Have you ever had a girl pay for your drinks/food/whatever you did?

[Mot1veProgress]

I've had this happen quite a few times... Of course every time I would insist I'd pay or try to force her to take the money for it afterwards.. But always got the "no no its fine its fine" .. etc

I've honestly felt pretty guilty at times.. Considering some girls I've messed around with would do this EVERY TIME. I felt like I was taking advantage of them, despite them insisting. and I'm not one to argue over who pays.. lol

In the club/bar scene it's not as bad... It's often a sign of interest/independence.. Girls showing they don't need you to pay for everything or the fact that a girl can buy a guy a drink and have it be totally cool.

But, I haven't fully wrapped my head around the notion completely though.. I know some girls do it to be nice and to show their independence, the fact that they have their own money and aren't shy to spend it.... But others, seems a bit odd. I've had times we hung out at places and spent well over 50 bucks.. Had a girl "its okay i have a credit card" .. I just stuffed a buncha cash into her purse when she went to pay for it lol.

In a way it might just be good karma.. Because think about it, as men, we often spend on friends, women, coworkers, associates, etc without even blinking... So, I guess all is well.

 

[Asmodeus]

You have so much empathy that you have too much and it is getting in the way of your enjoyment. That is maladjusted. I am not saying be like me, but I you need to move across the empathy spectrum in my direction at least a few ticks. If they want to pay, then it is their decision. If you counter them then on their decision you will only aggravate them as you are impeding on their choice and not actually showing gratitude. It is like slapping them in the face when they make an actual gracious offer. Think about it this way, if you paid you would prefer the woman to say "Thank you" instead of "No!"...
The notion that men had to pay is based upon traditionalism. Based upon a time when most women were not employed, where it was thus required the men had to pay. Now with the changes that have occurred in society the traditionalist notions are crumbling. How did Bob Dylan say it “These times they are a’ changing”. We must be adaptable to things… If you do not adapt then you fall behind.
And if I met a girl who pays every time… My god… I would milk that like a cow. ;-)

 

[Mot1veProgress]

You have so much empathy that you have too much and it is getting in the way of your enjoyment. That is maladjusted. I am not saying be like me, but I you need to move across the empathy spectrum in my direction at least a few ticks. If they want to pay, then it is their decision. If you counter them then on their decision you will only aggravate them as you are impeding on their choice and not actually showing gratitude. It is like slapping them in the face when they make an actual gracious offer. Think about it this way, if you paid you would prefer the woman to say "Thank you" instead of "No!"...
The notion that men had to pay is based upon traditionalism. Based upon a time when most women were not employed, where it was thus required the men had to pay. Now with the changes that have occurred in society the traditionalist notions are crumbling. How did Bob Dylan say it “These times they are a’ changing”. We must be adaptable to things… If you do not adapt then you fall behind.
And if I met a girl who pays every time… My god… I would milk that like a cow. ;-)

At first, reading your first sentence, I was like whoa what is this guy talking about but nah you're spot on with what you said there in the middle. As far as having too much empathy, you couldn't be more wrong xD. It's not about empathy for me.. It's about being the lead, feeling in control. It's an alpha male trait, while superficial, it's embedded in our nature as man... If you wanted to enjoy some apples... you wouldn't just let the girl climb and get it for you. You'd be the one climbing the tree getting you and her an apple.

I like the point you make though. It's never wrong.. It just sometimes doesn't feel right.. But I've had it happen enough to think "well, that's cool".

 

[BeExcellent]

It really depends on the interaction. It's a gesture more than anything else either way; otherwise people would just go dutch to anything & everything. You buy your buddies a round because you like your buddies, most guys buy a woman a drink as a gesture because they are enjoying her company and they choose to do so. My Dad (who is John Wayne alpha) used to have to sneak the bill from my grandfather (also super alpha) if we all went to dinner because my grandfather as the elder statesman liked to demonstrate his ability to provide. He was a traditionalist like Asmodeus noted and my father is as well. This gets ingrained in men from a young age. But make no mistake neither of these men were beta in any way.

I pay for things (or at least offer) because I can and I never want a man to feel that I "need" him financially. I don't. But if he is a man for whom paying for the drink or the dinner or whatever is important then it is my job to be gracious and appreciative. That is feminine.

In public venues I think this is a way men like to be seen by others. Some men find it emasculating for others to see a woman paying his way. So I respect that and show him appreciation in other ways or pick the tab for other things that aren't on display in a public venue.

 

[DonDraper7]

Yeah man, every single one of my ex's paid me a drink or something else. I always pay for both of us at the first date, but at the second she always want's to pay and does it, or at least tries to go 50/50. I like that, to me it shows she appreciates my time and money. If/when she pays just go with the flow and enjoy it man Trust me that is one way for them to show appreciation.

If it happens in a club and she buys you a drink/s 100% you will rock her world that night haha

 

[Mot1veProgress]

All good replies so far. Yeah, I mean I've had it happen tons of times.. It's nothing new to me.

But, the ones that are kinda "whats she trying to do?" are the girls who do it every single time consecutively.. It's almost like they look for any cues that we're done for the night.. and suddenly jump up and pay .. Which is fine because when we do something that requires a 60-300$ ticket , I end up paying for her ticket as well as any additional costs during the day/night.. which ends up making up for all the 5-6 consecutive times shes paid for things we did.

These days for me it's just one of those things now.. Whoever pays first, pays first.. It's nothing..

But I'll tell you.. theres the confident women who doesn't think or hesitate about paying and is fine with whoever pays..

and then there's the chicks who pay for everything almost as if they're trying to get something out of you (*coughcough* sex?

 

[Asmodeus]

Ok, I confused your "I've honestly felt pretty guilty at times" for empathy, feeling bad that they paid for you. But I see where you are getting at. I just think if a woman is paying for you then that should say that she values you. If she disliked you she would not see it as a good investment to pay for your meal. She may be trying to win you over the same way men have been trying to win women over by paying for their dates for centuries. It is just now that the entire social system has changed, and traditional notions of gender appear to be more fluidic to people due to influence by feminism/social sciences/psychology/ect that now the two gender roles are kind of colliding together. Now we are seeing the woman take on roles that the man takes on in more than just occupation and activities, we are seeing them actually take on MALE roles.

 

[Mot1veProgress]

Ok, I confused your "I've honestly felt pretty guilty at times" for empathy, feeling bad that they paid for you. But I see where you are getting at. I just think if a woman is paying for you then that should say that she values you. If she disliked you she would not see it as a good investment to pay for your meal. She may be trying to win you over the same way men have been trying to win women over by paying for their dates for centuries. It is just now that the entire social system has changed, and traditional notions of gender appear to be more fluidic to people due to influence by feminism/social sciences/psychology/ect that now the two gender roles are kind of colliding together. Now we are seeing the woman take on roles that the man takes on in more than just occupation and activities, we are seeing them actually take on MALE roles.

Yeah you're 100% Right. But don't ever forget there's many variables .. Ie: A girl might pay for the date.. and then never see you again just because she's not interested but wanted to let you off easy. It's happened to people I know

Believe it or not alot of women who don't date too often and are busy with their careers/education..or both (med school students i've dated ).. don't know what to or what not to do on a date .. so they'll do what seems right to them. Just something I noticed.

Alot of superficial thinkers amongst us males forget that not every girl is as experienced as you think. Not every girl has a buncha ****s on her phone.. Not every girl is the same personality wise..

You might date an arab girl and she might have a whole different lifestyle/dating philosophy than your average white girl. Or sometimes she won't and you'll meet a white girl who moved from a conservative small town from down south.. who gets turned off by you escalating too quickly and doesn't want to have sex till shes married..

There's so many dynamics and thats why it's important for a guy to gauge a girl with conversation... These PUA fools will tell you all kind of superficial bs.. thats not always the case but guys who've met hundreds if not thousands of different women will tell you whats real.

 

[AllDay85]

I've had this happen quite a few times... Of course every time I would insist I'd pay or try to force her to take the money for it afterwards.. But always got the "no no its fine its fine" .. etc

I've honestly felt pretty guilty at times.. Considering some girls I've messed around with would do this EVERY TIME. I felt like I was taking advantage of them, despite them insisting. and I'm not one to argue over who pays.. lol

In the club/bar scene it's not as bad... It's often a sign of interest/independence.. Girls showing they don't need you to pay for everything or the fact that a girl can buy a guy a drink and have it be totally cool.

But, I haven't fully wrapped my head around the notion completely though.. I know some girls do it to be nice and to show their independence, the fact that they have their own money and aren't shy to spend it.... But others, seems a bit odd. I've had times we hung out at places and spent well over 50 bucks.. Had a girl "its okay i have a credit card" .. I just stuffed a buncha cash into her purse when she went to pay for it lol.

In a way it might just be good karma.. Because think about it, as men, we often spend on friends, women, coworkers, associates, etc without even blinking... So, I guess all is well.

Women pay for me all the time. It names them feel good and is a definite IOI.

If she pays, then I'll pay the next time. I try to keep it 50 50.

 

[Armourhead]

I've had a couple girls do it, especially early on in the relationship, but to be fair one was a virgin and quite literally I was the best thing to have happened to her.

 

[BeExcellent]

Asmodeus makes a good point about the whole gender roles thing. It's an age thing and a cultural thing too. In my grandmother's day a woman never paid, but she usually waited until marriage for sex if she was a good catch and she usually didn't work outside the home. Very traditional. Some cultures (like Arab culture or Latin culture for example) remain very conservative. The man leads, the man pays, the woman is feminine, it is a traditional framework. Operating outside that frame work could be considered disrespectful, forward, or vulgar, and no good woman wishes to be labeled that way in those cultures. I find that men in my age range tend to be more traditional that way, which gets back to what I said earlier.

I've known women who paid so as NOT to have expectations on them from a date with someone they were not into. They didn't want to feel obligated to kiss or further intimate contact. I also know women, myself included that will pick up the tab some. I think it comes down to what is comfortable between two people. In my current situation I will offer knowing full well he is going to refuse to let me pay for dinner, drinks, or whatever else...but if I have arranged a hotel room or have been invited to an event he's accompanying me to attend, then he isn't shoving money in my purse, he lets me pick up the tab for those things. We don't worry too much about it.

Sometimes I wish the whole gender role thing was easier to be honest. OK, you're the guy, you do x, y, & z. I'm the girl, I do p, d, & q. Social roles were far less muddled in my grandmother's day. In some ways that was simpler. It is sad that feminine women are becoming more rare. Not surprising, but sad. Men should be the men. Not the women.

 

[fastlife]

Let them invest in you.

In my experience, certain (most?) girls will do this type of thing with guys they perceive as high value (or maybe just sh*tty providers?). Insisting on paying is rejecting her investment in you.

 

[Mot1veProgress]

No doubt. I'd say men should still always reach for their wallets on anything other than just drinks at the bar/club and small things.. Because it's chivalrous and chivalry is not a bad thing at all. It's just what we do.. how we roll, as alpha male men. Never expect her to pay for sht. If she beats you to it, so be it. That's a cool gesture.

There's no reason why women and men shouldn't buy each other **** and meet on a level plane.. If tonight was on me, tomorrow can be on her. If she's working at Mickey D's, i'm not lettin' her pay for anything haha

But definitely agree with others on the fact that you shouldn't fight it if they try to pay.. I don't past the initial 1st time.. But just to show I'm not broke or taking advantage. Women have been real nice to me