has potiential LTR put me on a pedestal?

[jt4aa]

Hi guys, its been a long time since i've been to these forums. This place has been invaluble to me in the past but i have problem now that i can't seem to find an answer to so i'm asking directly for help. I've tried to shorten this as much as poss...

i've known this girl for around 6 years or so and we've been good friends in that time. In the last year or so i've began to up my game with her. This all came to a head recently when i was out in a club with her and i basically asked her out. I told her that i thought she was cool and i wanted to hang out with her more. She looked stunned and told me that she "couldn't understand why i'd pick her or why I though she was cool". She then looked at me and replied "that would make me very happy". I could see her melt when she said this.

At this point I thought "great. finally i get to date this girl i'm finally into". But then what happened was strange. She came into the pub were I work the next day with a guy i'd never seen let alone met and sat within my line of vision(I found out by asking a friend that she hangs out with this guy sometimes but she didn't think much of him other than as friends). This made me think that she was trying to hint at me that she wasn't interested and so I felt a little thrown by this, especially considering the night before.

Next time i saw her around a month later I flirted with 1 of her friends for most of the night and then when i finally came to talk to her she snapped at me and walked away. By the end of the night she was hammered eating the face of some 16 year old guy (shes 20) while all my girl mates talked about who was gonna take her home because of the state she was in.

She's a very good looking girl and most of my mates dismiss her as a psycho but i know her better than that - and that they only say that because they don't think they have a chance. It seems to me that shes frightened to let me get too close to her, almost as if once that i do i won't like what i see. We are good friends and we usually get on incredibly well.

I think i need to make her feel more relaxed around me somehow. Next time I see her is on New years eve.

And so this is the point where I ask for help.

How do I show her that I'm not going to hurt her and that I'm not gonna dump her if we get together?

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by jt4aa


She's a very good looking girl and most of my mates dismiss her as a psycho but i know her better than that - and that they only say that because they don't think they have a chance.

I haven't seen her so I'm not jealous or anything and I agree with your friends just from what you mentioned about her. Psycho may be a harsh word, but she's definetely not emotionally stable. When you flirted with a friend and she snapped at you, can you say: RED FLAG?

When she got drunk and made out with a 16 year old, can you say: RED FLAG?

Forget her. Heed my warnings because I see so many people turn a blind eye to these red flags and come on here whining how they got treated like dirt.

 

[jt4aa]

cheers for your reply

This has me wondering...

is there anyone out there who persisted with a girl despite these kinds of warnings that ended up with something worthwhile?

I often find that people are all to eager too next girls on this forum. Don't get me wrong tho i think that your points are valid - i'd just like to get a bit more information before i make a decision

 

[Fenderules]

yeah my freind dated this one chick besides the red flags.



turns out she was worse then he thought. She started talking about marrige a month into the relationship and he was like "ok.....well maby she is just getting a little eager" and then she would have mood swings and spaz out for no reason.........



so he took off. and she was ver very hot a hb9 with a tight ass. Yeah she has issues

 

[Virtú]

I'm confused - wouldn't being put on a pedestal by a woman, where you'd be calling all the shots and the woman would do anything to keep you happy so you'll stay with her, be a good thing?

It sounds to me like that is exactly the position that you would want to be in.

 

[jt4aa]

well getting to this point with her has talken a long time but then I have known her for 6 years - I guess if i think about it i've been slowly chipping away at her all this time. We have played alot of games with each other in the past, nothing that has caused either of us any pain tho.

I think i'm going to proceed with caution on this one. There could be a good result in there somewhere - i don't let anybody mess with my head too much because i know how much trouble it can bring.

At the end of the day if i don't persue these kind of oppurtunities then i can never grow. Its all a learning experience anyway pain or no pain.

Thanks for helping me make my mind up.

 

[Desdinova]

She looked stunned and told me that she "couldn't understand why i'd pick her or why I though she was cool". She then looked at me and replied "that would make me very happy". I could see her melt when she said this.

Oh fvck, does this ever sound familiar.

She's a very good looking girl and most of my mates dismiss her as a psycho

This sounds familiar too.

With what you've already described, this chick has low self-esteem. I'm already guessing she was a victim of sexual abuse.

is there anyone out there who persisted with a girl despite these kinds of warnings that ended up with something worthwhile?

Yeah, I wasted 5 years of my life on a woman like this. I had to make phone calls to a hotline (sorry, can't remember the name of it) to get help dealing with her emotional freakouts. She'd lock herself into the bathroom for hours, crying and threatening suicide. It got to a point where I was ready to make the phone call and have people come and drag her to the loony bin.

I think i'm going to proceed with caution on this one. There could be a good result in there somewhere

You're putting yourself into a relationship which will be emotionally draining and frustrating for you.