Have a coffe date tonight... need some advice

[Gangster Of Love]

I'm really curious as to why so many people think coffee dates are a bad idea. It would be boring if we were going sit there and talk for like 5 hours, but I'm talking about 30 mins or so.

That is because most people are too boring; they get bored by themselves; they bore everyone around them, and can't hold some strange woman's mind spellbound for more than 15 minutes. They depend on their environment as a prop. So there is very little chance they can make it succeed.

If you got good enough game, you can meet at a coffee place, or any place, for that matter, do your thing, decide if you deem her fun/worthy of a a venue change, and decide how far and what type of relationship it will be. You don't even need that much time, either.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

I dont usually tend to be a jerk, but in this case I will be. Personally i think all of you guys that said coffee dates are a bad idea are morons. Coffee is inexpensive and a great way to talk face to face without feeling like u have to fill the void with going to the movies or doing an activity. You want to intrigue the girl by letting her get to know something about you, you want to display VALUE. Why would she want to hang out with you again if every other guy that is interested will do the same activities. She will choose the guy with whom she feels some common interest and connection.

Exactly! Yes, what he just said!

With coffee dates, it is almost impossible to "fake" it if you don't have any game, personality or are not interesting/fascinating. It is like performing "Unplugged", naked, etc. You must show some VALUE, while getting the same in return from your "date".

 

[DonGorgon]

Coffee dates are gay... when you get her tell her that you just got the coolest new movies and you have tons of yummy snack at your place and you two should go there and chill instead if she says no say ok ill call some friends over then bye..

 

[Evzone]

You know, I'm going to disagree with some people here about coffee dates. They can work, especially since it is the very first time you've actually hung out with her in real life.

I mean seriously, you want to make sure she isn't some psycho or something first.

As you probably know since you chose a coffee date, coffee dates are better than dinner dates in my opinion when you're starting out with a particular girl. This is based on my personal experience, not just conjecture or stuff I've read but haven't done.

That said, my favorite option is taking a girl out for drinks at a bar (the kind with a DJ, not a chill bar; those are for later) or club.

 

[HardTimes]

FR/Update:

I met the chick last night. She was pretty cool and we had some good and upbeat conversation. She got a pretty good feel for me and I got a pretty good feel for her. Although we had the good conversation I could tell her IL was pretty low so after we got done talking we said our goodbyes and didn't make plans to see each other again. I'm going to call this one closed. Oh well.

Sorry I would of updated last night but this forum has a limit of 10 posts per day.

 

[Soprano]

sorry to hear it didnt go well man. its the damn coffee dates i swear nah im playin. i'm sure the next chick will go better!

even if you think her IL is low though keep tryin, there's no shame in swinging and missing as long as u swung hard

 

[HardTimes]

sorry to hear it didnt go well man. its the damn coffee dates i swear nah im playin. i'm sure the next chick will go better!

even if you think her IL is low though keep tryin, there's no shame in swinging and missing as long as u swung hard

Thanks, based of my track record it will probably be at least another couple of months until I have another date thought.

But nah there no point in perusing this chick, like I said I can tell her IL was pretty low, I would at best make friends zone, at worst she stop returning my calls. She was a nice chick so instead I'll just leave it at that.

 

[Igetit!]

To be honest,I'd be curious to know what exactly it was you two discussed on the date. You say that her interest level was low and that may be true,but not from the beginning. Otherwise,she wouldn't have bothered to even show up to the date in the first place.

So if she was interested enough to meet up with you for the date,then after it was over,she decided she didn't want to see you again,the it was during the date that she lost interest.

You said that the conversation was good and upbeat. Maybe to you it was.

Did you generate any emotion in her? Any feelings whatsoever?

There had to be a reason she lost interest.

 

[HardTimes]

To be honest,I'd be curious to know what exactly it was you two discussed on the date. You say that her interest level was low and that may be true,but not from the beginning. Otherwise,she wouldn't have bothered to even show up to the date in the first place.

So if she was interested enough to meet up with you for the date,then after it was over,she decided she didn't want to see you again,the it was during the date that she lost interest.

You said that the conversation was good and upbeat. Maybe to you it was.

Did you generate any emotion in her? Any feelings whatsoever?

There had to be a reason she lost interest.

It was almost a hour long conversation and we jumped around topics a lot since it was the first time we met. She asked a lot about the things I do and my interests, I asked her about her interest and such, about her school. We had quite a few common interests we talked about at length. I told her some interesting stories (relevant to the conversation), she told me some too. Told me about some of her college years, told her about mine, we had some common stories. We were laughing a lot and the conversation was never dull.

With that said, who knows, maybe she was faking a good time, but to me it sounded genuine. As far as generating any emotion, no not really, it was more along the lines of a friendly conversation. Who knows maybe I kept the conversation too casual, but I just followed the conversation naturally and didn't try to force it in any particular direction.

 

[Igetit!]

It was almost a hour long conversation and we jumped around topics a lot since it was the first time we met. She asked a lot about the things I do and my interests, I asked her about her interest and such, about her school.

Now I see what the problem was. She was bored.

All these things,(school,work,"what do you like to do for fun?",how many brothers and sister do you have?,ect.),are comfort building. While they are appropiate for a first date,you should have generated attraction in her first,then go with the comfort phase.

This sounds more like a job interview than a date.

We had quite a few common interests we talked about at length. I told her some interesting stories (relevant to the conversation), she told me some too. Told me about some of her college years, told her about mine, we had some common stories. We were laughing a lot and the conversation was never dull.

With that said, who knows, maybe she was faking a good time, but to me it sounded genuine. As far as generating any emotion, no not really, it was more along the lines of a friendly conversation.

You see the part I underlined and put in bold? That's game over dude.

No emotion=no chemistry=no attraction.

You say the conversation was never dull,but if there were no emotions or feeling in it,then to her,it was dull.

Talking just to fill space won't get it. She's gotta feel something man. Even if you gotta make her angry,that's better than her feeling bored.

You said it was more along the lines of just friendly conversation.

If that's true,then I don't know why you'd be surprised she doesn't want to see you again.

No chemistry for women is equal to no sex for a man.

Would you want to continue dating/pursue a relationship with a woman who you knew without a shadow of a doubt would never have sex with you? Ever?

I doubt it.

Well,she didn't feel any chemistry towards you. Therefore,why would she want to see you again? What for? What would she get out of it?

You didn't exhibit any sexuality. Probably because you didn't want to offend her...and you didn't,but you didn't turn her on either.

Who knows maybe I kept the conversation too casual, but I just followed the conversation naturally and didn't try to force it in any particular direction.

Yep,you didn't guide the conversation and that was a mistake. You MUST guide it where you want it to go. Otherwise,it'll go into the ditch. You can't even allow her to guide it because she may have you waay off in left field somewhere.

YOU must take the lead.

That's what happened. You took your hands off the steering wheel and just "let things happen".

You can't do that man.

If you don't take the lead,if you don't control things,THEY WON'T GET DONE.

And you can't rely on her to do it either.

The reason the date ran off into the ditch was because there was no one at the steering wheel.

 

[HardTimes]

Now I see what the problem was. She was bored.

All these things,(school,work,"what do you like to do for fun?",how many brothers and sister do you have?,ect.),are comfort building. While they are appropiate for a first date,you should have generated attraction in her first,then go with the comfort phase.

This sounds more like a job interview than a date.

It wasn't really like that at all. Plus what else would I talk about if I don't know this chick? I have to get to know her and her interests before we could talk about anything interesting (which is what I did). I'm not saying you're wrong, maybe she was bored, but it didn't do down like a dull job interview or anything. I'm not THAT bad a conversation and can keep things interesting and make people laugh in a short amount of time.

You see the part I underlined and put in bold? That's game over dude.

No emotion=no chemistry=no attraction.

You say the conversation was never dull,but if there were no emotions or feeling in it,then to her,it was dull.

Yeah you're probably right, but honestly I didn't feel this girl was interested in going there based of the conversation and it seemed she wanted to keep the conversation as friendly as possible. You know how you can just feel it out and proceed. Perhaps she wasn't into me from the start and that's she kept it friendly. Not sure.

Talking just to fill space won't get it. She's gotta feel something man. Even if you gotta make her angry,that's better than her feeling bored.

You said it was more along the lines of just friendly conversation.

If that's true,then I don't know why you'd be surprised she doesn't want to see you again.

No chemistry for women is equal to no sex for a man.

I wasn't talking to fill space, I was talking to get to know her and I'm sure that was her goal too. My goal wasn't to get in her pants that night.

Would you want to continue dating/pursue a relationship with a woman who you knew without a shadow of a doubt would never have sex with you? Ever?

I doubt it.

Well,she didn't feel any chemistry towards you. Therefore,why would she want to see you again? What for? What would she get out of it?

You didn't exhibit any sexuality. Probably because you didn't want to offend her...and you didn't,but you didn't turn her on either.

Yeah you're right, and that's why I'm not perusing it. And yes I'm sure she felt no chemistry towards me and I've already stated as such.

Yep,you didn't guide the conversation and that was a mistake. You MUST guide it where you want it to go. Otherwise,it'll go into the ditch. You can't even allow her to guide it because she may have you waay off in left field somewhere.

YOU must take the lead.

That's what happened. You took your hands off the steering wheel and just "let things happen".

You can't do that man.

If you don't take the lead,if you don't control things,THEY WON'T GET DONE.

And you can't rely on her to do it either.

The reason the date ran off into the ditch was because there was no one at the steering wheel.

Perhaps I should of led the conversation a bit better I suppose, I admit im not a master conversationalist but my goal wasn't to lay down game to get into her pants. That's what I do at the bars and clubs (which doesn't work for me anyway). I got the feeling from her all night although she was friendly she already made up her mind it wasn't going anywhere no matter what I said. Certain things she said throughout the conversation send me signals her IL was very low.

I appreciate your advice though and I'm not trying to hate, just trying to more accurately describe how it went down.

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

I have to agree with Igetit (one of the best posters here who knows wtf he is talking about) Sounds like that was a boring date to me. You asked the wrong questions.. this is why so many fvck up... you need to run her through her emotions... Here's an example:

you: tell me, what would be your perfect vacation?
her: sitting in the Sun in St. Lucia (best Carribean destination BY FAR btw)
you: Yes, IMAGINE how amazing it is swimming in that perfect blue see, tanning in that relaxing sun... etc.

See what I mean? (yes, this is based on Speed Seduction, but I love that stuff and do believe it works)

 

[Tony T]

Bro,...sounds like you did fine.

Coffee dates are basically interview dates...you check out the chick..and she checks you out. These are good, especially if you've never seen her before (like an internet date).

The Date lasted a little too long though. Keep the coffee dates to 20 mins, max. You can tell within 5-10 mins whether or not you want to go any further. If she's diggin you, then set up a next meet at your place....or a Drink Date....then go from there!

With this date, there wasn't enough attraction created, so you lost her. No Problem....NEXT!

Once you practice enough, you'll get good at it and your skills will escalate from there.

 

[SickAgain]

I have 2 questions. First, did you put down any kino? Kino is key. It automatically says I have no issues getting more physical. Second, did you enjoy your date and did you like this girl? If so who cares if you think she wasn't feeling you. Just take this a encounter to make sure both parties are sane. If you wanna see her again, call her up tomorrow and see if she wants to come to a show or something fun with you. I can't count how many girls I blew it with just cause I never followed through.

PS I told you coffee dates suck. =)

 

[DonGorgon]

told u coffee dates are gay...lololol

 

[f283000]

FR/Update:

I met the chick last night. She was pretty cool and we had some good and upbeat conversation. She got a pretty good feel for me and I got a pretty good feel for her. Although we had the good conversation I could tell her IL was pretty low so after we got done talking we said our goodbyes and didn't make plans to see each other again. I'm going to call this one closed. Oh well.

And you know who's fault it is? YOURS! you know why? CAUSE YOU AGREED TO GO ON A COFFEE DATE IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Coffee dates = friendly/closed environment not fit for seduction. Women like these places because they feel safe. They know you can't put on too many moves on them. So they drag you to these places so they can pretty much scope you out/interview you and decide in that time if you are worth it. Unfortunately since you are sitting down doing nothing except talking, people sitting around you, the hunter is restricted and the prey is protected. You can't put on many moves on a woman on a restricting environment like this. You can't attract a woman well in such an environment.

Successful dates are out in fun/open environments where you have freedom of movement and kino so you can more easily create attraction. In such places you have the element of unpredictability which puts the woman out of her comfort zone to where she is no longer in control. In a coffee places guess who is in control? she is.

I'm not sure if you are the one that offered a coffee date (from what it looks like it was her) and if it was you could have replied "i'm not that into coffee, perhaps something else" then you set another location. Maybe you were afraid of losing the chance because she is hot so you went with whatever she offered (which in turn lowers your status in her eyes). If you had refused the coffee date for something else you would have created a little conflict, which makes you more attractive plus makes you more masculine in her eyes as you would have set the date location yourself and would not have agreed with whatever she offered (which makes you attractive, women are attracted to guys that disagree with them).

 

[aomega54]

Hmm. Silence. Not looking good.

 

[zemaj]

I still see nothing wrong with a coffee date..It;s a good idea for a first meeting. Nothing too heavy or intense..and then, if you do find you get on, you can either go someplace else the same night...OR go out properly the next time!

 

[fertileTurtle]

A coffee shop isn't a "fun/open environment where you have freedom of movement and kino so you can more easily create attraction"???

Name 10 places that he could have taken her that are better than a coffee shop.

No, scratch that...name 5.

That's what I'm saying. WTF?

 

[SickAgain]

I'll name five: the beach, a fair, a pool hall, a park, a music show

You guys fail to realize it is your JOB to make a girl go wow this guy is cool and I wanna meet him again. Be the average next door guy will just bore her. Listen to some Payton Kane for inspiration.