Having trouble getting over this girls and it's affecting me.

[Plank]

Hi,
so guys after I ****ed up with the girl in the last post, you guys told me not to contact her and stay aloof.
I did the complete opposite. I stayed aloof for a few days but later contacted her. she still talked with me and still do.
But I am having trouble getting over her. I don't have other plates spinning and during the last few weeks I ****ed up with other girls in my class too.
Now I don't talk to them much as I don't want to get a reputation of creep.

Now, here is the problem, losing her even if it was nothing, I am having problems with my confidence and when I do other work like coding, can't focus on that too and keep revisiting the old happy moments and pitying myself.
The other dudes in my class also have problems with chicks and all I hear about is girls. (which again make me feel like ****.)

Recently It was her birthday, and I gifted her ring and diary . It was okay for a while but the desire is gone.
and I am having trouble accepting that.

Any suggestions how to keep my cool and build my confidence back.
the last 2 weeks have not been really good and I want to get back to my happy, chilled state again.

 

[Willie Naylor]

Hi,
so guys after I ****ed up with the girl in the last post, you guys told me not to contact her and stay aloof.
I did the complete opposite. I stayed aloof for a few days but later contacted her. she still talked with me and still do.
But I am having trouble getting over her. I don't have other plates spinning and during the last few weeks I ****ed up with other girls in my class too.
Now I don't talk to them much as I don't want to get a reputation of creep.

Now, here is the problem, losing her even if it was nothing, I am having problems with my confidence and when I do other work like coding, can't focus on that too and keep revisiting the old happy moments and pitying myself.
The other dudes in my class also have problems with chicks and all I hear about is girls. (which again make me feel like ****.)

Recently It was her birthday, and I gifted her ring and diary . It was okay for a while but the desire is gone.
and I am having trouble accepting that.

Any suggestions how to keep my cool and build my confidence back.
the last 2 weeks have not been really good and I want to get back to my happy, chilled state again.

It's cliche, but time heals all wounds.

In the meantime, find something to punch. Seriously, not making a joke.

You don't realize it, but you have some pent up aggression you need to get out. Punching things is very therapeutic.

 

[derby1]

do you understand the difference between abundance and scarcity?

your mind is in scarcity, much like if you were down to your last 5 pounds?

you need to practice abundance, you navigate life like you have 10 thousand dollars at any one moment.....or 10 thousand women, this take a few years practice, as you'll come across as aroggant at first, everything a woman does should make you roll your eyes in a playful manner.

this girl is deceased to you now, she will rinse you of non sexual attention, stay polite but cut all convos short, no outgoing convos.

your probably making mistakes like stalking her IG, this is reconfirming her importance to your sub conscious mind, It all needs to stop

and stop buying women gifts, they buy alpha males gifts

 

[zinc4]

Hi,
so guys after I ****ed up with the girl in the last post, you guys told me not to contact her and stay aloof.
I did the complete opposite. I stayed aloof for a few days but later contacted her. she still talked with me and still do.
But I am having trouble getting over her. I don't have other plates spinning and during the last few weeks I ****ed up with other girls in my class too.
Now I don't talk to them much as I don't want to get a reputation of creep.

Now, here is the problem, losing her even if it was nothing, I am having problems with my confidence and when I do other work like coding, can't focus on that too and keep revisiting the old happy moments and pitying myself.
The other dudes in my class also have problems with chicks and all I hear about is girls. (which again make me feel like ****.)

Recently It was her birthday, and I gifted her ring and diary . It was okay for a while but the desire is gone.
and I am having trouble accepting that.

Any suggestions how to keep my cool and build my confidence back.
the last 2 weeks have not been really good and I want to get back to my happy, chilled state again.

You want actual good but hard advice?

Delete her and cease all contact with her, go monk mode for a few months focus only on exercise weights AND good cardio. Eat healthy as well and try even meditation or a even a martial art. And focus heavily on your coding as well.

When you cant get over someone it is usually just because your ego cant accept it and you are used to the routine of seeing her.

Let your ego be crushed...it's not helping anyways..just let it all go ...and focus on building your own new routine.

 

[RickTheToad]

Hi,
so guys after I ****ed up with the girl in the last post, you guys told me not to contact her and stay aloof.
I did the complete opposite. I stayed aloof for a few days but later contacted her. she still talked with me and still do.
But I am having trouble getting over her. I don't have other plates spinning and during the last few weeks I ****ed up with other girls in my class too.
Now I don't talk to them much as I don't want to get a reputation of creep.

Now, here is the problem, losing her even if it was nothing, I am having problems with my confidence and when I do other work like coding, can't focus on that too and keep revisiting the old happy moments and pitying myself.
The other dudes in my class also have problems with chicks and all I hear about is girls. (which again make me feel like ****.)

Recently It was her birthday, and I gifted her ring and diary . It was okay for a while but the desire is gone.
and I am having trouble accepting that.

Any suggestions how to keep my cool and build my confidence back.
the last 2 weeks have not been really good and I want to get back to my happy, chilled state again.

Find a rebound and keep your mind busy with other things. Doubtful shes feeling/thinking the same way. Females process emotions differently from dudes.

 

[Chamber36]

I have the same issue.

Something can remind me of the trauma I had and it makes me gnash my teeth.

Why does my ego miss her so much?

Unable to let go and unable to move on.

I suppose accepting the loss is the way. Be humble and grateful for life's experiences. Though I was literally traumatized by this girl so I have trouble being boastful like I was before.

I am super vulnerable because of this ****, but I do do plenty of sports, it's all that I can do.

 

[Plinco]

Your emotions are not objective identifiers of reality. If things did not work out, then they are not going to work out in the future. Life almost never mimics movies, so get those ideas out of your head. Like others have said, work on yourself and replace the desire with someone or something else.

 

[RangerMIke]

Stop thinking about her. It sounds hard, but it really isn't. Whenever you start thinking about her just go get busy with something that requires you to think. She pops in your head, force yourself to think about something else.

Not thinking about her isn't going to patch up your ego or fix anything, all it's going to do is shorten the time when regret is dominating your mind.

Remember ALL negative feelings has at it's core, expectation. You expected something to happen and it didn't now you feel bad. Just own the fact that this is how chicks are... they are emotional butterflies that are carried with the winds of their feelings. You have no control over this, it sounds bad, but really it's very liberating. Rather than thinking this chick was going to be a loyal partner... remember these kind of women are the exception, not the rule... most women will drop you like a live hand-grenade when she FEELS you no longer meet her needs. So stop thinking something ended, it was just your turn on the ride... rides over... it's the next dude's turn... you go get on another ride.

 

[Chamber36]

Stop thinking about her. It sounds hard, but it really isn't. Whenever you start thinking about her just go get busy with something that requires you to think. She pops in your head, force yourself to think about something else.

Not thinking about her isn't going to patch up your ego or fix anything, all it's going to do is shorten the time when regret is dominating your mind.

Remember ALL negative feelings has at it's core, expectation. You expected something to happen and it didn't now you feel bad. Just own the fact that this is how chicks are... they are emotional butterflies that are carried with the winds of their feelings. You have no control over this, it sounds bad, but really it's very liberating. Rather than thinking this chick was going to be a loyal partner... remember these kind of women are the exception, not the rule... most women will drop you like a live hand-grenade when she FEELS you no longer meet her needs. So stop thinking something ended, it was just your turn on the ride... rides over... it's the next dude's turn... you go get on another ride.

I know you are an OG on the forum and I agree.

But some of us here are pvssies and need to rebuild confidence to get back out there. Then the world is all hostile towards men and you dont get any support. And you end up a shell of a human being.

You just end up a complete mess but at least you get to rebuild from scratch and become whatever you want again.

Lonely times.

 

[Barrister]

Accept that she basically is a drug to you that you have become addicted to. You will want to reach out because your mind craves that feeling she gave you. Also realize that your mind is playing tricks on you and only letting you think of all the good times and forget all the sh1t she put you through. Called fading affect bias that inflicts men much more than men. In another words - it’s not easy to deal with this.

Get into the gym and start eating healthy like the others have suggested. When you’re ready and not before, begin seeing other women. Don’t be afraid to put that off until you are ready though. Good luck, brother.

 

[bat soup]

Hi,
so guys after I ****ed up with the girl in the last post, you guys told me not to contact her and stay aloof.
I did the complete opposite. I stayed aloof for a few days but later contacted her. she still talked with me and still do.
But I am having trouble getting over her. I don't have other plates spinning and during the last few weeks I ****ed up with other girls in my class too.
Now I don't talk to them much as I don't want to get a reputation of creep.

Now, here is the problem, losing her even if it was nothing, I am having problems with my confidence and when I do other work like coding, can't focus on that too and keep revisiting the old happy moments and pitying myself.
The other dudes in my class also have problems with chicks and all I hear about is girls. (which again make me feel like ****.)

Recently It was her birthday, and I gifted her ring and diary . It was okay for a while but the desire is gone.
and I am having trouble accepting that.

Any suggestions how to keep my cool and build my confidence back.
the last 2 weeks have not been really good and I want to get back to my happy, chilled state again.

You have to consider a woman's value as based on her behaviour. A woman that isn't cooperating has zero value or even negative value. So don't waste time or energy on women like that.

 

[eli77]

we have all been their that why we are here group therapy hope it works out

 

[john1234]

do you understand the difference between abundance and scarcity?

your mind is in scarcity, much like if you were down to your last 5 pounds?

you need to practice abundance, you navigate life like you have 10 thousand dollars at any one moment.....or 10 thousand women, this take a few years practice, as you'll come across as aroggant at first, everything a woman does should make you roll your eyes in a playful manner.

this girl is deceased to you now, she will rinse you of non sexual attention, stay polite but cut all convos short, no outgoing convos.

your probably making mistakes like stalking her IG, this is reconfirming her importance to your sub conscious mind, It all needs to stop

and stop buying women gifts, they buy alpha males gifts

So what do you do on the birthday? Walk in empty handed?

OP, you should not have broken the no contact rule, Now you have reset your progress to zero

I would say you need to end talking to her, you gotta be strong, it's over! It's like a bad cut that heals , when you contact her it opens up again.

No contact from now, block the stupid B*** on social media , block her number if you can and don't answer or call her.

Go and find another girl and bang her as much as possible, you will forget her soon.

 

[3AM]

Ok guys, I have read all of the posts and there is some tid bits of good advice, but not a lot here honestly. String puller though put in a solid post.

I start with understanding the situation first for myself. Framing it properly in your mind is very important. The first part of this I believe is understanding that men love very differently than women and emotional wounds can physically hurt and do. There are studies that prove emotional pain from a lost loved one registers on a physical level. So just "Not thinking about her" doesn't really work unless you never really cared.

That being said, you can overcome this with an abundance of things to do. Things that you should be doing should be items that require your complete consciousness. Not something you have to force yourself to focus on. For instance, say you are feeling your worst wishing you had her back in your life. Then hypothetically you are about to step into a steel cage underwater where great white sharks are feeding. It's not going to take very long if you legitimately did something like this to not think about her. You would be feeling all kinds of other emotions and heartbreak isn't one of them. Now this is an extreme example, but I think you can get the point.

If you are idle sitting around in your room or apartment you will go nuts and cave every time. Once you have done this long enough, then I would agree with some guys and say you should try to socially adjust to no expectation interactions with women. Then progress from there.

The reality is if you were really in love, it's going to take some time and should be approached as a healing process. It's more serious for men than women. Women often can sport **** their way to thinking they are happy again. Which isn't true, but that's a different post.

The point is, give yourself space and fill your time with positive mind consuming activities. A general rule is it takes 1 month for every year you were together. I don't believe this 100% but it's a good rough metric.

Be kind to yourself man, and appreciate the fact you still have emotional feeling.

 

[Alvafe]

you know a good thing? you can learn to control your emotions and over time manipulate then to your needs.

the same way most of time my dealing with woman I amke a game in my head on how many things I can guess from her, I also push the red flags and defects over my mind, for every thing I liked about her I push in my mind 2 3 things I disike about her, over time you get over her easy

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Any suggestions how to keep my cool and build my confidence back.
the last 2 weeks have not been really good and I want to get back to my happy, chilled state again.

Your not doing it right.

I lead. She follows or NEXT.

I am the game. This herein lies your state of being. Fall in or **** off.

Yes, you turn on the charm. You are fun and you tease but at ANY SIGN OF BS you walk her the **** off the plank.

Going places. Bitches can come along or get left behind. #next!

Hotter girls are turning 18 everyday. Step up up or step aside.

Man up. Grow a pair. ***** is dead to you. She could be hit by a 16 wheeler. 0 ****s. Too busy stacking paper and going balls deep to attend said skanks funeral.


Save feelers for women and small children.

 

[bat soup]

Hi,
so guys after I ****ed up with the girl in the last post, you guys told me not to contact her and stay aloof.
I did the complete opposite. I stayed aloof for a few days but later contacted her. she still talked with me and still do.
But I am having trouble getting over her. I don't have other plates spinning and during the last few weeks I ****ed up with other girls in my class too.
Now I don't talk to them much as I don't want to get a reputation of creep.

Now, here is the problem, losing her even if it was nothing, I am having problems with my confidence and when I do other work like coding, can't focus on that too and keep revisiting the old happy moments and pitying myself.
The other dudes in my class also have problems with chicks and all I hear about is girls. (which again make me feel like ****.)

Recently It was her birthday, and I gifted her ring and diary . It was okay for a while but the desire is gone.
and I am having trouble accepting that.

Any suggestions how to keep my cool and build my confidence back.
the last 2 weeks have not been really good and I want to get back to my happy, chilled state again.

If you have to play all of these games to try to get a girl's attention, it's already over.

It's hard to get over a girl when part of you still hopes that something is possible. You have to let go of that hope and be objective about the situation. It's the hope that hurts you and keeps you on the hook.

Once you really, genuinely accept that she's just not interested, you'll not only feel a lot better but also easily move on.

 

[Redwolf]

You have to consider a woman's value as based on her behaviour. A woman that isn't cooperating has zero value or even negative value. So don't waste time or energy on women like that.

This is a really great way to put it. Her behavior tells you everything regardless of what she says. If she's not cooperating walk away and give your attention to women who are cooperating.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Hi,
so guys after I ****ed up with the girl in the last post, you guys told me not to contact her and stay aloof.
I did the complete opposite. I stayed aloof for a few days but later contacted her. she still talked with me and still do.
But I am having trouble getting over her. I don't have other plates spinning and during the last few weeks I ****ed up with other girls in my class too.
Now I don't talk to them much as I don't want to get a reputation of creep.

Now, here is the problem, losing her even if it was nothing, I am having problems with my confidence and when I do other work like coding, can't focus on that too and keep revisiting the old happy moments and pitying myself.
The other dudes in my class also have problems with chicks and all I hear about is girls. (which again make me feel like ****.)

Recently It was her birthday, and I gifted her ring and diary . It was okay for a while but the desire is gone.
and I am having trouble accepting that.

Any suggestions how to keep my cool and build my confidence back.
the last 2 weeks have not been really good and I want to get back to my happy, chilled state again.

Yes.

Quit pulling off your bandage, pouring salt and vinegar in your wound, and then asking on SS how to "get over someone" after you've already gotten good advice (go NC!) and didn't follow it.

Don't be weak and man up guy, move on, and QUIT contacting her and buying her s*hit. Got it?

Problem solved.

Good luck.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Find a new woman. You’ll forget about her real quick..