Has the female dualistic mating strategy existed longer than the male's dualistic mating strategy?

[mrgoodstuff]

thanks, I personally have zero tolerance for men's dualistic mating strategy as we know it in 2021.
I am certain of this intolerance and will burn it all down rathet than experience this again.
This next strategy I'm already succeeding at is a highly elevated selfdevelopment game.

And you shouldn't if it is outside of your standard. In your system if what your affections, grace and time are not good enough for him to stop considering others, then he needs to leave.

I'll probably eventually meet a man willing to shortcircuit his societallyprogrammed dualistic mating strategy but I do get impatient so I was wondering if I should also be trying to train a man at the same time as improving myself. Can a woman even train a man who isn't aware?

Depends. You shouldn't have to "train". But if you do, make proper consequences with escalations if he is being too disrespectful. And enough infractions to drop him.

 

[christie]

And you shouldn't if it is outside of your standard. In your system if what your affections, grace and time are not good enough for him to stop considering others, then he needs to leave.



Depends. You shouldn't have to "train". But if you do, make proper consequences with escalations if he is being too disrespectful. And enough infractions to drop him.

thank you for backing me up on this
have never consciously set out to train a man with these objectives and employing consequences.
I only just read the Boundaries book last year for example and sometime today will finish Crucial Conversations book.
I will start Red Queen today. There might be some psychology that I learn in that one.
Part of my selfdevelopment is relearning how to communicate mrgoodstuff!!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

thank you for backing me up on this
have never consciously set out to train a man with these objectives and employing consequences.
I only just read the Boundaries book last year for example and sometime today will finish Crucial Conversations book.
I will start Red Queen today. There might be some psychology that I learn in that one.

I wouldn't try to "train" a hardened cheater or long term "hoe" of a man. Those behaviors are now their nature. If it's someone who has performed well in the past and a slight fall off, great. There are different "types" each more useful for different objectives. There still exist a man who wants to uphold the old values, but the new system has devalued him so greatly, so maybe a woman "training" him will force him to focus on his self and his personal development and use his time to build that, and to treat him good as a result.

 

[christie]

I wouldn't try to "train" a hardened cheater or long term "hoe" of a man. Those behaviors are now their nature. If it's someone who has performed well in the past and a slight fall off, great. There are different "types" each more useful for different objectives. There still exist a man who wants to uphold the old values, but the new system has devalued him so greatly, so maybe a woman "training" him will force him to focus on his self and his personal development and use his time to build that, and to treat him good as a result.

Yes.
Yes, thing is I can't tell a man is a cheater when you begin relationship with him lying.
I thought it was me lying in the beginning of a relationship and so I overdid it by telling the last one every single thing about me-completely authentic. But treating him how I wanted to be treated is not enough when he's a hidden cheater. Or is it something in me still that drives these exes to cheat? I have to take responsibility for the fact that I'm almost half a century in age and only recently committed to selfdeveloping with the goal of good relationship.

I just never selfdeveloped for that goal before.

So you wrote: force him to work on his own selfdevelopment. That would save me from being codependent and neglectful of myself. I do need a lot of time and energy on myself. I didn't know I had so far to go because of a propped up false SMV from over 8 years on social media and sporadic OLD profiles.


That encouraging him to selfdevelop on his own would work out good as a type of indirect training method. I detest leading men if I can help it.

I recently realised all of this is quite simple just like when I realised in order to encourage a man to detach from unhealthy son-as-husband or son-as-little boy-still dynamics from his mother all you have to do is release him from your grip, try trusting him and encourage him to go spend time with masculine friends. Too simple but it never occurred to me.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yes.
Yes, thing is I can't tell a man is a cheater when you begin relationship with him lying.
I thought it was me lying in the beginning of a relationship and so I overdid it by telling the last one every single thing about me-completely authentic. But treating him how I wanted to be treated is not enough when he's a hidden cheater. Or is it something in me still that drives these exes to cheat? I have to take responsibility for the fact that I'm almost half a century in age and only recently committed to selfdeveloping with the goal of good relationship.

I just never selfdeveloped for that goal before.

So you wrote: force him to work on his own selfdevelopment. That would save me from being codependent and neglectful of myself. I do need a lot of time and energy on myself. I didn't know I had so far to go because of a propped up false SMV from over 8 years on social media and sporadic OLD profiles.


That encouraging him to selfdevelop on his own would work out good as a type of indirect training method. I detest leading men if I can help it.

I recently realised all of this is quite simple just like when I realised in order to encourage a man to detach from unhealthy son-as-husband or son-as-little boy-still dynamics from his mother all you have to do is release him from your grip, try trusting him and encourage him to go spend time with masculine friends. Too simple but it never occurred to me.

The cheater like to use someone with a good heart as a host. So in the past you might have been "too good" for them too early before you can Guage them. I think you'll see if lying and stretching the truth is their default go to in a few months.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Each gender has a dualistic mating strategy.

Females = Alpha f*cks and Beta bucks

Males = Main home lay with limitless side lays

Which existed first? The female strategy that then caused the males to develop theirs?

The simple answer is we will never know for a fact which caused which. Or even if you can generalize it that way. But generally speaking, men (and males in most species) are genetically wired to spread as many offspring as possible to make sure their genes get passed on. This is because back in the day where the world was full of dangerous natural predators that often killed your offspring. At least, that is our understanding of why males are wired in such a manner. We think that, for lack of a better term, women "domesticated" men as what is more important to them (as they are natural nurturers aka taking care of the offspring) is safety and protection.

Obviously, we can be wrong about our opinion and are open to other perspectives but nowadays genre roles and dynamics are more complexed than ever. Often men feminizing themselves for the sake of sex (as many men lack abundance), and women masculinizing themselves for the sake of genre "equality" and imperative.

Hope this adds to the discussion and your post.

Cheers,
Modern Man Advice

 

[christie]

The cheater like to use someone with a good heart as a host. So in the past you might have been "too good" for them too early before you can Guage them. I think you'll see if lying and stretching the truth is their default go to in a few months.

let's hope I don't appear as easy of a target to use-let's hope I can protect my good heart better the more I selfdevelop. Let's hope I keep said good heart.

I'm not wearing a halo. I have not lived a perfectly loyal life but somehow I think that because it was a long time ago and alcohol was my scapegoat that I can easily waltz through life now without paying a cost to my soul family I hurt in the past. Like karma. At least I learned here that under 25 year olds do not have developed morality in their brains which also can be the scapegoat besides alcohol. (I dated two guys at one time. Told them both but refused to both, to end it with the other when they both asked. I know how careless and b*tchy this was to do to two guys who were NOT seeing other girls)

Payback is a b*tch. But decades of payback? Come on. Time to elevate to a higher transformational state. I paid my dues I hope.

I certainly am remorseful and sorry for hurting them. One of them died in November.

 

[christie]

The simple answer is we will never know for a fact which caused which. Or even if you can generalize it that way. But generally speaking, men (and males in most species) are genetically wired to spread as many offspring as possible to make sure their genes get passed on. This is because back in the day where the world was full of dangerous natural predators that often killed your offspring. At least, that is our understanding of why males are wired in such a manner. We think that, for lack of a better term, women "domesticated" men as what is more important to them (as they are natural nurturers aka taking care of the offspring) is safety and protection.

Obviously, we can be wrong about our opinion and are open to other perspectives but nowadays genre roles and dynamics are more complexed than ever. Often men feminizing themselves for the sake of sex (as many men lack abundance), and women masculinizing themselves for the sake of genre "equality" and imperative.

Hope this adds to the discussion and your post.

Cheers,
Modern Man Advice

Thanks MMA
I wonder how successful I will be at shortcircuiting this.
Not looking to change the world. Just looking to 'have' one man and him 'have' just me.

 

[christie]

let's hope I don't appear as easy of a target to use-let's hope I can protect my good heart better the more I selfdevelop. Let's hope I keep said good heart.

I'm not wearing a halo. I have not lived a perfectly loyal life but somehow I think that because it was a long time ago and alcohol was my scapegoat that I can easily waltz through life now without paying a cost to my soul family I hurt in the past. Like karma. At least I learned here that under 25 year olds do not have developed morality in their brains which also can be the scapegoat besides alcohol. (I dated two guys at one time. Told them both but refused to both, to end it with the other when they both asked. I know how careless and b*tchy this was to do to two guys who were NOT seeing other girls)

Payback is a b*tch. But decades of payback? Come on. Time to elevate to a higher transformational state. I paid my dues I hope.

I certainly am remorseful and sorry for hurting them. One of them died in November.

Its time for me to buy a bible. I need to study. I don't know that I identify with any religion but I remember there being valuable lessons in there.
I do feel incomplete not taking better care of my spiritual needs and I feel remorseful for the hypocrisy I've lived in the past.

A shopkeeper put aside a New Revised Standard edition that has the full old testament with apocryphal books in it.(not too sure what this means...I've forgotton a lot of what I learned-I'll check it out before buying)

I will read a bit of it each week now.
This Covid era has helped spur me to drastically increase my library of books.