He said the "L" word then took it back...

[Confuzzled]

Guys, need a little advice here....please and thanks! I'm a female (obviously) and was just wondering if any of you have ever tricked a girl into saying she loves you, even if you didn't feel the same? Here's the situation:

In a nutshell, I've been in a "friends with benefits" relationship with a guy for over 6 months. We kissed twice on occasion before the "agreement", then we started talking more and more and really opening up, then we began sleeping together. Strictly agreed to "no strings attached" and we're great friends.

After 6 months of being great friends, phone calls, emails, MSN convos, the sex....I've fallen in love with him. We're pretty open with our feelings except for when it comes to the big "L" word. It's not been spoken and we've known eachother over a year now.

Well fast-forward to last night. We're talking on MSN for quite a while, having a fun conversation and then it's getting late and he says he should go to bed and for me to email him. I say will do and tell him to have a good night...and then he says:

"Love ya"

Eek. Well, I was delighted, stunned, scared, unsure, all kinds of emotions. But mostly delighted, as I have been waiting so long for the right moment to tell him...but always just assumed our "relationship" was just sex for him.

So anyway, he says that. I wait a minute...wondering what I should say...and decide now is the time. So I say:

"Love ya too"

And then the rest of the MSN convo went like this:

Him: You don't mean it...lol
Me: Do you?
Him: I asked you first...
Me: You said it first, lol...do you?
Him: Love sleeping with you, lol...just wanted to see your reaction.
Me: You're evil.
Him: That's me...did you mean it?
Me: lol, no fair.
Him: Come on be honest, I think you do.
Me: lol, why do you say that?
Him: To bug...lol
Me: Lol.
Him: Well???????????
Me: Love sleeping with you...
Him: Lol..can't steal me answer, come on...be honest
Me: Why would you say that though, I'm curious.
Him: Say what
Me: Say "love ya" then say you just wanted to see my reaction
Him: I thought you wouldn't respond back and you know I like to stump you.
Me: You're so cruel.
Him: That means you do.
Me: I never answered.
Him: Then answer.
Me: I love sleeping with you too.
Him: Alright, I will let it go...lol.
Me: Well I get to stump you before you go.
Him: What's that.
Me: Do you think you're falling in love with me?
Him: More in love as a very close friend and I know you're there for me anytime.
Me: Ok, and yes I am there for you anytime.
Him: What about you?
Me: Same, love ya as a very good friend. If I let myself fall in love with you I probably could, but I can't let myself...so I'm not. lol.
Him: Alright....well email me tonight and we'll talk more.
Me: Ok
Him: Have a great night and sweet dreams.
Me: Thanks you too, good night.
Him: Nite.

So????????? What the hell was that?????

Does he really and he took it back because I wouldn't answer when he asked if I meant it? Or was he just tricking me to find if I do? That's cruel if that's the case because I take those words very seriously.

Anyone shed some light on this one???

Thanks!

 

[tactic]

you sure he ain tan afc or anything?

 

[abcd_z]

I hate to say this, but you're paying way too much attention to the little stuff. Don't stress out over it so much, because I guarantee you, he isn't .

 

[Crank_It_Up]

yeah, you both love each other... too timid fools in love with each other, neither brave enough to admit they love the other. Which will grow balls first? It's anybody's guess. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. No balls, no blue chips. No pain, no gain.

They should change the name of this site to the meek and mild zone.

 

[Confuzzled]

Originally posted by tactic
you sure he ain tan afc or anything?

Huh? Sorry, I don't know the terminology and abbrevations around here...lol.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

yes I think you both love each other, but I also think the relationship is doomed from the start. Since both parties involved are so scared to commit, it shows an extreme fear of rejection. To sustain a relationship you have to be able to overcome the fights and arguements along the way. I just don't see either one of you able to survive the hurtful things that will happen during the bad times. Good luck and let us know how it works out.

 

[tactic]

The more you love, the more you fall.


crank, why did you post the near-same thing?


confuzzled, its

AVERAGE FUSTRATED CHUMP


=

WWu777

 

[KiInCollege]

Friends with benefits...

Ask yourself these questions honestly. You don't need to post your answers.

Are you relatively less attractive than him (important)?

Have either of you dated anyone else when the "benefits" arrangement began?

Are you both under 23?

Does he not look in your eyes often when having sex?

Do you not have long, sensual kisses?

Does he never initiate any public affection?

A yes to any of these questions implies he's really just interested in the sex. "Love ya" is not saying "I love you." The ya makes it too informal. It's the safest way for him to bring up the subject without investing in the sentiment.

 

[Confuzzled]

Originally posted by KiInCollege
Friends with benefits...

Ask yourself these questions honestly. You don't need to post your answers.

Are you relatively less attractive than him (important)?

Have either of you dated anyone else when the "benefits" arrangement began?

Are you both under 23?

Does he not look in your eyes often when having sex?

Do you not have long, sensual kisses?

Does he never initiate any public affection?

A yes to any of these questions implies he's really just interested in the sex. "Love ya" is not saying "I love you." The ya makes it too informal. It's the safest way for him to bring up the subject without investing in the sentiment.

I'll answer...no big deal...I'm here to get advice.

- We're both equally attractive.
- Yes, off and on we have dated others.
- No, we are both over 25 actually.
- Yes we do maintain eye contact when we're intimate.
- We do have long, sensual kisses.
- No, because our arrangement is kind of something we don't want others to know about. We act as good friends in public.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

I think it was kinda foolish of you guys to just screw around with each other in the first place.

There's no such thing as "Friends with benefits"

Someone ALWAYS grows affection for the other one.
It's like this:

You moved extremely fast, not caring about earning, REALLY earning honesty and respect..Then sleep with each other. So why the hell not spill your guts, feelings, and weaknesses to him? And vice versa. I mean, he's already seen you naked. You've given him first what you should have given him last. (vice versa also)

Nothing was created. A real friendship wasn't created. Real respect was not created. And real honesty was squashed under the heavy need to have at least someone remotely attractive to give you attention when you're alone! Is it really that hard to just be alone, even for a few months?

You got attatched to him through sex. Plain n' simple.

Darling, this isn't a relationship. It's a "free sex engagement".

You both moved to fast.

You didn't earn him, and he didn't earn you. Do NOT pretend that he owes you something.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Crank_It_Up
yeah, you both love each other... too timid fools in love with each other, neither brave enough to admit they love the other. Which will grow balls first? It's anybody's guess. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. No balls, no blue chips. No pain, no gain.

They should change the name of this site to the meek and mild zone.

Agreed

 

[KiInCollege]

From your answers, I can't be certain which way he feels. I don't know enough about your situation.

You're going to have to either wait for him to make a move and continue the sex, or threaten to stop the sex because you feel used.

It's rude for him to play mind games with you, given your unique relationship and the context of your discussion. Of course he knows it's going to confuse you! If I were him, I wouldn't have risked it, because now I'd have to make a choice if you in fact loved me. Big can o worms - that sort of thing.

So, if he doesn't want more from you, he's a stupid man, or a man without foresight. If he does want more from you, he'll let you know and you'll both be fine.

If I were you I would somehow punish him severely if it's the first case.

 

[Tails]

why are there girls on this forum?

 

[Evil-Rom]

Originally posted by Tails
why are there girls on this forum?

They wanna get the opinions of real men?

 

[Walk this Way]

He's trying to tell you he loves you without investing his pride. And you did the same exact thing in return. So I'd assume he loves you, and you love him back. But he won't tell you first because he's a loser and he's afraid so you tell him first.

 

[Tails]

Originally posted by Evil-Rom
They wanna get the opinions of real men?

i thought this forum was for men. i feel a little weird having women reading our posts. fuk off please.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Originally posted by Walk this Way
But he won't tell you first because he's a loser and he's afraid so you tell him first.

Uh...He's a loser? There wasn't suppose to be a relationship in the first place, which was a wrong move. And THAT'S why she's here posting. She wants to make something out of something that was suppose to be NOTHING! How would you expect the guy goes about this!?

I guess just ask him how he really feels. If he's not honest, then stop investing your body in something meaningless and move on. You guys aren't going to progress without the truth.

 

[Evil-Rom]

Originally posted by Tails
i thought this forum was for men. i feel a little weird having women reading our posts. fuk off please.

What are you gonna do? Petition a ban?

 

[Porky]

Originally posted by Tails
i thought this forum was for men. i feel a little weird having women reading our posts. fuk off please.

You can leave if you want. I knew some moron was going to bring this up.

 

[Tails]

no thanks. i'm curious though.. you don't mind that there's a few girls in this forum? isn't there a forum for them elsewhere? these things are a bit private. we might as well go to a womens forum and start reading their posts and asking them for help eh? i'm not trying to be rude, sorry if i was... but it just feels a little weird having girls around this forum.