Have I become too much of an @sshole?

[OnTheWayUp]

Hey SS,

So yesterday evening I had sex with my second ever girl, wahey! She was a girl I had messed around with a bit before and she invited herself over to my place at 4, so it was pretty clear that the game was on.

Afterwards, we cuddled for about 15-20 mins, then I wanted to sleep. In the past I've had trouble sleeping next to girls. Lack of experience makes me a bit nervous when I'm just lying naked with someone else, even after sex, plus I like my own space in bed. I also didn't want to give this girl the impression that I want her as a gf (although I think she knew that already). So I threw her out of my bed after 20 mins or so, and made her walk home at 6.30 am!

She was pretty pissed off, was this too much of a @sshole move? Or is it something you guys do on a regular basis? Are the rules different for a girl you've seen more than once?

Looking forward to reading your thoughts.

 

[5string]

You should have done her again and then kicked her out.

 

[oneboy21]

Being rude, some times works trust me
she is definitely coming back to you

 

[Fuglydude]

As long as you didn't kick her out with your load on her face...

...Or a dirty sanchez!

I probably wouldn't have done what you did, but its good because it shows that you don't give a shiit about the outcome of your interaction/relationship with her. This is good, as it instantly gives you more power in the relationship.

I guess it boils down to what outcome you want with this girl. If she's just some dumb kunt you're railing, who gives a shiit? If you want more of a serious relationship, then maybe you should have approached it differently. Overall though, it simply gave the impression that you don't give a shiit about the outcome. It should indirectly build attraction...

 

[ArcBound]

As long as you didn't kick her out with your load on her face...

...Or a dirty sanchez!

I probably wouldn't have done what you did, but its good because it shows that you don't give a shiit about the outcome of your interaction/relationship with her. This is good, as it instantly gives you more power in the relationship.

I guess it boils down to what outcome you want with this girl. If she's just some dumb kunt you're railing, who gives a shiit? If you want more of a serious relationship, then maybe you should have approached it differently. Overall though, it simply gave the impression that you don't give a shiit about the outcome. It should indirectly build attraction...

Those two sentences say it all.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Those two sentences say it all.

So are the rules really different if you actually like the girl for more than her body? I thought you were supposed to treat them all the same?

If the attitude I projected was one of not caring, it is completely true. I have no interest in this girl beyond an occasional lay: she has the body of an 8, but the face of a 5 and she strikes me as very duplicitous and needy. The reason why I started the thread was more to see what you guys do if you actually like the girl.

Of course, as people have already pointed out, the irony is that my @sshole ways may end up making her more attracted to me anyway. I wonder if that means that you should often leave after sex with a girl who isn't your gf.

 

[rocket87]

I'd say it's more awkward than assh0le, you handled the situation kinda weird, and probably made it really uncomfortable for her.

Important to note: being an assh0le and comfort-levels aren't really comparable terms - so no, that wasn't a d!ck move, just more odd than anything. In the future, if you want to keep a girl around/keep her interested/maintain comfort levels (not necessarily as a girlfriend but even for casual sex) you'll want to keep them comfortable when it comes to intimacy.

I think you're using the fact that it's your second lay as an 'excuse'. This also has nothing to do with being an assh0le, just kind of a reminder that (in my opinion) you should just let your experiences roll out and work with them, and learn from them.

 

[Voice]

Lol, I'm the same way. I need my own bed to sleep. This is why it's better to go to their place to fvck. This way you can leave after you've done your thing and it won't be awkward or a d1ckmove. You can just say you have to be somewhere early the next morning or something. If I do stay or the girl is at my place, I always turn my back to them because I find it impossible to cuddle and sleep at the same time.

But it's really not a big deal what you did. Sleep is important, haha. This girl called YOU so it's not like you invited her to stay the night.

 

[jafyk]

That was a d#ck move. I get not being able to sleep properly with someone else there but to make her walk home at that time of the morning? Come on. You couldn't have slept on one side of the bed or your couch or sent her to your couch. You could've even told her she couldn't stay. You just threw her out like a piece of thrash and then next time the thrash comes around you put yourself in it again right? What does that say about you?

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Interesting to see the range of different views this is getting, ranging from the "good work, she'll be more attracted as a result" to the "you're a d1ck to make her walk home at that time." As a nice person who thinks about other people, I'm inclined to take the second view (hence the thread to confirm whether I did the right thing). As a budding DJ, I'm inclined to take the first, selfish view- no matter how counterintuitive it seems at first.

You might be interested to know that I saw the girl in question yesterday. She seemed in a very good mood, and was, if anything, even nicer to me than usual. She offered me food, and laughed at lines I didn't even mean as jokes.

The question is: should I treat someone who I like for more than just a quick fvck the same? I really don't know.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

You can communicate indifference without kicking their ass out after you bust your nut.

Interesting point, can you expand?

 

[jafyk]

Interesting to see the range of different views this is getting, ranging from the "good work, she'll be more attracted as a result" to the "you're a d1ck to make her walk home at that time." As a nice person who thinks about other people, I'm inclined to take the second view (hence the thread to confirm whether I did the right thing). As a budding DJ, I'm inclined to take the first, selfish view- no matter how counterintuitive it seems at first.

You might be interested to know that I saw the girl in question yesterday. She seemed in a very good mood, and was, if anything, even nicer to me than usual. She offered me food, and laughed at lines I didn't even mean as jokes.

The question is: should I treat someone who I like for more than just a quick fvck the same? I really don't know.

I think people confused DJism with getting laid. Getting laid is a by product of that attainment (Please read book of pook in the DJ Bible on here if you haven't). In other words you have a set of good principles on how to do that doesn't revolve around getting girls...if you are really someone who treats people decently that is who you are. I was having this same conversation with a friend of mine on how you treat girls like crap and they want to stick around. Infact one of them thanked him for being an ******* to her. It blows my mind really. I mean if it's a tactic to get in bed with girls next time...well, to each his own. Maybe you are right...although personally, I don't know that I would want a girl for a LTR who likes being treated like sh!t. Not saying you were looking for a LTR with her.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

I think people confused DJism with getting laid. Getting laid is a by product of that attainment (Please read book of pook in the DJ Bible on here if you haven't). In other words you have a set of good principles on how to do that doesn't revolve around getting girls...if you are really someone who treats people decently that is who you are. I was having this same conversation with a friend of mine on how you treat girls like crap and they want to stick around. Infact one of them thanked him for being an ******* to her. It blows my mind really. I mean if it's a tactic to get in bed with girls next time...well, to each his own. Maybe you are right...although personally, I don't know that I would want a girl for a LTR who likes being treated like sh!t. Not saying you were looking for a LTR with her.

Interesting points here. I guess it comes back to the question: does me telling a girl that I want to sleep alone at 6:30am count as "treating her like sh1t," after we've had sex for about 2 hours and cuddled for a further 20 mins or so.

For my part, I'm happy doing what it takes to get a girl into bed- even if this behaviour (such as the above example) does qualify me as an @sshole. I'm not looking for an LTR with this girl (or indeed anyone atm, want more experience). However, if I were, my main criteria would be: looks, lack of ego, co-operation, feminine charm, ability to hold a conversation, sense of humour, and intelligence. That is to say: if a girl had all the above qualities and liked being treated like sh1t, I would do whatever was necessary to get what I wanted. Does that make me an @sshole?

 

[OnTheWayUp]

bump

 

[jafyk]

Yes, yes my friend a good @sshuuule, lol.

 

[LoneWolf]

yeah ur a bit of an ass for doin that man. i was with this fat girl and when we had sex she would just lie on my bed for a while and i didnt want her to stay. i was nice and said "so i gotta get up early tomorrow and i'm pretty tired, so i'll be going to bed real soon." she got the hint and left but on a good note, see?