Having a hard time (EX)

[Squid]

I'm going to add my two cents to this thread as well. This sounds poor but it makes me feel better to see that there are others out there going through the same thing as me. I moved to a city 500 km away from home for a woman, I gave up everything and to be honest she didn't appeciate it.

It's over and I am moving out, I have a new place, but it is extremely painful to realize a three year relationship is now over, I gave up my old life for nothing. She made my life hell at times with temper tantrums and alot of disrespect, but there were good times as well. I also think that she is realizing that she has nobody else here and I now have a group of friends, because of this she is making me feel guilty for leaving.

Anyway, it's hard, but I know what I have to do, unfortunately there are those moments of weakness when you second guess everything. You know guys, it's posts like this that really make me appreciate how great this site is.

 

[dietzcoi]

It is a great site.. I could have used it sooner.

I get boiling mad at women when I read how they have torn yet another guy's heart out, but then I realise

Men are their own worst enemies!

All of you read what YOU wrote with an objective eye. You will see that you let yourselves be played for chumps. I am no better, in fact I was one of the worst.

If you give a woman that opening and put a doormat on your face, what do you expect?

Dietzcoi

 

[Squid]

Dietzcoi

You are exactly right, it is so easy to fall into the doormat trap. I have been coming to this site for a long time, longer than I have been registered, I know this stuff, I rarely seek advice here since I feel that I know what the right thing to do is.

The problem comes when you can't recognize when it is happening to you. I see guys getting screwed around all the time and wonder "what the hell are you thinking?", but it does take some mental toughness to recognize when it has happened to you and do deal with it in the right way, it is never easy.

I have survived this type of thing before and I will again, I know it gets better. My biggest problem has always been the flip flop between remaining single or going down the "family" road. I have tried twice (divorced once, cancelled wedding this time), I highly doubt there will be a third time, but who really knows, with each experience I seem to get more and more bitter, more cautious. If I have done one thing right, it was to get involved with professional women who make as much or more than I do, so I have not suffered the financial disaster that so many do.

I am not sure it's as bad as "the matrix", but it definitely is a risky endeavour. You can invest so much time and effort and have it all for nothing. I guess I have been thinking about all of this a little too much lately, starting over for a second time is a little frustrating, what a mistake, but hindsight is 20:20. I'm interested to see if you have any further comments.

 

[dietzcoi]

Squid

I have been there and also took the financial hit too...

I agree with the professional woman comment. I am currently dating a woman my age who makes good $$$. I will never date a woman without money again. It just does not make sense to have to pay for everything and hand over your wallet.

As far as LTR/marriage, yes it is better to do it with a woman with money and also DON'T HAVE KIDS or you will be financially ruined if it doesn't work out. As long as you follow this, you can survive.

I am beggint to think there are no women out there without some issues, so I guess if you want an LTR you have to accept some negatives. I still would rather have a woman with $$$ to spend but who sometimes acts up, than a women with nothing who is always sweet. I just cannot take any more financial hits...

It is always a cap shoot and seems to be getting worse in our western society. Women are both attempting to break out of the traditional roles at home, but yet demanding men pay thru the nose when things don't work out. They want it both ways, and the AFC go along with it...

If I had to advise you I would say, you are better off alone than in a horrible marriage with kids or divorces. Once the horse has escaped the barn, you can't close the door any longer...

Dietzcoi

 

[Falcon Eye]

Originally posted by dietzcoi
Squid

I have been there and also took the financial hit too...

I agree with the professional woman comment. I am currently dating a woman my age who makes good $$$. I will never date a woman without money again. It just does not make sense to have to pay for everything and hand over your wallet.

As far as LTR/marriage, yes it is better to do it with a woman with money and also DON'T HAVE KIDS or you will be financially ruined if it doesn't work out. As long as you follow this, you can survive.

I am beggint to think there are no women out there without some issues, so I guess if you want an LTR you have to accept some negatives. I still would rather have a woman with $$$ to spend but who sometimes acts up, than a women with nothing who is always sweet. I just cannot take any more financial hits...

It is always a cap shoot and seems to be getting worse in our western society. Women are both attempting to break out of the traditional roles at home, but yet demanding men pay thru the nose when things don't work out. They want it both ways, and the AFC go along with it...

If I had to advise you I would say, you are better off alone than in a horrible marriage with kids or divorces. Once the horse has escaped the barn, you can't close the door any longer...

Dietzcoi

Hey Dietzcoi,

I'm glad to see you've got something going on with a decent woman. I whole heartedly agree with with what you say about becoming involved with women with money and who can stand on their own two feet financially, it's quite refreshing. I'm around your age dude and, like you, a financial hit is the last thing I want to take.

There are no guarantees in this world but we must be vigilant and walk into relationships with our eyes open. As long as we keep thinking with the correct head we should be OK.

 

[simple_wish]

IZZA -

I'm not really interested to find out what's going on in my Ex's life and who she might or not be seeing. Move on and forget especially if you know she has found a new person...she wants to keep you in the background...either to run back if things don't work out with the new guy or just to keep your feelings hurt.

Grab the friends and go have fun...remember there was a time in your life that this Ex was not there....

Cut the contact dude...this is the best thing I could of done..I've never called her she calls me bi-weekly...but now I'm not going to answer her calls....emails nothing....no forgiveness either.

It's good to have some hate towards her..but not too much cause you might find yourself talking to another girl with nothing but hate for your EX....and that aint going to look good.


I met this girl through a friend on the weekend..she asked about my last relationship and I told her that we had our differences and it was best for us not to be together anymore...

3 days grace has some great music relating to relationships and its none of the sappy crap.. "I hate everything about you" great song!

 

[simple_wish]

Izza-

Someone mentioned in an earlier reply factor 1month for each year that you were together...seems like a good equation..i thought life was over at the begining...Then I WOKE up.

There's no doubt I had some great times with my EX...more great than bad but this is the past now...so you leave the past where it belongs..

Think of her as a former co-worker that you worked with and you moved onto a new job and although you promised your old co-workers you'd keep in touch sometimes it just never end's up that way...your desire to want to see/talk to her will end...and then you'll know you are on the way to recovery.

Talk to the girls man...just go out and have fun. Don't let her consume you.

I go to the gym...joined ball hockey and indoor soccer...i have more than my fair share of distractions...i'm lucky to have my own time!