying "Im going to say it to shut you up and make you all hot and bothered."


I think though that in this case he was saying love ya... as in what a friend would say to another. I don't think it was in "if a million poets had a million typewriters and a million years..." super romantic movie type crap.

My feeling is that if you play with fire, you'll eventually get burned.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Stop sleeping with him.

Stop sleeping with him.

Stop sleeping with him.

Stop sleeping with him.

 

[Confuzzled]

Originally posted by ThunderMaverick
Stop sleeping with him.

Stop sleeping with him.

Stop sleeping with him.

Stop sleeping with him.

Why though? I'm not expecting anything more from this than what it is. (FWB) And I have never expected anything more from him. (wanted it, sure...but not expected) We both made it clear from the beginning what it was going to be, so I would never get upset with him for not wanting more. Infact, I am certain that we would remain great friends if one of us wanted more and the other didn't.

I enjoy what we have, so sleeping with him...or not sleeping with him, is not the problem.

 

[Trickster_guy_2001]

Originally posted by Confuzzled
Why though? I'm not expecting anything more from this than what it is. (FWB) And I have never expected anything more from him. (wanted it, sure...but not expected) We both made it clear from the beginning what it was going to be, so I would never get upset with him for not wanting more. Infact, I am certain that we would remain great friends if one of us wanted more and the other didn't.

I enjoy what we have, so sleeping with him...or not sleeping with him, is not the problem.

Actually in spite of what you say, (which seems to change a bit IMHO), it does seem to be a part of the problem. You said yourself... "...After 6 months of being great friends, phone calls, emails, MSN convos, the sex....I've fallen in love with him."

Which is common enough. I wish I could find the article I had read talking about the "love" chemicals that start brewing when a woman has sex...

If you think you love him in a romantic way, there WILL be some upset. It happens anyway when NOT having sex sometimes.

"Love ya"

Everything you said in your first post gave the indication that you've fallen for him... that you love him in a romantic way... the "delight" you had when he said the L word, etc.

Now you're saying that it's just sex, almost like it's nothing... well, you ARE hoping for something to happen. So...which is it?


"We both made it clear from the beginning what it was going to be, so I would never get upset with him for not wanting more."

You WILL end up getting upset. You might HIDE it... and (though I doubt it) you might hide it REALLY WELL. But you WILL be upset. You WILL be just a little jealous if you see him talking to some hot chick. You just feel you can't SAY anything. Hey, I got a little jealous that a former crush of mine was talking to some guy she had JUST met and yet was rude to me the first time I talked to her. I was a little pissed when these girls who barely would make small talk with me got up to follow after a much better looking guy without him saying a word to them. Upset is inevitable.

But the sex adds complications. Lots of them. And you seem to be dealing with some of these complications from it. That's why I brought it up...and though I can't speak for ThunderMaverick, it seems that he's got the same idea on why NOT to keep sleeping with the friend.

 

[Lo Hung Wang]

Confuzzled:

I did the same thing at one point in my life - "I love ya babe, HAHAHAH just kidding". It's just a lame way of covering up your feelings so you won't get hurt if the feeling isn't reciprocated.

Remember : Behind every joke lies the truth.

So IMHO he really likes you.. because he feels insecure about it. I doubt he'l take action. You have to set a deadline so it doesn't drag on and on.

either you two are going out, or not seeing each other.....make a decision.

Unrelated Mindless Chatter:

Who gives a flying fukk if women register on this boards? Let them register by the thousands for all I care - how does that affect my game, or my posts?

 

[PRMoon]

Having a down low relationship can be tricky.

First off having a friends with benifits relationship will be self destructive about 75% of the time according to most guys, including myslf, who were in at least one. Hoping that feelings won't be involved at some point is useless.

Second does this guy actively seek other women? and you with men? If so this speeds up the time period in which your little arrangement will end.

Third, guys are a wiley bunch. We do stupid things that we know will befuttle and piss off girls ALL THE TIME. It's our nature. Forcing the "L word" of you is just one more thing he will do as a guy to entertain himself or hide his true feelings from you.

 

[Confuzzled]

Originally posted by Trickster_guy_2001
Actually in spite of what you say, (which seems to change a bit IMHO), it does seem to be a part of the problem. You said yourself... "...After 6 months of being great friends, phone calls, emails, MSN convos, the sex....I've fallen in love with him."

Which is common enough. I wish I could find the article I had read talking about the "love" chemicals that start brewing when a woman has sex...

If you think you love him in a romantic way, there WILL be some upset. It happens anyway when NOT having sex sometimes.

"Love ya"

Everything you said in your first post gave the indication that you've fallen for him... that you love him in a romantic way... the "delight" you had when he said the L word, etc.

Now you're saying that it's just sex, almost like it's nothing... well, you ARE hoping for something to happen. So...which is it?


"We both made it clear from the beginning what it was going to be, so I would never get upset with him for not wanting more."

You WILL end up getting upset. You might HIDE it... and (though I doubt it) you might hide it REALLY WELL. But you WILL be upset. You WILL be just a little jealous if you see him talking to some hot chick. You just feel you can't SAY anything. Hey, I got a little jealous that a former crush of mine was talking to some guy she had JUST met and yet was rude to me the first time I talked to her. I was a little pissed when these girls who barely would make small talk with me got up to follow after a much better looking guy without him saying a word to them. Upset is inevitable.

But the sex adds complications. Lots of them. And you seem to be dealing with some of these complications from it. That's why I brought it up...and though I can't speak for ThunderMaverick, it seems that he's got the same idea on why NOT to keep sleeping with the friend.

Hey, thanks for the reply. Thank you all, actually.

I guess it did sound like I was going backwards. I didn't mean to come across that way. What I did mean by saying that it wasn't just the sex, was that we were pretty close even before sleeping together and I think I would've fallen for him regradless. Although you're right in that sex makes things that much more intensified. Of course.

Yes I love him in a romantic way. So yes, I'm bound to get hurt if things one day go sour. But I can only blame myself for getting involved in such a situation and trying to convince myself that feelings would never get in the way. He never promised me anything so if he is just playing games with me by saying "love ya" to get a rise out of me...who's to blame really if I get hurt hoping for the best? He doesn't know how I feel, as I've never really told him...so I guess I'm struggling with the decision to either tell him and risk losing him (I am talking about the friendship here), or not tell him and risk missing out on something wonderful.

You see why us women get confused? LOL.

 

[iqqi]

suppose in a couple of weeks he starts acting strange. then one day he stops calling as much or denying your invitations. finally he just tells you.

"i've met someone."

in other words:"i've met someone who deserves ALL of me, and my exclusivity. someone i want to claim. someone who i don't want to lose by sleeping with you or anyone on the side. someone i want to call my girl. someone who i adore and want to REALLY be with."

how does it feel to know you aren't someone who __________ to him? that you are just prelude to something REAL to him. come on, chic, have you no pride? no self worth?

if you want to be that someone, you have to first earn his respect, which if you are a "just a" and not a "someone" you'll never have that respect.

think about it.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by Confuzzled
..He doesn't know how I feel, as I've never really told him...so I guess I'm struggling with the decision to either tell him and risk losing him (I am talking about the friendship here), or not tell him and risk missing out on something wonderful.

You see why us women get confused? LOL.

I think he feels the same for you and was very interested in your reaction. He was hoping you would say that you loved him too. But you didn't did you? No, you had to wait a minute, you hesitated, and he thought oh sh1t, now I've done it. Then you finally said love ya too, but it was too late, the damage was done, and he doubted if you really meant it. All you have to do is tell him you really do love him before it's too late.

 

[Confuzzled]

Originally posted by Crank_It_Up
I think he feels the same for you and was very interested in your reaction. He was hoping you would say that you loved him too. But you didn't did you? No, you had to wait a minute, you hesitated, and he thought oh sh1t, now I've done it. Then you finally said love ya too, but it was too late, the damage was done, and he doubted if you really meant it. All you have to do is tell him you really do love him before it's too late.

But when he kept asking and I wouldn't answer, I thought he'd get that I did mean it but was scared to say so...especially after he said "just wanted to see your reaction..." Ofcourse Im not going to admit it after he says that. lol. And when I said "you're cruel", he said "that means you do.." So any chance he's figured out by that conversation that I do? Or are guys SERIOUSLY that oblivious and need to be told straight out?

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by Confuzzled
But when he kept asking and I wouldn't answer, I thought he'd get that I did mean it but was scared to say so...especially after he said "just wanted to see your reaction..." Ofcourse Im not going to admit it after he says that. lol. And when I said "you're cruel", he said "that means you do.." So any chance he's figured out by that conversation that I do? Or are guys SERIOUSLY that oblivious and need to be told straight out?

well somebody has to take the risk and say it first... he already did that but you shot him down when you hesitated... and yes guys are "seriously that oblivious and need to be told straight out"

If guys weren't that oblivious, would they need a site like this to tell them that a little playing hard to get increases their desireability? Women have been doing that for centuries.