Have Some Competition...Need Advice

[Brian Drake]

Hi, gents--
I'm new to this forum and am enjoying the posts. I have a situation that I hope you can help me with.

I had a wonderful first date with a young lady last Thursday, and she wants me to take her out again (in fact, flat out told me to plan another outing where I can teach her how to shoot) but I may have some competition from another fellow.

Normally I follow Doc Love's "The System" (we went out on Thursday; I'm going to wait the usual 5-9 days before calling again) but now I'm wondering if I should step up the process because of the other guy.

Of course, I don't want to go too fast and blow it, either, so I'm hoping some of y'all who have been in a similar situation might have some tips.

I know the other guy, and he can be a bit clueless, and when we've compared notes in the past he's admitted to not knowing how to handle females and being frustrated by that, but who knows this time....

This new girl is really spectacular if you haven't gussed.

Any advice? Thanks! --Brian

 

[jophil28]

You are in a situation that I have faced a few times and EVERY time I prevailed by NOT trying to compete. I just plowed on as if the other guy did not exist.

Look, I realized a long time ago that if the woman wanted to really be with that other guy she would be. She is still available and single because he did not make the cut. However he is subtly 'allowed' to believe he has a shot because all women love male attention from whatever source.

You will be fine- hold fast, and act as if he does not exist (and NEVER question her about him)

Good luck Pte. Drake.

 

[Boilermaker]

She is still available and single because he did not make the cut. However he is subtly 'allowed' to believe he has a shot because all women love male attention from whatever source.

not to hijack the thread but this insightful part slightly irritated me. It resembles something I am experiencing right now.

How then do you tell whether she's subtly allowing you to believe it or she's actually genuinely interested?..

 

[jophil28]

How then do you tell whether she's subtly allowing you to believe it or she's actually genuinely interested?..

Your thinking here is driven by anxiety and an uncertainty about your own value and appeal to women.
You're thinking about a 'possibility' instead of seeing what is laid out in front of you .
As has been said a zillion times here, a woman's behavior will tell you all about her feelings toward you.
IF she eagerly agrees to go out with you, she is interested. If she hemms and haws, or cancels, she is lukewarm at best.

No agonizing navel gazing required, BoilerM.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Brian,
Firstly if that is your real Name then for obvious reasons adopt an anonymous Pseudonym,secondly just take Jos advice,why be so negative,as for waiting 5 to 9 Days that is just plain stupid....Just forget Dr Love and any other generalised advice ....Follow your instinct.

 

[Boilermaker]

Your thinking here is driven by anxiety and an uncertainty about your own value and appeal to women.
You're thinking about a 'possibility' instead of seeing what is laid out in front of you .
As has been said a zillion times here, a woman's behavior will tell you all about her feelings toward you.
IF she eagerly agrees to go out with you, she is interested. If she hemms and haws, or cancels, she is lukewarm at best.

No agonizing navel gazing required, BoilerM.

okay, okay, be easy on me Uncle Jo.

I understand the logic. It's quite simple. No need to make it more complicated than it is I suppose.

 

[Brian Drake]

Thank you, my friends. You have echoed what I figured I should do--stay the course and ignore the other guy.

As for my real name... Brian Drake is not it, I promise. That's the name I write books under. For now, M'Lady does not know I write under that name.

 

[jophil28]

okay, okay, be easy on me Uncle Jo.

I understand the logic. It's quite simple. No need to make it more complicated than it is I suppose.

Why were you "irritated" ?

Was it from the events in your own life, or by what I wrote in my first post in this thread? I'm a tad confused now.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Jophil said it. NEVER worry about the other guy--if she's showing signs of interest, the other guy isn't that important to her. That's also the reason you don't need to ask if a girl is single.

I personally think 5-9 days is a bit long to wait before calling. I think a lot of momentum will be lost if you wait more than a week to contact her, and she needs some exposure to you in order to develop high interest. I guess everyone's different, though.

 

[Boilermaker]

Why were you "irritated" ?

Was it from the events in your own life, or by what I wrote in my first post in this thread? I'm a tad confused now.

OF Course I was irritated because of the events in my own life. I tried to say the insightful remark on your part reminded me of women who give me the winks and signals all the time while I still end up going home alone feeling like a clown ...

Jophil how can you think I could ever be irritated from what you say? .. I practically email your posts everyday as lecture notes to my buddies.

The biggest problem was to meet women, and I have women around me right now. and now the weakest part is how to escalate...
I KNOW attraction is there, but I don't have the balls to take it to the next step.

I apologize for my hijacking

 

[L B]

Thank you, my friends. You have echoed what I figured I should do--stay the course and ignore the other guy.

As for my real name... Brian Drake is not it, I promise. That's the name I write books under. For now, M'Lady does not know I write under that name.

Contact her and set up a date as soon as it's convenient for you. If the interest's there, she's not going to care if you call to set up the next date right after you dropped her off or 3 weeks from then.

As for the other guy: if she's quality, she will be surrounded by guys wanting her constantly. Nothing you can really do there. If she likes you, she will ignore the others.

 

[Slickster]

The only way I can agree with you totally ignoring the other guy is if you are seeing other women yourself.

If you are stuck on only her and she's dating other dudes (no matter how lame they are in your mind) that is sending you a big message. Her actions are saying she's open for business. It doesn't matter what she says to you when you are together.

Reel yourself in a bit until she starts showing higher interest.

 

[squirrels]

If this girl is as fabulous as you make her out to be, there will ALWAYS be "other guys" testing her to see if they can take her away from you. ALWAYS. Even after you put a ring on her finger, guys will still test her to see if she's "really happy".

Unless they are outright HARASSING her, this is not your concern.

 

[Ease]

Use it to your advantage, show her you dont care about competition. When she brings it up to test you, laugh it off and encourage him on.

You will win points from a potentially negative situation, while he loses.

5-9 days always seemed a bit much for me. 4-5 days sounds a bit more balanced.

 

[Kailex]

Men's biggest misconception is that they are competing with someone else.

You aren't.

When you think about stuff like that, you actually start competing with yourself. The minute you change things from the way you normally do them in order to succeed, is the minute that you are defeating your ownself. The worst part is that once we fail, we will blame every external source without first looking within.

OP, if you did things a certain way and it gave you results... why change?
Because of external factors? Because she might like him more? Because he might be better fit than you are?

Please, just show your virtues as you normally would. Worry not, for there are MANY women out there and not just this one. Who knows, maybe the fact that she chooses another man might work out for you in the long run. But please, don't change who you are and how you approach situations based on "another guy".

Be like the horses in the races that have blinders on their eyes.
Always look forward and never to the sides.

You are your own competition.