Hard to get or game over

bunjy

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Rite guys

Got hooked up with this chick, via a friend. Went on a double date with this chick, my friend and her boyfriend. Played it cool, C+F, kino, the usual. By half way through the night she was all over me, plenty of kissing. My two friends left us to it and I ended up back at her place. She made it clear there was gonna be no sex but spent the night in her bed, loads of kissing, all good.

Next morning she gives me a lift home. She txts me a hour later saying she had a great time. I play it cool so dont txt her back for a while but do later on saying 'me too'. Next day shes txting me again, I txt her, we have a fairly long txt conversation (bad idea, I know). Over the course of the next few days we're txting each other, im being fairly ambivalent about the whole thing yet shes saying 'how interesting and funny she thinks I am' and we're havinmg good rapport. She would always txt me first. Anyway she ends up asking me if we wanna go to the cinema on the next day, I say cant make it the next day but how about a few days later. She agrees, we arrange a time (all of this is done by txt). I would of ideally called her but she pretty much initiated the whole date thing and the place, time etc so I just went along with it trying to act uninterested.

So date comes, we meet. Go for a quick drink first, now this is the problem. Am totally aware that going the cinema on an early date is a very bad idea, its far too antisocial for my liking. Anyway just as the balls rolling conversation wise we its time to head to the cinema. We watch the film.

I walk her home afterwards, give her a kiss, she says thanks and see soon. So now, heres we're I ****ed up. I txted her 30 mins later, on my way home. Saying I had a good nite. She txt back a fairly blunt txt saying no problem and goodnite. This txt was a a different tone to the ones she had previously been sending me over the past few days, it was much more blunt and disinterested.

Anyway next day, I dont bother contacting her. I end up going the pub, getting drunk and stupidly txting her. She replies but yet again in the same tone as before (blunt and not engaging in conversation). We have a few txt back and forward.

The day after, I stupidly (again!) txt her. She replies in the same disinterested tone. Anyway by this point im realising im a total fool and have messed up. The next day she posts a comment on my facebook, nothing of any interest but it has a slightly playful tone.

I decide a day later to lay my cards on the table, so I txt her and asks if she wants to do something before I go on my holidays (in 4 days time). Shes says she cant as shes really busy and to enjoy my holidays. Its true that she is very busy (in her final year of college and got exams/assignments etc over the next few weeks). So I ask her if she wants to do something when I get back (a weeks time), 3 hours later she replies saying sorry about the delay on the response and she'll see me when I get back. I msg her saying ok, we can go for drinks and i look forward to it. No reply.

Today, I log onto facebook and shes left another relatively playful comment but she reffered to me as 'my friend' as in 'you have strange taste in film my friend'. Am nor sure whether here shes dropping that in to make it clear its not gonna happen between us, or whether its just a figure of speech.

Now what I ask of you is, do you think she is interested??? And should I continue to pursue her??? On the one hand I think that during our cinema date she decided she wasnt interested. Yet on the other im not sure if shes simply playing hard to get or if shes genuinly too busy for distractions at the moment.

Now I realise Ive been a complete fool, by txting too much etc. But my general theory on the whole thing is that on our cinema date she decided she didnt like me, to b fair it was a good dat but not great. As I said we didnt actually spent much time talking or having fun. It kinda makes sense because before date everything was good (she was txting me lots, seemed interested), after date she seems disinterested but she still replies to my txt (always with a kiss on the end), agrees to meet when i get back, comments on my facebook. Playing hard to get maybe????? Or low interest????


The thing with this one is. I have no problem getting chicks, never have. Usually I have chicks chasing me and im generally disinterested and cant be bothered. However, this one, I actually like (yes yes I know, this is all nonsense in my mind). This is whats led me to behave like a fool which I realise I need to sort out.

The only reason im confused by this broad is beacuse usually when a chick isnt interested, she ignores me which she isnt doing. Granted shes harldy engaging or initiating but shes still responding.
 
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MrVain

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oh look man i wouldn't read to much into the 'friend' fb comment

what i would do is not contact her through out my holiday (nothing says needy more than txting a girl during a HOLIDAY)

i wouldn't even reply to fb comments if she leaves any during your holiday

come back from your holiday, call her, do not txt. set up something and see how things play out during the date. it will either be good or bad obviously..in my experience, persistence pays off but theres a difference between persistence and being needy. If the date goes well then leave it at that and wait till she engages contact again.

definitely drop the sms convos, or if you can't make sure you're the one ending the convos so you seem like you have things to do and are busy, she has to earn your time if she wants it.

end of the day you got nothing to lose, even if you get LJBF, go for it.

just make sure you enjoy your holiday and get some tale while your away ;)
 

Christina

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Not really qualified to give advice on this topic (since I made very similar mistakes as you recently but so much easier to see the light when its someone else)...it she was into you, she'd make it happen!! All possible translations into her actions aside, if she likes you, she will initiate the contact! Just chill out! Nothing more of a turn-off than neediness (wow...so much easier to say this to someone else! lol)...but really NO MORE MSGS AND NO MORE CALLS...if she likes you, she will contact you..DONT CAVE! DONT CONTACT HER!
 

jophil28

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bunjy said:
Rite guys


She made it clear there was gonna be no sex but spent the night in her bed, loads of kissing, all good.
----------------
Am totally aware that going the cinema on an early date is a very bad dea, its far too antisocial for my liking.
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I walk her home afterwards, give her a kiss, she says thanks and see soon. So now, heres we're I ****ed up. I txted her 30 mins later, on my way home. Saying I had a good nite. She txt back a fairly blunt txt saying no problem and goodnite.
A couple of blunders there, my man.

You should NOT have stayed overnight with her on that first night.
She still had her ASD working and her IL in you was not amped up enough.
You had not put in enough spade work at that point.
Secondly, sleeping with her and doing the kissy face thing portrayed you as her girly toy for the night. Teenage stuff...and she was controlling the action.

The movie date was a mistake.
Let me ask you a question...What do you think was claiming her attention and emotions in there...it was certainly not you. Her focus was on the movie and not on YOU where it should have been..
That date should have been somewhere else where YOU were the center of her attention, not some guy up on the screen.

Then you walk her home and give her a peck. I bet her mood was fairly flat.
And I bet also that you detected her lowered mood and texted her 30 mins later in an attempt to ramp it back up -right ? Those tactics never work because they are driven by panic not confidence or boldness.
Instead, you should have made a detour with her through the park for 20 mins or so..you get my drift?
I think that her "blunt texts" were indicative of her lowered mood and falling interest level.

Live and learn.
 

bunjy

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Great advice there guys, much appreciated.

Update: My friend (the girl who set me up on an date) called me asking how things were going. I told her it that her friend (this chick Ive taken out) isnt interested, she said oh well nevermind etc.

Anyway about an hour later I get a txt from the chick I went out with. It basically said 'Our friend (the one who hooked us up) has just txt me saying you think im not interested. Im sorry but im having a really hard time with my exams/assignments at the moment and the last thing on my mind is men. Im finding it really hard, hope you understand'.

So i txt her basically saying I understood and no problem, we exchanged a few txts regarding the situation (I was being all 'yeah no worries, I know your busy' and generally playing it cool) whilst she explained that she under alot of stress etc. Anyway, I told her I figured she wasnt interested so its no biggy, to which she replies saying its not that shes not interested just that she cant even think about being interested at the moment. I left it with me telling her I understand, hope all goes well for her examwise and that if she wants to hang out whenver to let me know. To which she replied she will.

Now my question is, is this her bascially saying 'im not interested' and trying to be nice about blowing me off or is she genuinly busy and has too much on at the moment???? On the one hand I think she may be trying to tell me shes not interested (which would explain her blunt txts/appreant lack of interest after 2nd date) yet on the other hand I know for a fact she is very very busy and stressed (last 5 weeks of 4 years of college) and from the little time I spent with her and the txt conversations we've had she told me about how hard shes finding it at the moment. What you lot think??

Obv im not gonna wait around for this chick to contact me, but Im not sure whether this game is over yet with this broad.
 

Igetit!

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bunjy said:
Anyway about an hour later I get a txt from the chick I went out with. It basically said 'Our friend (the one who hooked us up) has just txt me saying you think im not interested. Im sorry but im having a really hard time with my exams/assignments at the moment and the last thing on my mind is men. Im finding it really hard, hope you understand'.
Well,of course you know this is horse crap,right? I can't remember which member said this,but it bares repeating:Women don't say "no".

If you ask a woman out and she's not interested,she's not going to say no,she'll just say something that's equal to no. If the answer is 10,she won't say 10,she say 12 minus 2,or 7 plus 3. It's not a direct answer,but in essense,it's the same thing. She feels that just flat out saying no will be hurtful to you,and she doesn't want to hurt you because you're basically a good person,she's just not interest. Personally,I HATE THIS about women. I understand and respect the fact that they don't want to hurt people,but their inability to give a simple,straightforward answer just pisses me off.

bunjy said:
So i txt her basically saying I understood and no problem, we exchanged a few txts regarding the situation (I was being all 'yeah no worries, I know your busy' and generally playing it cool) whilst she explained that she under alot of stress etc. Anyway, I told her I figured she wasnt interested so its no biggy, to which she replies saying its not that shes not interested just that she cant even think about being interested at the moment. I left it with me telling her I understand, hope all goes well for her examwise and that if she wants to hang out whenver to let me know. To which she replied she will.
I know you did this unintentionally,but your responses to her were pure AFC. All of them. And to top it all off,you telling her that if she ever wants to hang out "whenever" to let you know just made it seem as if you have no life,and no other options besides her. It's almost as if you're sitting around the house waiting by the phone,hoping she'll call. I know that's not the case,but that's probably the impression you gave off to her. Another mistake was you putting her in control. You told her if she wants to hang out to let you know. So basically,you're sitting there waiting on her to give you the green light. As soon as SHE GIVES you the word,then you'll be ready. Huge DLV. As soon as you put a women in control,she'll run the interaction into the ditch.

bunjy said:
Now my question is, is this her bascially saying 'im not interested' and trying to be nice about blowing me off or is she genuinly busy and has too much on at the moment????
Don't ever,EVER fall for the "too busy/I'm busy" line. It's simply a flat out lie. I'll tell you what:Let's use some logic here. She told you that it's not that she's not interested,it's just that she has a lot going on right now,that because she's so busy,she can't even think about men right now. Well if that's true,then answer me this:Why did she even bother to go out on a first date with you? When her friend decided to hook you and her up,why didn't she tell her friend then about how busy she was and how she didn't have time to think about dating? Why was it after you two had went out and she had gotten to know you a little bit,that all of the sudden,she became "busy"?

Don't believe that "too busy" bull.

If she was telling you the truth,and she really is too busy to date you right now,then I guess that means that once things have calmed down a bit and she's no longer busy,then she'll be ready to date you,right?

You have the right idea man. Just forget her and move on. If she contacts you,then great. But don't hold your breath.
 

edger

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Before I go into everything, I want to say this: yeah, she's trying to let you off as friendly as possible. What she's saying here down below, is evident of it:

"Our friend has just txt me saying you think im not interested. Im sorry but im having a really hard time with my exams/assignments at the moment and the last thing on my mind is men. Im finding it really hard, hope you understand"

"she replies saying its not that shes not interested just that she cant even think about being interested at the moment"


bunjy said:
I walk her home afterwards, give her a kiss, she says thanks and see soon. So now, heres we're I ****ed up. I txted her 30 mins later, on my way home. Saying I had a good nite.
I wouldn't have said anything, just to be on the safe side. Not saying this did you in, but I would've played it safe and not said anything. And as I'm sure you've heard a thousand times before, it's always best to keep the mystery alive and leave her wondering. But of course you don't want to go overboard with the mystery thing either. In this whole game, it's all about the "balance", balancing everything out. You never want to go to extremes in any area. What you actually could've done in that text, was, make it more playful/flirty and inserted a "wink" after telling her you had a good time. How was she in those last moments before you both called it a night?

Now the text messaging all those other times after, was a real f*ck-up. That probably made her interest drop even further.

Let it go.
 

bunjy

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Yup Yup what you guys are saying is pretty much spot on I think. It makes sense that if she was too busy for dating and men then when did she even bother in the first place?? On the other side of the coin it is possible that maybe after going out with me/txting for a few days she realised she is too busy for dating, that seems unlikely though. It is a tough call though beacuse as Ive already mentioned she is extremely busy at the moment, heck even when she asked me on a date and i suggested a particular day she told me it depends on if she can get her work done in time.

I also think she may have only bothered to txt me telling me the score because we have a mutual friend, she may feel obliged to let me down nicely as opposed to just ignoring me until I take the hint.

A part of me still thinks that maybe she is being genuine and trying to sortof say 'am not ready for this now but maybe later on', I spoke to our mutual friend (the one who hooked us up) and she told me that as far as she can tell she thinks this broad wants to but things on the back seat until she had sorted her college stuff out. Afterall, why did she even bother explaining herself to me and admitting its not that shes not interested???? Then again this could simply be her way of letting me down nicely.

Im aware that ive put myself in a position where she has the control, as was mentioned above it could be seem like im waiting for her. Thats definetly not the case though as since ive pretty much given up on this one I felt as if I had nothing to lose really.

Will be interesting to see if she does contact me again, doubt it but u never know.

Thanks for the advice
 

bunjy

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edger said:
How was she in those last moments before you both called it a night?
Tricky one this, she touched me playfully at least once, she kissed me and thanked me for a good night and said 'see you soon babe' which was exactly what she said at the end of our first date.
 

bunjy

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Igetit! said:
Don't believe that "too busy" bull.

If she was telling you the truth,and she really is too busy to date you right now,then I guess that means that once things have calmed down a bit and she's no longer busy,then she'll be ready to date you,right?
I have to say I think your right with the 'too busy' bull****, Ive used it myself on chicks Ive dated who were getting too heavy with me. The only thing is that, she is generally very very busy. The whole time i was in contact with her she was generally stressing about work and abotu how she had no social life. She told me a number of times how she is finding it very hard at the moment. I definetly got the feeling she was finding it hard to make time to do anything other than study. An example of this: When we arranged to goto the cinema (via txt) it was agreed for a wednesday (she wanted Monday initially but it was no good for me). I attemped to change the day to a Friday in the hope that with no work the next day we could go for drinks after etc. She replied that she really couldnt do weekends because at the moment she is up too her eyeballs in assignments. This was a genuine decline on the basis of she was too busy and does most of her work on the weekends.

Also whay you say about when things have calmed down for her then maybe she will want to date, may be right. My friend (the one who set us up) thinks this is what the deal is. Im not sure if its worth mentioning that, after me telling her that if she wants to go out to contact me whenever she replied 'I will...i mite sort my head out soon, you never know'. Is this relevant?? Or is she just trying to let me down nicely?? Surely if she wasnt interested she wouldnt say something like that which is potentially throwing me a line.


Now you could say that all of this is just wishful thinking on my part, im looking for something that isnt there maybe??? BUT my gut does tell me that the issues she has with college work at the moment has played a part in her apparent disinterest. As I said, I got the vibe that she was too busy for anything at the moment and that she really had to compromise on her work in order to date me. However this doesnt explain her shift almost immediatley after our second date towards a blunt/disinterested tone.

I guess ideally Im thinking that maybe the brief experince we shared in regard to two dates and plenty of txting kinda temporarily distracted her from her work which she became aware of and thus realised she cant do the whole dating thing at the momemt.

Wishful thinking??
 

bunjy

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Or to put it bluntly, we went on our second date (first one alone) she decided she didnt like me and attempted to distance herself. This explains her change in tone and apparent lack of interest. But why in the hell did she go from not contacting me to contacting me to tell me about being too busy???? Any why did she mention the fact that ive told my friend i think shes not interested?? Surely if she wasnt interested she would just continue to ignore me and not contact me, which she was doing anyway. I dont see why she felt she had to explain herself as it will of been clear to her that ive gotten the hint.

Also if she was trying to let me down as nicely as possible, why did she say 'its not that im not interested' when she mentioned that she 'cant think of being interested' she also said because her mind is full of things like essays/assignments/exams, she actually listed a fair few things and mentioned the list is endless (all related to her studies). It seems to me (to some extent anyway) that she was being geniune here. I simply told her id figured she wasnt interested, there was no need for her to answer otherwise. Why would she imply in any way that she was even remotely interested?? Surely this would be a bad move given the context.

I know this may sound like im still waiting on this broad, but believe me im not. Just trying to work out whether this game is over or whether im gonna forget this broad when maybe it could still happen. I dont wanna be thinking that maybe the games not over yet when infact it well and truly is. In short.....I dont wanna kid myself which without other opinions i think its possible.

All advice/opinions great and much appreciated. Cheers
 

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bunjy said:
Or to put it bluntly, we went on our second date (first one alone) she decided she didnt like me and attempted to distance herself. This explains her change in tone and apparent lack of interest. But why in the hell did she go from not contacting me to contacting me to tell me about being too busy????
She told you the "I'm busy" thing in order to try not to hurt you. You and this girl both have a common friend (the girl who hooked you two up). So more than likely,you two are going to run into each other again,maybe all three of you. If she says flat out that she's not interested,then there'll be tension,but if she can't date you because of something outside of her control (being too busy),then she assumes you won't feel bad or uncomfortable in her presense. Or to just put it plainly,she doesn't want to look bad to you and her friend. If you're a genuine good person,she doesn't want you to feel bad. She doesn't want you to feel hurt because of her. So instead of saying,"I'm not interested",which makes her take responsibility,she puts the reason of not being able to date you on to her hectic schedule,which she has no control over. Instead of saying "10",she's saying 5 and 5. It's the same thing,only this way,she gets off the hook.



bunjy said:
I know this may sound like im still waiting on this broad, but believe me im not. Just trying to work out whether this game is over or whether im gonna forget this broad when maybe it could still happen.
Uhh.....Bungy? It's game over. Just move on and date other girls. If she calls you,if she gets in contact with you and wants to date you,then fine. However,DON'T BE SURPRISED if 2 or 3 weeks from now,you find out she's been dating some other guy for the past 2 weeks. Women date guys based on attraction,based on how they feel. Trust me,I don't care how busy she is,or how much work she has to do,if she were REALLY,REALLY attracted to you,if she were REALLY,REALLY interested,she'd find the time to see you....the same way she did when you two had that first date.

To me,it seems like you're being controlled by an inner afc. You need to kill it,the same way that inner afc killed the initial attraction this girl had for you.
 

Crazy Asian

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you gave in and gave up your power.

also, don't act so uninterested... it does you no good.
 

epicwinner

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great advices here. But I wouldn't say its game over just yet.

OP, my friend. you need to stop making yourself too available for this chick... don't you have better things to do?

If the girl says shes busy, then she must be busy, just leave it at that; don't think into it too much.

I don't think her IL is through the roof, but it's not totally over, because you never know with girls.

I've had similar experiences before, girls can be all over you, then suddenly their IL will go down. don't try to FIX this by contacting.. just do your thing, keep yourself busy.. they will wonder about you and come back to you. This could take days, weeks or months...
 

bunjy

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Update: So Ive been away on my holidays now. This broad knows I was away and all. I had figured this was all over and it was time to move on (was getting some action on holiday so it was all good). Anyway I checked my facebook a couple of times when I was away and guess what......she contacted me on facebook. It was nothing major just a one word throwaway comment about my status. Anyway I didnt respond until a few days later when I did commented on her status. She responded back, I responded, then she responded in a playful manner. I left it for a couple of days before responding back in a flirty/playful manner.

Anyway, now Im aware this may mean nothing and she is simply being friendly (her initial comment was very throwaway) but as you lot are always banging on about .......actions speak louder than words. Im aware she may also be stringing me along for attention. Either way am not really interested anymore and am certainly not gonna bother getting in touch with her. Not yet anyway.

What you lot think??? Interested or seeking attention, or simply being friendly??
 

GuanYu

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She's just being friendly and still not interested in you other then being friends. Since you two have mutual friends, she'll continue to talk to you in a friendly matter.

If you two didn't share any friends, you wouldn't hear from her at all unless she was just seeking attention.

Oh btw, since you responded in a "flirty" manner she has you right where she wants more than likely. You still have the hots for her so she can use you as an orbiter for verification while waiting on the next dudes to hit on her.
 

bunjy

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^^^^^ yeah im aware she can have me for verification in the meantime. But am not really arsed either way to be honest because im chasing another chick at the moment.

Update: Shes still contacting me on facebook (nothing suggestive but she is making some effort), I suspect shes attempting to game me (which aint gonna happen because as I said my interest has faded a fair bit) What you think??
 
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