have i wrecked it or is there still a chance?

[drift king]

here's a lesson in what not to do if a date is going so so well. i picked up this 18 year old girl in coffee bean yesterday. talked for an hour (stayed too long) but her interest was high. made arrangements to meet that night to show her around town. she's here for summer school and then coming back in september for a year studying. back story, she has a lot of issues (red flag) suffered from anorexia a few months ago, girls dont seem to like her cos of where she's from. so she's been alone the past few weeks with no friends. she's quite shy and not b1tchy at all so the whole girls dont like her thing raised alarm bells. duno if she's bipolar but she just seems like a girl who's quite shy and just unlucky coming to a new country and finding it hard to make friends. depressed etc. we met up in the evening and within 20mins we were making out and fooling around. i was on good form this weekend, confidence high, got a number prior to that but i knew i was making rookie mistakes here and there but the IL was high enough to offset any of this.

she let me feel her up, everything but would not let me put my hand down her pants. (we'd only met yesterday i was moving very very fast) i suggested to go back to hers and she said 'next time' i knew not to push it cos i knew she'd get frightened.. i walked her back to her place and made the suggestion to go in again (we were full on making our fooling around down alleyways prior to this) this is where i f'd up. i should have just left it and let her go in.. her IL was high enough that she'd meet me today if i left it there, i had to get back too.. but cos i was pushing my luck i decided to take her for a stroll to show her around the area where she lives cos she hadn't explored yet.. but all in the meanwhile i kept taking her down dark alleyways to fool around.. she's more than happy to make out in public and grope (in her country that's acceptable) but after the 3rd time of doing it she seemed somewhat i duno, different.. afraid maybe.

i see now how it clearly looks and i did way too much i mean come on? shes not gona want to have sex down some alleyway, i didnt really know what i wanted to achieve that i already had not done. she seemed fine all the way up to walking back a 2nd time.. but when we said goodbye i felt something was wrong.. like her behavior had chagned. she seemed wary. like almost the last 5 mins of us fooling around she did it in case she was worried for her safety. she waved bye to me but the look on her face was not good, like a relieved look. in that last 5 mins she told me she was alone last year and didn't want to be alone this year too so was so happy she met me. i text her today to meet up tomorrow and she hasn't responded to me yet. yesterday she replied to me immediately twice.. so excited and eager. this is definitely not a good sign.

have i blown it?

 

[pdx1138]

Leave it up to her to think things over (which she likely is) and "IF" she gets back to you, proceed slowly.

If you don't hear from her, she's done. - I'd give it 3-4 weeks tops. But don't call or send ANY texts.

I had a similar date with a Ukrainian hottie. The date was fun, everything went very well, high IL from her.

She told me how she was going to show me some of her cool things at her place when I came over some time. When I later suggested going to her place that same day...that was it. Big time change from her interest. I tried to setup a lunch with her the next week and it was clear she wasn't down for it, so I moved on.

 

[drift king]

i see.. i thought she just thinks im only after one thing i.e. sex. and taking advantage of her.

i just thought i should really try again to prove im not ONLY looking for sex from her, wouldn't she think that was all i was after if i dont follow up say next week to take her on a date?

is it even possible to change a girls mind if she thinks you're only after sex and a bit of a sleaze?

i dont think protesting would do much. she is young and naive though and in a foreign country

it's so so dumb, i mean why take her down some dark alley, f sake.. how stupid am i when im horny, it's cos i haven't had sex in so long i clearly was not thinking at all about how it looks. all i cared about was finding somewhere we could fool around some more without people walking by. that's all. but she must have thought i was trying to have sex with her and she wouldn't be able to call for help :-s damn im embarassed now.

 

[drift king]

ok maybe it's ok.. she sent this:

heey! sorry im learning adn trying to do my essay. im not sure if i'll be able to go out tomorow, the teacher might put some classes for the afternoon, because on thursday we'll going on a trip. i'll let u know tomorrow morning if i can! kisses :**

still sounds like a flakey answer. i dont think i'll respond.

even an 'ok' wouldn't suffice, i know normally you should say that to make her wonder if u really mean 'ok' but doing and saying nothing has the same effect?

 

[pdx1138]

i just thought i should really try again to prove im not ONLY looking for sex from he

King, please don't go down that road with any girl.

Going the extra length, trying to "prove" or "explain" something ESPECIALLY when you're first getting to know one another is a direct path to losing them.

The best advice you'll get here is never do that. It's an important rule to live by.



Well, she got back in contact. She said she'll contact you again. Now go on as if she didn't. Don't be "waiting" for it. It's up to her now to get back to you again and if she wants to see you, she'll likely suggest it.

play it cool and she could be interested again.

I often have to remind myself I'm not in any hurry to get a woman in the sack. (almost always make mistakes when I did)
Within 3-4 dates sure, but not immediately unless she's showing obvious signs to the contrary.

 

[TRSX]

Wait till tommorow morning dude. Turn your phone off if you're anxious.

DONT RESPOND.

If she wants to see you, she'll make the time. If she can't and doesnt counter-offer .. her IL is too low and you need to move on.. if you really want to see her IL try for one more date.. but dont push it after that

At least you know for next time.

 

[drift king]

yeah i waited, she didn't get back to me this morning. she said she would if she could. but i sense the IL is low.

how long should i leave it before i re contact?

bear in mind she's leaving the country next week so i only have like 11 days till she goes. she's coming back in september though for a year BUT living with a host family so i won't get to f there. i dont have my own place so same problem. right now she is living in dorms, i think that's why i am in such a rush cos i know if i get it i could be f'ing her every day till she leaves.

 

[TRSX]

if shes gone in 11 days. You can do a few things...

1. You can get ballsy and tell her that you want to fvck (this could backfire)
- I go to the tune of calling her and telling her you had an awesome dream about fvcking her (say that word) and give her some details. DONT TEXT HER THIS OPTION. CALL HER AND LET HER HEAR YOU TALK DIRTY TO HER.

2. Wait like 2 days (NC) and then try and re-engage a date , say you are meeting up with friends at a pub and she should join you.. or find a good spot you wanna try and invite her

3. Move on

4. Tell her you need an opinion on what would be a good sexual night for you and another plate.

--

You can do whatever the fck you want man, looks like her IL is low and theres only 1 real way to get what you want, which is just say it.. But if she doesnt want it you cant force the issue.

Just go for it.

 

[drift king]

well i waited 2 days i texted her last night to meet up today (2 strike rule)

me: hi, lets get together for some frozen yoghurt. im busy tonight but how's tomorrow around 5 or Sat at 8pm? x
her: tomorrow's perfect! and your idea is great! xx where do we meet?
me: i'll meet u outside your building. the froen yoghurt place is nearby 10 mins away so we'll walk there. see u tomorrow. xx
her: ok great! xx

see this seems goods, positive etc but lingering in the back of my mind that because she said 'next time' and that i wanted to meet her outside her building she'd think i'd just want sex, even though i had nothing to suggest that. just the flaking and no counter offering from 3 days ago which concerned me.

today at 12

her: im sorry but i dont have again time to go out today. we were announced that we need to finish the long essay earlier than expected and i also need to go tomorrrow to visit my future college. i think we should meet again when im coming back because i'll be a lot more free than now. sorry about that!

wtf.. i find this unacceptable. major flaking. i think she's here for at least another week or so and surely if she was interested would find time to see me irrespective of what's going on (she told me she had lots of free time and fri-sun off and is generally alone)

i just woke up and was in afc mode annoyed that she cancelled so tried to push for a meet (stupid idea now i know)

me: how about we meet up for just a couple hours later tonight or tomorrow night instead? im busy tomorrow till about 9pm anyway but i have a couple hours free.

her: well i dont really like going out at night. im a day creature haha

(great.. another BS flaky excuse. low IL)

now im at the point of ultimatum time cos im applying the 2 strikes rule, although verbally i seem to need to say what's on my mind. i should have just not replied to the text at all or given an 'ok' but no, i go on to do this:

me: i was thining we just meet up for a couple hrs today at the same time as expected and get froen yoghurt and then chill i have other plans later tonight anyway. i know u have to study how's 4.45pm? x

(no reply)

i realised now i dug myself a hole so just basically gave her an ultimatum and a fake jealously ploy which probably wont work but either way im not contacting her again after this and wont respond to her even if she does contact me on her return.

me: p.s. i dont know when u are leaving but it be good to see u. i wouldnt want u to miss out and lose me to someone else when u come back haha. offer today stands for the next hour so let know by then or i'lll have made other plans with someone else by 2pm. good luck with your essay and take care. xx

i know its a fake jealousy plot and she'll see through it but i already f'd up in the first place responding at all. clearly her IL is low, and just wants to keep me around for attention and see if i'll still chase her when she's back in a month.. f that.

tbh even if she does tell me she wants to meet i reckon she'll just not show up today. but f it. im applying the 2 strikes rule and that's it. didn't do it properly and showed my a$$ but at least i know in my mind im not gona let a girl cancel on me more than 2 times and keep speaking to her.

she'll probably think i was only after one thing cos of my impatience, but then again.. she cancelled on me twice no counter offer, fluff stuff.

i think she's bi polar as well.

is it literally u just dont respond at all in the first place is the best option?

 

[Purefilth]

well i waited 2 days i texted her last night to meet up today (2 strike rule)

me: hi, lets get together for some frozen yoghurt. im busy tonight but how's tomorrow around 5 or Sat at 8pm? x
her: tomorrow's perfect! and your idea is great! xx where do we meet?
me: i'll meet u outside your building. the froen yoghurt place is nearby 10 mins away so we'll walk there. see u tomorrow. xx
her: ok great! xx

see this seems goods, positive etc but lingering in the back of my mind that because she said 'next time' and that i wanted to meet her outside her building she'd think i'd just want sex, even though i had nothing to suggest that. just the flaking and no counter offering from 3 days ago which concerned me.

today at 12

her: im sorry but i dont have again time to go out today. we were announced that we need to finish the long essay earlier than expected and i also need to go tomorrrow to visit my future college. i think we should meet again when im coming back because i'll be a lot more free than now. sorry about that!

wtf.. i find this unacceptable. major flaking. i think she's here for at least another week or so and surely if she was interested would find time to see me irrespective of what's going on (she told me she had lots of free time and fri-sun off and is generally alone)

i just woke up and was in afc mode annoyed that she cancelled so tried to push for a meet (stupid idea now i know)

me: how about we meet up for just a couple hours later tonight or tomorrow night instead? im busy tomorrow till about 9pm anyway but i have a couple hours free.

her: well i dont really like going out at night. im a day creature haha

(great.. another BS flaky excuse. low IL)

now im at the point of ultimatum time cos im applying the 2 strikes rule, although verbally i seem to need to say what's on my mind. i should have just not replied to the text at all or given an 'ok' but no, i go on to do this:

me: i was thining we just meet up for a couple hrs today at the same time as expected and get froen yoghurt and then chill i have other plans later tonight anyway. i know u have to study how's 4.45pm? x

(no reply)

i realised now i dug myself a hole so just basically gave her an ultimatum and a fake jealously ploy which probably wont work but either way im not contacting her again after this and wont respond to her even if she does contact me on her return.

me: p.s. i dont know when u are leaving but it be good to see u. i wouldnt want u to miss out and lose me to someone else when u come back haha. offer today stands for the next hour so let know by then or i'lll have made other plans with someone else by 2pm. good luck with your essay and take care. xx

i know its a fake jealousy plot and she'll see through it but i already f'd up in the first place responding at all. clearly her IL is low, and just wants to keep me around for attention and see if i'll still chase her when she's back in a month.. f that.

tbh even if she does tell me she wants to meet i reckon she'll just not show up today. but f it. im applying the 2 strikes rule and that's it. didn't do it properly and showed my a$$ but at least i know in my mind im not gona let a girl cancel on me more than 2 times and keep speaking to her.

she'll probably think i was only after one thing cos of my impatience, but then again.. she cancelled on me twice no counter offer, fluff stuff.

i think she's bi polar as well.Why? you creeped her out dude!

is it literally u just dont respond at all in the first place is the best option?yep!!

Good report on some AFC moves dude, sorry you missed that one.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

1.) Put your age on your profile.
2.) Get options, It's obvious you have none.

 

[NewAndImproved]

well i waited 2 days i texted her last night to meet up today (2 strike rule)

me: hi, lets get together for some frozen yoghurt. im busy tonight but how's tomorrow around 5 or Sat at 8pm? x
her: tomorrow's perfect! and your idea is great! xx where do we meet?
me: i'll meet u outside your building. the froen yoghurt place is nearby 10 mins away so we'll walk there. see u tomorrow. xx
her: ok great! xx

see this seems goods, positive etc but lingering in the back of my mind that because she said 'next time' and that i wanted to meet her outside her building she'd think i'd just want sex, even though i had nothing to suggest that. just the flaking and no counter offering from 3 days ago which concerned me.

today at 12

her: im sorry but i dont have again time to go out today. we were announced that we need to finish the long essay earlier than expected and i also need to go tomorrrow to visit my future college. i think we should meet again when im coming back because i'll be a lot more free than now. sorry about that!

wtf.. i find this unacceptable. major flaking. i think she's here for at least another week or so and surely if she was interested would find time to see me irrespective of what's going on (she told me she had lots of free time and fri-sun off and is generally alone)

i just woke up and was in afc mode annoyed that she cancelled so tried to push for a meet (stupid idea now i know)

me: how about we meet up for just a couple hours later tonight or tomorrow night instead? im busy tomorrow till about 9pm anyway but i have a couple hours free.

her: well i dont really like going out at night. im a day creature haha

(great.. another BS flaky excuse. low IL)

now im at the point of ultimatum time cos im applying the 2 strikes rule, although verbally i seem to need to say what's on my mind. i should have just not replied to the text at all or given an 'ok' but no, i go on to do this:

me: i was thining we just meet up for a couple hrs today at the same time as expected and get froen yoghurt and then chill i have other plans later tonight anyway. i know u have to study how's 4.45pm? x

(no reply)

i realised now i dug myself a hole so just basically gave her an ultimatum and a fake jealously ploy which probably wont work but either way im not contacting her again after this and wont respond to her even if she does contact me on her return.

me: p.s. i dont know when u are leaving but it be good to see u. i wouldnt want u to miss out and lose me to someone else when u come back haha. offer today stands for the next hour so let know by then or i'lll have made other plans with someone else by 2pm. good luck with your essay and take care. xx

i know its a fake jealousy plot and she'll see through it but i already f'd up in the first place responding at all. clearly her IL is low, and just wants to keep me around for attention and see if i'll still chase her when she's back in a month.. f that.

tbh even if she does tell me she wants to meet i reckon she'll just not show up today. but f it. im applying the 2 strikes rule and that's it. didn't do it properly and showed my a$$ but at least i know in my mind im not gona let a girl cancel on me more than 2 times and keep speaking to her.

she'll probably think i was only after one thing cos of my impatience, but then again.. she cancelled on me twice no counter offer, fluff stuff.

i think she's bi polar as well.

is it literally u just dont respond at all in the first place is the best option?

Painful.

Interesting how you said you knew what you were doing was wrong and yet you still did it.

Not saying I'm above that either.

But really, it's the biggest impediment to success. Even worse than when you just don't know any better.

 

[pdx1138]

King, hopefully you've learned something from this.

1. when given advice that works....TAKE IT

2. stop being desperate to see a girl if she clearly has no interest.

 

[drift king]

Painful.

Interesting how you said you knew what you were doing was wrong and yet you still did it.

Not saying I'm above that either.

But really, it's the biggest impediment to success. Even worse than when you just don't know any better.

it's more i know what im doing wrong but only AFTER i do it. like i dont think things through clearly or rationally till after even if i take time to decide what to respond with.

i need to learn to default setting of doing nothing as it's usually the right thing to do.

anyway i've been doing better recently so i need to learn from the mistakes i made on the date and make sure this weekend i use it in a different way.

 

[drift king]

King, hopefully you've learned something from this.

1. when given advice that works....TAKE IT

2. stop being desperate to see a girl if she clearly has no interest.

it's weird though because the exchange of texts yesterday to set up todays date seemed so positive from her. she genuinely sounded excited.

i know women just flake for no reason but to me this is just surreal, i know she wasn't that keen a few days before. but i was surprised by how excited she seemed yesterday to meet up today.

then she gives me some elaborate long explanation as to why.

f her, im not gona respond to her even if she bothers to contact me when shes back. she had her shot, i've blown it, but so has she.