Having a gf: I'm completely out of my comfort zone

[OnTheWayUp]

Gentlemen,

Over the last year and a bit, I've got familiar with the ins and outs of the early parts of the dating process. From the opener, to the first kiss, to sustaining the attraction over a few dates... I can do all that well now. My longest short-term sexual relationship has been 3 months, which was on and off, and we were both seeing other people.

I now find myself at the stage where I want to develop what I have with one of my 2 current girls into a relationship. The girl I'm thinking of settling for has really charmed me: she's pretty, feminine, fun, funny, has cool friends, makes very good conversation, always responds favourably to my date invites etc. Our relationship has been a sexual one from the "day 2," so 3/4 days after I met her. She knows I've been seeing other girls, and expressed a desire to date me exclusively as early as our second date. We've been on 4 dates in about 5 weeks. She's a little bit immature and not especially academically bright, but she makes up for it with charm and humour.

Why do I want to have a relationship, you ask. I'm happy to give up the other girl, for whom my attraction doesn't really go beyond the purely physical. I don't really enjoy talking to this other girl... I just want to do her the whole time. This year is quite important for my studies as well, and I don't have time to go out as much as I have done in the last few years. Finally, I feel I've learned a lot from STRs and ONSs in the last 18 months and want to try my hand at something different. I'm not one of those guys who wants to be single my whole life, and I could do with some relationship experience so that I know what I like/dislike in the future.

Here's my difficulty: I have absolutely no experience of converting a FWB into a relationship. The girl in question asked me to go exclusive and give up my other girl a couple of days ago. I lied and said that I already had- in fact I'm planning on getting rid of her only once I'm officially bf/gf with my girl. Things are complicated slightly by the fact that my university holidays start in a couple of weeks- I don't want things to peter out between us over Christmas.

So I guess my questions are: How do you go exclusive with a girl? Is going exclusive the same as officially becoming bf/gf, or is there another stage after deciding to see each other exclusively? Do I need to make her my gf before the Christmas holidays, or would it be better to keep her in limbo for a month until uni restarts?

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Anyone?

 

[perseverance]

How do you go exclusive with a woman? You tell her that you're exclusive when she asks the "what are we?" question, or if you're feeling really alpha and **** sure that this girl wants you, you tell her that you're exclusive.

I'd consider the exclusivity talk the start of the relationship. If you both want the same thing, you express and agree that's what you want, it starts from then on in, there is no other stage needed in order to progress.

You can make her your girlfriend anytime you want. The fact that she's an FWB and she has asked you to exclusive means the ball is your court and it's up to you when you proceed further. If it's before Christmas or after Christmas it won't make too much difference. She's interested and I'm pretty sure a Christmas break isn't going to break her attraction towards you. If it does then she was never as interested in you as she'd have you believe and you'll have dodged a bullet. So, effectively you're in a win-win situation, especially seeing as you have another girl on the backburner.

You're in a good position mate and a relationship with the right person can be a wonderful thing, so don't sell yourself short. If a relationship is what you want, then go for it.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Great advice man, appreciate it. Really clear and helpful She wants to come and support me in one of my band gigs next Tuesday, and we're bound to go back to mine afterwards. I'll tell her then that I want to make her my gf.

I'll keep you posted.

 

[Hollow.man]

If you're worried about how to go about it, drop something like "I'm glad I've got a girlfriend like you".. That way you skip the questioning, the seriousness and you're giving her a nice little compliment too. Girls get wet for that ****.

 

[Sir Psycho Sexy]

If you're worried about how to go about it, drop something like "I'm glad I've got a girlfriend like you".. That way you skip the questioning, the seriousness and you're giving her a nice little compliment too. Girls get wet for that ****.

^good idea

I made the transition from FWB to boyfriend when I introduced her as my girlfriend to some friends. Try not to over think it, it sounds like your doing everything well.

 

[cordoncordon]

Gentlemen,

Over the last year and a bit, I've got familiar with the ins and outs of the early parts of the dating process. From the opener, to the first kiss, to sustaining the attraction over a few dates... I can do all that well now. My longest short-term sexual relationship has been 3 months, which was on and off, and we were both seeing other people.

I now find myself at the stage where I want to develop what I have with one of my 2 current girls into a relationship. The girl I'm thinking of settling for has really charmed me: she's pretty, feminine, fun, funny, has cool friends, makes very good conversation, always responds favourably to my date invites etc. Our relationship has been a sexual one from the "day 2," so 3/4 days after I met her. She knows I've been seeing other girls, and expressed a desire to date me exclusively as early as our second date. We've been on 4 dates in about 5 weeks. She's a little bit immature and not especially academically bright, but she makes up for it with charm and humour.

Why do I want to have a relationship, you ask. I'm happy to give up the other girl, for whom my attraction doesn't really go beyond the purely physical. I don't really enjoy talking to this other girl... I just want to do her the whole time. This year is quite important for my studies as well, and I don't have time to go out as much as I have done in the last few years. Finally, I feel I've learned a lot from STRs and ONSs in the last 18 months and want to try my hand at something different. I'm not one of those guys who wants to be single my whole life, and I could do with some relationship experience so that I know what I like/dislike in the future.

Here's my difficulty: I have absolutely no experience of converting a FWB into a relationship. The girl in question asked me to go exclusive and give up my other girl a couple of days ago. I lied and said that I already had- in fact I'm planning on getting rid of her only once I'm officially bf/gf with my girl. Things are complicated slightly by the fact that my university holidays start in a couple of weeks- I don't want things to peter out between us over Christmas.

So I guess my questions are: How do you go exclusive with a girl? Is going exclusive the same as officially becoming bf/gf, or is there another stage after deciding to see each other exclusively? Do I need to make her my gf before the Christmas holidays, or would it be better to keep her in limbo for a month until uni restarts?

Relax. Let things flow.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Okay, update. My girl didn't show up to my gig, and didn't tell me about it either. I don't get it. Her interest level was sky-high, she asked me to drop the other girl I'm seeing only last Friday- good job I waited on that one! She expressed huge interest in going to my gig over text (I quote: "I'd love to come ") and even asked me yesterday whether she had to book tickets in advance. Yet she didn't even pick up her phone when I called her tonight. What happened?

On the plus side, her absence meant I could hook up with a band groupie. She's like a 6 and a bit slutty, but it was fun anyway. Even so, I'm pretty pissed off to put it lightly...

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Anyone?

 

[metronome]

Dude, don't get pissed off. Girls are flakes. They can afford to be. But look I agree it's annoying when they are inconsistent.

The best thing for you to do now, and the great thing is you seem to have options, is to go smash in 10 other birds while you're waiting for miss prissy pants to come back with her tail between her legs. You must wait for her to make it up to you with her actions, not words. Don't let her off the hook.

Let us know how it goes. I want details of you doing bad things to groupies back stage.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

So... it turns out that she had a bit of a breakdown because she's failing her uni classes, had a massive argument with one of her lecturers and her sister was hospitalised with a broken foot. I just got a very emotional apologetic message on FB.

What's my move now? I'm going to a party this evening with other girls, but would like to see the main girl again. At the same time, I don't really feel I should reward her with my time and certainly not make her my gf at this stage when she cancels on me without saying anything.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

My plan as things stand is to punish her with a day's radio silence for cancelling on me without warning and to tell her that it wasn't cool, without being uptight about it. I will then comiserate with her over her sister and her work, before suggesting we meet up again. I will give her a way out by saying that if she doesn't feel up to seeing me after what happened to her, she doesn't have to.

If this doesn't work out, I still have two other (admittedly less attractive) girls I'm seeing

Sound good?

 

[perseverance]

Punishing her? Nah dude, she has more important things than you going on in her life at the moment. Just swallow your pride, mend your bruised ego, put her on the backburner and focus your attention elsewhere. Don't start playing petty games and trying to manipulate her and mess with her emotions/head.