Haven’t had oneitis in years, now have it mildly and it’s turning me into an autist - a dilemma + a story (Part 2 in comments)

[Qsz5]

Edit: apologies for the cursing, mostly because it blurs it out and takes away from the articulation of the story. Us folks have mouths like sailors.

Before I start, I just have to say that if you intend to respond to my questions, please read the whole thing. With all due respect, and not trying to sound snarky, I’m not really trying to answer questions to my questions because you failed to read what took me about an hour to write. I don’t have the time nor patience, nor am I desperate enough for an answer to repeat myself. I apologize for any typos/grammatical errors. My brains fried and I’m typing this in my notes while I wait for the account I just made to get approved.

Without further ado. Some of you might think I’m a little crazy, but it is what it is. We all do things differently and I understand that. I just want some input from some dudes with more experience than me. The story starts 5 paragraphs down if you want to skip my (relevant) bull****. But you also may appreciate the introduction as it just clarifies things a little more.

Alright, story time.

Bear with me here, I just want to talk about myself a little and give some context. This is going to be long but I think some of you may find this to be a very interesting read. I NEVER frequent these forums/part of the internet anymore, partly because I feel like I don’t need it anymore and party because I feel like the only way for me to achieve self mastery is by trial and error and ****ing experience. Plus, you read a lot of this **** and it ends up being something you’ve read 1,000 times.

I’m posting on THIS forum, because Reddit is a hell hole, and all the “gurus” on Twitter are tough to get in contact with. Plus, there’s some serious knowledge and experience in these forums. I actually don’t even know if this is a good place to post this. I hope I’m wrong, but this forum seems to be a bunch of guys who don’t really have any interest in marriage - ie a lot of 40-50 year olds still in the game. I hope to be proven wrong so that this doesn’t fall on ears with biased opinions.
So for some context, I’m a 27 year old in the military who has a good gig and overall have had a lucky experience with it all (if you are young and reading this, DO NOT join unless you plan to go Special Operations ASAP). Also don’t thank me for my service. I don’t give a ****.
I’ve been soaking in “red pill” material since I was 17 and stumbled upon r/TRP and the entire “Manosphere”. I’m really lucky to have stumbled upon it - I was instantly obsessed as everything I had been taught by society was wrong! I had great parents growing up - but society, media, teachers, etc., had failed me like it had many young men and my dad, who is red pill as **** now that I know, never overtly told me what’s up. I really had to figure this **** out on my own and it’s been a process and I’ve been thankful for it.

Anyways: I “met” this girl, and she’s turning me into a mild autist because my brain perceives her as end game. More details to follow after context. Currently, I am dating 2 women who are always fighting for my time. I’m going camping (glamping?) with one of them this weekend and they are both super cool and cute. But they are not end game (girls I will marry) and I’ve insinuated with them I’m not looking to settle down right now (kind of a lie). I don’t really worry about it much. We just have fun. They both enjoy my company. I literally can do whatever I want and they are just happy to be there. I appreciate their feminine and general adventurous nature.

 

[Qsz5]

Continued:

I have “dated” many women in the past and had 2 serious LTR’s ranging from 2.5-4 years. Of course currently I have two women who want to hang out with me all the time which is enough for me given how I like personal time and have a pretty demanding job. I’d LIKE to think that for my age, I’m quite mature, experienced, and know how to handle a relationship with a women, no matter how serious.



So here is where things get interesting. My parents live in southwest florida, where I plan to move to once my commitment is over (3 more years - I also am not doing a full 20 so do not even think about saying that ****). That being said, every now and then, I’ll toss my Hinge (I know, I know, but for me it works very well) down around that area (you can change your location to be set to anywhere) and see what happens. About a month ago I match with a really cute girl who pretty much meets all my baseline criteria. For those who don’t know, you can set a filter for preferences ranging from height to political beliefs to whether they want children or not along with numerous others. It’s actually pretty cool but ultra competitive if you’re a man.



I message her, “next time I’m in _______ I want to meet you”. She responds cordially and mentions a part of my profile - it was an a+ response on her part. Some girls flat out suck to have a conversation with over text, even when they’re interested. This girl and I hit it off instantly. Out of ALL the girls I’ve talked to, I’ve never had this much chemistry with a girl right off the bat. We pretty much texted nonstop after work every day for a week. ****ed up? Maybe. But it was organic and we both were having a ton of fun and learned a LOT about each other really fast. It helps because I can be very forward and aggressive, especially when my interest level is reciprocated. I literally say whatever I want as long as it’s not something that’ll get me thrown in jail. You don’t need to tell me twice to tell you how I really feel. You either like it or you don’t. Usually it works really well compared to the castrated male population out there.



We then have our first FaceTime date. Goes pretty much ideal. Since then, I’ll send her a fun text every couple - few days and we FaceTime once or twice a week.



So at this point presently I’m like holy ****. This is crazy because this chick is hot as hell, her values seem to be nearly identical to mine, and she (and her parents) live in the same town/county where I have been planning to move for a couple years now since my parents moved there. It’s crazy how much we have discussed yet only have known each other for a month. We’ve discussed our long term work plans, plans for housing (both want to homestead), and kids. Her interest level matches me too and I know she respects me as a man, especially considering what I’ve accomplished at my age. I’m not going to toot my own horn but I’m really happy and proud of what I’ve done with myself for being this young. She also responds extremely positively to everything I say. She has a good career… has good potential motherly qualities, really checks a lot of my boxes and I understand no one is perfect and you’re always going to find flaws if you are always looking for them.



Anyways, of course neither of us have actually talked about having kids with the other (ok, well I have made a joke or two about her having to sneak birth control behind my back if she wants me to stop at 4 kids with her), but it FEELS like we both know we’re a fantastic match for each other, so through our conversations a lot of things seem to get “insinuated” about the future regarding US. ****ed? Maybe, but that’s why I’m writing this post. I’m in a bit of a mental fog because I know I’m thinking mildly irrationally/emotionally.



I know what red flags to look for, and I know how to vet women. And this chick seems super solid. So I’m MOSTLY thinking rational. I’ve also told her I completely grasp the reality of the situation. I’m 10 hours away and can’t really do a whole lot until I meet her in December when I go home for about a month. Her parents are obviously very good parents as well which is always a plus. I’m at the point now where I’ve had enough experience with women and for what my plans are for the future I am open to marriage if the right one presents itself. I’m almost certain I know what that looks like, but I am VERY, VERY picky. So don’t tell me I’m thinking about marriage too young - i used to be the guy who thought he wasn’t getting married until 35-40. There’s so many wretched women out there, I think when you find a really good one, you need to keep her close. I’m not getting married to consider divorce. I also want a little army of savages who have a really good mother.

Question one: Overall, I’m wondering if I’m approaching this right and how I can get my headspace a little more clearer. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ****ed up with oneitis like some guys get. I manage it very well USUALLY.
That being said, I’m seriously interested in this girl, unless she has some disability I don’t know about. But that’s pretty hard given the power of modern technology. We’ve both been really transparent. You guys know nearly all the details. Obviously it’s a funky situation. I literally came here to read a thread in the HOF here regarding long distance LTR’s about how essentially it’s an imaginary friend. I get that, it was a good refresher.

We both fully grasp the reality of the situation. We both have literally stated that we can’t rush anything and to just take it maturely and everything needs to happen organically. Whatever happens, will happen. So until then, what do?

Now here is where the silliness comes in - question 2

I’ve been wondering to what degree should I “hide” the fact that I will continue to see other women. Obviously, social media is a moderately large part of western youth. Should I just completely hide these women? I feel so ****ing dumb asking this question but it’s obviously better that she knows that I’m not completely being a creep and putting all my eggs in her basket. Would this just be inferred through my behavior when talking to her? That being, the female logic of: If he’s this smooth and aggressive with me, wouldn’t he be doing this with other girls? She has a vague idea of my past experience with women and my past relationships - she asked, but I didn’t give her much. Just spoke well of my exes and told her I’m VERY picky when it comes to LTR’s, both of which she really liked and agreed with.

I ask that because me essentially refusing to post one of my girlfriends on social media was a major, major pain point that made her feel unworthy and eventually was a thing that was part of the build up that led a break up. That was my first girlfriend, back about 6-8 years ago when I was a little more dumb and was too prideful. It also just may have been immature of her.

There is no TLDR because I don’t want a response if you haven’t actually cared to read it. A TLDR would not sufficiently describe this. It was long because I NEVER post on these types of forums unless I really am curious what others have to say and actually want help.

I’m sure I missed some stuff, but I tried my best to articulate all the information I could think of as well as possible.



Thank you for reading this long winded post.

 

[DreamAgain]

Congratulations, isn't it nice when you actually meet someone who gets your nervous/gets your adrenaline flowing.

So, I'll make this response short and to the point: Long distance is likely not going to work here. You need to find ways to physically be around this girl and see how things go.

Plan a weekend trip to go visit if you can. Plan a trip around holiday time. Just something. The texting infatuation phase will not last, especially if she is a high quality girl. Other guys will swoop in in the meantime, you may think you've accomplished a lot, but I would suggest some humility and remember there is always a bigger fish. Certainly much bigger than you.

 

[jimwho]

There is no TLDR because I don’t want a response if you haven’t actually cared to read it. A TLDR would not sufficiently describe this. It was long because I NEVER post on these types of forums unless I really am curious what others have to say and actually want help.

If you really are curious about the boatloads of questions and future possible scenarios, from many unanswerable questions about a whirlwind of ideas, I suggest not requesting/demanding we read it all or don't post. Speaking for myself, I can't read books because I start to daydream by page five. Compartmentalize a bit, people here truly like
To help. Best of luck, respectfully .

For others. He is in the Military for a phew more years. Has hotties but found one he really really likes. Needs advice.

 

[DreamAgain]

If you really are curious about the boatloads of questions and future possible scenarios, from many unanswerable questions about a whirlwind of ideas, I suggest not requesting/demanding we read it all or don't post. Speaking for myself, I can't read books because I start to daydream by page five. Compartmentalize a bit, people here truly like
To help. Best of luck, respectfully .

For others. He is in the Military for a phew more years. Has hotties but found one he really really likes. Needs advice.

In that case, he screwed up by changing the location on the app and trying to be serious with this.

I do not believe this relationship will work unless she moves to be with him soon, or vice versa.

 

[lost_blackbird]

Just a small point, you can't become an autist. You are born one.