Have you ever ruined something good?

[GearsGod310]

For all the older cats that have extensive experience in dating and relationships.
Do you believe you once had something good with a decent woman and you one way or another messed up?
No judging here boys.

 

[RickPound]

Yes. I left a 3 yr LTR because I was blinded by new shiny objects and started a 3 year run that turned out to be all damaged women. Cheated on her and left to chase hotter, but toxic, situations and years later find myself wondering what it’d be like if I didn’t. She eventually found a new man after I spent that time in drama and while I have more experience after learning some lessons the hard way, I don’t think it was worth it.

 

[ManFromTartarus]

Not so much as ruining a relationship I had, but as an older cat I can definitely look back and regret a few women that were interested in me and I never took advantage of it for my own lack of interest or other priorities.

In hindsight I know now a couple of those were huge mistakes.
Spilled milk & water under the bridge.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

You live and you learn.

 

[Scars]

I thought I did once. Turned out she was actually a ho. They're always hos.

Don't beat yourself up over it. You probably just weren't with her long enough to see her true colors. You dodged a bullet and don't even know it.

 

[Baibars]

Had this beautiful, sweet and submissive virgin girlfriend when I was 18. Treated her like trash and used her for sex even though she was looking for something longterm. Some time after we split up she married and she’s still married to that guy.

my ex from 2.5 months ago (the reason why I’m active here again).
i had a 1.5 year relationship with her and she was a weed junkie, high body count single mom but she was extremely loving and submissive.
I knew I couldn’t be with her forever so I kept pulling back until she couldn’t take it anymore and moved on.
She didn’t have a good past and environment but she was very good towards me that’s why I felt a lot of guilt.
I learned one lesson: even if she’s not a good candidate for anything long term or marriage, it’s still not my job to punish her. I should’ve treated her as well as she treated me.. but idk I guess I projected something on her.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Yes. I left a 3 yr LTR because I was blinded by new shiny objects and started a 3 year run that turned out to be all damaged women. Cheated on her and left to chase hotter, but toxic, situations and years later find myself wondering what it’d be like if I didn’t. She eventually found a new man after I spent that time in drama and while I have more experience after learning some lessons the hard way, I don’t think it was worth it.

very similar story here I left a solid 4 year LTR because I was finding myself constantly lusting after "hotter" women , I have since gotten with some very attractive women but aside from the sex the interactions haven't been anywhere near as fulfilling as my LTR was

I was with a 23 y/o HB8 last year for 6 months she was a compulsive liar and very toxic it made me realise a good girl is worth more than 1000 h0es

Perhaps the universe is trying to teach me a lesson but this year I have met some VERY weird women which have made me question the very fabric of reality

Moral of the story I think is if you have something good and decide to chuck it away be prepared to go on one hell of a journey to try and find it again

I'm still early 30's so I am still optimistic I will get a few more shots at building something with a decent woman but I've had some really low points in this journey

 

[Gamisch]

I haven't done anything else. I ditched 98% of the women in my life, and kept the most toxic ones because I "loved them dearly". Got a child with a certified evil Disney WITCH.

Some of the women I got rid off were good women, but something always putted me off somehow. Could be looks, characteristics, lifestyle, social circles, ambition ect. I also made way too many women cry and used them for all kinds of shyte, so it's only natural I got my fair share of BAD KARMA.

But yeah, i also kinda agree with @Scars . It can be 1, 5 ,or 20 years, all it takes IMO is one moment of (mental )cheating to deem her as a h0e. And she WILL cheat on you one way or another .

Despite all of this...I did say that the very very NEXT one whose going to be a nice solid girl needs be hb6,5 and I'll keep her around..but I've been saying that for more than 20 years now.

As Bob Marley once sang: this time I KNOW IT'S FOR REAL!

 

[Barrister]

This kind of mindset is pointless to have. Obviously, if you left "something good" it wasn't that good or you wouldn't have left it. There is certainly something to be said that the grass is NOT always greener on the other side. But let's not act like there usually isn't something to us looking elsewhere. In some way, these women are not fulfilling us. Beating yourself up over it or wondering "what if I just stayed and been happy with what I had?" does nothing constructive at this point. But, it is sometimes human nature and unavoidable to feel that way.

We look at our pasts through rose colored glasses. That goes not just for ex girlfriends, or ex wives but with every phase of our lives. Keep that perspective when you think of the past. It is almost in all cases not as good as you thought it was.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

We look at our pasts through rose colored glasses. That goes not just for ex girlfriends, or ex wives but with every phase of our lives. Keep that perspective when you think of the past. It is almost in all cases not as good as you thought it was.

This goes especially for those of us who are past our 'glory years', which actually weren't that glorious. The only reason to be sentimental about the past is when you lived it through a haze of drugs and sex and even then, nah, it's fine.

 

[Baibars]

This kind of mindset is pointless to have. Obviously, if you left "something good" it wasn't that good or you wouldn't have left it. There is certainly something to be said that the grass is NOT always greener on the other side. But let's not act like there usually isn't something to us looking elsewhere. In some way, these women are not fulfilling us. Beating yourself up over it or wondering "what if I just stayed and been happy with what I had?" does nothing constructive at this point. But, it is sometimes human nature and unavoidable to feel that way.

We look at our pasts through rose colored glasses. That goes not just for ex girlfriends, or ex wives but with every phase of our lives. Keep that perspective when you think of the past. It is almost in all cases not as good as you thought it was.

yeah it’s always like that. When you have her and spend time with her for some month/years you don’t even feel like seeing her some days but when it’s gone you’re suddenly overvaluing the whole thing especially when you realize it was her that finally had enough.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I messed things up with a few 18 year olds girls. I didnt escalate, I wasnt available, I didnt care. I cant remember what brought me here, but that was probably it.

 

[Ricky]

Yeah with my wife.. i made alot of mistakes but she kind of went off the deep end for a bit too.

 

[RangerMIke]

For all the older cats that have extensive experience in dating and relationships.
Do you believe you once had something good with a decent woman and you one way or another messed up?
No judging here boys.

Not really. I've had some periods where I had some regret, but something comes along to change my mind. Either a better woman, or the one that I broke off with did something really fvcking stupid and I'll say "Fvck! That could have been me!"

Example: EB... about 5 years ago... she was great, checked all the right boxes... she was hot, sex was great, I never dated a woman that I had so much in common with, music, humor, Jesus everything... I really fell for her. Then she did like what most women will do... tossed down the gauntlet and threatened to walk without an exclusive commitment.... It was the closest I came to slipping that nose ring back on. I passed... she dumped me... and I had about a month of depression.... then the next think I knew, she was dating a German dude here on a visa... ended up having a kid with him... then another... than another... Now she's just a fvcking mess.

Meanwhile, I dated SD, CW, RS.... etc. You just move on. The older you get, the easier it is.

 

[Redwood]

It's very hard to say, but I was real suspicious of two supposed "good" women about five or six years ago.

 

[RickPound]

This kind of mindset is pointless to have. Obviously, if you left "something good" it wasn't that good or you wouldn't have left it. There is certainly something to be said that the grass is NOT always greener on the other side. But let's not act like there usually isn't something to us looking elsewhere.

@Barrister is right though, one shouldn’t look backwards with regret, or backwards much at all. Yet, it’s good to have a little self awareness and reflection. There absolutely was something to why I was looking elsewhere. I was unhappy in a “boring” relationship and wanted to spend another 5 years banging 22 yr old blond smokeshows. Priorities change and you can just look back and realize that they were different.

 

[Baibars]

@Barrister is right though, one shouldn’t look backwards with regret, or backwards much at all. Yet, it’s good to have a little self awareness and reflection. There absolutely was something to why I was looking elsewhere. I was unhappy in a “boring” relationship and wanted to spend another 5 years banging 22 yr old blond smokeshows. Priorities change and you can just look back and realize that they were different.

that’s my biggest problem and always has been. I beat myself up. It’s not a little self awareness or reflection, it’s suffering for me. I mean i do make big mistakes though.. I destroyed my last relationship.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

My first official post divorce GF. I was still wild and crazy (divorce will do that to one). I partied and drank like a maniac. She wanted me to stop and be a good BF to her. I didn’t and eventually she left. I still regret it.

 

[RangerMIke]

I think the root cause of regret with a woman after a break-up is the idea that somehow a man did something wrong. That is only things had been different it would have turned out better.

The key to long term happiness and getting over someone fast is to admit to yourself that it had nothing to do with you, it was all her and things just were not meant to be.

Now there are times when a man is at fault (gambling, alcoholism, drug addition, lying, cheating, weak @ss behavior), and when this happens, and it is your fault... chalk it up to a painful lesson, learn from that and move on to the next with a promise to yourself you will not make the same errors. If you just cannot fix yourself, go get some counseling. Men do have the power to change. But thinking you can go back and fix things with a woman that you messed up with is not realistic. It's like the late great Doc Love once said "You can't go back, you are not starting with a clean slate... you have a dirty slate."

 

[soulforge]

This is a difficult one.

My last two relationships that ended, they where a mix of good times & a mix of bad times.

Those are the most difficult relationships for me to walk away from.

Both times I did the walking/dumping, so often I am left with feelings of relief.. followed by feelings of a little regret (the what if's can haunt you)

I generally don't do anything serious to fuk up relationships, like be neglectful or cheat, or abuse my partner, I can be quite patient actually.

Sometimes I will hang around a little too long, in order to give the relationship a chance to improve, but once my patients has been tried and tested, I will make a decision to walk.