Having trouble landing 2nd dates, need advice

[seasonedplayer]

I think you are right about this. I was very sexually dominant on our date leading her into a sexual state, and she really liked it. Thing is, this being sexual dominant is something new i'm trying on like a new pair of shoes and i think that text did somewhat come off as needy now that i think about it.. **** im so pissed at myself!!!

I disagree with the post - the text message wouldn't have put her off that much. What put her off was her thinking into her mind that you just want sex

 

[rocco]

i want more of a relationship with the women I date (where I can actually see them again for a another date lol), but they do always end up feeling like a hook up or ONS. Can you elaborate more on what you mean by the teasing game? I gather, that it is further into detail what jophil & DJTC had pointed out earlier in this thread that women want to be led?

I think if you want more second dates you have to understand the concept of teasing. I think it's not a matter of whether you were too sexual or not, it's a matter of how she thought about it.

You see girls are meant to be led, but you as a man have to know what you want and be congruent. If you want sex on the first date, for her that's called hooking up or ONS, you cannot simply turn around and start dating her. Your intention should come through in your behavior.

I think she will write it off as "I hooked up with this guy" Any dates from that point on will be colored with that perception, meaning when you ask her out again she will think you want to hook up and may not be comfortable with it.

There's nothing wrong with this by the way if that's what you really want!

I get the feeling that you're a little conflicted in yourself about what you really want. If you want to date these girls, then you MUST play the teasing game. Give her a taste of the kinds of feelings she can expect from you, but only a small dose, then TURN IT OFF

If she begins to crave it then you're doing it right. Try not to overdo it. Keep in mind that she wants it but you're not that easy. You will then continue the pattern of giving her small doses of emotions on the dates.

Let me know if this makes any sense.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

I have a similar problem.

I go on a zillion first dates. I look good on paper. But I don't get many second dates. My game is just awful. And like you, I do a ton of Internet dating.

But recently, this has improved. I am getting more second dates than I used to, and basically the only reason for this is that I go on even more first dates than I used to. By law of averages, some chick, from time to time, and a pretty good looking one at that, is bound to throw herself at me.

Example: I went on a binge of 12 dates in 10 days very recently. I blew a few of them off afterwards, and a few of them blew me off afterwards. But there are a couple that are pretty promising, and that I'll see again.

For someone like me, the only way to get an attractive girlfriend is to just go on a ton of dates.

 

[legolas]

i want more of a relationship with the women I date (where I can actually see them again for a another date lol), but they do always end up feeling like a hook up or ONS. Can you elaborate more on what you mean by the teasing game? I gather, that it is further into detail what jophil & DJTC had pointed out earlier in this thread that women want to be led?

First of all it's awesome you're being sexually dominant, you're supposed to, and you're getting a good response. You just need to add this one other piece to it. The idea is to push on the gas pedal for a little bit, as you currently do and get what I call "emotional fireworks" going then ease off a little bit with more fluff convo and no touching. Then check to see if they are wanting more.

If they do, you've got them!! At this point they should be extremely motivated to want to get those feelings again but you don't give it to them till on another date. Remember that emotional fireworks are more than just sexual. If you want second dates, then on the first date all you're supposed to do is ignite her emotions through teasing mixed in with fluff to get rapport and a connection. Make sure she's feeling a wide range of emotions and then just leave it at that. Your sexual intentions need to be clear to her (kino, massage, your state) but don't push too hard or else she'll get into ONS mode, especialy if no connection exists.

I get the sense that you're progressing in a linear fashion with them, and then you hit a plateu. Just like in training, there's a concept calling "waving the load" which means that you don't work with the same intensity all the time. This is what helps you bust through plateus. Another way to look at this is to think of those casino slot machines. They don't pay out full on every pull otherwise the casino will go out of businesses. They pay out big amounts but only randomly and that's how they hook you.

Yes women need to be led, but only so far. They need to be into you for you continue leading. It's like a dance. Would you lead someone who just sits there and doesn't dance back?

 

[rocco]

yeah i am beginning to get a sense of what u mean. like get her onto a emotional rollercoaster, sort to speak..

this actually reminds me of a little bit of what swinggcat (name of a pua dating guru) says about "push/pull", and "prizeability." ive neglected a lot of his material before, because i thought it was mean lol, like the things he tells guys to do with girls (he goes a little overboard with some the stuff he says for example purposes), but im going to go back and listen to his stuff again, and rethink some of it.

..or perhaps some of mystery methods theory about LMR also.

 

[rocco]

Think about things like breaking through ASD, getting girls drunk to bone and women wanting the man lead. Women want convenient ways to escape accountability for their actions. You lead confidently on the first date and gave her that.

lol i was thinking over what you said about women lacking accountability. Ive heard it before when jack nicholson said it in one of his movies, never really understood that before until now..it is making sense. amusing and in some ways true too! :crackup:

 

[legolas]

Yes the idea is to give them emotional swings. This one guy I know calls it "emotional thrusting" Much better visualization no?

He even has an ebook on the hate/love swing (i.e. make-up sex) which uses this idea in a relationship context.

From my experience there are a few things a guy needs to do with a girl he likes.

1. He needs to engange her emotionally (push/pull, touching, teasing etc)
2. He needs to build an emotional connection with her and reveal some of himself (which is easy once she's emotionally touched)
3. He needs to take action physically (ask her out, get the digits, kiss her, lead her to the bedroom etc)

Depending on your intention you do these steps over a long period of time (say a few dates) or you compress them over a short period of time for ONS.

I really like that line from DJCT. Women want convenient ways to escape accountability You do that with both 1 and 2

 

[rocco]

Yes the idea is to give them emotional swings. This one guy I know calls it "emotional thrusting" Much better visualization no?

He even has an ebook on the hate/love swing (i.e. make-up sex) which uses this idea in a relationship context.

lol good stuff. Hmm if i may ask what's the name of his ebook? and what's his name?

 

[legolas]

CR James. http://superpowermedia.com/ I think the book was part of a package. His stuff is mostly geared towards men in relationships.

 

[DonGorgon]

I think that what you did on the date was to take charge and push through her 'slvt shield'. You held the reins and steered her into participating in a moderate to heavy sexual encounter. She played her part because you LED her there.
Then you dropped the reins by sending her that text and ASKING her IF she wants to see you again WHEN her schedule permits !!
The tone , content and style of your text was inconsistent with the sexual confidence and dominance that you demonstrated on the date..Your text comes off as a tad needy and desperate. LIke you are "smitten" after one HJ in the back seat
SEcondly you ASKED her if she would go out with you NEXT week. THat gives her plenty of time to re-erect her "slvt shield" and develop buyer's remorse.

Here is the lamest part of all ,"...hope you feel the same way " .
Gawd, that sounds like a zitty high schooler begging to me.

Sorry to be so harsh man but maybe you turned her off . Who knows.

Exactly.... and i say always go as far as she will go on the first date...

 

[SharpGame]

some possible reasons as to why I think this may be happening could be the following reasons:

1. I may be too sexual on a first date. Therefore after the date, she is regretful about being so sexual with me so soon, and becomes hesitant about going out with me again because she doesnt want to seem slutty.

2. she is really shy. On our date she did not say much, even though I was trying to get her to tell me more about herself. Even tho, we did have great vibe going by the way, just not an incredible amount of talk..

It's both. You caused her to exhibit a classic behavior - what Mystery calls Buyer's Remorse. Then you went AFC by asking her if she feels the same way, which sounds like you're either asking her permission or you're looking for some deep connection already.

It's been a while now. Hopefully you haven't contacted her. Ask her out again to a venue where she'll feel safe from being man-handled by you like dinner with a group of friends. Somewhere where she knows you'd be forced to behave yourself. By the way, she secretly wants to be man-handled, but it has to "just happen". She can't be responsible for it.

I texted her because she has a thing with phone texting for some reasons. And I just wanted to communicate with her with what she was comfortable with..

Women are most comfortable when their men are in control. Stop waiting for her to lead you!!!

Edit: I see jophil28 already mentioned buyer's remorse. Didn't see that before

 

[SharpGame]

Oh, and start spinning plates if you aren't already. Go to the drug store and get some penicillin to clear up that oneitis of yours.

 

[rocco]

I actually find that texting, emailing, messaging a girl instead of calling her on the phone is less intrusive for the girl and she is more likely to have her guard down and be more receptive. This im sure varies from girl to girl, and how you met her initially (like if you two had met on a forum or myspace). These days the internet is like second way of communicating anyway. So as I am contemplating this, i still think messaging, texting and whatnot is not so bad. Tho, maybe someone else has had different or same experience with texting girls than me. that could be a possibility?

These days, it's ok to text a little with a woman, but only in response if she texts you. It's a good device for some flirtation but DON'T OVERDO IT. We all know it can be fun to receive a text from the opposite sex, but the more frequent it happens (as with anything), the less exciting it is. Most girls under 30 are so plugged in to phones, email, facebook, and everything else that they get a glut of messages every day. If you consistently text her, you run the risk of falling into the matrix of information she receives from all sources.

Some day the AFCs will learn that the greatest way to flirt via txt msg is not to respond at all. Let her stew and wonder who you are so busy with that you don't have time to reply; then call her 4 days later and invite her to join you in an activity. The "flirting and creating sexual tension via text" crap is what caused her IL to tank. I think you can recover this, but get a grip. Be a man, not her girlfriend.

 

[yuppaz]

She only wants to text because that way it is easier to hide from her boyfriend or husband.

 

[jophil28]

I actually find that texting, emailing, messaging a girl instead of calling her on the phone is less intrusive for the girl and she is more likely to have her guard down and be more receptive. This im sure varies from girl to girl, and how you met her initially (like if you two had met on a forum or myspace). These days the internet is like second way of communicating anyway. So as I am contemplating this, i still think messaging, texting and whatnot is not so bad. Tho, maybe someone else has had different or same experience with texting girls than me. that could be a possibility?

Texting .emailing are great tools for building rapport and teasing her with C&F while you are at the office or on the job. ..NO driving to dates, no money out, no waiting for her to show up, no sitting through crap chick flicks...etc. .
Texting a little ( once or twice a day MAX, or an email every other day works well for me. Women love this stuff- it builds connection and ANTICIPATION with her if you are skilled at it. Do NOT ever express your feelings openly, electronically.. WOmen respond to hinting, intimating and teasing - this build tension in her which is what you want. IF you master this skill, it becomes FOREPLAY.
Keep her hoping, guessing and wondering until the next real date with you.

 

[jophil28]

Some day the AFCs will learn that the greatest way to flirt via txt msg is not to respond at all. Let her stew and wonder who you are so busy with that you don't have time to reply; then call her 4 days later and invite her to join you in an activity. The "flirting and creating sexual tension via text" crap is what caused her IL to tank. I think you can recover this, but get a grip. Be a man, not her girlfriend.

You are confusing AFC behavior with respect and courtesy. IT is not "manly " to be slippery , deliberately rude,and conniving in your tactics. WE condemn this stuff in women yet YOU are promoting it as desireable in MEN.
Would you buy a house from a guy who returned your call four days late. I would have put a line through him after two days. I also would not date a woman who did not return my call, text or email for FOUR days - it shows rudeness, lack of common courtesy and poor social manners . Who wants someone like that? In addition, you can add LOW INTEREST LEVEL...

Crap behavior does NOT increase your value or attractiveness to woman unless those women have similar values( or lack of them ) Therefore, you can also expect some similar behavior from them should you start to date them. Birds of a feather ,dude..
Unfortunately, only fuglies and chicks who have few options. will accept a date from a guy who does not have the courtesy(or the interest) to reply to her text for FOUR days. These women are likely to be the desperate and dateless.
Women who are attractive, and have value, also have options, and putting up with some wannabe, alpha strutting sparrow, pretending to be "da man" is not likely to be one of them.
Unless you are George Clooney, you are going to be regarded as a social idiot or just plain crass and rude.